The Best JOKE in the entire world.

**Lowercase Society** · 01-06-2004 04:45 PM

There was a Swedish guy named Sven, and Sven had many hardships in his life. For example, his family was very poor; his father had one eye, and webbed feet. His mother was deaf, mute, and was missing a couple fingers, he had several siblings but 2 or 3 had died from miscarriages, and 2 from diseases. As I said, Sven was very used to hardships.
So after considering all of these hardships Sven decided to go to America to find a job, and fewer hardships, but as I said earlier, his family was very, very poor, and couldn’t afford a boat ticket over to America from Sweden. So Sven, motivated to make money for his family, offered to clean the boat, and take the night watch on this boat to earn his way to America, but this was OK for him, because Sven was used to hardships. The ships captain agreed, and said he can only eat minimal amounts of food per day, but this was also ok because Sven was used to hardships.

The first night, when Sven is cleaning the deck and going about his business, 12 AM comes by and Sven takes a small break and looks way out into the horizon to see all the glittering water lit up by the moon, and all the stars in the sky, it is SO beautiful that he just can resist himself and jumps into the cold water, but its OK that the water is freezing, cause Sven is used to hardships. As he is swimming out into the ocean, he does the front stroke, the backstroke, the breaststroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. Well he is about 2 miles away from the boat, but that’s ok because Sven is used to hardships, but he decides to go back, on the way back he does the front stroke, the back stroke, the breast stroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. When he gets back to the boat it is roughly 2 AM, and the captain is waiting for him. Well Sven is in trouble, but that’s ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The captain says, “Sven, because you took a swim and skipped work, you will be but in the boats brig all tomorrow, and you will do 2 more hours of work, tomorrow night.” But this is ok, because Sven is used to hardships.

The second night, when Sven is cleaning the deck and going about his business, 12 AM comes by and Sven takes a small break and looks way out into the horizon to see all the glittering water lit up by the moon, and all the stars in the sky, it is SO beautiful that he just can resist himself and jumps into the cold water, but its OK that the water is freezing, cause Sven is used to hardships. As he is swimming out into the ocean, he does the front stroke, the backstroke, the breaststroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. Well he is about 4 miles away from the boat, but that’s ok because Sven is used to hardships, but he decides to go back, on the way back he does the front stroke, the back stroke, the breast stroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. When he gets back to the boat it is roughly 4 AM, and the captain is waiting for him. Well Sven is in trouble, but that’s ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The captain says, “Sven, because you took a swim and skipped work, you will do 4 more hours of work tomorrow night, and if I ever catch you again, and you get whipped for skipping work, and if I ever catch you skipping work again, I will consider throwing you overboard to the sharks.” But this is ok, because Sven is used to hardships.

The THIRD night, when Sven is cleaning the deck and going about his business, 12 AM comes by and Sven takes a small break and looks way out into the horizon to see all the glittering water lit up by the moon, and all the stars in the sky, it is SO beautiful that he just can resist himself and jumps into the cold water, but its OK that the water is freezing, cause Sven is used to hardships. As he is swimming out into the ocean, he does the front stroke, the backstroke, the breaststroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. Well he is about 6 miles away from the boat, but that’s ok because Sven is used to hardships, but he decides to go back, on the way back he does the front stroke, the back stroke, the breast stroke, the butterfly stroke, the doggy pattle, and every other stroke there is, and some Swedish ones too. When he gets back to the boat it is roughly 6 AM, and the captain is waiting for him. Well Sven is in trouble, but that’s ok, because Sven is used to hardships. The captain says, “SVEN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!.” Sven runs as fast as he can to avoid the captains grasp, and runs up the crows nest, and the captain says, COME DOWN OR I WILL SHOOT YOU!, well Sven stays up there, and the captain takes a shot at him,

But Sven dodges the bullet, and looses his balance and falls to the extremely hard deck of the boat, but this is ok because Sven is used to hardships.

------>You can all laugh now.

**KalmaH** · 01-06-2004 06:44 PM

A bit cruel... I laughed after a minute. Maybe you guys have heard this one...

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor...
MAKE ME ONE WITH EVERYHING!

Yes it's cheesy, but I rather like it.

**nerve** · 01-06-2004 06:59 PM

I wouldn't call it the BEST joke in the world...

**Lowercase Society** · 01-06-2004 07:44 PM

i know, but it makes people read it right?
and the punch line at the end...well if you could call it a punch line makes you want to shoot yourself in the head for reading all of it.

Call it 'womens intuition', but I think I'm on to something here.
Temporaryism has been the 'Black Plague' and the 'Jesus' of our age.[/b]

**nerve** · 01-06-2004 07:47 PM

*looks over at teh gun on the table*

exactly.

**Lowercase Society** · 01-06-2004 07:48 PM

you spelled "the" wrong...you technical freak.

*runs for cover, cause she has 'teh' gun*

Call it 'womens intuition', but I think I'm on to something here.
Temporaryism has been the 'Black Plague' and the 'Jesus' of our age.[/b]

**nerve** · 01-06-2004 07:50 PM

I noticed. and left it that way. I even do it on purpose sometimes.

**Lowercase Society** · 01-06-2004 07:52 PM

oh

Call it 'womens intuition', but I think I'm on to something here.
Temporaryism has been the 'Black Plague' and the 'Jesus' of our age.[/b]

**jacobo** · 01-06-2004 11:21 PM

Originally posted by Prophetian
A bit cruel... I laughed after a minute. Maybe you guys have heard this one...

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor...
MAKE ME ONE WITH EVERYHING!

Yes it's cheesy, but I rather like it.

CHE!

**Lowercase Society** · 01-07-2004 09:09 PM

MORE PEOPLE NEED TO READ MY JOKE!!! its awsome.

I’d like to close my eyes and go numb but there’s a cold wind *
Coming from the top of the highest high rise today. *
Its not a breeze cause it blows hard, yes and it wants me to discard the humanity I know, watch the warmth blow away.[/b]

**Seeker** · 01-07-2004 09:14 PM

Hardships!

I'll have to take that one home to the kiddies!

**Lowercase Society** · 01-07-2004 09:20 PM

you can extend the joke on for as long as you would like, in verbal speach, i just didnt want to type like 3 pages on it...just extend his family problems, go into the people on the boat with Sven, and Svens childhood, etc.

you could make it go on for probly an hour if you wanted.

I’d like to close my eyes and go numb but there’s a cold wind *
Coming from the top of the highest high rise today. *
Its not a breeze cause it blows hard, yes and it wants me to discard the humanity I know, watch the warmth blow away.[/b]

**redneck** · 01-08-2004 12:21 AM

A dog walked into a bar with his front right foot bandaged. He looks at the bartender and says,"I'm lookin' fer the fellow that shot my paw."

A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked,"Hey fellow, why the long face?"

Boudreaux and Thibideaux were walking down the street. Boudreaux walked into a bar. Thibideaux ducked.

**Blake** · 01-08-2004 05:44 AM

This guy walks into a strore..the kinda store you canbuy anything...if you want a slinky,a pair of cruches,a plastic tree..this store has it..He looked around a while until the lady clerk asked ..can I help you?..He said..You wouldn,t happen to have a pair of glass pants would you?..She looked at the man with a surprised look and said...i,m sorry sir but as you can see we sell just about everything under the sun,,,no ones ever asked for glass pants before sir...i,m sorry..he said Ok thankyou...then he left ...a week later he went back in the store..he was wearing a pair of glass pants!!The lady clerk looked at the man and said..Sir when you came in here last week and asked for glass pants,I thought you were crazy..but now I can clearly see your nuts.

**YULAW** · 01-08-2004 05:53 AM

Lowercase,

That was so freaking funny! I Love it.

**Blake** · 01-08-2004 06:01 AM

I once told this joke to a friend..He was drinking beer when he heard the punch line..It came out of his nose.....that made it hilarious for me..he he

**Blake** · 01-08-2004 06:11 AM

You hear about the guy with 5 dicks? His pants fit him like a glove

**Lowercase Society** · 01-08-2004 11:50 AM

SVEN THE SWEDISH GUY IS WAY BETTER!!! YAY!

Blessed is she who clearly sees the wood for the trees. *
To obtain a ‘bird’s eye’ is to turn a blizzard into a breeze.[/b]

**Blake** · 01-08-2004 05:54 PM

better than the guy with glass pants...I don,t think so Lowercase..You see Svens not as funny as you think..

**hilow** · 01-08-2004 06:14 PM

Lowercase.... that was the worst joke I have ever heard. I would like that 3 minutes of my life back please.

**Seeker** · 01-08-2004 06:16 PM

Lowercase is used to hardships also

EDIT: Shared your joke with people at work today. Some reactions:

"That was retarded"
"That was a groaner"
"That was Great"

**jacobo** · 01-08-2004 10:59 PM

i think im now more stupiderer because i done read that.

**Lowercase Society** · 01-08-2004 11:31 PM

haha, i COULD have made it go on for about 2 times as long. but i didnt want to put you all through the agony!

and yes i am used to hardships, and loosing the moderator vote...lol.

I am bottled, fizzy water and you are shaking me up.
You are the fingernail running down the chalkboard I thought i left in third grade.[/b]

**Sesquipedalian Dreams** · 01-09-2004 01:47 AM

eh

**Sesquipedalian Dreams** · 01-09-2004 01:49 AM

this joke works better if you can se me do it, but ill give it a shot anyways.

Why did the blonde go to church?

She heard there was a guy hung like this (stand up and put your arms all the way out to the side)

haha

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