NyxCC

Right. I am way behind with journalling. In the meantime, got mostly short lds and finally a long one today (will post separately).

Date: 1 Nov

Combo: SJW, B6, p.oil cap, latte

It's been around two months since the last time I took this combo. This time, I found the dreams before the wbtb very emotionally charged and not with pleasant emotions. It was mentally exhausting.

I do a quick wbtb and go back to bed repeating the mantras. An hour passes by where I thought I was awake but actually I was in some sort of deep sleep. Can't recall thinking or dreaming anything. I take a couple mins to concentrate on having an ld and fall asleep.

LD: From the darkness, the scene begins to form around me and I start walking briskly to allow myself to get in properly. I am on the street in some neighborhood. As I examine the surroundings, I see a chimp in the yard across the street. Cool! I remember that I was supposed to turn into a gorilla for the NY task, so having a point of reference for the transition is very welcome. My thoughts and emotions make the chimp stand on its feet and beat its chest or something like that.

The dream is kind of unstable and as I look around, I see the chimp suddenly vanish in front of my eyes. It quickly fades away to become transparent, where only the contours can be seen, then these disappear as well. I want the chimp to reappear and look in another direction. Behind the fence of a close by yard, there are now a number of bear cubs and as I am staring at them they quickly increase in numbers. The whole yard is now filled with bear cubs, maybe 15-20 of them. I look towards what I feel is the city center, hoping to see a tall building, but there are only 5- story blocks here. There's this gut feeling that I shouldn't have started changing the dream so early on as this is causing too much instability, but it's already too late. I wake up.

I do another quick and rather sloppy attempt to have an ld, but it seems that I fall into unmemorable sleep again.

4 Nov

From scratch short ld in the living room. High instability, decided to do yoga - handstand but lost the feel of my hands and dream collapsed.

5 Nov

Stable, vivid, somewhat unpleasant atmosphere. Recognized frequency of objects (toilets) as DS. Decided to leave the place by phasing through a mirror. Imagined Egypt behind and phased but ended in the void. Shortly felt warmth and some sand around but then continued floating forwards in the dark void. Minor dream paralysis (in the void) while trying to rub hands.

Pre bed: Gingko, l-arginine

Total sleep time: 6 hrs

Dream quality and recall: Very vivid, unstable, hard to recall all details and honestly didn’t notice them as much

WBTB: >1/2 latte, insomnia mostly caused by heat, dehydration and discomfort due to heavy junk food consumed at dinner

Technique: In the approx. 2 hours of insomnia, I faithfully did all possible techs I could think of, including mantras, SSILD, WILD, noticing dreamlets, initially to induce an ld, but mostly just trying to get back to sleep. As I was dehydrated had to drink some water then go to restroom several times, which made insomnia worse.

Dreamlet: some kind of palm tree as it is being painted

Pre WBTB dream impressions: high vividness, flying, friendly dogs in hometown (can't remember anything, just there was some strangeness involved)

Post WBTB LD Pack 1 (DILD+ 2xDEILD): I finally fall asleep, and find myself in a bus in a familiar city. My bf is to my right and there is a woman in front of me with a baby that she is about to feed. To her left is man, just another passenger that reacts to her moving around. I want to remark that there is not enough space for any action but then notice the hand of the man, he is now a woman and on his palm, slightly below the little finger is what looks like an eye.

An eye on his hand? Alarm! This can only be a dream! I am more excited than usual, possibly because I spotted this eye. I keep looking at it with interest. The eye on the hand is following the movement of the woman with the baby. Soon enough there is a whole face on the palm of that DC. It looks really crazy and cool! I am overjoyed and for some reason decide to shout out loud exactly "Dreamviews", this stabilizes the dream somewhat. Then I begin to ponder about undressing when the dream fades, I quickly pass through the void, and then feel my physical body.

I wait a bit and the dream picks up again. It is as if I am following a dream scenario so my dream self is on the way somewhere. This is very close to where I was previously in the bus. There is a small garden next to the bus station, so I am there, trying to hold on to the dream. I concentrate on the ground and look at the ultra detailed and vivid grass. Reminding me of the movie Gladiator, I have a moment of enjoyment touching and playing with lots of beautifully looking grass ears. They have a slight pinkish hue and are not like any grass type I have seen. As I move my hand from one grass ear to another, the dream slowly fades, I go through the void, and am back in bed.

I wait some more and the dream is back, but this time it is super unstable. If I remember correctly at this point I also get some of my dream paralysis, being unable to move my hand/shoulder (right one this time), but I try to ignore it, adjust my posture and it somehow disappears. I am more or less on the same place, I am trying to make my dream body behave according to a fake dream scenario and pretend that I am going somewhere again. On the street, facing a traffic lights pole, the dream is slipping away. I hug/grasp the pole and try to hold on to it, feel it, etc, then remember all that discussion about making out with the dream. I stretch out my tongue and start licking the pole with all might, but initially don't feel anything. I keep on licking until finally there is a distinct sensation of my tongue and the pole is more solid. The dream fades and I am back in bed - I have been moving my real tongue as well!

I decide to visit the restroom and continue with my efforts to fall asleep.

Random lucid fragment: I remember looking at the sky and seeing some strange white transparent ghost-like bird. I follow its flight and remember the other lucid where birds were transparent. My thinking is that maybe this is an OBE and real creatures look like that. I try to interact with the bird by calling it, exerting some kind of dream control on it.

Non-ld: Some kind of a FA, in our bedroom, with bf and Angela Merkel comes in. I am very happy that I will finally have the chance to ask her a few questions about her meetings and the state of the world economy. My memory is vague, but we talk about something, the dream fades and I wake up.

Struggling to fall asleep again.

LD Pack 2 (WILD + 2xDEILD): Because of the going in and out of the void, my memory is really elusive with this one, although it was very vivid and each part lasted a while.

I find myself in what vaguely reminds me of my ex-room. My boyfriend is sleeping in the bed. I notice that it is kind of dark (but not totally dark), so more out of habit than rational thinking, I head to where the light switch is, find a different looking light switch, give it a bit of a thought "What am I doing, expecting the room to become better lit after using a dream switch?", find this absurd, but turn on the light nevertheless. There is a slight change and some more light. It's ok. I am in mischievous mood, so decide to wake up my bf's DC. No way this DC puppet is my bf, it looks like him but I know it's not him. On with my task "assign a lucidity DC", I engage in a long talk with fake bf DC, explaining to him that he should keep on reminding me that this is a dream. He looks kind of dumb and doesn't respond anything and there is something creepy about him as well. I am starting to have regrets about waking this DC up. There is also some aggressive buzzing, some object is pushing me just next my right foot, I can feel it there, and really don't want to have anything to do with it or the fake bf DC. I look down trying to brush the small aggressor away, but there is nothing there, just my clothes and body....the dream destabilizes, passing throughout the void....I remain still.

Back to the same room, but of course it has changed a bit. It is on the ground floor and leads to an inside yard. One other thing that is worth noting is that I also heard some music playing in the background while in the room, it stopped while in the void, and then resumed with the dream. It is bright and sunny outside, autumn hues lit by the sun. My mood reflects the scene and the scene my mood. I am holding a bottle of coke, wonder whether I should leave it, but notice how much better I feel with my hands around an object. I continue walking, there are residential buildings surrounding the yard and it is raining and sunny at the same time. I want to have some fun with the rain, enjoy the scene. I lift up in the air in exhilaration, this lasts a while and as I am midair the dream fades and I am in my bed.

I know what to do, I wait and then wait some more. This time it is harder, but the dream comes back (same place). I feel my head touching the branch of a tree. It is as if I landed on the tree with my forehead. I shortly wonder whether this sensation may come from my physical body, but dismiss the thought. On the ground now, and happy to be back in this nice place. I notice a puddle and sure enough there is my reflection staring back at me. My dream reflection looks great, smiling, and my hair is just perfect. (It rarely looks that well styled irl) Naturally, I am impressed by this and especially by the flawless hairstyle.

Then it dawns on me that this was TOTM and I remember CL's comment that it seems like I always try to do all TOTM in one dream. At that moment, I am super confident that I will be able to do all the tasks even if the dream interrupts. The problem is I never memorized all 5 because of my task flexibility goal this month, so I try very hard to remember what they all were. I remember that with the dinosaur egg and look around. The yard is merging into an open room with all kinds of junk objects on the floor. I am looking for an egg. There are two balls, and one changes to have the hard surface of an egg and elongates slightly and there we have it - a perfect red egg the size of an ostrich's egg. (Finally some positive side effect of dream instability). I put the egg under my butt and start hatching it, holding it with one hand. It cracks and I expect something to come out and then of course the dream destabilizes and I am in the void in a strange position and feeling my body as well. I wait and wait but nothing happens this time, so I wake up and try to remember as much as possible before it fades.

Counted as 2 Lds (official) and 1 micro ld (info only).

PS: Writing this whole thing took much longer than dreaming it.

Date: 7 June

Total sleep time: 8+ hrs

Pre bed: SJW, B6

Sleep quality and WBTB: I have been sleeping like a sloth all week long. One thing I have changed in my WBTB routine was to switch from using an alarm to using natural wakes. This has worked out partially fine. I do wake up naturally 2-3 times after sleeping 4-5 hrs. I think that in this way I am allowing my body to determine the best time for WBTB, instead of me forcefully using the alarm. The only problem is that, out of fear not to cause insomnia and possibly due to laziness, my WBTBs were not as serious as they should have been, thus not raising alertness to desired for LD levels. Will have to work on that.

Dream recall: While my recall has been somewhat reduced by my sleepiness, I have additionally been skimming my dreams. I have been putting only keywords instead of journaling, which has allowed me to...sleep more. The dreams weren't too interesting, so there wasn't much that I have missed apart from a brief lucid yesterday, that I couldn't access at all. I think that's fine so far.

WBTB: peppermint oil capsules

Dream1 DILD: I missed the transition. I suddenly find myself in front of my parents' place but the way it was a few years ago. I spend some time looking around, feeling happy. Then the neighborhood begins to morph into other buildings from my home town, so I stop staring at them, because I feel that I am causing the change. I check out my hands and they are in a mudra. After yesterday's discussion, I now wonder if I should try meditating in the dream or try to recall a past memory. I spend too much time in idleness and the dream escapes. I find myself in the void.

I feel that if I wake up I can successfully DEILD back. I am in the void and not back in bed yet but get confused because I feel my body? Obviously this is my dream body and some dream is starting to form, but I think that I am in my bed feeling my real body. In real life I am sleeping in my bed, but the body I feel while in the void is sitting in a chair. I am too dumb to realize that this is my dream body, get irritated with the strange position I have assumed, try to change it and lie down? I struggle in the dark. Then I wake up in another dream.

Dream2: Short FA, where I am in bed, reviewing the event and now completely sure after the dream that whatever I couldn't remember yesterday was indeed a very short LD where I didn't get much done.

I wake up (left side) for real and take key notes

Dream3: An elegant Asian woman talks about investment opportunities. She recommends that Western countries allocate 50 percent of FDI to China and the other 50 to Malaysia. This interview happens during some event. While this is happening I hear a piano playing. It is part of the melody from Mika's Grace Kelly. The sound is astonishing.

Fragment4: A classmate follows me around kissing me. While it feels pleasant I try to avoid him because I have a bf.

Fragment5: Me and a friend enter in a luxurious store where they sell toothpaste. It slowly changes and is now some kind of bar full of hookers.

Fragment6: I look into the nearby building and Christian Slater is there with more hookers having some night party

Fragment7: Me and bf, no comments

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Progress with this month's goals:

- Do 100 RCs (added)
- notice real life DS 100 times and RC (added)
- 10 proper WBTB attempts -> days (3/10)
- 10 morning RCs (1/10)
- 2 proper WILD attempts (0/2)
- task flexibility
- journal flexibility

I had little time to sleep this night and I made it worse by getting overexcited about TOTM so I couldn’t fall asleep. Managed to have a mini-WILD when doing WBTB; instead of turning the alarm clock off as planned for today, I had on this occasion unintentionally pressed the snooze button, which interrupted me while trying to DEILD back.

Fragment1: OK, I wrote three key words in my notepad and made some drawing. I can’t read what I have written! One thing I do remember reminding myself during the restroom visit was that some parts of TOTM were there. But it wasn’t lucid, that’s for sure.

Dream2: I am kind of in front of grandma’s place, but not exactly. I’m watching some kids playing, they are very young and I wonder how their parents could have left them alone there. They are climbing a tree, two of them fall, start to cry. I go there to see what I can do. I get worried that parents will arrive and think I have done something to the kids. I see a pinkish flash of lightening and hear the thunder. I decide to get in the building. I was expecting to see some dog on the stairs, and there were four. One unidentified breed, one Dalmatian, two white terriers. The terriers were absolutely friendly and happy, jumping on their owner. I thought again how emotional dogs can be.

Dream3: I am back to some woman with whom I talked some dream fragments ago. This time I am with my boyfriend and we are looking at some items she is selling. My boyfriend selects a metal monopoly type of toy with Lincoln and a cylinder hat. I tell the woman that was exactly the piece she recommended a while ago. She gets very worried, it seems that her gift is working again, she has some psychic powers obviously and doesn’t want people to know. I think of telling her to just ignore people if they come with unreasonable requests, but she doesn’t want to listen.

Fragment4: Made some kind of cake, the size of a large baking tray, and I remember eating almost all of it. Left only one piece of it for my mom.

Fragment5: In a bus, the inspector comes to check our tickets, I tell her that I will not show her mine, because I can’t hold my poo anymore? I nevertheless decide to show her the ticket.

WBTB alarm. I try to shake myself more awake, restroom [did not poo!], back to bed, concentrating on mantra. This time it was the perfect combo of sleepiness and mantra. I fell asleep, and transitioned in the dream.

Dream6 [mini WILD]: A short moment of darkness, then I find myself staring at my hands. I am a bit surprised at myself, but anyways satisfied to have made it. I am in our old neighbourhood all by myself, so no distractions, I am also calm. I concentrate on holding the dream, as I usually do in my DILDs. I may have mumbled a few things, for I remember some vibrations resonating in the air? I feel that the dream is slipping away, so I try chanting Om to stabilize it [I was in the middle of the street nothing nearby]. I notice the sound resonating better this time, but it doesn’t help the dream. One moment I feel my dream body, and then this is happening with a tremendous speed, I cannot feel it anymore and find myself floating in the void. No! I try desperately to hold on to something with my mind, and DEILD back. At that very moment the snooze alarm sounds and wakes me up. What? I didn’t put snooze this time. I must have hit the wrong button 9 mins ago. [snooze usually works great with DILDs for me; also almost in most DILDs snooze or regular ones, I don’t get driven out of the dream so fast, so I take it is the WILD to blame? Will monitor this in the future]

After that, I make sure I turn off the snooze and set for 30 mins later- final wake. I go back to sleep almost immediately, some dreams may have started I don’t remember. I wake 10 mins later rather stressed that the sleep time will be over soon and I won’t be able to lucid. Then I remember I just had a lucid and become angry at the alarm clock. I can’t fall asleep anymore and there is no point either so I go to DJ.