Thread: Tell me about changing who I am.

Do you work out or anything like that because that can help get rid of your inferiority complex and raise your self-esteem.

Also it may help make a list of the things that you don't like about yourself and would like to change, and keep a journal or something about your life or whatever and that way you can see how you've changed as a person over time. it sounds dumb but it works.

If you have any friends giving you shit/making you feel like shit then tell them to fuck off and hang out with new people.

You depend WAY too much on outside input. My knowledge that I am much better than others comes from within. You need to be like me. You need to go around and do whatever the fuck you do and just KNOW your right.


EDIT: If that's too vague tell me.

Don't force anything. Act on nature impulse and without restriction, and speak your uncensored mind. It may make you seem out of control at times, and more often than not a jerk or asshole, but at least it shows the true you.

You need to control the voice in your head. We don't really have control over our thought processes. We don’t want to think impatient thoughts, but we do. We don’t want to be nervous about the something in life, but we are. We’d like to me more tidy, better at planning, less of a procrastinator, better under pressure, etc, but somehow we don’t do the things that we easily could.


So we have a voice in our head that we can’t really control (luckily in most cases it doesn’t tell us to murder people, it just tells us to put things off till tomorrow or to have another doughnut) and we have habit patterns that we can’t get out of – called life scripts.


In fact to be a bit more precise, we have a talking voice – our conscious – and a silent controller of our behaviour – our subconscious. The subconscious is a store of everything that has happened, and everything that the talking conscious has said. So if you say you’re impatient, and then behave in an impatient way, the subconscious KNOWS that you are impatient, and makes you behave like that next time.


Therefore your thoughts about yourself become true over time, and they begin to control your behaviour, and become “life scripts” which tell you how to live your life. Some can be positive, and that’s great, but negative ones also self-reinforce: “I’m always late” “I can’t help putting things off, it’s just how I am” “I'm too passive” – these are all self fulfilling beliefs that people have about themselves.


Suggestions on how to gradually win the mental battle to improve yourself:


Do something each day that flatly contradicts a negative self-impression of yourself. Prove your subconscious wrong!


For instance, if you suspect that you never speak out when asked about a film you saw at the cinema, next time you go make sure you tell people about it, or if you're known for not quite finishing a job, choose a twenty minute task and finish it properly.


Also, try to catch your negative self-talk every time it crops up, and replace it by positive thoughts, ideally specific things that you ARE good at, and attributes that are positive about yourself. Only feed good messages into your subconscious.


Meditation can be surprisingly goof at giving more control over the thoughts in your head – for example, in situations where you might have been ragingly impatient before, try to say “I’m going to be patient now” and the inner voice, which used to say “This is infuriating, come on, aargh!, how long is this going to take???” now behaves itself and goes quiet. Maybe look into it and give it a try


Don’t be ruled by that little voice in your head!

GET AWAY FROM MEAN, UNHEALTHY PEOPLE!

Realize that you weren't born feeling negatively about yourself. Somewhere you became entangle with unhealthy people that negatively influenced your self esteem. Force yourself to find a few different friends even if they aren't in the "cool" cliche this next year. Sit by different people at lunch and especially on the first day of class. Avoid others who demonstrate a need to dominate a group or others (including you). Force yourself to join at least one different kind of club or activity to hang out with different/healthier friends.

Realize that in 10 years the not-so-popular kids at your school will be called: "The boss"; "My doctor"; "Senior loan officer at my bank"; "that courageous fireman that saved my children"; and "the wonderful woman who donated her bone marrow to me after my chemotherapy"...........

Originally Posted by Red Voix

And how to do it. I have a clear vision of the person I want to be, and am on the precipice of starting down that path. I'm 16 and trying to nail down those important questions like the meaning of life and my role in it, ethics and "the point." I'm done with being this dumb nobody and ready to be the person I have always been inside. I think I have always come off apathetic or boring because I listened to to those idiots all my life telling me to be quiet. I'm probably one of the most enthusiastic people in the entire state for fuck's sake. (excuse my language)

What the hell am I doing literally forcing myself to ACT like I don't care about the movie I just saw instead of telling people what I thought? I mean, that was the question, right? So why do I reprocess my thoughts into this garbage "whatever" answer? I literally reduce myself to my idea of what other people would be more comfortable with. The result? I am just the kid who sits in the corner in class and thinks about better things. Better times to come, where I am SOMEBODY and people CARE. (Or don't care, and I can deal with it) I have no idea who made me feel like I have this "problem" like some cone on my head that makes me fail at everything, but I would seriously like to punch that invisible person in the face right now. Where in the hell did I get an inferiority complex, of all things? I am the proudest person I know! I slowly started realizing who I was in relation to what I should be but never put two and two together and realized what I was is akin to being a mute handicap in a wheelchair on emotional life support with an existential crisis? One kind or harsh word from anybody could change my mood for a week. What the hell kind of problem do I have if that is the case? I'm going to stop playing the passive part for once and be who I am.

I am so ready to start my life, but have no idea where to start. How do you change yourself? Comments or questions welcome. Thanks in advance for the feedback.

(By the way, sorry I haven't yet contributed to the LD section, but I had a sudden urge to get this off my chest)

If you want to change who you are, remember this formula.

P.T.F.E.A.R

Programming -> Thoughts -> Feelings -> Emotions -> Actions -> Results

Your programming will lead to your thoughts, your thoughts will lead to your feelings, your feelings will lead to your emotions, your emotions will lead to your actions and in turn will deliver the results you're getting in life.

If you're not liking the results you're getting in life, change your programming.

Programming is anything you let enter your ear gate and eye gates. Therefore be more conscientious of what it is you expose yourself to. If you want to emulate someone who seemingly "has it all together", submerge yourself in information about that person and start doing the things that they have done, if you stick with it...you'll eventually get comparable results that they have gotten in life.

Summary: Change starts with changing what you feed your mind.

there is a quote - “I'd rather be hated for hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”

just be yourself.

Originally Posted by liz

Realize that in 10 years the not-so-popular kids at your school will be called: "The boss"; "My doctor"; "Senior loan officer at my bank"; "that courageous fireman that saved my children"; and "the wonderful woman who donated her bone marrow to me after my chemotherapy"...........

wise words. i couldnt have said it better

try to be at peace with yourself.

EDIT: Oh, and welcome to the forum!

It would be my guess that you had/have a chaotic family life. Maybe your parents are screamers, nit-pickers or bullies. But at some point during your earliy years, you learned not to "rock the boat", to play the "chameleon", disappear into the background and to keep your thoughts to yourself. Being a chameleon is very tough work because you try to change yourself at a moments notice just to keep the peace with those around you. What one person might require might not work with another person. That means you're likely to be on edge most of the time and it just reinforces the urge to become invisible.

That's how I was when I was younger. I'm 34 years old now and I'm STILL trying to break my bad patterns. The younger you start, hopefully the easier it will be.

Welcome to DV!!

Originally Posted by Jeff777

If you want to change who you are, remember this formula.

P.T.F.E.A.R

Programming -> Thoughts -> Feelings -> Emotions -> Actions -> Results

Your programming will lead to your thoughts, your thoughts will lead to your feelings, your feelings will lead to your emotions, your emotions will lead to your actions and in turn will deliver the results you're getting in life.

If you're not liking the results you're getting in life, change your programming.

Programming is anything you let enter your ear gate and eye gates. Therefore be more conscientious of what it is you expose yourself to. If you want to emulate someone who seemingly "has it all together", submerge yourself in information about that person and start doing the things that they have done, if you stick with it...you'll eventually get comparable results that they have gotten in life.

Summary: Change starts with changing what you feed your mind.

Is that the "Neuro-Linguistic Programing"?

-edit- Spelling

Don't change yourself. Change the people you surround yourself with.

If you're disgusted with how you "process [your] thoughts into this garbage 'whatever' answer," the solution is simple. STOP DOING IT. You simply need to find people who don't make it seem like it's necessary to change who you are or how you personally react to things in order for them to be comfortable.

You're questioning change for all the wrong reasons. Change should only be for the benefit of the self, not for the appeasement of others that would only supposedly lead to your own happiness.

get some baggy jeans, a do-rag and a gun, and then you can say whatever you want and people wont say shiat.

stop caring about what others think about you. That's the first step.

From thereon you'll voice your opinion and be who you are. The rest comes naturally.