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    Thread: Ask me about me

    1. #1
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      Ask me about me

      I had made a thread like this 6 years ago or so back when I was known as Guerilla and still identified as a boy back then, but much has changed since then and felt like it would be cool to make another one seeing that there are so many new people here who don't know me or who I was and the crazy journey i've been through so far.

      Ask away, anything you want! I am bored and lonely and need people to speak to and why not let out my feelings and what ever else you all want to ask about.

      Go for it!

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      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    2. #2
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      <s><span class='glow_9ACD32'>GavinGill</span></s>'s Avatar
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      Tell me about your transition, foo'.

    3. #3
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      As of today it has not officially begun

      The only things I have done are changed my current appearance to be more feminine, wearing tighter clothing and more pink and purple, make up and light eye liner.

      I am also taking Finasteride for strong hair re-growth and for its mild anti-androgen effect such as reduced libido and a slight increase in Estrogen.

      within a few months I will get myself on Estrogen and then it begins.
      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    4. #4
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      <s><span class='glow_9ACD32'>GavinGill</span></s>'s Avatar
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      Cool, cool.

      Does anyone know you're going through with this?

    5. #5
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      Yes, my Mother, Brother, and most of my friends know and support me, the one's who do not know are all of the rest of my relatives especially my father, he can never know until I am safely away from him under my own roof.
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      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    6. #6
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      <s><span class='glow_9ACD32'>GavinGill</span></s>'s Avatar
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      That sucks. Would he be verbally abusive if he found out? =/

      Hiding it's gotta be rough. .-.
      Last edited by GavinGill; 07-22-2014 at 01:26 AM.

    7. #7
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      I will be honest, I do not know what he would do if he found out, if he can even comprehend the scope of such a thing. He is not a bad person and has gotten better when it comes to OTHER people's gay children or what have you, but when it comes to HIS children I do not know how he would take it....he has been critical of me painting my nails and other feminine aspects but only comments once and then moves on....

      Not sure how he would react to the news of, oh btw dad I am changing my sex to female permanently. Once I am independent and away I will send him a letter or something and by then my appearance will be drastically changed so there is no turning back at that point he has two choices:

      1: Deny me and avoid me which i can understand and that's fine by me.
      2: Accept me and make an effort to be in my life.

      We will see.

      As for hiding, yea it sucks but i've become less and less worried about hiding and becoming sloppy with hiding and letting things slip some what and overall not giving a shit anymore slowly.
      OpheliaBlue likes this.
      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    8. #8
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      Yeah I have a friend who's mother couldn't accept her son becoming a woman, but the dad was ok with it. I wonder if they feel like they "failed" somehow and take it personally. Too bad, because it's not about them at all lol.

      Anyway, my question for ya is: what happens exactly once you start the estrogen?
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    9. #9
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      What happens exactly when I start Estrogen, ohh there's a good one:

      Two things really....One I take testosterone blockers and two estrogen in the form of sublingual hopefully, or patch or injection

      What happens mainly is hard to write off the top of my head but here is the general gist of what happens:

      - Body hair will eventually fall off within 9-12 months (for most, not all, for those unlucky ones you need laser hair removal)
      - Breast growth, takes a full 5 years for breast development and usually they end up b cups, some girls get lucky with c and d, our frames are larger then other women so even a D is not that large really or tough on our backs like smaller framed women.
      - Mental changes, the brain chemistry changes also and behavior becomes more naturally feminine, speaking mannerisms become more naturally feminine too

      Voice itself does not change, only with practice will the muscles speak in the correct female range and tone.
      - Fat will move away from the belly and towards the hips and butt and thighs
      - Upper body muscle loss
      - Skinnier waist forms
      - Eyes become slightly larger in appearance
      - Skin becomes softer and sweat smells like womans sweat should
      - Female orgasms (reduction in genital size and reduction in erections)
      - Eyebrow and other hair takes on a more female pattern of growth and less bushy
      - Rare cases shoe sizes drop by 1 size

      There are more effects but these are the ones that I can recall off the top of my head...

      I am hella excited to start.

      There are also side effects too of course:

      - Mood swings
      - Emotional, crying, depression, happiness varies person to person, most become euphoric, some have mood swings
      - Possible liver strain specifically with oral use, pills predominantly
      - Possible chance of blood clot in the beginning, predominantly with pills


      And so on....

      Think of it as a 2nd puberty, the correct puberty...so it is not uncommon for us to behave like teenagers again as puberty can do that....

      In many cases it also makes the person appear younger then their actual age, I am 28 and look 22, with hormones possibly will look 18 again.
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      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    10. #10
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      Too bad they don't effect the voice. I read that it's because you can't undo what testosterone has done to the voice, so you'd have to have had the estrogen (or testosterone blockers?) before puberty. And ofc then they think you're too young to know wtf you want.

      When I was performing opera, I remember alot of sopranos who wished they were higher tessitura. Like, they wished they could sing high Es and Fs so they could become what's known as a "coloratura." I often wondered if you could go to a doctor, have them "tighten up" the vocal chords as it were, making the higher pitches easier. Like tightening up guitar strings haha. I don't know if that' possible, but if they figure it out, it would make transgender transitions better. Of course then there would also be too many coloratura sopranos too

      Example of a coloratura with a high Eb at the end:


    11. #11
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      Actually now that you mention it that surgery does exist and has some pretty crappy results so far and side effects like losing vocal strength or ruining of the voice......vocal training has much better results and I have done lots of practice so far, lots more to do!


      (that lady's voice is like an instrument in itself! wow)
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      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    12. #12
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      I'd like to ask two questions:
      - Will you have to take estrogen for ever or can your body produce it itself at some point?
      - What's your gender in your dreams?
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    13. #13
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      Yes, I will have to take E for the rest of my life unfortunately there is no way to make my body make it itself.

      In dreams my gender varies often, usually I cannot make out the gender I am, I can't see my body or hear myself or perhaps can't remember it.

      I often have dreams where I change gender in the dream, and usually those dreams are very pleasant and in general dreams where I am female are much more pleasant then the other dreams.
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      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    14. #14
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      So do you live in Italy or in Arizona? Your country flag and location contradict themselves
      What kind of fool, what kind of fool am I? I look for shadows in the sun, and memories of days to come.

    15. #15
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      LOL, well I am italian but I live in Arizona :-)

      Parli l'italiano?
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      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    16. #16
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      Ahh, that's what I thought (And no, I don't speak Italian )

      Do you think you will ever regret changing your gender later in life?
      What kind of fool, what kind of fool am I? I look for shadows in the sun, and memories of days to come.

    17. #17
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      Good question and a valid one too, Some people do end up regretting it for various reasons. Reasons like not being accepted, or not passing well as the target gender. Or sometimes people made a mistake and it was not what they wanted after all.

      For me that question pops up in my own head from time to time, like today for example I asked myself the same question, what if I am wrong?

      It is a possibility, but you also have to ask yourself this too, what male spends the majority of 'his' adult life wishing to be the opposite gender? I do not even know gay men who would want to be female, if I asked them how they would feel if they woke up female tomorrow many would be upset at the idea of losing their male genitalia.

      I am about as sure about this as I ever will be in my life, especially when you factor in how long this feeling has been with me, since as far back as my memories go. I know that I will not regret this decision.

      What I would regret is waking up one day at age 40 or 50 or so and looking at myself in the mirror and seeing an aged man with more facial hair and hating what I see even more then I do now and have for most of my life.
      Cubellius likes this.
      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    18. #18
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      What is your opinion about genders in general? How do you feel about having the entire human race being divided into two biological groups? Would you remove the border between genders if you had the chance to?

      Also, good luck on your journey to a comfortable self.

    19. #19
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      My opinion on genders? Hmm I am not really sure I think there are 2 distinct typical genders but most people don't fit into the stereotypical role of the assigned gender. Not all men are masculine and not all women are feminine and to understand that in society would be a good thing. I think its unhealthy when people force themselves to appear a certain way in order to fit in or fit the mold society makes for us all.

      I would like to see more a blur between the 2 genders but not to an extreme that women cannot be recognized as women or men be recognized as men, I don't think anything should be forced or steered into any particular direction, people whether they be male or female should do what makes them feel comfortable.

      If a man wants to wear make up or wear heels, nobody should give him any grief for it if he wants to and still present as a male.

      If a woman wants to wear boxers and men's jeans and a suit and tie and avoid make up and still be considered female then that is great too.

      I think society often just boxes us all in, especially trans women and trans men, we are expected as trans women to be ultra-feminine and the typical stereotype of a lady to qualify as a true trans woman, same goes for trans men. They are expected to be ultra masculine and show no femininity which is just unrealistic and unhealthy in my opinion. People should just do what they want, and if a particular person (such as me) wants to present as a female and feels as such, while still maintaining a certain balance between masculine and feminine, then why the hell not let that person be who they are instead of making them act more feminine or masculine then they naturally are at heart?

      And thank you
      I would rather die on my feet then to live on my knees.

    20. #20
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      I see. Thank you very much for the insight.

    21. #21
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      Absolutely fascinating!

      Until I actually looked inside this thread, I assumed it was just a narcissism post. But lo and behold, I have stumbled upon a gold mine! I have long been researching Gender Dysphoria for personal reasons.

      Anyhow, I would like to thank you for all the data you have provided; you have no idea how useful it has proven for mine cause.

      PS: Might I suggest changing the thread title to something more specific, like "Ask a Transgender Anything"? No offense, but frankly, the current title is extremely vague and does come across as...shallow (which, frankly, is why it took me so long to actually click on the thread).
      OpheliaBlue likes this.
      Be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief,
      and submit without complaint to unavoidable necessity.
      That is the way of the Stoics.



      "Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose?
      Inevitably, they destroy themselves." ~Sax (Kingdom Hearts II.5)

    22. #22
      Dream dream dream... ParadoxOwl's Avatar
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      Fantastic and really useful thread, thanks for creating it
      This stuff is really interesting to me.

      When did you realize you wanted to change gender?
      Last edited by ParadoxOwl; 09-16-2014 at 08:10 PM.
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