apurtell

Not sure of the date…June or July 2011?

I realize that I’m dreaming. I’m in a house, the tv is really loud and I feel like I have to concentrate to reach my goal (get where I want in my dream), but the tv is too loud and I can’t concentrate. I try going into another room but there’s another tv or stereo that’s too loud in that room too. I decide to go outside. It’s night time and there are kids dressed in costumes roaming the streets. My place is off a paved alley and I go out a door that leads to this. There are people out on both sides of my place.

I try to sit and meditate on my goal (to visit the teacher I saw in another dream), but some kids stop by and interrupt me. They ask about my hair (it’s long and pulled back in a low pony tail). One boy says he fell from a tree and I see scratches on his upper back and ask him if it happened today. He says that yes it happened today, and I tell him it’ll get better. I start thinking that maybe it’s more important to interact with the people here than to try and be someplace else. (*in the house and outside there are people reading books which seems odd on Halloween somehow. I say to myself “well, you only water flowers after they’re dry.”)

I start walking around town. It’s sunny out now and I try to fly, but it’s difficult. A lady sees me and is trying to catch up with me but I recognize her and know she’s a talker and will drive me off course, I may even forget that I’m dreaming, so I try to avoid her. I see a guy and use him as an excuse not to talk to her (I fly to him all clumsy). He seems to be an old friend or something, or I know him somehow, and we start to dance to pretend I’m busy (not too slow but not real fast, dancing apart from one another).

Somehow I accidentally hit his head or something and some girl sees me do this and she gets all upset. I just want to get away. They trick me and arrest me for hurting my friend. I know they’re going to whip me at least twice to see if I bleed. My hands are bound behind my back and there are people all around judging me. If I bleed that means I’m guilty of trying to hurt him, otherwise God wouldn’t let me bleed. I’m scared but I know that I’m dreaming…how come I can’t leave?! Even if I’m dreaming this is real enough that I can’t seem to change it. I know the whipping will hurt as if it were really happening. A man stands up and says I didn’t even leave a mark or something along those lines, and he wants this to stop. They ask the man that I accidentally hit on the head if this is correct, if it was an accident, and he nods his head. They all agree and let me go. The man I hit looks like an old man now.

I walk away and I find myself inside my house again. I think how it feels no different than ordinary reality, and this somehow disappoints me. It seems like it should feel different here, maybe it is all reality. I run my fingers along a couch and feel how solid and real it is. The textures feel so real against my fingers. I still haven’t reached my goal and so much time has passed already.

I go outside and lay in partly in the street and partly in the grass. I look over and see my dog Bailey lying beside me. I reach out and touch her and am amazed that she’s here in this dream with me. Is she really? Or is this just another part of my brain putting her there? I look at the stars and ponder on this. I think about how earlier in the day, when I tried to fly, I was afraid of going too high again. When I started to get higher I couldn’t stop and it scared me so I would will myself back down to the ground again, and it would continue in this clumsy way. This is usually what happens to me in my dreams when I try to fly. So I begin to wonder if I just let go and let myself go higher if it would take me where I want to go. Then it hits me…I just need to rise up and not be afraid and I can reach my goal.

I think I want to rise! My whole body moves up to toward the stars (very bright, constellations connect with lines somehow). I try not to be afraid. My body is buzzing inside. I think that I want to see my teacher again, then change my mind and think that I want to visit myself again.

I end up in front of a white house that‘s shaped like a barn. It’s daylight, and it looks like the barn I saw in the dream I last had where I met myself (only then it was night). I go up to the door and ring the doorbell, which is above the doorway. The door is arched at the top and there are three buttons above it which are triangular. I hit one for the doorbell. I don’t wait for someone to answer the door since I don’t know how much time I have left, so I just walk inside. A family is inside, all adults, and I ask to see Amy. They look upset that I’m there. A young lady is leaning on the arm/back of a couch looking at me and a man of about the same age sits on the couch looking at me disapprovingly.

A motherly figure walks to the door. Amy appears before they can respond. She has a big smile on her face, and it’s my face! She hugs me and tells everyone that I came back! She says lets go somewhere else. As we leave I comment on their disapproval and she says that they were hoping that I wouldn’t come back. She has kind of a stuffy attitude somehow; seems kind of down or unhappy and seems almost masculine somehow. I jump on her back as a piggy back ride and give her a hug telling her it’s ok, that everything will be ok now. She smiles.

We go into a barn room thing. It has the feeling of a house, but it’s an outer building on the property. There are lots of shelves with things on them and some chairs. I say first things first, I want to ask her something in case my time runs out and I have to leave suddenly. I’m so indecisive about things and I want to check my feelings against hers since we’re part of each other, almost the same person…does she want a baby? She frowns and shakes her head saying no. She looks upset that I would ask such a question. I ask if she’s upset and disappointed and she says yes. I feel it’s because she thinks it will change my decision about having a baby. I say not to worry because I feel that I’ll have one anyway. She looks up and asks why. I say that I feel I want one, then other times I feel that I don’t, but that mostly I do. She asks how often I feel that I do; only once? I say no, I’ve felt this way several times. She asks when do I feel this way? I say that it’s when I see other people with their babies. As I’m explaining this I feel myself fading and start to feel my pillow on my face. I know I’m waking up and I can’t seem to get back to her. I finally open my eyes since it’s over and my clock says it’s 3:00.

As I’m pondering all of this in my bed, I realize that I was nothing like “me.” My family seemed stuffy and disapproving. I seemed stuffy and unhappy, except when I saw myself show up. My attitude was very depressing with no desire for children. This wasn’t like me at all. I think that asking her how she felt about having children was silly on my part now. That girl wasn’t me at all. This was a completely different person. If it was me, then it was a different side of me that I don’t want to be. They seemed well off financially, but judgmental and unhappy somehow. Maybe this was a different aspect of my ego? Was it part of my subconscious or a part of myself that isn’t who I am here but exists somewhere else? Maybe every possible aspect of who we could be exists somewhere…. Maybe I’m thinking on it too much…..

Note:
I kept questioning myself if I was really dreaming in parts of the dream or if it were really happening (before I met myself). Then I would remember that if I weren’t dreaming then I wouldn’t question it, so I had to be dreaming.

I couldn’t fall asleep very well before this dream. The last time I looked at the clock it said 2:00, I must have fallen asleep shortly after that.

Another note would be that one of the big reason's for asking her if she wanted a baby was due to the lucid dream I had about meeting my unborn daughter. I'm still unsure if I want children and thought her opinion would help me decide somehow.