Feedback/Poem/Please?

[Suena]

So, I wrote this spur of the moment a few months back while I was sitting on my porch. The first line just came to me after a series of thoughts about the world ran through my head. It's the first poem I've written where I still feel what I wrote and how I felt at the time. It means something to me and I just wanted to see what you guys thought about it before I try to send it off. Any kind of feedback would be nice, talk all the sh^t you want, lol. Thanks in advance. The End of the World we're at the end of the world nothing could be better the trees have all died and we're just sitting around in the better place of our mind trying to figure out what was so important about all the things we left behind the grass has turned it's gray the sky slowly fading we light the fire of our heart to keep what's left warm who were we to think time and gravity were friends gravity holds us down time holds the door we stand to dance around the spiritual fire that held us together so long and it's true we're at the end the world has stopped spinning around in a circle we dance through all of our experience smiling all the while

[Arra]

This isn't bad, it's pretty good I think. I found some of it a bit wordy, for example "about all the things we left behind" would sound better as "about all we left behind" to me, but that might just be my preference. I've read some famous poems that sound too 'wordy' to me but which are obviously good or they wouldn't be famous. So keep up the good work, it seems you have natural talent.

[Suena]

This isn't bad, it's pretty good I think. I found some of it a bit wordy, for example "about all the things we left behind" would sound better as "about all we left behind" to me, but that might just be my preference. I've read some famous poems that sound too 'wordy' to me but which are obviously good or they wouldn't be famous. So keep up the good work, it seems you have natural talent. Thanks, I like the suggestion. I'll have to try it out and see how it works. I hadn't gone through it when I put in on here, just copy and pasted. My teachers were always warning me about that. I do tend to make too much out of what I'm saying, lol. I really appreciate the feedback. =)