NyxCC

Backlog: 28 Feb

On the whole had a very restless night, trouble falling asleep, followed by emotional nlds. Later got woken up and ended with insomnia.

My wakefulness increases to daily levels and I am ready to get up, seeing no point in being in bed anymore. Yet, I know how groggy I will feel later on so have one last effort to catch some sleep. I try the classical wild plus relaxation tips with the sole purpose of falling asleep at this point. There is a specific pleasant sensation in my stomach. I try not to move but have to change positions several times due slight discomfort.

Finally, a bright scene flashes in front of my eyes so I know sleep is near. I even concentrate and make another one appear, whilst still having awareness of my physical body. It's like being in two places at once. The scene is fanstastic. I find myself flying high above the sea and green lands. The water looks fantastic. I can feel my dream body flying while being in bed and as it floats and is about to flip over the scenery.

The sensation is cool but difficult to maintain and input from my physical body takes over and I find myself back.

I continue to do my best to fall asleep. I find myself in another dream looking at a mirror. I am happy to ascertain that I have made it to the dream. "I'm in", I tell myself out loud while looking at my reflection in the mirror. My reflection doesn't quite move in synch with my words so I make some efforts to synch, but not to much avail. Then I notice my breath and just feel the need to breathe as if I am having some difficulty doing so. I spend some more time breathing in and out and watching my reflection as the dream interrupts and I find myself in bed.

Asleep, some short nld part, then another dream scene on the playground.

On the playground, which bears resemblance to this real life place before it morphs. I climb onto a playground structure and look around. There are a number of DCs as well as dogs mostly immobile at this point. I slowly move my gaze from one DC to another and then from one dog to another examining them. Everytime I do so, they turn and pay attention to me to. It's like I can feel my attention as a gust of wind animating and being reflected in each DC. This is quite cool. At this moment, I also notice that there is a warmish wind that also connects all of us and is gently blowing from direction or another. It feels really pleasant.

I try to remember any tasks and recall the basic for March - find a house and get inside. I look over to the street and see an old entrance door to this building. It looks far away but I decide to give it a try despite having some doubts about dream stability at this point (due feeling). To reach it, I have to first get down from the playground thing I am on. I jump and try to slow down my fall not to cause extra instability. It works somewhat but also rotates my vision introducing slight instability. At this point a classmate comes down to help me, looking rather concerned. Her face is reddish on some places as if from mild sunburn.

I look ahead to where the street is, where I need to cross to get to the entrance gate. The place morphs and now I find myself on an elevated fence looking over the street, but the edge of the fence is out of reach due to there being trees in front and also lots of thorny shrubs. This infuriates me and I decide to cut straight through everything. I find myself in the midst of all the shrubs piercing me and causing overall pain as the twigs are everywhere. This looks super realistic and I take a moment to examine myself. It just doesn't feel right me pushing through all of this vegetation at all costs, seeing an old cardigan of mine being torn in the process and all this pain. I conclude it's against my philosophy and decide to take the side road to reach my goal.

I gently move away from the thorns that block the way and turn to the other side, which has once again changed and is now a nicely looking forest. It's a dark green vivid color and the trees are close together as not to allow any sunlight through. I notice some interesting looking plants to the side and wonder whether to investigate. Still having my goal to find an alternative road to the house though, I look around the forest. "I almost lost myself in a forest in a dream", I think. The forest now reveals an invitingly looking path that stretches all the way ahead. I examine it with curiosity and excitement, trying to see what is at the very end - looks like a castle very far away. At this point I recall CL and how it could be a good moment to zoom in right over there, but before I could do anything, the dream ends.

I stay still and deild.

Find myself inside a house and a store at the same time. There is some political scenario going on and posters on the counter in front of me. The lady DC behind the counter is unhappy with the actions of the local supermarket.

While walking around I try to recall some of the totm tasks. I wonder if having ended up in a house now would count for the basic but I discard the idea and struggle to remember other tasks. After some effort, the mirror task finally comes to mind. Ok, need to find a mirror, didn't I just pass one by? I go back to where I was a moment ago and face a man-sized mirror. It changes from being clear to being covered in vapour just like it would in the bathroom (first time this happens in a dream, probably because I am trying to do a task!). This irritates me, but I go ahead and wipe it up a bit to at least see my face clearly.

Then I stand in front of it and slowly prepare to move inside. Being a bit apprehensive due to wall phasing experiences ending up in the void, I keep my eyes open and keep staring at its surface as I take a plunge in. The moment I do so, the mirror swallows me letting out a loud underwater like sound "Blop". It's pure liquid and shows no resistance. I quickly emerge on the other side, looking around to see where it has taken me. It's overly dark but I can make out the contours of objects around me and they become clearer to finally reveal that I am in a pantry sized room. It looks exactly like a pantry with shelves and all sorts of objects being stored around. I make a mental note of it, soon the dream fades.

A summary of a few mostly uneventful short lds, possibly the result of pre bed work. This was inspired by CL's success in Jan and his following bed time lds, combined with my need to skip some wbtbs.

Date: 23 Feb

Pre bed: 500 mg Omega3, 200mg val

LD: In a classroom and teacher scolds me about blocking the way. I start a speech about classmates, realizing it's a dream. I briefly have a conversation with my teacher who says something cool about time I can't recall. I contemplate leaving the room, the dream ends.

Second? ld where I become lucid in class!

LD: Initial setting - birthday party with friends and relatives. The front changes to deep water, I'm standing at the edge, my awareness goes up, I caress a dophin, where it emits some positive emotion. I become fully aware and go around exploring the street (this actually felt like a somewhat longer dream but blacked out and recall is messed up). I run into gradma's DC on the street which leaves me surprised as I didn't have the vaguest thought about her in that moment. Dream fades


Date: 26 Feb

Pre bed: 50 mg B6, overall vivid dreams

LD: In a friend's place, awareness gradually increases, I explore the building, then climb back in, changing the windows so that there's always something to hold on to as usual with dream climbing. I go to this friend's toilet where I lose lucidity.

LD: I'm busy following a trail of Brazilian Olympics miniature toys on the street and into a building. After going through a number of rooms collecting items, I enter into a new room and become lucid, start telling the DCs that this is a dream. A moment later they become very blurry and out of focus, the dream ends.

Date: 30 Jan

Pre bed: 400val, 45 mg B6

Wbtb: 1/3 latte

Overall impressions: vividness high, recall below average, pre wbtb recall close to zero

DILD: I am walking down the corridors of my school (DS) and we are supposed to have another class in a different classroom, so I don't know in which one we are right now (DS). I go to the where the teachers' room is and enter. It turns to a classroom from another part of the school and I examine the faces of the kids sitting there to determine if I'm in the right place. I see this small boy who has the features of my classmate as if he is 1st or 2nd grade and that jolts me into lucidity. The room is full of kids and I closely look at their faces trying to identify and expecting to see all of my classmates here (as in trying to recreate the past accurately). Most importantly, I am trying to recall and see exactly where is everyone sitting. There's a guy that looks like _ and _tells me that he sits alone, which I doubt, knowing he sits next to another guy. I start calling out names of particular classmates while trying to determine if the seating is correct.

For a second I think I see a doppelgänger of a classmate. I look at the first desk where at least according to a vague memory _ may be sitting or a dream memory, I have dreamt of that room so many times that my dream memories are also partially accessible and get mixed with real ones. There's another girl that doesn't belong here so I move her to the side leaving only _ here and contemplating. The teacher is about to begin the class, but with me acting so commandingly she seems to pause. I make an announcement that the class won't start until I identify and arrange all the classmates and continue looking around. As I stare at this classmate, I finally remember that I wanted to try to read a book and tell her to give me something to read. She hands me/I notice a paper notebook on the desk. I'm slightly uncertain if this will work, as I may run into some school materials. Anyways, I start browsing the notebook paper pile and get my hands on some sort of book. I try to read the title, which is a mix of words that don't make sense and I make an effort to understand what the book is about - something about hands, there is an illustration at the front cover and it looks like some sort of karate manual. I find this pretty cool and look forward to learning karate from this book.

If I'm not mistaken, I take another look at the front cover title and try to reason it out but it changes again as I try to assign some meaning to it. Then I begin browsing the pages and read one of them. The text stabilizes and I read the first sentence with great effort, but I get the meaning without actually reflecting too much on the words. It's a Mongolian story about one of their leaders. I browse more and every couple of pages there are beautiful manually drawn pictures, that look like little paintings that show what's happening in the story. He was supposed to participate in a horse racing in the village. I see a picture of the place after the race, empty now. I look at couple more pics but it's hard to memorize them all, then do back to the front page and title that I am still trying to figure out. Now on the cover is a very peculiar drawing of a house attached to a sleigh or whatever that thing is. The part of the title talking about hands now refers to bamboo and the act of practicing with care. I keep wondering about the title while the dream fades away.

Date: 24 Jan

Pre bed: 200mg val, 50mg B6

Wbtb: 1/4 latte

Wasn't very wakeful even though repeated mantras a few times, fell asleep rather fast, had a few non-lds I can't recall

DILD: I am having a tense conversation with this female DC I know. She starts criticizing me. I reply that as a revenge I will then do something to make her feel the same way she makes me feel with all her comments. While this is a rather habitual mental reaction, I notice that contrary to other times I don't feel anything at that very moment. Still, as part of my revenge scheme I take her and turn her upside down in front of all the DCs in the room to publicly humiliate her.

As I stare at her, I notice that she just stays there, like a motionless puppet and become lucid. We're in a very large meeting room with a long table in the middle and lots of DCs participating in some corporate event. I'm in a daring mood and decide it's time to defy social rules by getting on the table in the middle of this meeting. Then I almost lose lucidity being carried away by thoughts of how all of the world's problems may be solved by by issuing unlimited credit cards to the entire population.

I keep thinking about this issue as I leave the place and continue towards an unknown city center. There to help me focus more I shout out loud "I am dreaming". There was a slight instability so this helps me ground as well.

Then I remember the invisibility task and go in the middle of the road pretending to be invisible.There are cars coming from all directions but as soon as I pay attention to them, they hit the breaks and spin a bit. I turn around and the same thing happens again. Then I see this huge truck coming in my direction. I start waving hands, checking if the driver can see me. He doesn't hit the brake or slow down and the truck is quickly coming closer. I step to the side to avoid the impact. There's little space between me and the truck, my uncontrolled expectations cause it to fall sideways on top of me, where I feel this huge weight on me. I try to move and free my head, but this results in a physical feeling, which gives me the impression I have just moved in my bed. I expect to wake up any moment but get an FA instead.

I believe that I have woken up for real and the first thing I notice is this piano music coming from the outside. I'm actually in the neighbors where we used to live some time ago and look to find where the music is coming from. I see this girl that I remember (possibly from another dream but could be false memory) who got that piano there and something about her. As if that isn't enough, the balcony is crowded - many people in their 20s and 30s dressed with business attire as if attending some sort of event. I'm think this is just too much when I am trying to fall asleep and decide this can only be a dream, reminding myself that I was trying to ld. Can't member how, but it seems I lose consciousness after that and have another FA.

I think in the beginning, I'm looking from the window to see what's down but then the scene changes and we move to this wooden porch. I initially see this strange big animal that looks suspiciously like a DS, I can't tell what kind of animal it is. Then there is a smaller one and I'm still trying to identify the large one. I'm starting to have some real doubts about this and begin to count the animals, one now looks like a bear and can't remember the rest but there's four of them. I conclude this is a dream and go to interact with one of the animals. It looks like a very large black boar/tapir and as I place my hand on its snout, it bites me and it even hurts.

I move slightly to the left and examine the rest of the area, where I notice a number of elephant-like creatures. I think they are separated from the porch, but no cage, it looks much like in a zoo. At some point the elephants begin to distort in features, open mounts and start roaring very louldy in a generally unpleasant manner. I try to stop them by thinking I want them to stop, but nothing happens and more join the roaring event. I remain there staring at them as they do so, kind of calm, but there's also this deeper inner response to their roaring, which surely is what is affecting them. I think that the problem is exactly this feedback loop - I am thinking that they are roaring, therefore they continue roaring. Then conveniently, I recall the inivible task and think it can be applied quite nicely here. I think that I am invisible. To my genuine surprise, at this very moment all the roaring stops for good.

I'm curisous to how far I can take this with my supposed invisibility and turn around and try to sneak out, while carefully listening for any reaction. The dream fades.

Notes: I have reduced B6 dosage to 50mg as previously it made me too wakeful. Recent valerian series - characterized by difficult recall, lower lucidity levels and more bizarre occurrences, in particular animals.

Right. I am way behind with journalling. In the meantime, got mostly short lds and finally a long one today (will post separately).

Date: 1 Nov

Combo: SJW, B6, p.oil cap, latte

It's been around two months since the last time I took this combo. This time, I found the dreams before the wbtb very emotionally charged and not with pleasant emotions. It was mentally exhausting.

I do a quick wbtb and go back to bed repeating the mantras. An hour passes by where I thought I was awake but actually I was in some sort of deep sleep. Can't recall thinking or dreaming anything. I take a couple mins to concentrate on having an ld and fall asleep.

LD: From the darkness, the scene begins to form around me and I start walking briskly to allow myself to get in properly. I am on the street in some neighborhood. As I examine the surroundings, I see a chimp in the yard across the street. Cool! I remember that I was supposed to turn into a gorilla for the NY task, so having a point of reference for the transition is very welcome. My thoughts and emotions make the chimp stand on its feet and beat its chest or something like that.

The dream is kind of unstable and as I look around, I see the chimp suddenly vanish in front of my eyes. It quickly fades away to become transparent, where only the contours can be seen, then these disappear as well. I want the chimp to reappear and look in another direction. Behind the fence of a close by yard, there are now a number of bear cubs and as I am staring at them they quickly increase in numbers. The whole yard is now filled with bear cubs, maybe 15-20 of them. I look towards what I feel is the city center, hoping to see a tall building, but there are only 5- story blocks here. There's this gut feeling that I shouldn't have started changing the dream so early on as this is causing too much instability, but it's already too late. I wake up.

I do another quick and rather sloppy attempt to have an ld, but it seems that I fall into unmemorable sleep again.

4 Nov

From scratch short ld in the living room. High instability, decided to do yoga - handstand but lost the feel of my hands and dream collapsed.

5 Nov

Stable, vivid, somewhat unpleasant atmosphere. Recognized frequency of objects (toilets) as DS. Decided to leave the place by phasing through a mirror. Imagined Egypt behind and phased but ended in the void. Shortly felt warmth and some sand around but then continued floating forwards in the dark void. Minor dream paralysis (in the void) while trying to rub hands.

Date: 09 Oct DV

Entry 1/3

Pre bed: 100mg B6

WbtWake: 200mg valerian

TST: 6hrs

Comment: I usually don't take valerian at times other than pre bed, but the 100mg B6 got me more awake than usual. Sleep quality wasn't very nice, but dreams were pretty vivid, long and stable.

WILD: I have a short awakening and briefly think about the previous dream, trying to turn it into a mild, but don't really review it or anything. Just think it would be a good idea to do so. I fall asleep with the intention to ld and quickly transition.

Another of those confusing moments, where it looks as if I am seeing a part of the room through my eyelids . Initially, I think, this is our bedroom, but then it's the bedroom of my first home. My dream body is also weirdly twisted, it's as if I/my dream body is supposed to be lying on my stomach, but at the same time I am twisted from the torso upwards, partially sitting and partially trying to get up. I have a couple of realization-like thoughts about relaxing, then attempt moving and eventually I am properly sitting on the bed, looking at my hands. I see them as if looking through some sort of crystal or weird glass. It's similar to a layer of liquid transparent edgy plastic-like thing imposed on my hands, kind of blurry, half of a finger is missing too.

I get up and look around, everything is mega bright and the whole atmosphere reminds me of those birthday dreams I have here. The mom of a friend of mine comes in and begins behaving menacingly. I lose my clarity for a bit, being distracted by her aggression, but then remember this is a dream and leave the room. A classmate is also here, I acknowledge him, then continue on my way to the living room.

In the meantime, I remember the TOTM to scare a kid, but these DCs obviously don't fit the description, so I go from room to room, looking for some kids. All the doors are open. Finally, I stop and shout about a little girl coming here. Soon enough, a little blond girl comes in and approaches me. She almost looks fine, but part of her face around the nose and mouth is like unfinished or at least asymmetrical. This gives me a bit of a creepy feeling. I shout something at her, like boooo or whatever, and she runs away. There is a little boy also coming from the same direction she did and I think about saying a total profanity to scare him. I decide not to and just chase him away.

Task done and I wonder what to do now. I remember AF and sit down to use the fastest tech. I make a rather quick attempt but feel the dream is stronger, so give up. I simply sit here for a while, staring in front of me, thinking about meditating.

I look to my left and notice the furniture, which I incorrectly recall is absolutely the same as irl (pretty close but not the same actually). At any rate, I remark how vividly I am seeing everything and that it is more vivid that rl. The door is open and I see this DC of a person from rl quickly approaching. I can smell trouble and sure he starts acting like a bully, very menacingly while I try to keep distance from him. The situation continues for a while with me being able to hold him far enough, while he behaves as if he is going to explode or attack me any moment. I briefly consider deactivation by allowing this to go sexy, but discard the idea. The same goes for fighting him, since I don't want to create such an association to a real life person. I am simply sitting on the floor, holding him back and trying to be as impassive as possible. There is a moment of darkness and he shortly disappears, but I can still hear him as he is now making growly sounds. Finally, I decide I've had enough of this masochistic exercise and wake up.

Date: 17th Aug

Pre bed: SJW, 100 mg B6

Total sleep time: 7 hrs

Dream quality and recall: vivid, some stability issues, evading recall

Non-ld: I am in the place I used to live before. There are problems with the lock and I am trying to avoid my new neighbors. Once again, I am staying here only temporary and prepare my stuff to leave the next day...

WBTB:I got woken up, decided to use as WBTB, repeated mantra a few times, distractions again.

LD1: I finally fall asleep and find myself on the street of the same town from my past, near the post office. There is also a bear there. A bear? Lucid. I don't pay any more attention to the bear but on its place two large dogs appear, behaving menacingly. I just want to go forward and stretch my hands, as if feeling the dream/wind or whatever but the dogs bite my hand. The biting causes a strange sensation of burning pain, I struggle to get rid of the dogs. As they won't go away, I decide to ask the rest of the DCs for help. There are lots of DCs passing by on the nearby street and I start calling for help, but nobody pays me any attention. However, the moment I start asking for help those dogs get out of my sight and disappear. I look at the DCs which are like a school of fish, silently passing by, many of them having dogs on leashes, small to big ones different breeds. It looks absolutely insane.

I have no idea what happened, but now I am in a dark room, no sign of DCs or dogs. I finally remember that one way to deal with scary creatures is to transform into something scarier or at least powerful, so I decide I would do the tiger transformation. I get on the floor and first of all hear coming from me a slightly muffled but tiger's roar which I actually didn't mean to do. Then I try to feel my legs, but I kind of concentrate on my human body too much, so the transformation is only half done. I can't see much of my limbs to confirm if they are human or animal ones, just feel that I am stuck in the middle of the process and want to look in some reflective surface to check what's going on. My mood goes quite bad as I get bored doing this and wonder what to do next but the dream ends.

Micro-ld: I am on a ferry type of boat, on the upper deck that is open. It also reminds me of all these city boat tours they offer at various places I have been to with my mom. My mom is also there telling me to be careful, so I hold on to the rail. It is quite cold so I get out my blanket. I notice that the sky is covered with dark clouds which are much closer to the boat than they are supposed to be. I hold on even tighter and then see that a tornado has formed in the distance. I get a very convincing false memory that I recently had a dream about this? and now am seeing it irl. There's something about this whole thing and the tornado so I become lucid. In the meantime the driver of the boat moves us closer to the river bank and allows the passengers to disembark safely. I look at the tornado with interest and decide I will try to avoid it by going to the subway station where it has no reach. (I'd say my mind was kind of foggy for ld). I immediately reach a subway passage but before I get in, I have another look at the tornado. It is huge and partially turns into some sort of drilling machine as I stare at it. It also comes closer. I decide it's time to quit playing and go underground and figure out what to do from there.

I have no idea or rather memory what happened, it seems like the dream ended, I briefly lost consciousness then on to the next dream.

LD2: I am in the yard of our old neighborhood and bf is making some kind of sex-related remarks. I ignore him and bf just leads the way towards the street. I notice that both of us are barefoot and concentrate on the feeling, while getting a mix of false and true memories.

At this point I become lucid and we continue towards the fence. As I get there, I see some animals again. A medium size dog that is coming towards me and also a cat, then two more cats appear. I get the feeling that all these animals are attracted to/by me and think that this is becoming very similar to OB's issue with the blankets. I try to make make them go away, making funny movements with my hands. Then I succeed in turning them against each other. This is a very entertaining sight although I do feel slightly guilty doing this, now the cat has turned into a kitten and is wrestling the dog. They are more in some sort of confrontation than real fight but I am amazed that I am actually controlling their movements. After my sense of wonder/amusement subsides, I leave them and move on down the street, bf with me.

I go over some tasks but am reluctant to engage in something that will destabilize the dream too much. However, the moment I think about Angel Falls, I notice the sound of running/falling water from a nearby yard. In my mind, I know that's something else, but I think it can be used to summon Angel Falls. So what I do is I turn my back on the yard and the sound, concentrate on it and start walking backwards towards it, expecting AF to be there. Bf is holding my hands as I am walking backwards and the dream turns void-like, mostly I see darkness behind me as I walk. I am slightly worried that I might stumble upon some unexpected object but then remind myself that there is really nothing there.

I slowly turn and check the result. This is not our neighborhood anymore, but it is still the yard of some people and there are lots of watery things there. Hard to describe, two fountains/geysers, puddles of water, also water randomly springing and running over the place. The yard abruptly ends and I see small amounts of water running down the stone edge, which gives me some hope. As I look down I see that the next level is about two floors below and there is an inland beach. I also check out the surroundings and see that beyond that inland beach is a valley with trees and the sea at the end of it.

I feel that I won't have the time to go to the sea and chose to use the inland beach for the advanced TOTM. There also small kids there, something like sand and rocks near the water. It is quite high and as I finally gather the courage and prepare to jump in the water, the dream ends.

Date: 11 Aug

Pre bed: 100mg B6

Total sleep time: 6 1/2 hrs?

Natural wakes: many, got up on 5 to pee, drink water, take notes. Also lots of micro-awakenings where it took me some time to fall asleep. Noises from neighbors and early morning arrangements of others woke me up too.

Dream quality and recall: Very vivid dreams, some stability issues. Recall was challenging, forgot two lds, but then I recalled them, pffuuu. One suspicious also.

Early dream (+2 hrs after bed): I had the impression there might have been something lucid here, but sleep was so deep, I have no idea, it was quite vivid though.

Dream: some kind of tower, bf, something forbidden? (why didn't I write a whole sentence?)

Dream: this was a crazy dream, not very pleasant but interesting. The part I remember involved me getting to a window, where some kind of deadly poisonous gas is working. I am unprepared (compared to others) to deal with this gas and do some maneuvers to avoid it, while it's coming straight at me. I think I am trying to open the window as well. I notice that small wounds begin to appear on my hands from the gas. For once, they almost look ok, not too bad, but I am naturally worried about them. At the same time, I am fascinated that I feel no pain despite my exposure to the gas. (That was pretty close!)

DILD1: I go out in some kind of yard and want to sit on the stone wall. There are two teenagers there that plan to make out, so I move not to interrupt them and go sit on another fence. Soon they go back to the entrance and I hear an electricity shock. I think that a bad guy has done something to them and is now coming in the yard, so I look for a place to hide. I evaluate a few hideouts but decide I will be discovered so better leave now. The main idea is to get as far away as possible, while still able to observe the guy.

As I make my way through yard after yard, I get this familiar feeling. I have been running like this in a lot of my dreams. Semi-lucid, I continue on my way, climbing fences, going far enough. Then I finally reach a block, which I start to climb as if it is a tree. No matter where I step or reach there is always something to hold on to, like a balcony, the window etc. I finally reach the top of the building, which is like 5-6 floors and sit there to contemplate. It is not very easy to keep balance as I am holding on to some unstable part of the building. At this point, I also reach a much better clarity of mind. I look around and see all kinds of junk around me. I either become worried about stability and the dream becomes unstable or the other way around. I wait and things improve somewhat and I get the weird idea that I will turn this building top into the top of Angel Falls then jump, but I feel the need to have something stable below me to start with. It's a bit like I am sitting on a wobbly chair on top of pile of crap right now.

I look to my left and see that a beautiful river is flowing through the nearby part of neighborhood. There is also a small waterfall in the middle of it, too small, but inspiring enough. I want to go down there, I have no idea how and where I but get and reach to this branch and once again use the tree branch swinging method of moving. I swing forward and land exactly where I wanted to - down where the river is. I start thinking about turning this into Angel Falls. The river starts to change and at some point I find myself right in the middle of it, observing how the now dark water flows down a slope. There are dark rocks as well, and the current is way too fast, so I feel kind of uncomfortable being in the water. Somehow though I am dry and not moving with the current? This is not quite like what it is supposed to be and I concentrate on the landscape to cut off the water and make it flow into an abyss just ahead of me. Despite my efforts the river changes just a bit. I get it, it is just not working right now and I also become tired so give up. The thought quickly flashes that I might try to turn the end of the river flow into a beach, but now lack the mood for that. I begin reviewing other tasks I have memorized but the the dream ends just as I go through them.

I am now in my bed and a bit pissed off that the dream didn't just continue into another scene, and I have so much awareness of my body. I nevertheless remain still, nervously waiting until something like a proper DEILD happens.

DILD2: The beginning of this is very vague. I think I just appeared somewhere and held on to this DC for stabilization. The next thing I know, the dream is much more stable and I am walking down the street with the male DC to my left, holding his hand in a friendly way (I think this is the stabilization residual). I am quite happy and for some reason conclude this is Xanous. I can't remember much of this part of the dream, just that we walk down the street of a European looking town, talking about something. OB is also involved either in my thoughts or mentioned in the conversation.

We are facing a closed metal gate plus fence and the male DC turns to the left to go the part where there is no fence at all. I then tell him, why don't we just phase through the fence, this is a dream after all. So, we go back and walk straight through the fence. I easily pass as if there is nothing there at all, but the DC has a bit of difficulty going through, he emerges but it looks like it has caused him some discomfort. I feel guilty for making him do this and begin apologizing. He doesn't look much like Xanous at this point - brown hair and wider face, but it's him in my mind. He seems quite independent for a DC, but that may be just me. We then continue our walk through the city.

At some point, I feel the dream is beginning to destabilize, but I don't want to share it with Xanous as not to mess his stability or something like that. I just walk further forward, rubbing my hands and hop walking for a while. The dream stabilizes and I am really happy about it. He is to my left again, this time with copper hair and tall. I start talking and notice how clear my voice sounds. But even as I talk, I almost immediately forget everything I say. The only thing I remember is "do you think this will work out" and point at me and him? Then I feel embarrassed this might be understood the wrong way and add "I mean this shared dreaming thing". I finally remember that I was supposed to do a gesture and share the passcode but before I could do anything the dream ends.

Micro-ld: I am back in a town of my past, in the place I used to live. Bf is also there. The thought that I am not supposed to be there anymore crosses my mind, but I come up with the explanation that I am now just visiting the town? I look around in the room and conclude that everything looks like it is real life and not like in dreams where there are all kinds of objects that don't really belong to this room, even though it really doesn't. I see that the windows are very dirty and this makes me think that the neighbors have been throwing drinks from McDonalds at the windows. Soon I see the neighbors throwing drinks. I want to threaten them with the police, but fear revenge, so decide just to call the cops to get them. I also complain to bf about it.

It looks like we are leaving the place next day (Sunday) and I need to take some stuff. I can't remember much detail here, but I look around the place, and there are neatly arranged flowers in the yards nearby, which look similar to dreams about the place I had and not real life.

Then I am in the city center, maybe doing last min shopping, I have no idea. On one of the familiar streets, I look inside a strangely shaped car and see a guy with semi-finished and a purple? demonic face. He gives me an evil look and I become lucid and begin to sway the car back and forth, my intention is to lift it and move it, which I do. I make it turn over and leave it like that for a moment, thinking about some more mischief. In the meantime it changes color and shape. I have the strong desire to try to lift the car as high as possible and then send it flying in the air like a balloon. I concentrate on it and lift it quite high but there is some resistance, I send thoughts that all of the people on the street are also doing this task which makes it easier. I am holding the car in the air for quite a while, until it becomes harder, but I still keep my gaze on it. It has become a round large piece of smashed black metal that is dissolving /dematerializing in the air. Witnessing the dissolution of the object is very interesting, it happens gradually and the object loses its physical properties, becoming more of an energy and I also see aura-like glow around the edges - green and red. The dream ends.

I wake up, think briefly about the ld and then fall asleep which makes me forget it. Noises, distractions and final sleep attempts.

Micro-ld: I can't remember the beginning of the dream/let. There is a very interesting sun clock in the sand of some sort of a pot in the park. I am playing with the sand, thinking about lucidity and stabilization? Then I continue walking down the lane when a DC guy looks me with some sort of irritation and I become lucid. I realize that I am finally in the dream as if just entered a dreamlet and feel very floating/unstable. For some reason, I keep repeating my DSs as a mantra and also grab the guy's T-shirt and move along with him, but he wants to move on his own so he is staring at me annoyed. I let him go and see my mom ahead of me, carrying flashlight which is on and the light looks more like the ray of sun shining on all the dust in the park. Very cool effect. The dream falls apart and I wake up.

Comments: I am happy on this occasion there wasn't too much B6 related agression with the exception of a few bad looks from DCs which helped me achieve lucidity.

Date: 5th Aug

Total sleep time: 7 hrs<

Pre bed: Calcium&Magn, 100mg B6

Natural wakes: 6x, vivid dreams after each, lazy to record, also mislaid notebook

Early dream(+3 hrs?): a memory of a lucid, where I didn't do anything in particular? We were gathered on street around a fountain/pillar?

Dream: An emotional personal dream with a rather unpleasant outcome. Sadness and anger.

Dream: Sitting on the table of a local cafe. My high school classmates smoke cigarette after cigarette. I am thinking about that, blowing out clean air in front of me.

Dream: A bit like a FA, or was it a dream, this was more hearing the dream than seeing it. Mom is talking with dad that she regrets not noticing the details of her dream, because this is the third time she actually has a lucid.

LD: After trying to fall asleep for a while after the natural wake, I catch myself in the midst of a dreamlet. I see my bf already in the dream on the street, but I am still there more of a side spectator than an in-dream presence. My bf starts doing repetitive movements with his hands as if he is entering the dream as well. I concentrate and soon my hands and body appear in the dream. I have a little trouble moving, feel my body slightly paralyzed, but am relaxed about it and just wait. Bf gives me a hand and pulls me closer, which helps me become more solid. He is very friendly and nicer than most of his DC appearances and I wonder whether this could be a shared dream. I walk on the street for a bit, but things destabilize, then the dream is possibly back again. Memory gap?

I have no idea what happened but now am on the roof floor of a building with lots of kids around. I think I lost my lucidity or am quite distracted at this point. The kids are playing with two balloons, one red and one blue, and I am getting closer to the edge of the building as they almost throw one of the balloons too far. I have worries about falling down. Then I go over one of the kids and tell her to turn off/change the music. Here I regain my lucidity as I try to go down while I get a strange fear of heights. I conclude that when people feel this fear they enter a similar to the dream state while awake. Some sort of exaggerated anxiety mood.

I am now one floor below, with my bf and a number of DCs next to me. I decide to ask my bf about the meaning of life. Again, he looks more like himself here. At first he answers something about "going forward", which I very much like. I tell him to repeat it again but instead he says "I like going back and forward" and then blurts out "Money". This disappoints me a bit. I want to get more and better answers so ask another DC. This guy looks falsely familiar and initially gives me the impression I might have encountered a real dreamer as he begins to ponder the question. But then he just keeps repeating "mmm" and "mmmhum" and doesn't say anything. I am annoyed and feel the dream is slipping away as I have been waiting too long. The dream stops but instead of going through the void, I lose consciousness. It takes maybe about 10 seconds and I am back in the dream.

I was in some sort of a corridor before and now I go into the next room where there are a lot of DCs from my class. I want to ask once again, so I organize those DCs which are now around 20 to gather in front of me as if I am about to take a picture of them. I then make an intro and ask them what the meaning of life is. Lots of my classmates raise hands and I select K. who is smiling to answer. She starts a long speech about happiness. She doesn't say anything exciting, just tells me about her life. I have no more interest in getting the question answered. I then address the whole class and ask them if they know what a lucid dream is and if they have had one. A few try to say something, but it is really hard to concentrate as there are too many DCs in the room. I tell them that this is a lucid dream, but then begin to worry that I might actually be having a shared dream with someone and they might think I am crazy. I leave them to talk with one another. I lose consciousness again, the dream is back in a few seconds. (no void)

I am trying to think of more tasks when I see this pretty Asian girl maybe around 20 years old. I start having distracting side thoughts and want to get close to her but she looks scared and tries to run away. I relax a bit and so does she. She lies on my lap as I marvel her beautiful hair and caress her. When she stands up, I notice she is wearing a knee-length dress. I know it is a bad idea to do it temptation-wise, but I just can't resist and start licking her leg. (Yes, I have a problem!) I notice how super real her leg looks, feels and tastes (a bit salty). I am still considering whether I should fully indulge or try to remember and do other tasks, when the dream suddenly ends. I stay still, but am too wakeful to DEILD or fall asleep.

Comments: I did some quick reading related to neurotransmitters and noticed that B6 plays a role in the synthesis of five: serotonin, dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine and GABA. So, after the intake of B6 it is likely that my levels of these increase.The usual effects for me are earlier onset of memorable dreams (today first wake was at plus 3hrs), emotionally loaded dream contents (often aggressive DCs, sometimes me running away, i.e. fight or flight response, also some sexy moments), reduced sleepiness/increased alertness. After thinking about the effects, it looks like one neurotransmitter receives a significant boost and influences the overall mood of the dream - dopamine. I feel that this information finally coming to my attention is important as it increases my understanding of dream intensity and may help me eventually achieve better control during lds.

Date: 25 July

Total sleep time: 7 hrs

Pre bed: 200 mg valerian, 100mg B6, 1 pep. oil capsule

Dream quality and recall: The dreams were very vivid, recall was good but only noted keywords. I found some dreams emotionally exhausting.

Challenges: I had trouble falling asleep, and later it was warm and noisy so I couldn't do the proper WBTB and take advantage of the vividness to get more and longer lds.

Alarm: I set a WBTB alarm as my natural wakes have become unreliable.

Fragment1: Aggressive DC B6 style (+3 hrs). A person I know behaves very aggressively, I become enraged.

Early micro-ld (+3 hrs after bed): I am in a city that looks similar to one I dreamt a few months ago. Before I recognize this place I am falling with some kind of flying platform thing? Then I go down the street, looking for the city center, I know it is in the opposite direction. On a very low level, I know that this is a dream, so I daringly look around, trying to get into the closed shops. I get distracted by the stuff they are selling - Swarovski smilies that I consider buying for my mom. I continue down the street, rather non-lucid and see they sell rolled scarves. The one that catches my attention is white/pink and as I pass by the street stall, I swiftly take it and pretend nothing happened. I hurry up, but nobody pays me any attention. Contrary to rl, where I have to look at a manual and the mirror, I easily put the scarf around my head and shoulders and continue down the street.

All the previous street stalls and sellers were from India, and this street also has some Indian style of atmosphere. It looks a bit trippy too, as I see a few DCs spitting like crazy.I am distractedly lucid and try to avoid this weird sight, as I walk down the street. Yet, the act of spitting catches my attention and I soon see strange spit-related stalagmites appearing all around me. For some reason, my will activates at this point and I say out loud "this is my dream and I have full control". I didn't expect myself to say this at all, so this puts me into super clarity of mind. Contemplating the statement, I focus on the space in front of me and see the little transparent dot (pin head size, that I sometimes notice during the day if I sleep less that 5 hrs). If find this very strange. At this point the dream falls apart and I am back in bed. A DEILD could have been successful, but decided to visit the restroom.

Fragment: in front of grandma's, I consider climbing a tree, but as my friend confirms there are webs all over the tree so better not.

Fragment: flying?

Dream: We are in Belgium and I go in this person's lab, where I mix some stuff. He is arrested as he is the owner, but they will soon be coming after us too. As I am preparing to leave, a woman that lives in his place comes in and tells me they (cops?) are coming. I have to go to the store and admit I am the one that bought something. The woman in the store will recognize me, so I change my appearance. Before I go, I want to listen to a song, but bf interrupts me.

Fragment: I enter a building, but as I go up the stairs, it turns into shelves stocked with food. As my mind is trying to figure out what the hell is this, I decide that this a small local supermarket, and look at the items there. Lots of expensive cheese and carrot juice. I have climbed on the shelf as am examining all the items. Soon my dad comes in and talks about the food.

Dream: I am in my hometown, in a small garden, waiting for something I can't remember now, on the ground, when Will Ferrell comes to me. He starts talking in German and there is a touch of aggression in the way addresses me and behaves. I tell him to switch to American, then wonder at my own statement. He makes a few comments in English, then goes to a street stall where they sell books and switches to German again. He forces me to buy 4 books, although I see no sense in reading them (they look very outdated and boring). As I take the four books to him, I remember that I don't have money for all of them, maybe just one.

Dream: We are going somewhere with parents, and I know we are heading towards the cave as I see boulders being held by protective nets. Before I know it (this felt lucid for a second because the dream skipped), we are already in the cave. I remember I have to crawl in, so I touch floor and walls of the narrow passage with my hands. We continue forward, but unlike what I have expected, there are no other people here and it is absolutely dark. The passage also gets narrower, I see no point in going further.

Micro ld: I can't remember how this started, I am looking at something (maybe in the cave?) and then it changes so in the darkness in front of me I see these huge ocean waves. I exert control over them, the way I do in many non-lds, but this time I know it was a dream. I am watching this from the distance, as if I am in the cave or in the void and the waves are like a vision/dreamlet in front of me. Then I concentrate on the sound of the waves, I hear them form and crash on the shore over and over, retaining some part of the vision of the waves. I become like enchanted, trying to recall how did the memory of the waves become so ingrained in my subconsciousness. The explanation I come up with is that this is a memory where I am lying on the beach asleep or relaxed, with the waves as the background sound. I feel I am lying on the stomach on the beach, with eyes closed, as if I am relieving a past memory. I am relaxing, semi-asleep, listening to the sound of the ocean.

Dream: Another person pisses me off and I tell him exactly the same things I was thinking about in the last couple of days (saying them is not advisable irl)

Dream: I am on the couch with the son of family friends. For a second, I touch his arm, but then think again. No. He tells me he is sorry that his mom is always inviting me to celebrations (like birthday parties, etc.) and that actually he doesn't want me to be there. I understand, I don't want either. I know that his mom has been trying to hook me up with him. (a rather accurate evaluation, his mom is very enthusiastic about us meeting irl)