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    1. #1
      Member Tyler's Avatar
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      Eyes

      Eyes. Wonderful, amazing things they are. A person's eyes can give away everything about them. They are called the windows to one's soul.
      I've always had a thing for eyes. There is nothing, nothing at all that I love more than staring into someone's eyes. Especially when they are feeling an intense emotion. Fear, anger, joy. All these emotions make the eyes even more beautiful. Now, I've always been fine with just looking into somebody's eyes. Unless I meet somebody with a particularly astounding set of eyes, then I have to take a picture. It's amazing, how much of the emotion and intensity that a camera can preserve in a picture. Some people think it's odd. I know they do. The way they get nervous when I look at them. When I ask to take a picture of their eyes. I can see what is going on in their head. They want to ask, but they don't. It's only a picture, after all.
      I come home after school, and I get on my computer. I do image searches, of eyes. I've found some interesting pictures that way. But most of the time, they've been edited. Run through a program to make it perfect. But they can't beat the real thing. The pictures I take are genuine. If I were to edit them, well, that would make them worthless to me. The whole point is to capture the original beauty. Eyes are naturally beautiful. They need no editing. So when I'm thoroughly disgusted with the pictures on the internet, I just spin my office chair around and look at my wall. My wall of eyes.
      Every picture I've ever taken of anybody's eyes is on that wall. I remember each person. Each location. Each time. Each emotion. I lose myself in the pictures. I lose time. I've spent hours, just staring into these eyes of mine. I feel like I could reach out to one of the photographs, and feel the physical manifestation of the emotion. Sometimes I wish they were more than photos.
      It's amazing, how beautiful other people's eyes are. The vivid colors, the intelligence and emotion behind them. The spirit.
      I hate my eyes. I look into the mirror, and they are dull. So dull. I see no emotion in them. They are bland, boring, uninteresting. They lack the beauty, the intensity. I hate them, so much. I wish that I had another set of eyes.
      But I have a solution. Oh yes, I have a solution.
      I met a person in my first period class. His eyes are amazing. I've seen him charm the girls around him in an instant, with those eyes. They are by far, the most intense pair of eyes I've ever seen. Mine are so dull. If I could just have his eyes. Oh, I would give anything to have his eyes.
      I asked him for a picture. Of his eyes. He just looked at me. He asked me, you want a picture of my eyes? what are you? A faggot?
      I tried to explain, I just loved his eyes. I needed his eyes. Because mine were just horrible.
      But no. He laughs at me. He calls me a faggot. He knocks my camera out of my hand, and it breaks on the hard floor.
      Faggot.
      I'll show him.
      I'll have his eyes.
      The class is laughing at me. Let them laugh. They've been charmed by his eyes. They are on his side.
      If I could just get his eyes.
      They would be on my side.
      Yes. Then HE would be the faggot.
      The eye is round. A soup spoon seems like the perfect tool for digging out an eye.
      Last edited by Tyler; 11-10-2009 at 03:13 AM.
      This shit never happens to me

    2. #2
      Veteran of the DV Wars Man of Steel's Avatar
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      Did you see the recent rerun of Criminal Minds about the taxidermist that hunted down people, then slit their throats, bled them out, and cut out their eyes to use in his mounted animals? All because his mentor told him he sucked at doing eyes. His were the first he took.

      This reminded me of that. Bravo; slightly unsettling. Could have been moreso, though I did really quite like the finishing line.

    3. #3
      Yay Avatar working Dizko's Avatar
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      Nice xD
      Free DreamJournal Program ~ Thanks Banhurt

    4. #4
      Member Tyler's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Man of Steel View Post
      Did you see the recent rerun of Criminal Minds about the taxidermist that hunted down people, then slit their throats, bled them out, and cut out their eyes to use in his mounted animals? All because his mentor told him he sucked at doing eyes. His were the first he took.

      This reminded me of that. Bravo; slightly unsettling. Could have been moreso, though I did really quite like the finishing line.
      No, I don't watch Criminal Minds but that is an interesting coincidence.
      Thanks, I really liked the last line too.
      I kind of wanted to go on past this point, but I wasn't sure how to advance it.
      Maybe I'll have more luck with it later.

      Quote Originally Posted by Dizko View Post
      Nice xD
      Lol, thanks.
      This shit never happens to me

    5. #5
      I am become fish pear Abra's Avatar
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      Obsessive, and intense. However, I did find one item distracting:

      Your grammar matches speech patterns rather than the rules of writing (though it would be fine as a spoken monologue).
      Some people think it's odd. I know they do. The way they get nervous when I look at them. When I ask to take a picture of their eyes.
      Should be:
      Some people think it's odd; I know they do. I can tell by the way they get nervous when I look at them when I ask to take a picture of their eyes.
      Your problem is using sentence fragments as complete sentences (when you could combine them, add a verb, or make them into phrases).

      That being said, please don't cut my eyes out. ;___;
      Abraxas

      Quote Originally Posted by OldSparta
      I murdered someone, there was bloody everywhere. On the walls, on my hands. The air smelled metallic, like iron. My mouth... tasted metallic, like iron. The floor was metallic, probably iron

    6. #6
      Member Tyler's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Abra View Post
      Obsessive, and intense. However, I did find one item distracting:

      Your grammar matches speech patterns rather than the rules of writing (though it would be fine as a spoken monologue).
      Should be:
      Your problem is using sentence fragments as complete sentences (when you could combine them, add a verb, or make them into phrases).

      That being said, please don't cut my eyes out. ;___;
      That's actually how I wanted it to read.
      Glad you liked it.
      And don't worry, I won't cut your eyes out.
      Until I find out where you live.
      This shit never happens to me

    7. #7
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      Quote Originally Posted by Abra View Post
      Obsessive, and intense. However, I did find one item distracting:

      Your grammar matches speech patterns rather than the rules of writing (though it would be fine as a spoken monologue).
      Should be:
      Your problem is using sentence fragments as complete sentences (when you could combine them, add a verb, or make them into phrases).

      That being said, please don't cut my eyes out. ;___;
      -It just wouldn't be the same that way! I like it just as it is... reads better, feels more flowy and gives you a different idea of the 'speaker'... perception and interpretation are everything in poetry, and I'd interpret and obviously percieve this much differently were it 'grammatically correct'.

    8. #8
      Veteran of the DV Wars Man of Steel's Avatar
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      When I read it, I kinda took it as a monologue.

      I've written in a similar style before, actually, and thought it worked quite well for this. Sometimes you have to break the rules of grammar to get your point across.

    9. #9
      .. / .- / .- .-. guitarboy's Avatar
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      I've written like this is the protaginist is dying or in a sedated state. Makes it more realistic.
      I like it

    10. #10
      Member Tyler's Avatar
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      Thanks guys, I appreciate all the positive feedback
      This shit never happens to me

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