Thread: A Bit of Rhyme

I'm a homogenized, pasteurized example of modern dairy products,
Lactose intolerant, better with age, wired so electricity conducts.
I drink too much, sleep too little, eat junk food and get stuck in the middle,
I'm a roughhousing, all-night-carousing, tip-too-much and play my own fiddle,
Setback to an older age, cramped back in my own little cage,
I make more than minimum wage, I'm sage; a magicless mage on the rage.
I don't sleep around, dance or get down; I date younger women and listen to motown.
I've got the flow down, stay away from hoe-downs, and make liquor money as a birthday clown.
I'm a callback, a hack attack, a hailstorm of knick-knack flaq,
I'm on track, back in black, king of the stack and great...in the sack.
I pack my own bowls, drive my own Rolls, come down with average colds.
I live life in bold, take care of my soul, wrap my leftovers in foil and shop at Kohl's.
I'm a master of my time, a man faster than rhyme; I cook with handpicked thyme.
Drop me a line sometime, don't play the mime; it's not a crime to set a paradigm.

Could end there, though there is more:

I'm in Technicolor, limited time offers and full-spectrum wonder,
I'm a salesman of thunder, a pirate of plunder, a blunder of dunder.
Ferocious, atrocious, and flirtatiously precocious,
I always fly coach, yes, and I"m frequently nautious.
I'm happy, a little bit sappy, and I love my old pappy.
I fish for crappie, eat Laffy Taffy, and yes, I'm wacky.