i just heard the most awful story about hillbillies and how i'm related to them

**nerve** · 06-14-2009 12:10 AM

my grandparents researched our family history and found some kin in tennessee, went to visit them...

they pulled up to a SHACK and out came a hillbilly with a fucking shotgun pointed at them asking you know, what they were doing on his property.

my grandpa says his name, and the guy is like...

"GROOMS??! OH! WELL GIT YER WOMAN AND COME OWN IN FER SOME VITTLES!!!"

that is basically how it went.

and I am freaking out.

ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod I am FREAKING OUT

**Jeff777** · 06-14-2009 12:12 AM

Tell them to look out back and start digging for oil. California...here we come!

**Xox** · 06-14-2009 12:16 AM

Is this a joke? Sorry, I always seem to miss out on those.

If not, rofl rofl rofl.

**nerve** · 06-14-2009 12:25 AM

no joke. I am completely 100% serious...unfortunately :C

**no-Name** · 06-14-2009 01:05 AM

Originally Posted by Xox

rofl rofl rofl.

.

**Xox** · 06-14-2009 01:17 AM

What are vittles?

**Keresztanya** · 06-14-2009 01:30 AM

Why do you care? It doesn't change your life or anything. It sounds like you're obsessing over nothing.

**grasshoppa** · 06-14-2009 02:17 AM

Ask them what they think about transexuality.

**Tyler** · 06-14-2009 02:25 AM

Originally Posted by Xox

What are vittles?

Food.

**nerve** · 06-14-2009 04:16 AM

Originally Posted by grasshoppa

Ask them what they think about transexuality.

uh no because I do not plan or care to see them EVER. but I have a strong feeling that if I did they'd be like "GIT OTTA MY HOUSE YEW QUEER" or something to that effect.

and ok so I just learned that the story was embellished. there actually was no shot gun. though he was leery. and they said "come in and break bread" not "vittles" which is...slightly better but still pretty bad.

and no I do not seriously fucking care why would you think I really cared that much? notice I did not say "I am seriously freaking out", because see, that's the key word you moron :(

**Kiza** · 06-14-2009 04:22 AM

So a friendly man was homely and invited your grandparents in for lunch?

What an asshole.

**Keresztanya** · 06-14-2009 04:36 AM

Originally Posted by rottingteeth

uh no because I do not plan or care to see them EVER. but I have a strong feeling that if I did they'd be like "GIT OTTA MY HOUSE YEW QUEER" or something to that effect.

and ok so I just learned that the story was embellished. there actually was no shot gun. though he was leery. and they said "come in and break bread" not "vittles" which is...slightly better but still pretty bad.

and no I do not seriously fucking care why would you think I really cared that much? notice I did not say "I am seriously freaking out", because see, that's the key word you moron

Saying "ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod I am FREAKING OUT" sounds kind of serious to me.

As Kiza said, I don't see what's wrong. They were just being nice. Oh wait, you're just thinking this is a bad thing because of their lifestyle. I don't see how you're any better than them if you're judging them based solely on how they talk.

**Michael** · 06-14-2009 04:43 AM

like an ugly crazy irish hillbilly or a redneck hillbilly?

both suck, i'd rather be a redneck one though.

**tnemrot** · 06-14-2009 05:39 AM

I'm concerned about you.
Notice I didn't say I'm seriously concerned about you. Because if you seriously don't say seriously before every word it's like you seriously don't say anything at all.

**Kiza** · 06-14-2009 05:59 AM

I hate tnemrot with the very deepest depths of hatred!

Don't worry, it's alright, I didn't say seriously, so it doesn't count.

**nerve** · 06-14-2009 07:06 AM

are you guys really fucking retarded or are you just fucking with me? I'm gonna EXPLAIN the OP for you:

THE JOKE IS, imagine a flamboyant yuppie faggot screaming "ohmygod ohmygod" because he's realized he's related to rednecks. although the story is true, the thread was meant to be humorous...

DO YOU GET IT NOW? I don't care, I was just being overdramatic and silly because- wait was I wrong for thinking that sensless banter was for shits-and-giggles threads?

also the part about putting "seriously" in front of something making it necessarily actually serious was also a joke. christ. you're either not getting it or your playing dumb which is...not funny, sorry. :|

**Black_Eagle** · 06-14-2009 07:18 AM

Or maybe you're an idiot in not realizing that people can't hear the tone of your voice or read your body language through text alone. I would have believed this thread seeing as semi-serious threads have been posted in SB before.

**♥Mark** · 06-14-2009 07:20 AM

Nah, sounds more like some kid freaking out over not much at all and getting called out for his hypocrisy to me.

**Kiza** · 06-14-2009 07:30 AM

That just might be it.

**♥Mark** · 06-14-2009 07:47 AM

Well, to be fair, the story he first heard wasn't exactly one that painted them as very civilized folk.

**Kiza** · 06-14-2009 07:55 AM

I will concede that, and blame the grandparents for telling a false story.

Nice work, rottingteeth's grandparents.

**Invader** · 06-14-2009 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by rottingteeth

are you guys really fucking retarded

the story is true

Off-Topic Discussion > The Lounge > Senseless Banter

Where's my fucking coffee?

**nitsuJ** · 06-14-2009 09:56 AM

Funny the story changed that the guy had no shotgun, and what he said originally wasn't what he actually said. What's next? You'll tell us the guy actually lives in a million dollar home in Brentwood and has a master's degree from Yale?

It's pretty bad your story gets so twisted from what it was originally when it probably came from your parent's mouth to your ears. Maybe you should stop blasting music in your ears, or whatever you're doing, and actually listen to the story next time so it's not so over exaggerated.

You didn't even see them and you're going bat shit crazy over finding out you're kin to them, you'll probably never see them, so why bust your balls over it? I wouldn't poop my pants if I found out I'm related to some family of cannibals in the back hills of West Virginia, want to know why? Because, I wouldn't plan on seeing them.

You're not planning on seeing your hillbilly relatives, so why make it out to be some bad soap opera?

**Tyler** · 06-14-2009 04:33 PM

Originally Posted by nitsuJ

Funny the story changed that the guy had no shotgun, and what he said originally wasn't what he actually said. What's next? You'll tell us the guy actually lives in a million dollar home in Brentwood and has a master's degree from Yale?

It's pretty bad your story gets so twisted from what it was originally when it probably came from your parent's mouth to your ears. Maybe you should stop blasting music in your ears, or whatever you're doing, and actually listen to the story next time so it's not so over exaggerated.

You didn't even see them and you're going bat shit crazy over finding out you're kin to them, you'll probably never see them, so why bust your balls over it? I wouldn't poop my pants if I found out I'm related to some family of cannibals in the back hills of West Virginia, want to know why? Because, I wouldn't plan on seeing them.

You're not planning on seeing your hillbilly relatives, so why make it out to be some bad soap opera?

He was joking. Calm down.