solaetia

I was working on [something?]My mother wanted me to help some woman clean houses in WA state.
I could see a field near the ocean, with a series of identical 2 story brick homes facing the beach.
My right shoulder hurt. Someone suggested selling my shoulder muscles as implants, because people did that apparently. I looked at my hand and my fingers were dirty.

I woke up sleeping on my right side in a weird position and my shoulder hurt. Fell back to sleep after reading for a while.

I was traveling with my mom, dad and little brother- my brother was only 5-6 years old and my parents were young. We stopped at a brick apartment/hotel. We were only supposed to be traveling for 1-2 nights so I didn’t bring a change of clothes, only a couple of different shirts. We had dropped off our things at the hotel and I was trying to barricade my dog inside so she could see out of the window but not get out or destroy anything. My dad wondered if the lady managing the apartment was trustworthy. She looked like an old boss of mine. I was at the car but decided to go back inside to grab a sweater or something. I encountered the manager opening the door to our room or the house as I was trying to, and I wondered briefly if my dad was right to suspect her, but she seemed nice so I didn’t worry too much. I think I decided to grab my dog and bring her with us.

I briefly remember being in a car with an old schoolmate, someone I haven’t thought about much at all in many years. Weird.

My dad was driving, it was very dark out, and he didn’t have the headlights on. I was in the backset with my brother, mom was in the passenger seat. I screamed, ‘I can’t see!’ and my dad turned on the headlights just in time for us to see he was veering off a bridge/cliff. He almost corrected it, but the back end of the car had fallen off and dangled for a moment before tipping. We were falling but we couldn’t see what was below us. I had hope it wouldn’t be far, but the longer we fell, I realized we would all probably die. I held my mom’s hand with my right hand but I could only see the hint of her blonde hair in the darkness, and I held my little brother’s with my left hand, I told them I loved them and tried to stay calm. I woke up.

Another fragment—
I asked my dad where my dog was. Then I saw a car parked in the middle of the road ahead of us.
It was daylight, sunny. I saw my dog jump out of the car, wearing a red harness-type device. It was mesh and covered much of her abdomen, and one of her hind legs were stuck in it, so she couldn’t run or walk properly. I ran to save her, but she kept running from me. I finally grabbed her and my dad intervened and was rough with her, pushing her in the face. She bit in in defense, and it was bad. I felt very angry with my dad for treating my dog so violently. I yelled that she had never bitten anyone before and it was his fault. I worried he would tell and she would be quarantined or taken away from me. My dad looked upset, but stoic too. I eventually asked him he was ok. The bite was on his thumb and it looked deep.

Thoughts:
This all seems pretty straightforward, I didn’t feel safe with my dad. He also treated animals rather callously, although he did love them. As far as the first dream of my mom wanting me to clean houses—maybe I feel like my mom wishes I were more conventional and responsible.

An environmental catastrophe was about to happen to the Earth. Humans were aware of this, and there was a system installed in which we all had to wait for our name to be called (sometimes in groups, sometimes alone) and step aboard a small asteroid-like rock that floated nearby a cliff. The asteroid was like a disposable mini-rocket, and as it launched off with each group, it begin slowly disintegrating until the people aboard would fall to the ground and die, or be injured and die later. It was terrible, but not very real-feeling. I watched a friend die, then came my turn, and I woke up before I died.

I fell back asleep and entered a similar scenario, only this time it felt more real. I was living in a 'Fall-Out' type village, with very few amenities and maybe 50 people at most. We were under the control of another group of humans, like a military or militia. We had a local stand where a guy sold things like cigarettes, food, drink, drugs, etc. There was a man who delivered small amounts of rations regularly. I saw some soldiers going into some of the other homes on the compound and I knew the end was coming soon, they were going to take us away, and some [vague] bad thing was going to happen. During one moment I seemed to be playing the role of a child, although I also had my current dog, Cayna. I heard that the soldiers weren't allowing animals to come along and I began to panic. I knew I couldn't leave Cayna behind. She would starve. I knew she had been abandoned before and I dreaded the idea of putting her through that again, at my hands. I was leaving the home I shared with other people and I think I told a woman and her 2 kids that I had a dog and I was so sad to be made to leave it. I asked her if she was ready to leave too, and she said they were staying, because they have a cat, and if you sleep outside with your pet you can stay. I was thrilled and went to get my mother [random woman in dream, not real mom]. I saw her in the back of a car being driven away. I cried for her and she looked back and seemed to be crying out in pain of leaving me behind.

I had Cayna though, and now I seemed to be back to my regular age because my husband was with me. I knew sooner or later we would be forced to commit mass suicide. I felt an enormous amount of dread. I thought, 'This is the worst possible ways things could end.' I wondered about Cayna again, and how she would survive without us. I thought she would have plenty to eat for a while—the left behind food and corpses...but then something convinced me that her death would be horrible if I let her live and I began to wonder if the safest thing to do for her was also poison her when we had to poison ourselves. My heart hurt; how could this be happening? I thought wouldn't it be wonderful if somehow, right before the and that someone said we didn't have to die after all? We could go on living! I felt a sting of hope rise and die quickly. I looked at my husband who was teary-eyed as well and told him that maybe the best thing for Cayna in the end would be to take her with us. He cringed and seemed to emote that he didn't want to talk about it. I said, 'I understand but I just wanted to say it now so when the time comes we had talked about it.'

Some time went by. We were outside this entire conversation, my husband and I. He suddenly told me to hold still and he began plucking at something on top of my head. He plucked off a ladybug -still attached to some of my hair- that he said had burrowed itself into my head/hair.

Thoughts:
I had some allergy issues right before bed, and my throat felt tight, felt itchy, and it felt a little hard to breathe. I've had allergy induced asthma before and it wasn't that bad, but I decided to take a Benedryl to relieve my symptoms. My husband spends lots of time playing Fall Out 4 lately, and I think the post-apocalyptic town was designed with that in mind. I have been a little worried about my dog. She is aging, and I wonder if I am giving her the absolute best care that I could be. Do I exercise her too hardly when we run? Do I feed her too much? etc. I found it interesting as I typed it out that my worries about abandoning my dog turned into me playing a child being 'abandoned' by my [dream]mother. I'm not sure what that means though.