Thread: DV Confessional! (Dirty Laundry Goes Here)

Originally Posted by [SomeGuy]

yellowlight committed incest.

Hey, we were kids. You can't blame us.

I think yellowlights my cousin

Originally Posted by dreamingofdreaming

I think yellowlights my cousin

This is why I will never let my kids watch HBO until they're teens. When I was 9 years young, my mom and aunt let me watch Tales from the Crypt and other shows on HBO. I took this girl (who lived down the street) into my bedroom (she came over a lot...same age) and whispered in her ear that I'd wanted to have sex with her when everyone else left. So everyone else left (the other kids left out the room is what I mean) and I closed and locked the door and we started fooling around on the bed. I got on top of her and we rolled around kissing and stuff. I began pulling her shirt up but then panicked and said "Wait..." and so I ran out of the room. Her mom came to pick her up and while her mom was speaking with my Aunt...I went up to her Mom and asked her if I could see her daughter for a second. We went behind the truck and kissed some more. Now to the guys this may sound awesome (perv's), but looking at it in retrospect...it was downright disturbing. What was disturbing about it is that I didn't love her nor did I even know what "sex" was. I was just trying to mimic what I had seen on television. Noone in RL (except the girl who now resides in ATL) knows this. On a related note...

Originally Posted by dreamingofdreaming

I think yellowlights my cousin

Can I be a part of the family? xD

I'm afraid to go to the dentist because I smoke a lot and I'm terrified they will tell me I have cancer in my mouth or throat. I need to go because a filling came out of one of my lower molars and the hole needs to be filled. I could lose the tooth. (AHAHAH, and my screenname is ROTTINGTEETH, HA HA HA HA HA. yes. I know.)

I can't quit smoking. I worry that I'm going to get cancer or already have it, and I smoke more to calm myself down.

I am very neurotic and obsessive, and I obsessively worry that people will realize how obsessive I am over everything. that's one reason I have no friends, even though I desperately want some.

I'm weak. I'm human. I'm afraid, just like everyone else. I'm afraid of life, I'm afraid of death, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of others.

I'm conceited and vain. I love my face and sometimes I'm a little sad that I'll never be famous and have professional photographers take my picture, even though there are starving children in the world, and some people are homeless, have incurable diseases, are born with mutations, have lost limbs, or have had their faces burned off or mutilated in an accident.

I have a desire to be persecuted, just like Xei said in my thread "stop dressing your children." (I have realized that he was right and I apologize.) I am female bodied though I feel and believe myself to be male. I'm attracted soley to men. I see that gay men are persecuted, and I desperately wish that I could be too, because it would mean that people look at me and see what I feel myself to be on the inside. so on the internet I play it up (being gay and male) even to an annoying degree because I crave that persecution that I don't get in person. I put on a dress. I go out with a guy. people see a woman. I am ignored.

I'm a 20 year old highschool drop out. I have no car, no job, no plans, and I now live with my grandparents after my stepdad kicked me out for drinking. I'd like to go to college but I can't do anything for myself. I get lost and confused easily. my mother does everything for me. (I mailed a letter to an artist that lives in Canada today, I could barely do that, I was so nervous about writing the address in wrong. I realized even more how pathetic and dependent I am when she offered to fill it in for me.)

I'm "bipolar", but I don't like to say that because I know that this condition and others are overdiagnosed because of pressure from greedy drug companies that just want money. yet I'm seeing a psychiatrist wednesday in hopes of getting medication.

I went psychotic a couple years ago and I actually believed I was soulmates with a rockstar ("Nero Bellum" of the band Psyclon Nine). I actually sent him a long message on myspace about how we are supposed to be together and it's destiny. I was determined to get to california to meet him (not even realizing that he was on tour at the time) and I actually threatened to kill my mother if she got in my way. my parents put me in the state hospital and I stayed there for about a month. I have a 22,000 dollar hospital bill that I haven't even attempted to pay, in addition to a 700+ dollar emergency room bill (they took me there first) and a 500+ dollar credit card bill (I've maxed it out twice. my mother is now making the payments.)

I don't eat right, I don't drink water, I sleep too much, I don't exercise and I watch too much television.

commercials disturb me. so do some movies, but particulary the scene in The Devil's Rejects where the antagonists are holding the family hostage in their hotel room and shoot one of them in the head and another one throws up. I'm embarassed about it. though I've gotten much better about this, I'm also disturbed by gore or even just people's insides, I can't watch surgeries and I avoid watching horror movies with friends because I get sick and faint and I'm embarassed about it.

I'm fascinated by serial killers and love to read about them and I sympathize with them. my favourite book right now is American Psycho (I know it's fiction.)

I'm terrified of witnessing death in horrible ways. almost every time I go out I always think of the possibility that someone will pull out a gun and start shooting everyone.

I have an irrational fear of having a seizure (it doesn't run in the family, although stokes do, and that scares me too). because of this I can NOT look at rapid flashing lights, and sometimes when I do certain drugs or a drug I haven't done before I get very paranoid about it.

I'm afraid to show love sometimes because I'm afraid of appearing weak.

but I do love. I do care.



I don't know what to do...


but at the same time


I know that I know better.


+(to Oneironaut: you were right. I was wrong.)

Originally Posted by yellowlight

Why watch others do it when you can do it yourself?

When I was five, me and my cousin started touching each other (she was four)

When I turned six, we already snogged.

When I was seven, I almost f*cked her, but I stopped in the last mo' because she said she doesn't have the guts to do it.

I was disappointed.

We stopped doing naughty stuff when I was ten.

I've never told this before to anyone else.

I forgot to say that it was her idea

I lol'd that yellowlight had to go back and "clarify" his confession...

I don't really think I'm his cousin BUT I did make out with mine when I was 5...

Originally Posted by Jeff777

Can I be a part of the family? xD

I'm disturbed yet flattered...

I'm confused @ Rottingteeth's confession of having a "female body" and attracted to males, wouldn't that make you straight? Or your a male with a feminine body - so you would be gay?.... hmmm

It seems things are getting very personal in this thread...

I don't really know anyone here very well, however, something keeps drawing me here anyway.

There are people here that seem really cool but I haven't really found a way to get to know them better...

...yes, I have paranoia about social situations. It used to be a lot worse...I'm still improving on it.

Thank goodness I am an extremely introspective person, otherwise I might be a very disturbed and unhappy person by now...instead, I can fairly confidently say I am generally a fairly happy person with a healthy degree of optimism. However, I still have issues, same as anyone else. Sometimes I have to go to great pains to remind myself to be optimistic...I think that at my core, I am extremely cynical and pessimistic. A balance or cynicism and idealism, pessimism and optimism, has become more natural for me than it used to be, but had my life gone a little bit differently so far...who knows...so needless to say, I feel so lucky, considering...but there are still many times when I don't know whether to be grateful or scared shitless.

edit: Part of me really wants to delete this post and forget I ever made it

Originally Posted by rottingteeth

+(to Oneironaut: you were right. I was wrong.)

Hmm. Well, regardless of right and wrong, I'm glad I could offer another perspective that you seem to have taken to heart.

Originally Posted by Kael Seoras

...yes, I have paranoia about social situations. It used to be a lot worse...I'm still improving on it.

Same here. I've always pretty much been 'comfortable' in social situations, but I was (am) the type that never really has much to say. A lot of it has to do with feeling judged on the things I say, but when I open up, I end up realizing I never had much of a reason to be so reserved, in the first place.

Originally Posted by Kael Seoras

Thank goodness I am an extremely introspective person, otherwise I might be a very disturbed and unhappy person by now...instead, I can fairly confidently say I am generally a fairly happy person with a healthy degree of optimism. However, I still have issues, same as anyone else. Sometimes I have to go to great pains to remind myself to be optimistic...I think that at my core, I am extremely cynical and pessimistic. A balance or cynicism and idealism, pessimism and optimism, has become more natural for me than it used to be, but had my life gone a little bit differently so far...who knows...so needless to say, I feel so lucky, considering...but there are still many times when I don't know whether to be grateful or scared shitless.

Agreed.
I consider it a good thing, though. Life is a state of constant exploration. If (especially in our younger years) we feel so content as to say that we can approach any and every situation without being skeptical/analytical, then we're getting ahead of ourselves... Pessimism/cynicism are inherent when looking at the world logically. The hard part is not letting it blind you from the exceptions to the rule.

[Edit] By the way, I'm confused on the gender thing too, rottingteeth. So you say you are a gay guy trapped in a girl's body (so to speak)? I'm not quite sure I fully understand (or if I've even got it right.) [/Edit]

It's like the whole lesbian trapped in a man's body thing. Physically, she's female, and attracted to men, but she wants to be a man/feels like a man. Hence, a queer trapped in a woman's body.

Kinda weird, but I'm not going to judge. I'm actually going to thank you, rottingteeth, for posting that. I think I have a better idea of who the hell you are now, and it's just what this thread needed, if a bit...much. Kudos.

Oh, yeah... It really weirds me out when Kromoh tells me I have amazing hands.

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

It's like the whole lesbian trapped in a man's body thing. Physically, she's female, and attracted to men, but she wants to be a man/feels like a man. Hence, a queer trapped in a woman's body.

Yeah, that's what I figured. Just thought I could get RT to expand on it a little.

I would like to punch this girl's boyfriend very hard. She is probably to the most beautiful, amazing, smart and modest girl I know.

Originally Posted by guitarboy

I would like to punch this girl's boyfriend very hard. She is probably to the most beautiful, amazing, smart and modest girl I know.

Going further...I constantly wonder how it is that amazing girls get so caught up with such douchebags. I mean really. It's like some cruel joke. Being that I'm often looked at as the "nice guy", it constantly blows my mind how I have all of these amazing female friends who do nothing but constantly bitch about what pricks their boyfriends are. And yes, I'm well aware of the whole "why good girls love bad guys" phenomenon, but knowing the logistics still doesn't make it any harder to swallow.

It's to the point where now, whenever my female friends tell me about how their boyfriends are such assholes, all I do is roll my eyes at them.

I don't get it either. I've had three boyfriends, all of whom are good guys. Yes, two of those relationships ended, but not because they were good guys. I've never once been dissastisfied with their goodness.

Sometimes I find my fellow females very weird...but then I often find myself being weird and get annoyed

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

It's like the whole lesbian trapped in a man's body thing. Physically, she's female, and attracted to men, but she wants to be a man/feels like a man. Hence, a queer trapped in a woman's body.

Kinda weird, but I'm not going to judge. I'm actually going to thank you, rottingteeth, for posting that. I think I have a better idea of who the hell you are now, and it's just what this thread needed, if a bit...much. Kudos.

Oh, yeah... It really weirds me out when Kromoh tells me I have amazing hands.

I don't really like your hands, but I do think that you have amazing feet.

You've never seen my feet.

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

You've never seen my feet.

He must mean when he's looking in the air.

Originally Posted by Jeff777

He must mean when he's looking in the air.

I don't get that.

I've seen your shoes on multiple occasions, though. It's like when you hear a sexy voice on the phone- or see a woman in a belle style dress- somehow you can guess what's behind/underneath it.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by Jeff777

He must mean when he's looking in the air.

Yeah, or that. Hehe.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

[b][color=red]Being that I'm often looked at as the "nice guy", it constantly blows my mind how I have all of these amazing female friends who do nothing but constantly bitch about what pricks their boyfriends are.

Smile, and nod. Or laugh. Or, as you so rightly put it, roll your eyes.
What is aesthetic beauty on a human being if it stands alone, without intelligence or wisdom? Cheap entertainment? I'd say the real joke is on them, but it could just as likely be that the joke comes at the expense of everyone, as does every other joke that plays off of the deficiencies of human beings. The universe has a cruel sense of humor, so to speak.

++ This thread is on the way to DV favorites.
Seconding Jeff.

Originally Posted by Oneironaut

Going further...I constantly wonder how it is that amazing girls get so caught up with such douchebags. I mean really. It's like some cruel joke. Being that I'm often looked at as the "nice guy", it constantly blows my mind how I have all of these amazing female friends who do nothing but constantly bitch about what pricks their boyfriends are. And yes, I'm well aware of the whole "why good girls love bad guys" phenomenon, but knowing the logistics still doesn't make it any harder to swallow.

It's to the point where now, whenever my female friends tell me about how their boyfriends are such assholes, all I do is roll my eyes at them.

It's because good looking women go for good looking men, I don't care what they say - good looking girls will always go for people they're attracted to. And good looking guys know they are, and therefore treat girls with less respect because they know there's another girl around the corner stupid enough to fall for his charm.

Any girl that says they don't are lying. You put up two pictures of guys, and ask which one of these they'd continue a conversation at a bar if they were approached and they'd always choose the good looking one! Attraction and spark are usually the initiators to any relationship (unless you've known the person before hand) and if the personality follows the relationship will last, giving the rest of us less of a chance. And the good looking guys know this, it breathes confidence in them, and they're apparent persona is more appealing than the not as attractive one...

Originally Posted by Elis D.

Haha, it made sense in my mind though.

It still does. I'm attracted to people my age, why should I have to look at pictures of people as old as my mom, when I could see pictures of girls that are my age?

But what'll you do when you are your mom's age? ;o

Hopefully I'll have saved up enough money to purchase my own teenager... Hugh Hefner style.