5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

**WakataDreamer** · 02-14-2009 06:09 AM

link

We're screwed.

**Kiza** · 02-14-2009 06:15 AM

I love Cracked. They're my kind of people.

**The Cusp** · 02-14-2009 06:16 AM

I can't wait! Bring it on!

**WakataDreamer** · 02-14-2009 06:59 AM

Originally Posted by The Cusp

I can't wait! Bring it on!

Fire up the chainsaw.

Here they come.

**Pastro** · 02-14-2009 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by WakataDreamer

Fire up the chainsaw.

Here they come.

From "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks..

"Popular fiction has shown us the awesome, brutal power of the chainsaw. Its lightning-quick, rotating teeth can easily slice through flesh and bone, making the strength and skill required for manual weapons unnecessary. Its roar might also give the owner a much-needed psychological boost—empowerment in a situation where abject terror is a given. How many horror movies have you seen in which this industrial killing machine has spelled doom for anyone and anything it touched? In reality, however, chainsaws and similar powered devices rank extremely low on the list of practical zombie-killing weapons. For starters, their fuel supply is finite. Once drained, they provide as much protection as a hand held stereo. Carrying extra fuel or power cells leads to the second inherent problem: weight. The average chainsaw weighs ten pounds, compared to a two-pound machete. Why increase the chances of exhaustion? Safety must also be considered. One slip, and the spinning teeth might be slicing through your skull just as easily as your enemy's. Like any machine, another problem is noise. A chainsaw's distinctive roar, even if running for a few seconds, will be enough to broadcast to every zombie within earshot, "Dinner to be served!"

**Mes Tarrant** · 02-14-2009 07:44 AM

^^ Damn that is smart.

*returns Walmart chainsaw*

**Invader** · 02-14-2009 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_p2.html

This stuff has happened in Haiti; that's where the word "zombie" comes from. There are books about it, the most famous ones by Dr. Wade Davis (Passage of Darkness and The Serpent and the Rainbow). Yes, the movie The Serpent and the Rainbow was based on this guy's actual science stuff. How much of it was fact? Well, there was that one scene where they strapped the guy naked to a chair and drove a huge spike through his balls. We're hoping that part wasn't true.

What is definitely true is the story of Clairvius Narcisse. He was a Haitian guy who was declared dead by two doctors and buried in 1962. They found him wandering around the village 18 years later. It turned out the local voodoo priests had been using naturally occurring chemicals to basically zombify people and putting them to work on the sugar plantations (no, really).

I always asked myself where I was going to get the most loyal pirate crew the seas have ever seen. It would appear that I have found half of my answer. I must go to Haiti to find the other half.

**Bearsy** · 02-14-2009 08:27 AM

http://www.dreamviews.com/community/...ad.php?t=71684

**WakataDreamer** · 02-15-2009 03:19 AM

Originally Posted by Elis D.

http://www.dreamviews.com/community/...ad.php?t=71684

+1 ZPP (Zombie Publicity Point)

**bigj_1992** · 10-20-2009 10:03 AM

fucked up shiiiit!!! and 2 add to the part wehre it says if ur serotoninstopped producein ud become zombies... ecstasy clears ur brain of serotonin everytime u use it, so if sum1 used e all the time wud they become a zombie? hmm....??

**Taosaur** · 10-20-2009 01:48 PM

6. Reduction of all thoughts to txtspk reduces much of the earth's population to drooling idiots. When the art of Dorito-making is lost, what is left but flesh and brains?

**Bearsy** · 10-20-2009 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by bigj_1992

fucked up shiiiit!!! and 2 add to the part wehre it says if ur serotoninstopped producein ud become zombies... ecstasy clears ur brain of serotonin everytime u use it, so if sum1 used e all the time wud they become a zombie? hmm....??

Please... please never skip class.

**Dizko** · 10-20-2009 02:33 PM

And my friends thought I was 'weird'.

**Kiza** · 10-20-2009 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by bigj_1992

fucked up shiiiit!!! and 2 add to the part wehre it says if ur serotoninstopped producein ud become zombies... ecstasy clears ur brain of serotonin everytime u use it, so if sum1 used e all the time wud they become a zombie? hmm....??

yeah man totes fuckiiiiiing cool idea

that serotonin shit u have it i mean that shit is like IN YOUR BODY MAN THAT SHIT IS LIKE IN UR VIENS

ecstasy man we should do it we wud be zombies oh man it wud be great

FUCKING SWEET SHIT IS FUCKED MAN

this huose is rockingggggg

**Taosaur** · 10-20-2009 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by Kiza

yeah man totes fuckiiiiiing cool idea

that serotonin shit u have it i mean that shit is like IN YOUR BODY MAN THAT SHIT IS LIKE IN UR VIENS

ecstasy man we should do it we wud be zombies oh man it wud be great

FUCKING SWEET SHIT IS FUCKED MAN

this huose is rockingggggg

Sorry, Special K, but I don't think you can replicate that kind of stupid on purpose.

**Dizko** · 10-20-2009 04:39 PM

Nice attempt though.

**Muggler** · 10-21-2009 03:26 AM

Sorry to ruin your guys' fun, but....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PRNjIkFmGw

**CarmineEternity** · 10-22-2009 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by bigj_1992

fucked up shiiiit!!! and 2 add to the part wehre it says if ur serotoninstopped producein ud become zombies... ecstasy clears ur brain of serotonin everytime u use it, so if sum1 used e all the time wud they become a zombie? hmm....??

wut

**Muggler** · 10-22-2009 09:16 PM

Originally Posted by bigj_1992

fucked up shiiiit!!! and 2 add to the part wehre it says if ur serotoninstopped producein ud become zombies... ecstasy clears ur brain of serotonin everytime u use it, so if sum1 used e all the time wud they become a zombie? hmm....??

How do you know? Suspicious...