Xanous' Dream Journal

#427 - DILD - 12:08AM

I went to bed around 9pm but was having another very restless night. I ended up meditating a little and then falling asleep with "lucid dreaming" as a mantra.

I am driving; following my mom in another car. We are going to church, but she's super early for some reason. I turn off decided to see if Wal-Mart has an item I need IWL. As I turn down a side street, I contemplate going to church with my parents. I shout out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH!" I look up at my rear-view mirror and see myself. I have a scowl on my face and my hair looks disheveled. Then, it dawns on my that I don't have to anymore. I'm a grown ass man. I decide I'll not go to church, but not go home either. I'll just spend the time shopping for stuff I've been wanting to buy.

I am suddenly in a fast food restaurant and I realize this sudden change in scene triggering lucidity. The first thing I think of is to find Bemistaken. I don't know why, but I feel like the women's restroom is the more logical place to look. I look to my left and see the restroom sign and entryway. I shout for Bemistaken and a stall opens up. A woman pops her head out smiling, but she only looks like a poor imitation. Rather than probing farther, I quickly dismiss the woman. I suddenly, recall the mirror task from last month and remember that I wanted to do it better. I turn to the sinks and push my face into the glass. The other side looks much the same, but I decide it must have just taken me through the wall into the men's room. The dream is starting to fade now, but I manage to look around and see urinals to confirm my idea. I quickly wake up.

2:09AM

I am on a plane ride with my wife and kids. I try for a window seat but the plane is made like a hotel room. There are recliners near a large plane glass window. I want to take pictures of the view, but I have to fasten my way too young baby daughter in her car seat.

5:45AM

I am with all the people I work with and we all see a tornado in the distance. I take a snapchat video and watch the replay. I can see sparks from power lines snapping. Suddenly, one is much closer and coming our way. We all turn to go back inside, but we are just in some old trailer house. It's a small tornado that blows over us. I heard popping and crashing, some glass shatters, but we are all fine. I ask about [someone] and my boss says she was caught outside. I go out and see my car is totally flat. I cry about not buying the Gap Insurance. I go to find my wife in another trailer. Her father is there and I ask about her whereabouts. He just shrug like he doesn't care. I berate him for this and then find her sleeping on a cot. I tell her about the car but she just stares at me blankly. I go outside to take a video of myself and my car. I try to tell what happened but I keep getting choked up. I should have just bought the Gap Insurance.

#424 - DILD - 5:33AM

My sister in law M has a runners backpack on. It looks a lot like the picture below but it all white with red trim and is made of soft, dry-wick, polyester. I really want one of my own for when I start cycling back up as well as trail running. I tell my wife I really want one as I look it up on my phone. The brand is called 'Calender 3' and the model is 'Delilah'. Hmmm sounds girly, but I still like it. I see it costs $30 and I tell my wife that it's not a bad price. I wake up really hoping this backpack is real.



it's almost 4am so I get up, use the bathroom, and get a drink — generally milling about for a few minutes. I decide to lay back down and spend some time meditating but pass out quickly.

I am playing some sort of war game on an arcade machine, but I realize that everything I am doing is actually a real battle. I see several other arcade machines lined up next to me and I decide to call in the others to help. Everything is set up outside in near a war torn, dilapidated building. I round a corner and shout, "Hey." someone fires a shot but misses. I use my cell phone to signal so they know it's me. I call out for 5 troops and the come. I realize only 2 or 3 are left so I tell them all to come. One looks like an Imperial Officer from Star Wars.



My daughters come to join the war game and I set my older up on a fighter jet game. My younger is going to be my co-op player 2 on my game. I have some issue with the buttons and the front has extended like a long table. I have to climb to reach the player 2 button. My son gets in my seat and falls and hits his head. I yell harshly at my younger daughter because she didn't stop him. Then I feel bad for yelling and apologize to her as I hold my crying son on the couch. My older daughter is player her game but she is attacking the wrong country, Japan. I know they will for sure break from the alliance now. Think she may as well do as much damage as possible. I watch as she is flying close to skyscrapers and shooting out windows. The fires off a few rockets but doesn't do much damage. She finally crashes into a building and laughs.

I stand up and now I am in the living room at home. My daughter and I have some conversation about what just happened and somehow I decide this is all a dream. I say, "I've decide this is a dream." The world almost crashes here, but I stabilize by jumping up and down around the house.. The sensation brings everything back to vividness. I randomly decide to do pull-ups on the chandelier over the dining table. I feel my muscles tense and I wonder if I am some how benefiting from this exercise. I decide to make it 'harder' so I extend my legs forward to the ceiling as I continue pull-ups. I feel physical muscle strain now. This almost wakes me up so I stop and swing off the chandelier into the living room area (it's actually all one big room).

My son is trying to get outside and I stop him at first, but remembering its a dream, I take him outside with me as we adventure. I decide to have fun in the car and I take time to put him in the car seat. I know it doesn't matter, but it makes me feel better to do this. I wonder if I will have difficulty and waste time fumbling with things, but everything goes smoothly. I hop in the driver seat and turn the key. The car is positioned wrong and I have to back up and turn around. I reverse it and then slam it hard into 'drive' and peel out as I leave the drive way. I drive fast without stopping at intersection and make several random turns. I come to a traffic light and weave around the stopped cars, cutting the others off. I quickly lose interest in driving and my visual weaken. I have to focus the dream back and decide I need to bring the joy ride to an end. I see the road ends at the doors of a department store so I floor it. The effort of the gas pedal make my foot extra tired.

We crash through the glass and now I am standing in the mall holding my son. There is an extra large RC car about the size of a shopping cart in front of me. It's plowing through kiosks and stands. A young woman in a grey dress screams and runs away. Jerry from work says something about my driving a car into the mall again. Again? I've never done this. A security guard runs up to stop the car shouting the same thing as Jerry. I wake up.

#342 - WILD - 5:52AM

After another long SP session, I finally mange to break free. I notice a lot of moon light coming from the window and I take a look outside. A full moon has really got the area lit up so I go ahead and phase out the window. I get a little stuck at the waist and feel my body stretch and morph to get through the tight space in small panes of glass. When I get loose, I fall to to the ground in a heap. I get up and I start walking down a dirt road of white chat. The moonlight makes the road seem to glow. As I begin running, I hear the crunch of rock under my shoes. I clap once to make sure I'm stable and the sound echoes into the night causing a dog to start barking. Ignore this and continue running giving a few more claps.

I come to a house in my neighborhood and a young woman gets out of a car. She leaves the door open and engine running. I take the opportunity to hop in and go for a joy ride. Feeling guilty, I pause and turn to the woman. She's standing next to a garage or outbuilding. I ask if it's ok to take the car and she smiles and nods. I study her face wondering why she looks so familiar but I can't place it.

The car is a sporty coupe with a manual transmission. It's super fast and drives like a dream. I am amazed at how realistic the shifting is as I go through the motions. I decide to skip from 3rd to 5th gear and the engine revs loudly, but the car responds with really amazing acceleration. I pass a few slow moving cars and take curves with ease. A random song is playing on the radio, but when I try to really listen to what it is, it changes to some commercial. I can't make sense of the words so I ignore it. The road stays visually in clear under the light from the headlamps, but the rest of the dream environment turns a deep black. I start wishing for the sun to come up and soon it begins to look like early morning as the sky lightens a bit. I wonder where I am going and what goal I had in mind, but I can't think. Suddenly, movement from my wife wakes me up.

#210 - 7:05AM - DEILD

My wife wake me up around 6:30am when she leaving for work. I decide it's time to really take advantage of sleeping in and set my intentions. I try to WILD but I am still too tired. Later I awaken from a NLD that I can't remember and just try to DEILD.

The first thing I notice is the sound of the fan cutting out completely and then the shift from my physical body to my dream body. I feel completely ethereal and light. After that, I get the vibrations. I try my usual way of "physically" exiting bed but lately I just can't get that to work so I try visualization. I try running and it feels good but nothing will form. I try seeing the back of my eyelids but I notice the morning light too much. Then I try seeing my hands and it helps but not quite enough. Then, I realize that I am putting too much attention to the blindness. I let go of it and I see the top of a door way. I do a few chin ups on it concentrating only on the task at hand.

The dream clears up and I walk out the front door. I immediately feel the cold of the concrete on my bare feet. The air feels very cold and my upper-body becomes cold. I realize I am only wearing pants. I tell myself that it is summer and should be warm. The cold vanishes and I continue on. What will the dream bring me this time? I scan the neighborhood for anything unusual. Nothing really get my attention so I start jogging but at that moment I see out next-door neighbor's car and decide to drive. As I approach it, it morphs from sedan to van. I hop in and don't even bother trying to start it. I just grab the old steering wheel gear shift and slam it in reverse and hit the gas. When I get out of the driveway and slam it to drive, the car stalls for a second and dies. I refuse to believe it and I push the gas all the way down. After a moment I am speeding off through the neighbor hood.

I begin to think of a destination and wonder if I could drive to Hell. Along the way I see metal buildings with one marked "Hell" on it. I decide this isn't going to be good enough so I pass it by and think about the Great Wall of China again. The surroundings turn from busy traffic and commercial buildings to wide open countryside. I fell like I need to get off the road to find the Great Wall. I pull up on the steering wheel and shout, "FLYYYYY!" For a moment all I can see is blue sky and clouds. Nope, too high. Think hovercraft. The front of the car comes back down and dissolves. Now I am zoom flying over grassy fields and dense forests searching for the Great Wall. I am enjoying the speed and the low altitude flight when the dream comes to a halt. I then awaken in reserve order of the DEILD. Darkness, back to physical body, the fan returns, and I open my eyes.

The later part of the morning I was still under the influence of my mugwort/peppermint tea combo.

I have a FA in some bedroom. It is dark. I hear my son crying. My wife asks me to get him. I get out of bed in a daze.

I am driving in a car across town. My wrist watch beeps it hourly chime. I think I missed my prospective memory alarm. Before I can think to do a nose plug I become confused. I ask myself when I started wearing a wrist watch. I try to think back but can't remember. While I contemplate this I can vividly feel the weight and pressure of it on my arm as I make a turn. I am close to being lucid when I suddenly realize that I was supposed to get my son! I panic and turn the car around and go back.

I am now in some work place. I don't work here and I find it hard to get anyone to let me in the back. I take a wheeled trash can and pretend to be a janitor. I push it into the back hallway. The real janitor stops me and says not to go back there. I tell her I need to take the trash out. She tells me that is her job. I say ok fine but I am still going back here. She doesn't try to stop me.

I wonder around a cubicle area then what looks like a dentist office. I can hear my son and follow his sounds into a dark back room. I see him standing in a play pen. I am amazed that he is walking and urge him to walk to me. He takes a few steps and I pick him up. I take a picture of him to post to Instagram. I add some #hashtags and then try to forward it to my wife. Its not working right so I just decide to tell her. Then I get a strange text from my mom. It is an easter invitation. She asks me if we are coming over to eat Easter Sunday. I have no idea how to answer her so I ignore it. I pass my sister and her husband on the way out and assume he stayed with them for the night.

When I get back to the room my wife is gone and I am not longer holding my son. B, my wifes cousin, is there but she has blond hair. I notice but say nothing. I sit down on my bed and she starts complaining about getting in the shower. She tells me my wife is taking forever in there. Suddenly her hair looks wet. I tell her this. She shrugs me off. I tell her I'm needing one too. I look at my wrist watch (wtf) and its past 8. I think at this rate we will all be late.

The alarm wakes me.

*Snooze*

My cousin and his wife are talking. She is pregnant and crying about the baby. She is worried about it for some reason. For some reason I think they are coming to live with us soon.

*Snooze*

I am making out with my wife. The tactile sensation is high. I notice that she feels different so how. I am reminded of someone else from my past. I pull back to see her face. It looks like my wife for sure. I continue. Things get heated up when the alarm wakes me for the final time.

I've been a little dry since Saturday so every little bit helps. By the way, I am not adding this to my count.

Pre-Bed 5MG Melatonin
WBTB 3:30 (Missed alarm so I just got up at 4:00 long enough to take LDS)
100MG Caffeine
200MG B6

Unfortunately, I was able to finally confirm that taking melatonin pre-bed seems to cause WBTB insomnia. I didn't fall back to sleep until 5:30-5:40

I am driving in a mini-van. I begin to take notice of my visual awareness. (I have been hitting ADA pretty hard this week. I think it was sinking in) I noticed in great detail the road and the turns. I begin to ask why am I here, What was I just doing, and most importantly why am I driving a mini-van? I hate mini-vans. My mind begins to wonder on those questions and my attention slips from my driving. (distracted driving HA!) I found myself on the wrong side of the guard rails on some mountain road. Ding! The light comes on. I don't have to verbalize that I am dreaming. I am just lucid. I instantly know that I can just fly away and have total freedom. I am not in a vehicle anymore and as I begin to float up into a vivid clear blue sky...I wake up just before the alarm. Must be that internal alarm clock thing. Dammit!

Sleep position: Left Side

PreBed: Valerian Root

Bedtime: 9:30PM

Try nREM WILD. Close. But I lose it.

2:30 WBTB - I vaguely recall a dream about a guy at a car lot talking my wife out or working there. Shootings and stabbings. The location was dream familar. I see it from an birds eye view.

I try to induce WILD with Binaural Beats from my recliner. I found the sound kept me awake and one of the cats kept making noise. As soon as the audio stopped I feel into non lucid sleep.

The dream is like a TV drama about a boy finding his mom abusing pills. The dad has a break down in front of people at a party. There is an after scene and the mom says shes taking her life in a new direction. Someone tells the son to take his money and fix the window and then use the rest for gas. He continues to tell him the doesn't was this hanging over his head the rest of his life. "Zule" will be with you. (Zule? WTF?)

3:57AM

I move to my bed.

I have another crazy dream about some crazy woman in a tree. She almost looks like Ernest P. Worrell in drag. She is quoting from the bible. Her plan is to crash through a window of a church and exercise a demon. As she is reading the Bible she acts seductive and rubs her legs. It was all very comical. She then leaps onto a zip line and almost crashes through the window but she was too heavy and hit low. She gets up off the ground hurt and says something so funny that I wake up laughing. But I couldn't remember what it was she said.

4:56AM

MILD mantra. Back to sleep.

#122 Startled on the Road

I am having a sex dream with my wife when I hear some one yell, "OK TIME TO EAAAAT!"

I have a type of FA here. My wife runs into the other room and says, "How do they expect us to come like this?"

I reply, "How do you think I feel?"

Then realize the bedroom door is open and we are visiting. I see her Aunt D come to the door way and pause. I stretch and yaw like I had just woke up. She walks in and adjusts a strange looking box fan. She asks, "How did you sleep?"

I say, "I slept fine."

Suddenly I am driving in my car. I can hear a intermittent wind coming from the left window (I think it was actually either my breathing or my wife snoring LOL) I look at the window but it is up. Then, I wonder what just happened. I look to the right and see my wife is not with me. I yell out for my son, "R, are you back there?" Then I realize he wouldn't answer. I ask for my wife, "A, are you back there?" No reply. I feel odd about this so I do a habitual nose plug.

I blow right through! (The sensation is always so odd) *GASP* "I am dreaming!" It was such a shock for some reason. I either am too excited or I think about my physical body, because I have a FA but I can feel light vibrations. I wait a moment to be sure of things and then I get up. The feeling of it feel about right for a dream. This time the sheet stick to me. I can see fine in the dim light and note the bedroom door. I try to unwind myself but the sheet keeps coming like a roll of toilet paper. I drop it and ignore it. I start thinking about TOTY and how I was going to teleport. I feel confused about it.

Then I wake briefly. I start to DEILD and begin to feel the vibrations again. This time I let my mind become distracted by trying to remember how this all started. The vibrations left and I was fully awake now. I tried to get it back but I couldn't

Wake at 5:23AM


Position: On my back and slightly turned to the right side
Lucid Duration: about a minute. Too effen brief.
Tech: MILD mantra "I am dreaming" after several non lucid awakenings.
Aids: None
Things to improve: Staying focused on the dream and on the now. Excitement issues returning.