How many 5 year olds could you take out at once?

**Merck** · 03-30-2005 05:02 PM

No you kid touchers, I mean fight.

Rules:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.

- You are not allowed to touch a wall.

- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."

- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.

- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.

- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.

- The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

This is something I found on another forum so I can't take credit for the funny idea, well I thought it was funny anyway.

**Hate** · 03-30-2005 05:08 PM

Umm, why do they have to be healthy Americans?

Now everyone surely knows that Americans are the most egocentric people in the whole world. And that's only some evidence about it. Whatever they say, it's always about Americans just forgetting the rest of the world.

**Merck** · 03-30-2005 05:09 PM

I think I could probably take out a bunch as long as they didn't all swarm me and take me down. 5 year olds are really easy to kick in the face so one good foot right into the face would definitely take on out. Or if I had the chance I guess I could pick one up by the feet and just swing his little bitchass around until his head falls off. Yea I think I'll go with about 30 or so until I get tired.

**Merck** · 03-30-2005 05:12 PM

Originally posted by hate
Umm, why do they have to be healthy Americans?

Well I suppose its to make sure that they aren't like Ethiopian kids because Ethiopians wouldn't be much of a match at all.

Either that or because the evil corporations made me do it.

**InTheMoment** · 03-30-2005 06:47 PM

I have decent stamina...but I don't know if I would try to strike the toddlers (with strategic punches and kicks) or simply break there narrow necks with a "quick grab n' twist" technique...hmm...maybe a combination of both.

My estimate would be around 30 as well...maybe higher depending on how easily I could break there necks.

Hate wrote:

Now everyone surely knows that Americans are the most egocentric people in the whole world. And that's only some evidence about it. Whatever they say, it's always about Americans just forgetting the rest of the world. [/b]

Just like when my grandfather went overseas to China...the first thing he said upon entering Hong Kong international airport was "Damn! there sure are a lot of foreigners around here."

**Kaniaz** · 03-30-2005 07:06 PM

What a heartwarming thread. I have no idea how many I could take down, I've never tried.

**A Lost Soul** · 03-30-2005 07:06 PM

Oh my shit... LOL

I have NO IDEA how many kids I could take out. Um... I've got a few years of a few different styles of martial arts under my belt... but then again, I'm a bit out of practice, so... hrm... Toss me in there with, say, forty and I might be able to hold my own. Then again, they've got that goddamn cute thing going for them. On second thought, I wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in a fiery hell.

**Merck** · 03-30-2005 08:07 PM

It would be a lot harder if the kids were retarded or had ADD. Then you would just be fucked to hell.

**InTheMoment** · 03-30-2005 08:12 PM

Kev wrote:

It would be a lot harder if the kids were retarded or had ADD. Then you would just be fucked to hell.[/b]

I'm already going to hell...when I was young lad, me and my cohorts used to trick this retarded kid into eating/swallowing pennies for our amusement.

CT · 03-30-2005 09:10 PM

I would grab one and swing it around at the other kids as a club

**Fetish** · 03-31-2005 12:13 AM

im like 6ft and 200 pounds i think i could take on 50 little kids with punches ......damn now i really want to kick some little kids ass

**wasup** · 03-31-2005 01:20 AM

Originally posted by CT
I would grab one and swing it around at the other kids as a club

Holy shit, this is the funniest thread I've seen for a couple of months

I bet I could get 50 or more, as long as they didn't pinch or anything (like come up to my legs and start pinching me). I'd definately get like one kid's leg in each hand and swing them around.

**Gwendolyn** · 03-31-2005 03:28 AM

On one hand, this thread is really funny. On the other, (being a bus moniter on my bus) I just keep imagining little kids like my bus children and my little cousins and me hurting them....then it's kind of creepy. I don't know....I'm too tender hearted...

**Umbrasquall** · 03-31-2005 05:56 AM

What's wrong with you people.

**Rakkantekimusouka** · 03-31-2005 06:10 AM

Originally posted by Gwendolyn
On one hand, this thread is really funny. On the other...I don't know....I'm too tender hearted...

Same here.

Part of me says, "Gosh, I couldn't bring myself to "take out" any five-year olds, even if they were really annoying and/or bit me or something..."

Part of me says, "Even at 5'2" and 120lbs. I can hold a door shut against my 6'6", 254lb. father trying to push it open -- so I could probably floor a hundred of the little bastards easy!"

**Mickeys_Elbow** · 03-31-2005 09:57 AM

Yeah, bring on the little twirps! If you could just get ahold of one or even two of the little buggers (one in each hand) and swing them around in a top like fashion... they'd all be screwed! Gimme 80-100 of em and let em try! I can keep my feet under me no matter how dizzy!! They deserve it anyway... cause they're kids!!

**Placebo** · 03-31-2005 12:27 PM

When I was about 13 years old, I used to attend an after-care center, that doubled as a creche.
There I had the pleasure of tackling wave upon wave of 5 year old.
The problem here is that the buggers don't stay down - they have more energy than a lightning bolt!

**wasup** · 03-31-2005 01:00 PM

Well one time I was at this kids house who had like... a 9 year old brother and a 9 year old friend there too. They tried to tackle me but I threw them like five feet... it was AWESOME

**Merck** · 03-31-2005 09:34 PM

Originally posted by Placebo
When I was about 13 years old, I used to attend an after-care center, that doubled as a creche.
There I had the pleasure of tackling wave upon wave of 5 year old.
The problem here is that the buggers don't stay down - they have more energy than a lightning bolt!

Yea I think a lot of you are underestimating what a shitload of motivated 5 year olds can do. Hey maybe we could have this be a lucid task of the month.

**InTheMoment** · 03-31-2005 10:07 PM

Kev wrote:

Yea I think a lot of you are underestimating what a shitload of motivated 5 year olds can do.[/b]

I agree...I mean conservatively speaking, knocking out a 5 year old is equivalent to doing a single pushup (this is a presumed but IMO a close estimate) and I highly doubt that most people on this forum could do over 50-60 continual pushups.

Also, doing pushups doesn't inflict any immediate pain...much like the gnashing teeth and clawing fingernails of a horde of toddlers.

**Amethyst Star** · 03-31-2005 11:59 PM

It depends on how desperate I was. I've got power, but my endurance isn't very high. Also, I wouldn't attack unless I knew that they wouldn't quit and my life/sanity were on the line. Kids half my size and 1/4th my weight... you guess for me.

**Lucky27** · 04-01-2005 01:33 AM

Pack the kids wall to wall... to wall to wall so they can't move, then I can walk on their heads with my cleats.

**Joseph_Stalin** · 04-01-2005 02:13 AM

They could always rush you at the same time and kick your ass...

**Lucky27** · 04-01-2005 02:37 AM

Not if they can't move.

**sephiroth clock** · 04-01-2005 03:23 AM

This is an interesting premise. I don't think I would ever really do this, but I'd feel like neo in the matrix with all the smith's attacking.

However I think we are all underestimating the wave of force all of them would have. Think if 30 5 year old circled around you and a couple were able to jump on to your back and bring you down. Then it's like total dogpile once your down.

Considering that I'm in soccer and weight train. I'm thinking I could at least take on 30-50.

If that five yearl old was me, I wouldn't definetly jump on and try to bring the big guy down.

Five year olds can have lots of passion! Also think that they will be trained for an entire day on how to take a big guy out. They can all gang up and latch on.

ahh

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