I am beginning to grow infinitely frustrated with myself.

I have known about lucid dreaming for about a year and a half with minor success (4 lucid's), and have literally been obsessing over lucid dreaming for the past few weeks. Something in me just lit up and I decided that I will stop at nothing to pursue and master lucid dreaming as a long-term goal/main personal hobby to get more in touch with my multiple layers of consciousness. I have a hard-set intention of eventually reaching the level of becoming lucid every single night. I have been doing reality checks without even having to remember, and as soon as I'm up and about in my waking life I essentially treat life as a dream, looking constantly around me and checking to see if I am dreaming. I have also been talking to basically all of my friends about it, and it has been a subject that I am slowly consuming myself with, to the point of it almost being sad.

My subconscious seems to hate me.

As soon as hit the pillow and enter a dream, it seems as if I am existing as a person who does not even know what dreaming is, much less lucid dreaming. I have never been a thinker in my dreams, which is why it frustrates me so much when I hear about natural lucid dreamers. There must be something they do differently during waking life that I am missing, to be able to think so rationally in dreams. When I exist within a dream, it doesn't even seem that I have a mind or consciousness, it feels more as if I am actively observing a movie. I can assure you, however much you think your dreams do not make any sense whatsoever or are bizarre, mine are worse -- Since becoming so preoccupied with the topic of lucid dreaming a few weeks ago, every time I wake up from a dream I am in shock that I didn't realize I was dreaming.

Ok.. I admit it.. Maybe there's one little thing I am not doing that could mean the difference between failure and success...I am always very groggy and lazy when I wake up.. I think very hard about the dream I just had, but I... can't exactly bring myself to write in a journal... Is that what is setting me up for failure? I've read that dream journals can be important, but the way I see it is that dreams are influenced by our actions and thoughts in the waking state... How could I start to think more rationally and consciously in dreams if I am simply recording what happened during my dreams? I mean, at that point, it's too late, and I didn't realize I was dreaming. I know that if I want to be a lucid dreamer than I should be more inclined to take interest in my dreams... But I already do that! I think deeply about what happened during my dreams throughout my waking days!!! I just for some reason don't see writing my dreams down as having any further impact on my subconscious than actually trying to recall my dreams as soon as i wake up and analyze them.

Please give me guidance, experienced lucid dreamers.. Especially the one's who started out like me before succeeding in lucid dreaming. Is having a dream journal the true key to waking up in dreams, and should I just suck it up and force myself to write down my dreams? Or should I just keep at my obsession, and maybe I'm just expecting results too quickly?

And any tips on how I can program my seemingly oblivious subconscious that I WANT to start waking up within my dreams?