solaetia

I knew a very friendly cat with reddish/orange fur. I think she lived in a shelter, other cats were around too, and maybe other animals. I can’t remember. Some people around me were trying to do something with cotton balls, some kind of kickstarter project. They were inspired by cat to make red fur from cotton balls. The process was to comb through a cotton ball until it was strands and then dye it red and sell it by the bag. We all thought it was a brilliant idea, although can’t remember what we thought people would want with w bag full of red cotton.

More red: A red-haired guy gave me a ride home. He seemed creepy, in a pushy way. He wanted to come in to my place for some reason, and i think I let him, maybe to go to the toilet or something. Then wanted to stay longer and I told him to leave. I remember he had a weird smile on his face as I basically forced him out of my front door.

I was at my mom’s house (random made-up dream home) My uncle was there and we were talking. I saw a crow, wanted to feed it peanuts. I told my uncle to hold on while I went inside to get some nuts. I grabbed some, and I was holding them up in my hand so I could show the crow that I had some nuts to feed it. My uncle was laughing at me, and he took a nut and said, ‘Here’s how you do it!’ and threw it at the crow. I was angry because I thought he scared the bird and was being rude.

I had a friend– sometimes her hair was red, sometimes she was a blonde. She was a newish friend, and I felt I didn’t trust her completely although we were spending a lot of time together. At one point, I was in the back of a cab, she was on my right and my husband on my left. They seemed to be getting along well. I was considering the fact that I don’t drink anymore, and they both do. I felt that my husband probably thinks this friend is more exciting than me.

I was going to move back in with my mom for some reason, work related I think. My husband was now some guy I had only been dating for about a month. Up until now we both lived in a house we shared with other people. I wasn’t sure this guy even really liked me that much, the relationship was new, and I think the guy had a reputation for dating lots of women before me. This friend was moving in to this house when I left, I was not happy about this. I was trying to have a discussion with this friend about how I felt about her moving in. Friend was polyamorous and acting like I was being unreasonable and prudish. Right before I woke up I was deciding that I just needed to break things off guy because none of this was worth it.

I was in car with my mother— she was driving and we were on freeway. She was driving erratically, and I asked her if she could slow down. She said she drives slow.
I told her i felt afraid, and said I always have dreams with her driving and we wreck. [Good chance to be lucid here, but did not. I think we actually wrecked.]

I was eating a salad from a white cardboard to go box, and I saw what I had thought was black pepper move and realized that they were little bugs. I discreetly chewed the last bite and closed the box so no one would know I had been eating bugs.

I checked into a hotel where I knew my husband had a room already. It was late and dark inside the hotel. It was closed for the night. A night clerk said they had 6 rooms left and asked me what kind I wanted. I went upstairs to let myself into my husband’s room while they were getting my room ready. Husband wasn’t in his room so I went back downstairs.

I was standing outside the hotel waiting for Mom to fly in to town. I saw a plane crash and land on it’s wing, then it tipped over upside down. I heard people screaming inside plane. I was worried my Mom was on that flight. Then I heard her screaming. I started running towards the plane and then saw that she was coming from the hotel and she was ok.

My step-father was driving me to some new apartment I was moving into. They were called the ‘Stardust Apartments,’ or ‘Star[something] Apartments.’ I asked where mom was and he said she had left. He said it in a nonchalant way, like maybe she had moved out a while ago, or that she was just living somewhere else temporarily. The sun was setting and it felt like we were in a desert town.

I was with my mother and her grandmother. My mother had used the cord specifically that went to my flat iron. It seems I had some kind of hair iron that had a detachable cord. I asked her where is was and we couldn’t find it. I was irritated with her. I said something sassy and my grandmother told me not to talk to my mother that way.

Thoughts:
Wondering more: Why do I always seem to dream about my mother? Why do I often seem to be moving, or returning to an apartment?

I was working on [something?]My mother wanted me to help some woman clean houses in WA state.
I could see a field near the ocean, with a series of identical 2 story brick homes facing the beach.
My right shoulder hurt. Someone suggested selling my shoulder muscles as implants, because people did that apparently. I looked at my hand and my fingers were dirty.

I woke up sleeping on my right side in a weird position and my shoulder hurt. Fell back to sleep after reading for a while.

I was traveling with my mom, dad and little brother- my brother was only 5-6 years old and my parents were young. We stopped at a brick apartment/hotel. We were only supposed to be traveling for 1-2 nights so I didn’t bring a change of clothes, only a couple of different shirts. We had dropped off our things at the hotel and I was trying to barricade my dog inside so she could see out of the window but not get out or destroy anything. My dad wondered if the lady managing the apartment was trustworthy. She looked like an old boss of mine. I was at the car but decided to go back inside to grab a sweater or something. I encountered the manager opening the door to our room or the house as I was trying to, and I wondered briefly if my dad was right to suspect her, but she seemed nice so I didn’t worry too much. I think I decided to grab my dog and bring her with us.

I briefly remember being in a car with an old schoolmate, someone I haven’t thought about much at all in many years. Weird.

My dad was driving, it was very dark out, and he didn’t have the headlights on. I was in the backset with my brother, mom was in the passenger seat. I screamed, ‘I can’t see!’ and my dad turned on the headlights just in time for us to see he was veering off a bridge/cliff. He almost corrected it, but the back end of the car had fallen off and dangled for a moment before tipping. We were falling but we couldn’t see what was below us. I had hope it wouldn’t be far, but the longer we fell, I realized we would all probably die. I held my mom’s hand with my right hand but I could only see the hint of her blonde hair in the darkness, and I held my little brother’s with my left hand, I told them I loved them and tried to stay calm. I woke up.

Another fragment—
I asked my dad where my dog was. Then I saw a car parked in the middle of the road ahead of us.
It was daylight, sunny. I saw my dog jump out of the car, wearing a red harness-type device. It was mesh and covered much of her abdomen, and one of her hind legs were stuck in it, so she couldn’t run or walk properly. I ran to save her, but she kept running from me. I finally grabbed her and my dad intervened and was rough with her, pushing her in the face. She bit in in defense, and it was bad. I felt very angry with my dad for treating my dog so violently. I yelled that she had never bitten anyone before and it was his fault. I worried he would tell and she would be quarantined or taken away from me. My dad looked upset, but stoic too. I eventually asked him he was ok. The bite was on his thumb and it looked deep.

Thoughts:
This all seems pretty straightforward, I didn’t feel safe with my dad. He also treated animals rather callously, although he did love them. As far as the first dream of my mom wanting me to clean houses—maybe I feel like my mom wishes I were more conventional and responsible.

I was entering an auditorium for some kind of job-related announcement/seminar. Donald Trump is there. The crowd was told that they can’t stay unless they are wearing a certain kind of shoes or attire. I looked down to see I am wearing a pair of strange high-top black with white markings canvas tennis shoes. I had to leave. Someone tells me I should have worn my silver shoes and I feel irritated by this remark.

I went to my apartment, which is similar to an apartment I rented in waking life over 10 years ago. My mom was there, she tells me that Donald Trump has bought the company I work for. I told her he did not, I don’t even work for a company, I work for one woman who calls herself a company. My mom laughs at me, telling me Im wrong. The way she is treating me made me angry. I asked her where are her facts?! And she sort of went catatonic, looking off to here right, not acknowledging me. I yelled at her but Im confused why she isn’t answering me now. Then I realized I was dreaming. I still felt angry so I pushed her and then I decided I was going to through the television out of the window. We were on the 2nd floor, but since I knew I was dreaming i knew there would be no consequences. I did this, and then I left. I was outside on the drive with my dog and I decided to fly. (ho, hum) I had my dog under my left arm and I was holding sandals in my right hand. Once I was floating I realized I didn’t need to hold onto my sandals and I could let my dog to the ground as well. I thought about running with my dog too. The outside of the apartment and the street are almost identical to the apartment I rented over 10 years ago. (#4) My husband wakes me up to tell me he is leaving for work.

Thoughts:
This apartment seems to be an important location. In waking life I lived tree for only a year. When I moved in things were great- I was dating a new guy, I had just started a career I loved, I could pay my bills and I had friends that I went out with regularly. Over the year that I lived there my drinking became out of control, my closest friendship enabled my bad habits. We were robbed together at gunpoint down the street from this apartment while walking to a nearby shopping center. I starting dating a drug-addicted-sociopathic-compulsive liar. I lost more than one good friend and a good job. I ended up moving out of the place and into the house that my crazy partner lived in with some friends. This was the beginning of one of the roughest periods of my life, but that ended up teaching me a lot of valuable lessons. Maybe the apartment symbolizes a transitional period between good and bad?
The dreams where family members hate me or treat me horribly are so common now that I have decided to really focus on becoming lucid in these moments. Instead of throwing things out of a window and flying off though I would like to do something else. Something to break this cycle. Maybe just tell them I love them?
Shoes were a theme in this dream too. I guess they must symbolize how I feel about myself compared to others.? And how dare Trump invade my dreams!

I went to bed early last night on 3 glasses of wine (yeah I know) and mild depression. I woke up around 2am with memories of a dream where my brother was very angry with me. I have these dreams fairly regularly, where either my brother, my mom, or my husband really seem to hate me and I can't figure out what it is that I have done that has made them feel this way, or to this extreme. I also had memories of being near a black dog -maybe a lab/mastiff mix?- who was viciously defending her puppy from my dog Cayna and I. I was trying to slowly back away and keep my dog from interacting with the angry dog mama, and my fingers were very nearly bitten off several times. When I woke up with these dreams still on hand, I felt too sick and too apathetic to write them down.

I read for about an hour before I laid back down to attempt sleep. WILDs were on my mind, they almost always are in the early morning hours because I've had so many in these circumstances. I usually know I have to lie on my back and remain very still until I feel myself getting sleepy, then the buzzing/synthesizer noises come and then I feel myself push out of my body and float away from the bed. I tossed and turned and slept for minutes at a time until I returned to lying on my back and feeling really sleepy. I heard loud discordant crashing sounds instead of the more usual buzzing/synth sounds. I felt myself rise out of my body, and I floated to my right and up until I was against the wall. Where my face was touching the wall, I could see an Iggy Pop poster hanging there in the darkness. I don't actually have this poster or any poster hanging there, but I didn't think much of this, and I continued to float, but towards the ground at the foot of my bed. My dog's bed is there, and when I landed I saw her; her face slightly distorted like it has been in other lucid dreams, sort of snarling and scared. I tell her it's ok, I'm dreaming. As usual, I worry if I am really at the foot of my bed and talking out loud. I get up and try to fly. It works, and I start wondering around my house. The clarity wasn't the best I've had. My house was dim, somethings were normal, and others weren't. As I approached my front door I thought, 'Wait! I should experiment here. Should I meditate? (I've done this before with strange effects) Then I decided I would try to reinvent the interior of my home, because as I was trying to fall asleep earlier in the night I have visualized a fantastic treehouse/hobbit-hole house in a forest of giant trees. I closed my eyes and told my self that when I opened them, my house would be amazing. It didn't really work. My kitchen had expanded and looked different, but my old rotten house was still mostly there. From here I lost lucidity or my memory of what happened next.

New dream: I was with my Mom and Step-Dad in an upscale department store/hotel. They were trying to exit the store by climbing up some rocks that were part of a display, and I was trying to explain that all they had to do was walk through a couple of hallways back to the hotel and exit from there. They didn't seem convinced, and anyway, had already managed to mostly slip through a crack in the wall to the outside sidewalk above.

Then I was with my brother in McDonalds (!!! I haven't eaten fast food in a long time). We each had our laptops and it seemed like we were having a meeting. I was just going to order some coffee. At first we were trying to squeeze into a booth with 4 other people, and then I noticed all of the other empty booths around and suggested we use one of those. The dream gets even less cohesive here—my brother's wife was there, then we were either at their house or my Mom's. Dialogue happened but I can't remember much of what we talked about. A portion was about Shepherd puppies, and people breeding them, and how one guy had a web-cam on his to help sell them. I was trying to share my knowledge of Shepherds but no one wanted to listen.

Then I was in a car, maybe in the backseat but someone else was definitely driving. My mom and her husband were saying things about me that I found really out-of-touch, like laughing about how I love certain things/celebrities that I haven't been into since i was a teenager. I tried to correct them but they just smiled like they knew better. Then my Dad called. (he passed away last year) He told me Happy Birthday (not my birthday, but maybe I was thinking of Father's Day?) and was his usual excited and goofy self. He also joked about me liking a certain celebrity and things I used to like when I was a teenager. I turned to the woman driving, who I could now see (and I seemed to be in the front passenger seat now) and I knew she was my dad's girlfriend(dream only, not IRL). I tried to tell her that I wasn't the same person they thought I was, and she seemed to pay more attention, but still didn't really believe me.

Last, I was walking and talking to a vague someone and explaining to them how it seems that I must come off as stupid to everyone because it seems like everyone treats me that way. The look on their face told me that they also thought I was stupid, but was trying to placate me.

Thoughts:
I gave a lot of exposition throughout, so there isn't much extra to add. I think I have self esteem issues, anxiety, and guilt over not seeing my family much nor feeling very connected to them.