Depression and People Understanding

[Songbird]

So I'm ridiculously depressed. Suicidal, almost. And my friend who I'm really close to doesn't understand, and when I talk about death she gets personally insulted that I would willingly hurt her like that. But honestly, I don't really feel like I can control it sometimes. I agree that sometimes its my fault, and I should deal with it better, but sometimes I just cant think. And she doesn't understand. And shes angry at me. Its just so painful sometimes, life. And theres so many lies in my head sometimes. she just thinks that its my fault. What do you guys think?

[AlexLou]

She probably just doesn't know how to deal with it so it makes her angry. She cares about you and doesn't want to loose you and at the same time she doesn't understand what she hasn't experienced and can't wrap her head around how something could be wrong with you. She may at some point reach an understanding of depression that makes her better able to deal with it in others, but in the meantime I hope you have someone else to talk to? Most everyone I have to talk to are either in denial about my depression or think that they understand it. But I do at least have people who will listen without becoming angry.

[KrazyRaquel]

Life itself is very hard. And it is not your fault for thinking this way. But what you might want to consider is that not everyone views life the same way. I too at time resite in my mind what I would do to commit suicide, and it is scary at times cause I actually feel like going through with it. But you know...what i dont realize is what i would be doing to my family and kids....its almost like my mind gets lost in its own. So when I get to feeling like this the best thing i do is keep myself occupied...you can try going out with your friend. If this subject bothers her, then just leave out the suicide part and just tell her you are sad, then maybe she can cheer you up or keep you busy. I have learned many things in life and one is with Time things will always change and do get better. If you cheat yourself from this time you were given, then you will never see what could of been. Don't get me wrong Time is exactly what it is....seconds, days, years...it might take a while but it does get better. Try to avoid ppl that put you down. Remember everything happens for a reason. There is always something to be learned. So don't cheat yourself from that.

[AlexLou]

Hmm. I don't know. I've been waiting 12 years for time to make things better. It does . . . but it also doesn't, not completely. Some of us are just stuck with depression and it's not worth waiting around to see if it will just go away. I'd say that anyone with depression is better off helping them self in whatever way they need to to feel better rather than waiting around.

[747Music]

Hmm. I don't know. I've been waiting 12 years for time to make things better. It does . . . but it also doesn't, not completely. Some of us are just stuck with depression and it's not worth waiting around to see if it will just go away. I'd say that anyone with depression is better off helping them self in whatever way they need to to feel better rather than waiting around. I agree in full. I suffer from bipolar. I get horribly depressed, so much so that it becomes absolute indescribable depression. Talk to your doctor about it. Also, make sure you're getting proper and regular nutritional and vitamin intake to assist with balancing the chemicals in your brain. Lots of the time it WILL get worse before it gets better. I know this well first hand and second hand from my mother who had a much more extreme case. Although you may not have bipolar, clinical depression is similar in this aspect. It's definitely tough to deal with people when you're horribly depressed. So explain your feelings and show your willingness to seek a solution. It's only your fault if you sit there and do nothing about it. Though, if you are trying to get well, even if things persist, it's not your fault. Stick in there buddy, and Do-not-give-up.

[phandentium]

Talk to a psycologist. Try asking your doctor about Saint Johns Wort.

[Dreamworld]

Move to Miami or somehwere exciting! Life is good!!!!!! Life is fun whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh! :bravo:

[ChaybaChayba]

So I'm ridiculously depressed. Suicidal, almost. And my friend who I'm really close to doesn't understand, and when I talk about death she gets personally insulted that I would willingly hurt her like that. But honestly, I don't really feel like I can control it sometimes. I agree that sometimes its my fault, and I should deal with it better, but sometimes I just cant think. And she doesn't understand. And shes angry at me. Its just so painful sometimes, life. And theres so many lies in my head sometimes. she just thinks that its my fault. What do you guys think? Yes it is your fault. You have the choice, right now, to be A: Happy B: Depressed It's up to you and nothing else. If you find this hard to believe, look into meditation, and start practising it. You will start to understand your own feelings, emotions and your own thoughts. Doctors can't solve this, only you. You need to learn how your mind works. The true reason you are depressed is because you kinda 'enjoy' thinking about those depressing thoughts. Each time you think about something depressing, write it down, and at the end off the day, you will notice how much you actually think of depressing stuff. Analyze your thoughts, you'll come to the realization it's your habit of thinking about depressing things that actually causes your depression. You can turn this around by simply doing the opposite. Positive thinking. Law of attraction. Resonance of thoughts.. Look it up..

[AlexLou]

Someone does not understand depression . . .

[ChaybaChayba]

Yes I do, I've been there, unlike you, I got rid of it. I'm only trying to help. If you did understand depression, you would no longer have it. So you obviously don't.

[Ailos]

Yes it is your fault. You have the choice, right now, to be A: Happy B: Depressed It's up to you and nothing else. I have to disagree with you, and I think many others would. I have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, a self-diagnosis, but I'm fairly certain its correct (though I do tend to dislike labeling), and have "chosen" many a-time to "stop" being depressed, and get over it. It works for a bit, and I get back to my happy, cheery self. Invariably, however, I end up crashing back down to depression. It's not something I choose to do, it just happens. Because of my "ability' to experience this so many times, I've been analyzing the progression of each depressive and manic stage. I'm fairly certain now that the actual "deciding" is nothing more than the natural response of my brain reciprocating from the depressive stage to a manic/happy one. It's a way to rationalize the neuro-chemical change evident within depressive and bipolar people. However, I must admit, a part of me likes to believe I have sovereignty over my emotional state. I'm sure it's entirely possible to have said control, but the fact of the matter is that when I'm in a depressive state, I have no motivation or drive to do anything about it, or really anything in general. Thus, I never seem to ever have control. My advice is, like ChaybaChayba said, meditation to take the edge off. However, meditation alone, especially these days with all the modern pressures and relative social isolation (to some), it's not always the immediate answer. If you're contemplating hurting yourself or someone else, it's essential you see someone about it first. Counsel and therapy are always the first step. Hell, if you have to though, just "run away". I know it sounds like a juvenile thing to do, but if your finding your immediate life to hard to handle, or the world too much to think about, therapy doesn't work, and drugs just make it worse, just go away from it geographically. I wouldn't really recommend this, however, if you have immediate responsibilities like children or finishing education. But if it gets too hard, a spirit journey can work wonders. Take a hike through the Appalachian trail, backpack across the country, see where your feet take you. Untie yourself from all the emotional baggage, cut the lines to the pain and unhappiness, and find yourself again. Be careful though, it can be dangerous on your own in uncertain territory. Though the danger is likely less than the danger you pose to yourself if you just sit and fester. Perhaps running away is more idealistic than realistic, but I mean if its between taking your life or freeing yourself from the pain geographically, I would chose the latter.

[kingofclutch]

Don't worry, be happy!

[juroara]

I know what chaybachayba said, it being your fault, might sound ignorant to you. but its the truth. happiness is a choice. a person chooses to be happy. no one is born happy, bloody hell we are all born crying and screaming. you can't however, choose to be happy if you continuously choose to hold onto an ego illusion. especially the ego illusion that you can't choose to be happy. let go. let go of the ego lies. Songbird you talk about 'fault'. you sound like my friend. she can get pretty tied up in a knot if she feels her emotions are her fault. because then shes the one to blame. and that creates a whole game of self punishment. when chaybachayba means its your fault, its because all states of consciousness arise from the individual. both depression and happiness stem from the being. YOU. depression means there is something wrong with the ego. you are NOT the ego. you are YOU. the ego, in the simplest sense, is who we think we are. but its not who we really are. and while its good to have an identity, its really at its core a false identity. the sooner you let go of all ego delusions, the sooner you can be happy. the ego will lie to you, and tell you, you can't change. this way the ego never has to die. because the ego certainly think its you if you think you are the ego. this is what depression does. depression tells you - "there is something wrong with your brain and you 'CANT' fix it". depression tells you "there is something wrong with you and you 'CANT' fix it". depression tells you "you will never know true happiness." depression tells you "this is how you are going to be for the rest of your life. f-kin deal with it or kill yourself." the ego is lying to you. honestly what good will come from believing the ego lie. a hope a drug will fix you? how many years does that take? someone who is depressed is suffering a lot of ego delusions. one of them, actually a huge one is fault. a need to blame something for your depression. and when you can't blame the people around you, you feel a need to blame yourself. and this has led people to hating themselves and physically abusing themselves. STOP!!! IT DOESN'T BLOODY FUCKIN MATTER WHOSE FAULT IT IS!! if you are depressed, you are SUFFERING. You don't deserve to suffer!! What good will the blame-hate game do? NO GOOD! STOP! END IT! STOP! IT DOESN'T MATTER. Let go of the blame. SOME STEPS TO HELP YOU 1. you refuse to believe anything else other than you are going to be depressed for the rest of your life. THEN YOU WILL BE DEPRESSED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. you believed it, you made it so. 2. if you refuse to believe you have the ability to overcome depression, then you can't overcome it. what do you want from the rest of the world, constant pity? what good will that do you, but make you more depressed. this logic is circular and solves nothing. Then the only way to get out of the catch 22, is to BELIEVE you CAN overcome depression. 3. if you think choosing to be happy means something as simple as choosing to put on pink clothes, then you don't understand. can a container be empty and full at the same time? ITS ONE OR THE OTHER. 4. you CAN'T choose to be happy, if you first don't LET GO of depression 5. you can't let go of depression if you DON'T realize you are holding onto it. you can realize how you are holding onto it by examining your own ego 6. you can't examine the ego, if you don't believe in it. 7. people choose to not believe in the ego, because they are afraid to see their 'faults'. seeing your faults doesn't have to mean you have to hate yourself. or that you have to be angry at yourself. or that your have to continue to let yourself suffer. 8. seeing your faults, is the first step of LETTING GO. you suffer when you see your faults, only when you think the ego is you. when you make a mistake, does that mean you ARE the mistake? No, we are not the mistakes we make. Then neither are you the ego. And like mistakes, those faults help us grow and become better people. 9. you can't choose to be happy, if you don't know what happiness is. 10. happiness is not something you achieve. its not money, its not a job, its not a social life. because there people who are 'happily' married, good job, good car, great kids and still DEPRESSED. 11. NOTHING OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF CAN EVER GUARANTEE HAPPINESS. NOTHING OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF CAN EVER END DEPRESSION. 12. true happiness comes from within. that is why it is a choice. the ego will do anything to prevent this. there is help. 13. not a pill. seek out the teachings of Buddha and other great spiritual teachers. spirituality, meditation, these things will slowly help you understand your own ego. how the ego has you trapped in a state of being that is not desirable. and how you can finally learn to LET IT GO and last but, and the most important 14. NO ONE CAN DO THIS FOR YOU. only you can examine your own ego to its fullest extent. only you can learn to let go. only you can choose to be happy so what do you say depressed folk of dreamviews? will you do it? happy people don't hate you we have just had a hard time explaining how happiness is a choice. it is, and has, and always will be a choice. the sooner you accept that the sooner you can accept the choice of happiness.

[juroara]

I have to disagree with you, and I think many others would. I have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, a self-diagnosis, but I'm fairly certain its correct (though I do tend to dislike labeling), and have "chosen" many a-time to "stop" being depressed, and get over it. It works for a bit, and I get back to my happy, cheery self. Invariably, however, I end up crashing back down to depression. It's not something I choose to do, it just happens. the problem with the word depression today, is that it has become so generalized. confusing the situation there is a reason why we have the term, bipolar disorder. because its not exactly the same as depression a depressed person can meet a bipolar and think "woooow, what a total freak!", and the bipolar can think "looooser!" they can be that different. bi - two - duo. it gets its name because you can expect to have happy and depressed episodes I have bipolars in my family. I had a manic bipolar person as a boss. the worst bipolar case I have ever seen. and she, helped me see something, that was in all the bipolars in my family. the depressed people play the blame game, mostly blaming them self. what game did I see bipolars play. . . .they contradict themselves and appear as hypocrites. in their low mood they say one thing, in their high mood they contradict it completely and say another. they contradict themselves whether they are in night or day. I had to quit my job because of my boss. Everyone who quit, quit because of her. It got to the point, she was just known as the hypocritical bitch. I tried not to have any ill emotions for her, because really she was ill - and does not realize how much she contradicts herself depending on which mood swing she was in. And if another boss made her realize how hypocritical she was being, she would go home crying. She was an extreme case, but that made it easier to see the mental state of a bipolar. And that helped me begin to see it in my family members who were bipolar. And, that was important for me, because my moods are not like theirs. I am known for not having swings. Not unless I'm about to start my period. So all the mood swinging in the household, had me up the wall confused. the hypocrisy in my boss helped me to see the dual nature of the bipolars in my life. not just mood swings, but in the things they do and say. and I kept this in my mind, so that I did not hate my family members when they 'lied' to me, because then I can understand how when they were having a manic episode I can expect they were going to contradict their actions. and tomorrow when the episode goes away, like magic, in their mind its like it never happened. The lie never happened. science will give you little reasons as to why, bipolars have a night and day. I am spiritual, I believe in the ego, and I believe in the soul. for a normal depressed person, the ego issue they are holding onto is normally - guilt. this guilt can make them hate them self, and even add to more guilt that they hate them self, and just leads to a spiral of self destruction which for many has led to suicide. for bipolars, I think the situation is a little more complicated. and only more complicated in that I feel the problem is even more spiritual and might have to ask you to even believe first - that you have a soul - and two - in reincarnation there is a concept that your psyche, or soul, can be split. or fragmented. you can imagine pieces of your soul, being torn, and forgotten. people meditate sometimes to experience the wholeness of their being in real time. but a fragmented person in a way is not whole. they are missing pieces of their soul - memories. without them they remain severely unbalanced. the depressed person will play bad memories, over and over and over and over and over again in their mind. why, why, why, why, why. endless search for answers they might never find. the soul fragmented person doesn't play these memories over and over again. because they don't remember them. what ever happened, was so traumatizing, the soul dropped this memory. this created a fragment, a split in the being. and overall, an unbalance that can only be resolved in one way. by remembering some of these traumatic memories may have occurred in a past life time. and require a more intense meditation. spiritual techniques are needed to retrieve these memories. to remember. in this way the healing process can begin.

[Ailos]

@Juroara You definitely have seemed to pinned down the hypocrisy. I have noticed it within myself (I tend to internalize my problems more than externalize, so its rare I act based on my mood), and see great differences in the beliefs I hold between my low and high moods, and like you said, it's almost like night and day. I'm generally an open person, so I respect what you have to say; it could very well be that traumatic memories and emotional ties are what cause much of the depression, and that the physical symptoms (altered neurochemistry) are merely the result of the psychological state (I find this a more comforting thought ). I suppose the absolute answer is somewhere in between, or somewhere completely different, but I suppose the best answer is do what works best for you. It's difficult for some people to grasp the concept of meditation (from what I've gathered talking to my peers about it), but drugs/therapy don't always work for others. Anywho, it's a personal mystery for each of us to unravel. Eckhart Tolle has some good books on meditation and spiritual reconnection, for those of you wanting some literature. and yes, I know this was a bit contradicting of my last post, I'm a hypocrite

[psychology student]

So I'm ridiculously depressed. Suicidal, almost. And my friend who I'm really close to doesn't understand, and when I talk about death she gets personally insulted that I would willingly hurt her like that. But honestly, I don't really feel like I can control it sometimes. I agree that sometimes its my fault, and I should deal with it better, but sometimes I just cant think. And she doesn't understand. And shes angry at me. Its just so painful sometimes, life. And theres so many lies in my head sometimes. she just thinks that its my fault. What do you guys think? Tell her that depression is completely deterministic, caused by a neurochemical imbalance, and not a personality trait nor something that you willingly choose to do. You should consult a psychiatrist.

[jamous]

So I'm ridiculously depressed. Suicidal, almost. And my friend who I'm really close to doesn't understand, and when I talk about death she gets personally insulted that I would willingly hurt her like that. But honestly, I don't really feel like I can control it sometimes. I agree that sometimes its my fault, and I should deal with it better, but sometimes I just cant think. And she doesn't understand. And shes angry at me. Its just so painful sometimes, life. And theres so many lies in my head sometimes. she just thinks that its my fault. What do you guys think? I don't believe in "faults." So it isn't your fault. But you should (now I don't believe in shoulds either but whatever) get your shit together. How about this: it isn't your fault, everything just is, but if you want things to change you have to make them change. Suicide is like getting drunk, or at least it's done typically for the same reason--you want to find oblivion, escape, peace. But discipline--morality--keeps us from getting drunk, and it keeps us from killing ourselves. Your friend shouldn't make it about her that you want to kill yourself, but you should make it about her.

[coxaroxa]

I've read all posts and there's something that really irritates me and it is something that I've experienced myself. There's no such thing like guilt ou choice when depression arises. Some people are really messed up, some have hidden aspects of them torturing them on an unconscious way, others (like me) have the clinical inbalance. Don't dare to judge just because you've been there! People feel depression in diferent ways and there's not one truth to it. If you are thinking about suicide, go to psicologist or to a psychiatrist (the last one is the one who can give you meds). It seems you are pretty down, so, don't wait because without treatment (talk therapy can be quite effective when associated with meds) you'll get worse and eaven if it passes it can comeback stronger on the next year. Tell you're friend that what you feel has nothing to do with her, that it's not about her. Ask her to find information about depression to help understand. Ignorance can be really damaging when someone wants to help, 'cause sometimes they make everything worst with the best intentions. An finally, have hope. You have to see the light in the end of the tunel to feel inspired and stronger, and that will also help you to want to get better. We don't choose, but we can get motivated and that's when change in you starts to happen. Wish you the best, and remenber that life has much more doors and windows than the ones you see right now**

[TristaKC]

i hope you see a doctor or talk to your parents about your depression. if your friend acts the way she does than dont talk to her about it anymore. and dont listen to anyone who says its your fault your depressed and all you have to do is change your way of thinking. Im sorry but if that person had any commen sense they would know that people can have chemical embalances in their brain that can cause them to be depressed. you can send me a pm if you would like to talk. i have sufferd with depression when i was a kid and even though i am not depressed now or lately it has left me with alot of anxiety and panic attacks.

[Lëzen]

I understand that having major depressive disorder is something people can't control; it's an imbalance between certain neurotransmitters in the brain (don't recall which exactly, but I'm sure dopamine and norepinephrine are a couple). But there is no way I can understand it totally because I've never had it, and probably never will. So you really shouldn't be too cross with your friend. It's most likely killing her to see you this way just as much as your depression is killing you. It isn't her fault either, you know. But even in my deepest fit of sorrow, I've never seriously thought about suicide. I don't wanna seem like a bad guy saying this, but...those who submit to the 'need' to end their lives are weak of spirit. I know that sounds mean, considering you can't really control your depression...but you have to at least try to fight it. You can't just lie down and let depression beat you - going down without a fight in such a way would prove that you really are weak of will and spirit. You need to always have in mind the knowledge that no matter how grim things seem now, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Always. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I encourage you to read up on depression as much as you can; even though you say your friend doesn't understand what you're going through, chances are you don't even really know yourself. The more knowledge you obtain about major depressive disorder, the more you will know about how to fight it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder Trust in Wiki, for it has all the knowledge you will ever need. It's got links coming outta its ass, too, so I guarantee you - you will have literally everything you need to know about MDD and how to battle it. Good luck and Godspeed.

[mel_noah]

I can honestly see both sides of the story here. This is coming from someone who suffered severe depression as a teen and had a momentary lapse as an adult. Yes it is your choice. But sometimes when you are deeply depressed beyond a certain point, you can't fully make that choice - at that time it is out of your hands. If you are at this point - then see a doctor. Get on medication. Join a group or get some therapy. Once you are over that "hump", then making the choice to stay happy should be easier. Follow the tips and guidelines that the others have posted. Just in case someone hasn't said it yet, identify the things in your life that you are the most miserable about. If it is a relationship (whether family, love or friendship) - get rid of that relationship. If it is the fact that you feel unaccomplished - get out of the house and start taking classes at your local college. If you feel like you are missing out on something in life - then go and do something about it. Seek help (of all kinds) until you can get over the major hump, then make a conscious decision to choose life and happiness. Best of luck to you.