Thread: Where the hell are all the good single women at? Do they even exist or am I'm living a lie?

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

Online dating sites: Again, a no-brainer. Dating sites are for helpless losers. Ok, so maybe I will fit in there. But I don't trust dating sites or anyone who frequents them. People at dating sites are usually looking to screw over some poor, heart-broken sap like myself.

I'd like to give you another perspective on this.

I didn't have a lot of trouble meeting people. I had even been married before. But I decided to try out match.com anyway, because what I was looking for I hadn't yet found. I spent about 8 months looking for the woman I eventually married (my second wife). We've been happily married now for three and a half years.

For the 8 months before I met her, I dated quite a bit from their pool, and had quite a number of "near misses." Overall, the women I met were not losers, just a few nutty ones here and there. Many of them were smart, attractive, and fun to be around. Three I thought would become long term did not work out, but all in all, most of the experiences I had were positive.

The trick is to stick to the women who write intelligently in their profiles, and who have similar views to your own. Exchange a few emails before agreeing on a date, and don't expect too much.

I don't think online dating is for losers. My wife and I happily tell anyone who asks where we met, and we always get a look like "Wow! I thought that was just for losers!" Nope... it's for people who want to quickly narrow down potential dates to those with similar interests. After all, when you finally work up the courage to buy that woman a drink at the bar, what are the chances the two of you have anything in common?

I'm sorry you're struggling, man.

The women I've been involved with through my life have been encountered in a variety of ways, most involving common interests. Music has been good to me in this regard, but nowhere near the end-all. I met my wife through a friendship with her mother, who knew I enjoyed camping and hiking. One thing led to another...

You seem to be a man of wildly varied experiences and interests. How do people of similar interests get together? Clubs? Shows?

I don't know - just thinking that similar interests are the beginning of good conversations, good friendships and perhaps more than that.

Do you have many friends? I mean friends you have real contact with, at least from time to time. Networking is powerful.

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

Yes, the man who thinks he knows it all is here begging for guidance. Here's the deal, I'm tired of being single and I'm sick of sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm officially on the market. I want to find out where the hell all the good women are at.

Here's what I'm looking for: Trustworthy, loyal, honest, nice, non-bitchy and not obsessed with material things (almost sounded like the Boy Scout motto at first there). Good looks are certainly a plus. Other positive traits for me are if they like video gaming, talking, joking around, and can enjoy just sitting around being intimate or cuddling sometimes. No gold-diggers.

My friends say "Go where the women are." Ok, that sounds lovely enough but where the hell are they? Seriously. And whoever says to go to a book store is getting bitch-slapped right in the mouth. You can only hang around a book store so long before management kicks you out for harassing customers.

Supermarket: See bookstore.

I'm told to go to clubs and bars: Sounds great, huh? Well, it sucks. I'm not a bar-goer so why would I want to present myself as one by trying to pick up women there? Besides, the only single women you'll find in a bar are those there looking to be picked up and porked. Also sounds great, huh? Wrong. That's exactly the kind of woman I DON'T want.

Ok first off, not EVERY woman in a bar or a club is out to get 'porked' ok! Believe it or not but going out to a bar, whether is be a cocktail bar, just a normal bar, its a 'social' thing to do! Its easily the best place to meet people. I cant speak for girls out in the states, but over here not all of them are out for that! Its one of the easiest places to hang out with friends, you can get people together and have a laugh and meet new people there. Chat to them, get to know them and stuff.

They say to go to church: Sounds great, huh? Well it's not. I'm not a church-goer so why would I want to present myself as some one who is? Again, picking op a woman under false pretenses is lying and only leads to failure.

Online: Well, that's a no-brainer. Every girl I've ever met online is either taken already, full of shit, out for a good time only and/or lives a million miles away.

Online dating sites: Again, a no-brainer. Dating sites are for helpless losers. Ok, so maybe I will fit in there. But I don't trust dating sites or anyone who frequents them. People at dating sites are usually looking to screw over some poor, heart-broken sap like myself.

Work: A lot of decent women come in to the places I work, sure. But I can't even approach them (which pisses me off to no end) because of the whole "It's bad for business to hit on customers" thing.

So please help me. What do I do? Where the hell do you find people of like mind? It just seems like they don't even exist any anymore and it's so incredibly frustrating and discouraging

Maybe try getting out more and build up a larger network of friends. Easily one of the best ways to meet girls is out with other people, socialising. Your friends with have other friends, I'm sure they don't all just hang out with guys right? The must have female friends? Don't take this the wrong way but from your list of 'things you like to do' there is nothing there which would enable you to get out and meet new people, so is it no wonder you have not met someone? Try putting down the control pad for your computer games and get out and have a good time?? The girls are not going to come to you if your sitting indoors doing nothing about it. It's a 2 way thing mate, you have to make an effort too.

Good luck

Originally Posted by AdamA

Try putting down the control pad for your computer games and get out and have a good time??

Eh, I play only a few hours a week anyway. It's not like the old days.

I wish I had some advice that I could give you, Gh, but unfortunately I don't. I just want to tell you, though, that those women are out there and even if it's difficult to find one, the gratification you get when you do will be well worth it.

I don't see why younger people are in such a rush to get married. I do believe that for those people who are meant to be married, there's just the right person out there for them. If I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I can afford to be picky! I know that you're not a part of the group I just mentioned, but I wanted to say that anyway.

I know you'll find someone who appreciates your honesty and openness and your enjoyable presence Are there any interest groups in your are a that you can join?

As for a lady that enjoys video games, joking around, cuddlig, and the like, I know she's out there for you... I can't be the only one

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

Eh, I play only a few hours a week anyway. It's not like the old days.

Ok cool - So when you're out with friends and stuff, do you literally never go to a bar or anything? What do you guys normally get up to? Could you not try stuff like, go to a bowling ally or pool room or something like that?

And hey, this may sound crazy, but try speed-dating? I was going to do this, with my flat mate, but purely for a laugh and with no intention of meeting anyone, so if I did meet someone it was a bonus, but the one down here, my friend runs and she says, its more a place where people make friends more than anything, and by making more friends, you're widening your opportunities to meet new people

Originally Posted by skysaw

I'd like to give you another perspective on this.

I didn't have a lot of trouble meeting people. I had even been married before. But I decided to try out match.com anyway, because what I was looking for I hadn't yet found. I spent about 8 months looking for the woman I eventually married (my second wife). We've been happily married now for three and a half years.

I know Internet relationships can and sometimes do work. I just need to find some one who's both in my area and who takes a genuine interest in me. I'm glad it worked for you. I certainly don't consider you a loser by any means so maybe I need to re-think that option.

Originally Posted by pj

I'm sorry you're struggling, man.

Thank you sir.

Originally Posted by pj

Do you have many friends? I mean friends you have real contact with, at least from time to time. Networking is powerful.

Yes but, they don't know any good singles.

Originally Posted by Amethyst Star

I wish I had some advice that I could give you, Gh, but unfortunately I don't. I just want to tell you, though, that those women are out there and even if it's difficult to find one, the gratification you get when you do will be well worth it.

Thank you, sweetie

Originally Posted by AdamA

The truth

Ok, Adam, I appreciate your help. I know you are correct and are giving good advice... Even though I know you're right

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

since I can only imagine the overwhelming joy you must have felt when you saw this thread - you know, given the situation and all

How little you know me, and if you knew me would know it was in fact the complete opposite. But respect your wishes.

Remember good things happen to good people.

Good day

Oneironaught, you know I think highly of you but that last post of your's was completely unecessary, especially given that this is a public place. I would urge you to edit it.

Anyway, I think your main issue is confidence. You seem very confident when typing, but in real life it seems to be a different issue. Women are attracted to confidence, to men who can take care of themselves and aren't looking to a woman to solve all their problems. If you lead a happy life, people will be attracted to that. When you put yourself down and call yourself a loser and never get out anywhere, well, who will want to share that with you?

If you want that relationship, you have do to something about it. Take charge of your life. It's about time!

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

...edit it.

Done.

Anyway, I think your main issue is confidence.

Correct.

If you want that relationship, you have do to something about it. Take charge of your life. It's about time!

I have much to learn. Thanks. For what little it's worth, I'm different and much less nervous in person, when I'm not trying to act special.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

...but in real life it seems to be a different issue.

However, with all due respect, you've never met or talked to me in real life so that's not really a fair assessment of my character or demeanor.

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

However, with all due respect, you've never met or talked to me in real life so that's not really a fair assessment of my character or demeanor.

I suppose, but what I have seen is a pretty good indicator. I mean you can't claim to be so significantly different?

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

Yes, the man who thinks he knows it all is here begging for guidance. Here's the deal, I'm tired of being single and I'm sick of sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm officially on the market. I want to find out where the hell all the good women are at.

Here's what I'm looking for: Trustworthy, loyal, honest, nice, non-bitchy and not obsessed with material things (almost sounded like the Boy Scout motto at first there). Good looks are certainly a plus. Other positive traits for me are if they like video gaming, talking, joking around, and can enjoy just sitting around being intimate or cuddling sometimes. No gold-diggers.

My friends say "Go where the women are." Ok, that sounds lovely enough but where the hell are they? Seriously. And whoever says to go to a book store is getting bitch-slapped right in the mouth. You can only hang around a book store so long before management kicks you out for harassing customers.

Supermarket: See bookstore.

I'm told to go to clubs and bars: Sounds great, huh? Well, it sucks. I'm not a bar-goer so why would I want to present myself as one by trying to pick up women there? Besides, the only single women you'll find in a bar are those there looking to be picked up and porked. Also sounds great, huh? Wrong. That's exactly the kind of woman I DON'T want.

They say to go to church: Sounds great, huh? Well it's not. I'm not a church-goer so why would I want to present myself as some one who is? Again, picking op a woman under false pretenses is lying and only leads to failure.

Online: Well, that's a no-brainer. Every girl I've ever met online is either taken already, full of shit, out for a good time only and/or lives a million miles away.

Online dating sites: Again, a no-brainer. Dating sites are for helpless losers. Ok, so maybe I will fit in there. But I don't trust dating sites or anyone who frequents them. People at dating sites are usually looking to screw over some poor, heart-broken sap like myself.

Work: A lot of decent women come in to the places I work, sure. But I can't even approach them (which pisses me off to no end) because of the whole "It's bad for business to hit on customers" thing.

So please help me. What do I do? Where the hell do you find people of like mind? It just seems like they don't even exist any anymore and it's so incredibly frustrating and discouraging

alrighty gh you've unleashed the fucking fury!

Bookstores are great places to meet women. If you're getting used of harrassment you're doing something wrong.

you know how in certain bookstores there are women there to help you find stuff? Ask them to help you. make cool small talk. tell them they've been a great help. make them smile. These women are gate keepers and will leave you alone if you are friendly with customers.

good Openers for bookstores:

- Hey I like this section. can you reccommend a good book?

- That's a good book you're reading

- Hi I'm trying to overcome my shyness with women. So I have made it my goal today to approach 5 women. I just wanted to say that i think you are fantastically beautifull and just wanted to see what you were like.

- Would you ever date a guy you met in a bookstore? (if she answers no walk away. if she says yes say) : great! I'm gh (shake her hand, I garauntee she will laugh at that)

and yes There are some cool chicks at the bar. If you're worried about the outcome when you go there. you won't have any fun. make your only outcome to have fun. Jus talk to lots of women, you'll learn right away how to get a feel for the ones that are slutty bitches, and the ones that are great to be around. If they act bitchy, walk away and talk to someone else.

think of two women sitting at the bar. They have the usual unhappy look of "I'm hot and i know it". they have their noses up int he air. you get inspired. You walk up and say this very seriously.

You: I'm gonna have to ask you two to leave, what you did was unfogivable

her: what? why?

You: You were seen not smiling and having a good time.

They laugh, catching on

Her: yeah like you would know what a good time is?

You: I'm not sure. But i think there is a lot of tickling involved. (big smile)



when going to church play guru.

Your post is filled with "I can't do this i can't do that." Please GH, you will never have success in anything if you constantly put up walls like that. All those limitations are imaginary.

And yes finding decent women are rare. But if you put yourself out there enough you'll find her and after all the experience you have of just talking to women, you will have the balls, charm etc to go for it.

ranma, those are good suggestions, but perhaps not age appropriate.

How about volunteer for something? I had a single friend who was good at fixing things, and I told her she should volunteer for Habitat for Humanity or something, instead of always just sitting around moping. She might meet some people, who probably wouldn't be losers, and if she didn't, she could have a good experience and maybe learn some useful stuff.

Maybe something like that. Gh, I think there are more single women your age than men, so that is in your favor. There are a lot of women in your age, plus/minus ten years, that are looking for a halfway decent guy.

I think school/college/university - whatever you want to call it - is a great way to meet people. I mean, you see them at least once a week for several weeks, and you can take a class that interests you and share the class with people of similar interests.

You people are helping already. I'm "sort of" taking a vacation (still have to work my regular hours but that's besides the point) from Thursday until until the following Saturday. I think I'll be taking some of those evenings to find something to do to get out and hopefully meet people. Or at least get my feet wet again.

All I want is to get back in the game. Everything else will work itself out.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

I mean you can't claim to be so significantly different?

Actually, Mes, from the first thing you saw? I'm absolutely different. That's a very poor example of me and does not represent my real life character at all. The second thing you saw is me, slightly nervous but, far closer to how I really am when around other people.

Originally Posted by ranma187

alrighty gh you've unleashed the fucking fury!

Don't I always?

Originally Posted by me

And whoever says to go to a book store is getting bitch-slapped right in the mouth.

...I put that there just for you

Originally Posted by ranma

Bookstores are great places to meet women.

How did I know you were going to say that?

*Bitch-slaps ranma*

Originally Posted by ranma

If you're getting used of harrassment you're doing something wrong.

Nah, it's not really like that. I'm just saying that I'd really have to make wise use of the time so I'm not just hanging around for an hour looking for people to talk to.

You know what really tickles me about all of this moping and feeling sorry for myself? I'm usually the one who tells people about the power of a positive attitude. Now look at me. I'm approaching this with a poor attitude.

My objective is to break my cycle of doing nothing, being too shy to talk to people and feeling like I'm wasting my time. So, I will consider all of the things that everyone has mentioned here. I really do appreciate the advice you all have offered. Not only has it been rather encouraging but it's been eye-opening as well. Even the reaming has been therapeutic. Though I still submit that I'm usually pretty damn calm and friendly in person. It's just that the whole dwelling on my "I'm so lonely" and "Oh, poor lil' 'ole me" crap really brought me down for awhile.

You people are great.

When what you're doing isn't working, try ANYTHING different.
--Richard Bandler

If you want a hug, GH, just say so!

Originally Posted by Burns

If you want a hug, GH, just say so!

Aww, thanks. But I'm not really fishing for sympathy (I'll take what I get though ), just some sound advice. I've been out of the game too long and I need a kick-start. Some recent events gave me a fresh taste of what it's like to be appreciated and I remember now that I really want that in my life again. I miss having some one to talk to, share things with, adore and do things for. I was perfectly content to be lax and single for some years now (after being burned yet again with another broken engagement). But now I'm suddenly not content with my status. I saw something wonderful and I want mine.

As pj quoted: "When what you're doing isn't working, try ANYTHING different."

Most of the serious relationships I've been in were girls I met either at school (no longer in school) or through friends. Another comment on what ranma said: The main reason I'm afraid of finding women in bars is because I worked in bars (with bands) for a total of about 8 1/2 years. During that time I had women throw themselves at me on a fairly regular basis. I quickly learned that the women I was being exposed to in the bar scene just weren't the quality or type of person I desire. I realize they aren't all bad people. But it's hard to weed out who's who, though I guess that goes for anywhere.

And I've asked 4-5 people out in the past year or so. They were all people here in my hometown. Of course I got shot down but they each ended up either being married or dating (I was able to confirm that to be true for most of them). One was getting ready to move out of state, which I didn't know until after I asked her out. She was a co-worker - kind of - so I know that wasn't just a line. So I'm not a total loss.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by Mes

and aren't looking to a woman to solve all their problems.

You may have misinterpreted what I said to you, Mes. I don't need some one to solve my problems. That's not what this is about, really. Believe it or not, I'm a happy person with a pleasant life. I just have reached the point where it's time to find some one again. I'm 34 years old now and I don't want to grow old all alone. I want to be able to fill the void where love, a family and greater things should reside.

I see people walking happily with their mates and I think, "Where's mine? What am I doing with my life? Who do I have to give myself to?" Then I have no choice but to answer: "I have no one. I'm doing nothing with my life except living for me. I want some one to give myself to." After nearly 6 years of being single because I'm too picky and don't bother to meet people I might actually love to be with, I'm ready to find my happiness of a loving kind.

The only unhappiness I've had these years of being single is when I dwell on being single. I'm ready, now I need to do something about it. There's a certain type of happiness that only love can bring. I want that back.

I've always found that you find it when you're least expecting it. Like a watched pot never boils. Just do your thing, and still put yourself out there more, but try not to think about it all the time. You're still young and have plenty of time to meet that right woman. Remember that it has to be the right time for her, too. When it's meant to be, it will be.


and sorry, hugs are my answer to everything :p

Travel, then. Take some time off and get out of your tiny hometown!

I can't really be of much help here, never having been in an actual relationship in my life, but something someone (you know who you are) said to me in AIM the other night gave me a whole 'nother perspective on being too shy to approach girls. She asked me if I had trouble going up to a girl I didn't know and saying hi, out of the blue. Of course, I acknowledged that I did. Then she asked me why.

I couldn't think of a good answer for over a minute. When I did, I realized that it was so trivial as to be easily remedied. Just a thought.

And good luck, man.

I definitely agree with the bookstore dealio. I am often venturing out to my local Barnes & Noble. It's definitely a guilty pleasure. And it's sorta one of the only places I go (besides the post office and drugstore)...and I always think that it would be really nice to meet a cool guy in the bookstore, but I certainly don't expect it. Heh. Sadly, I've given up on meeting any men. *shrugs*