Searching For The Center of Everything

[Wednesday, 19th, 2012] [After Midnight- before I had fallen asleep]
I turned off the lights, turned on the LSD dose from iDoser (a binaural beat that induces a drugs effects), and lied down with headphones. I folded a shirt over my eyes and I zoned out and began counting down from 847. After awhile I became more and more relaxed, letting my mind become numb... I would recount numbers and forget where I was and restart at random numbers- this is when I knew I was in a trance. I felt detatched slightly... and tried imagining something.

I imagined myself in a blank white room. Suddenly a potted plant appeared in the center. It grew and grew and grew until it became a Venus Fly Trap plant of giant proportions. It ate "me". But it was just the body, the vessel, for my consciousness- I understood this and made a new one, and walked up to the plant. "You are simply a creation of mine and you cannot hurt me. I love you because I created you." The plant did not try to hurt me again. I walked through the wall to the left with such force, it shattered reality. The scenery outside the white room was a beautiful beach scene; the sun just setting a dark red velvet and vibrant orange against a dark navy sky and ocean. I was high in the air, far above the smooth sand or the water, but I was walking on air, on invisible pulsating steps. I walked a distance and then decided to travel along the pulsating steps like monkey bars. I dropped down so that my hands could hold on to the level where my feet just were and I pulled myself along as if they WERE monkey bars. Still pulsating a clear crystal light.

At that moment I reinvented the scenery. I was in a blank room again, but this time I was seated behind a table. I invited my subconscious and/or dream guide to appear and they did. Four figures walked in through the door instantly and each took a seat on the opposite side of the table. I made note of their appearance first... on the far left was a fiery feline female with fiery-colored hair, a mix of orange, red, and yellow. Second, was a huge muscular, black-iron-armorered figure with a fiery green skull with flames licking high into the air. Third from the left was a human walking-stick. Almost simply put, a bamboo man. Just a stick of bamboo going straight up into the air. Last, on the very right- I couldn't make them out very well. It was as if they were invisible, and I could only sense their Galka like presense.

I announced the reason for this gathering first, speaking in a pronoun that was mixture of I and We: "I/We are in a state of great confusion and despair. I/We are broken and must do something. We must become one, and work together to solve the problems we face." I stopped after the sentence and asked if anyone would be willing to finish my sentence due to how cloudy my conscious mind was. The 1st aspect chimed in and tried to finish, as my conscious mind jumped into her body- I saw from her eyes and began to talk... but trailed off, most likely because I, without meaning to, took control of her. Someone else chimed in right after, it was the 4th invisible Galkan aspect... I don't remember what he said, but it was full of force and meaning... and it made perfect sense. After he finished I stressed the importance of lucid dreaming: "It would be beneficial to US to lucid dream. We could solve a great deal from it and the daily link between all of us. We need to lucid dream." I was conditioning all of us- we all knew that I was hypnotizing the whole room. I was strengthening the importance of my conscious mind being present in dreams. After this I asked: "Okay, so who are you?" I was referring to each individual aspect of me. The first, the female aspect spoke up immediately: "I'm your female side, and I'm the one who emits light! I keep you on track and keep you afloat with joy!". I believed every word she spoke. I turned my attention to the stick. It radiated the answer: "I am your intellect. Your intelligence. The one who collects wisdom and shares it with everyone here." I couldn't sense a strong color from him. The next to speak was the ghostly presense of the armored man. He spoke something like this: "I am the one who keeps you alive. I know what you need- I make the hard decisions that benefit you, that you don't want to make." I understood. He was the line that knew when he was crossed. I looked at the invisible aspects seat- but never got an answer.

"Are you my dream guide?" There was no reply.

I was thrust back out of my imagination and into reality. I could feel a slight tingling sensation all over and I felt slightly detatched from my body. Thinking about this re-inforced my attatchment and I was back in my room again, listening to the vibrations in my headphones. I lied there for awhile and until the crackling in the headphones that's ALWAYS there kind of made my neck-hairs stand and I had to sit up. I sat up slowly and looked around. I could DEFINITELY feel something. The room was dark, but I could see exceptionally well. The clock on the wall was stretching and breathing. The whole room was stretching and breathing! I put my hands up in front of my face and I can't explain how alien my movements were... I felt like I was viewing from far, far away. I looked down at my blanket and it resembled a tangled mess of brain. The light coming under the door pulsated gently a light green mixed with turqoise. The patterns on the pillow moved like vines- just like in Fear and Loathing's Casino Carpets. The wall to my right was Tiger striped; shadows dashed ever-so-carefully across the white. The entire room was a calming, breathing dark mess of storage- it was new to me, as if I had never been there before. I brought my hands up to my face again, not exactly sure what I was doing, and I drew a cross on my left palm with my right index, then drew a circle on my right palm- then I clasped my hands together gently.

The dose still going on- I got impatient and took my headphones off. I heard a noise that did NOT exist in real life. My computer was making it... it sounded as if it was some sort of alien technology... making vibrating laser beam sounds. Like a woobawoobawoobawooba, but much faster and much higher pitched. I knew it was just my brain being confused from the binaural beats, but it was still fun to listen to. I crawled across my bed and crawled into the computer's chair and turned the screen on... after a few seconds of another strange feeling, I sobered up and typed this.

[Tuesday, September 11th, 2012] [ND] [Falling In Love With A Loser]
(I took a nap around 11:30am after copying down my dream journal to notepad.)
It's a Game-show! And I'm on it!
I'm sucked through a flesh-hole into a watery room that fills and empties with water. Breathing underwater doesn't seem to be very hard, because everyone else and I can do it pretty easily. It's a game-show. A pretty made-up actress asks questions to contestants on TV, and a dumb puff-fish answers: "You're attractive." Others answer too. This must be recorded.

I met a little blue sea-horse, she was very sweet and familiar. I grew fond of her instantly. There were problems with her emotional stability; however, she was like the Moon and the Sun sometimes. She was so very unique and harshly beautiful. She was also capable of dark moments. But there was something about her that said I could trust her.

Another contestant: A "black" fish. He was pretty funny, and spent most of the game being an entertainer. There were more contestants, but none that I can recall directly.

Another contestant: Stewie- who could switch form with octopus form. I start the game from HIS perspective. Through his eyes, I win a few games out of pure ingenuity. I'm still in love with the sea-horse through him. After a few game phases, I shift out into my own being again.

I remember an image flashing through my mind of a ripped off limb, an arm gone from the socket, and a leg torn badly.

I remember hearing some characters from American Dad speak...
Wife: "Stan... There's Canadians playing here. Aren't you worried?"
Stan: "This show isn't rigged, it's completely fair! Meaning I have the unfair advantage. I can just kick their ass with my win."

It starts off and the little blue sea-horse and I start the game trusting each other. We help each other and win with each other in mind. But after a few games of trying to impress the little blue sea-horse, she becomes intimidated. She sees me as slightly selfish (shellfish lol). And I must have begun to change, because she didn't like the new me.

I don't remember many specifics of the games themselves unfortunately; I just remember bits and pieces and residue that still lingers...

I end up winning the entire show.
"I WON!" I was the winner! ...I felt kind of awkward saying that for some reason... I dropped on my knees and slid across the arena room's center, throwing my hands up as a sign of revel. But that was awkward too... I looked up at the Little Blue Sea-Horse, she was talking sweet to another puff-fish. I had... lost. The Little Blue Sea-Horse I had tried so hard for, had swam away with the current... and I wasn't sure who to blame but her, the current, or... me? That was the lesson. For anything that happens in life. The only one you can blame is yourself. You are the only one in control of fate, the only one who has the power to change your path. Your destiny exists, it's the most probable one; but if you do nothing, your future WILL fit to a mold. That mold is destiny.

But... If only I had stopped to "listen" to my Little Blue Sea-horse... Maybe I wouldn't have lost her.

The last thing I remember: Emma and I were trying to exit the arena-room through the flesh-hole.
"Well, I guess it's time to leave." I wondered how high up I would have to swim after this. I mean... assuming this place was actually underwater. I couldn't remember how I got in here. I stuck my hand in one of the holes that were in the horizontal line of holes and stretched the skin. I could feel the cold water instantly on the other-side. When I pulled my hand back in, I got to see Emma's head DRENCHED and her hair a mess, her face pale as snow from shock.
"You know, it might help a little bit more if you go out of these feet-first."

[Tuesday, August 21st, 2012]
I was in a multiple faded dreams that were set in a labrynth metropolis city of stone and metal that was built into the side of a supercliff, an empty ocean trench. I could see the sky most of the time, and it was the deepest blue you could imagine. Me and a group of friends were exploring the city and trying to find treasure. The funny thing is, the city wasn't abandoned. One fragment I remember was being on a flat metal surface with patterns of criss-crossed steam lines that went on and off... they were dangerous so you either had to time it when you were to walk, or jump over them carefully. I tried timing my walk and burned myself... Frustrated at the rest of my group's ease of travel over the steam, I tried jumping and somehow managed to do it perfectly...

The very last thing I remember, was crowding around an elevator that led to an off-limit room. We were debating whether or not to go in, since it was probably off-limits, but I pushed myself in without hesitation. Me, two girls, and two guys. On our way up, the guys vanished. Suddenly the elevator reversed directions and headed down... I said, "Well... we can just tell them we were looking for the bathroom." One of the girls agreed, knowing that it was a half-joke. Once out of the elevator, I sprinted ahead to the left saying, "I'll just use that bathroom over there! BE RIGHT BACK." I followed the open labrynth toward a bunch of rusty-white metal platforms, suspending high up against the rocky wall. There were ladders, but I jumped up and scrambled myself up the side of the platform. (I really had to pee...) The guy who had dissapeared earlier was sitting lifelessly to the right. He phased in and out and appeared as colored metal rings for a moment. I think he had stolen something... or hurt himself... Just then, the other guy appeared, and he was muscular and shirtless and resembled my WL friend, Nathan... he picked up the injured man and began walking the direction I was headed. "Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick, when I get back, I'll carry him for awhile."
My dreamscape faded to reality. (I was in an extremely uncomfortable position in WL and had to pee REALLY BAD. I emptied my bladder and here I am. I'm not skilled enough to jump back in my dream.)*

*(I'd like to add, that around 7:00PM, me and my friend Nathan [the buff character from the dream] were sitting on a bench around town in WL, after smoking some weed stuff... I looked up at the sky and saw the EXACT blue sky as in the dream. It was impossibly blue, and was getting dark fast. Just as I mentioned all of this to Nathan, another friend of ours called and asked if we could give him a ride. Come to think of it, the lifeless guy from my dream looks strikingly similar to the one we were about to give a "ride" to, his name was Kyle. Kyle's a pretty weasley/stingy guy sometimes... Maybe he did steal something too!)