memorable

8-5-11

I had a dream last night that I hugged God. I was dreaming something, I can’t remember what now, when I suddenly found myself at the entrance to this grand room and I just knew that I was dreaming. I started to think about what I should do but I had this feeling of a presence there that couldn’t be ignored. It swelled within me, this energetic enveloping within, and I knew that God was there.

I started to walk forward and I called out, “Father?” The room was very large and round. It had a very high ceiling (I couldn’t actually see the ceiling). There was a warm light all around (not bright or dim), and I was slightly aware of designs or balconies or something along the walls, but I didn’t look too closely. My attention was focused on this raised platform in the middle of the floor. It was round like the room and took up most of the room; there was almost just a walkway around it.

I floated up to this platform and saw a man standing there. He was very attractive but not in a way that you’re physically attracted to someone. I guess I should say that while I didn’t feel any physical attraction to him, I could see that he was very attractive. He seemed about my age and almost looked like Jesus but different. He had shorter dark hair (not clean cut but not shaggy) and a form fitting dark beard (not long but fit his face) and dark eyes. He didn’t seem to radiate any emotion, he was just there.

He smiled and said something about how he was always listening to everyone or always with everyone. It felt like he was trying to explain why he wasn’t always “there.” Which meant he always was there, but almost like he was trying to give an explanation as to why he couldn’t really show himself to us? Not an apology but an explanation.
I asked him if I could have a hug (I was content and happy inside). He said, “Of course you can have a hug.” He opened his arms I walked into them. We hugged one arm up and one under the other. It began sort of awkward since I wasn’t sure how to hug him (arms above or below his) so I followed his example. He held me for a few moments and it was nice. It just felt like hugging any other man but I knew it was God.

I told him that I was sorry he was so busy with everyone all the time (not exact words but the gist). Somehow I knew he was ok with being the way he is though. We were the same height, so I wasn’t short or tall, we were just even. We just “were” together for a moment and it was nice. I didn’t feel anything spectacular, no big rush of energy, no big revelations or anything…just a moment hugging someone and I knew it was God.
That’s all I remember, but it was nice.

Note* I thought this was a strange dream to have since I'm not actually religious. I feel I'm a very spiritual person but I don't follow any one religion and don't know that I believe there is a God in the sens of there being one being. To me God is more a collection of awareness and energy that we're all a part of (if that makes sense). Anyway, I was aware of this in my dream as well, but I couldn't deny the presence before me.

Not sure of the date…June or July 2011?

I realize that I’m dreaming. I’m in a house, the tv is really loud and I feel like I have to concentrate to reach my goal (get where I want in my dream), but the tv is too loud and I can’t concentrate. I try going into another room but there’s another tv or stereo that’s too loud in that room too. I decide to go outside. It’s night time and there are kids dressed in costumes roaming the streets. My place is off a paved alley and I go out a door that leads to this. There are people out on both sides of my place.

I try to sit and meditate on my goal (to visit the teacher I saw in another dream), but some kids stop by and interrupt me. They ask about my hair (it’s long and pulled back in a low pony tail). One boy says he fell from a tree and I see scratches on his upper back and ask him if it happened today. He says that yes it happened today, and I tell him it’ll get better. I start thinking that maybe it’s more important to interact with the people here than to try and be someplace else. (*in the house and outside there are people reading books which seems odd on Halloween somehow. I say to myself “well, you only water flowers after they’re dry.”)

I start walking around town. It’s sunny out now and I try to fly, but it’s difficult. A lady sees me and is trying to catch up with me but I recognize her and know she’s a talker and will drive me off course, I may even forget that I’m dreaming, so I try to avoid her. I see a guy and use him as an excuse not to talk to her (I fly to him all clumsy). He seems to be an old friend or something, or I know him somehow, and we start to dance to pretend I’m busy (not too slow but not real fast, dancing apart from one another).

Somehow I accidentally hit his head or something and some girl sees me do this and she gets all upset. I just want to get away. They trick me and arrest me for hurting my friend. I know they’re going to whip me at least twice to see if I bleed. My hands are bound behind my back and there are people all around judging me. If I bleed that means I’m guilty of trying to hurt him, otherwise God wouldn’t let me bleed. I’m scared but I know that I’m dreaming…how come I can’t leave?! Even if I’m dreaming this is real enough that I can’t seem to change it. I know the whipping will hurt as if it were really happening. A man stands up and says I didn’t even leave a mark or something along those lines, and he wants this to stop. They ask the man that I accidentally hit on the head if this is correct, if it was an accident, and he nods his head. They all agree and let me go. The man I hit looks like an old man now.

I walk away and I find myself inside my house again. I think how it feels no different than ordinary reality, and this somehow disappoints me. It seems like it should feel different here, maybe it is all reality. I run my fingers along a couch and feel how solid and real it is. The textures feel so real against my fingers. I still haven’t reached my goal and so much time has passed already.

I go outside and lay in partly in the street and partly in the grass. I look over and see my dog Bailey lying beside me. I reach out and touch her and am amazed that she’s here in this dream with me. Is she really? Or is this just another part of my brain putting her there? I look at the stars and ponder on this. I think about how earlier in the day, when I tried to fly, I was afraid of going too high again. When I started to get higher I couldn’t stop and it scared me so I would will myself back down to the ground again, and it would continue in this clumsy way. This is usually what happens to me in my dreams when I try to fly. So I begin to wonder if I just let go and let myself go higher if it would take me where I want to go. Then it hits me…I just need to rise up and not be afraid and I can reach my goal.

I think I want to rise! My whole body moves up to toward the stars (very bright, constellations connect with lines somehow). I try not to be afraid. My body is buzzing inside. I think that I want to see my teacher again, then change my mind and think that I want to visit myself again.

I end up in front of a white house that‘s shaped like a barn. It’s daylight, and it looks like the barn I saw in the dream I last had where I met myself (only then it was night). I go up to the door and ring the doorbell, which is above the doorway. The door is arched at the top and there are three buttons above it which are triangular. I hit one for the doorbell. I don’t wait for someone to answer the door since I don’t know how much time I have left, so I just walk inside. A family is inside, all adults, and I ask to see Amy. They look upset that I’m there. A young lady is leaning on the arm/back of a couch looking at me and a man of about the same age sits on the couch looking at me disapprovingly.

A motherly figure walks to the door. Amy appears before they can respond. She has a big smile on her face, and it’s my face! She hugs me and tells everyone that I came back! She says lets go somewhere else. As we leave I comment on their disapproval and she says that they were hoping that I wouldn’t come back. She has kind of a stuffy attitude somehow; seems kind of down or unhappy and seems almost masculine somehow. I jump on her back as a piggy back ride and give her a hug telling her it’s ok, that everything will be ok now. She smiles.

We go into a barn room thing. It has the feeling of a house, but it’s an outer building on the property. There are lots of shelves with things on them and some chairs. I say first things first, I want to ask her something in case my time runs out and I have to leave suddenly. I’m so indecisive about things and I want to check my feelings against hers since we’re part of each other, almost the same person…does she want a baby? She frowns and shakes her head saying no. She looks upset that I would ask such a question. I ask if she’s upset and disappointed and she says yes. I feel it’s because she thinks it will change my decision about having a baby. I say not to worry because I feel that I’ll have one anyway. She looks up and asks why. I say that I feel I want one, then other times I feel that I don’t, but that mostly I do. She asks how often I feel that I do; only once? I say no, I’ve felt this way several times. She asks when do I feel this way? I say that it’s when I see other people with their babies. As I’m explaining this I feel myself fading and start to feel my pillow on my face. I know I’m waking up and I can’t seem to get back to her. I finally open my eyes since it’s over and my clock says it’s 3:00.

As I’m pondering all of this in my bed, I realize that I was nothing like “me.” My family seemed stuffy and disapproving. I seemed stuffy and unhappy, except when I saw myself show up. My attitude was very depressing with no desire for children. This wasn’t like me at all. I think that asking her how she felt about having children was silly on my part now. That girl wasn’t me at all. This was a completely different person. If it was me, then it was a different side of me that I don’t want to be. They seemed well off financially, but judgmental and unhappy somehow. Maybe this was a different aspect of my ego? Was it part of my subconscious or a part of myself that isn’t who I am here but exists somewhere else? Maybe every possible aspect of who we could be exists somewhere…. Maybe I’m thinking on it too much…..

Note:
I kept questioning myself if I was really dreaming in parts of the dream or if it were really happening (before I met myself). Then I would remember that if I weren’t dreaming then I wouldn’t question it, so I had to be dreaming.

I couldn’t fall asleep very well before this dream. The last time I looked at the clock it said 2:00, I must have fallen asleep shortly after that.

Another note would be that one of the big reason's for asking her if she wanted a baby was due to the lucid dream I had about meeting my unborn daughter. I'm still unsure if I want children and thought her opinion would help me decide somehow.

12-15-10
I was watching over the life of a man, and he had no idea. He lived for hundreds of years. He sat cross legged with his head down outside in the elements. I forget what his first body was, but I think he was fully clothed for it. In his next body, he was naked, but I put bubble wrap on his feet to keep them warm. Somehow I knew that while he was probably uncomfortable, the only thing that was really important was that his feet stay warm, so I had to be sure of that. He was unaware of any of this or of me. All of his fingers on his hand (right?) were missing except his pointer finger. They had all been ground down years ago, but once again, the only important thing was that he kept his pointer finger, so it was ok (he didn’t know this either, only I did). His mutation was so severe that it looked like an arm that went straight to a finger. Even his hand had been mostly worn away.

I gave him a sip of water out of a gallon jug every so many hundred years (maybe 200, maybe 300, depends). When I did, he would look up at me and smile. I would decide what each of his next lives would be before they would begin. I remember deciding that one life he would become a Buddhist Monk, and touched him on his bald head to make it so. At one point, I liked the way that sipping the water would make him so happy that I kept giving him sip after sip so that he kept looking up at me and smiling. Suddenly, he looked down and looked sad. He said he remembered….everything (with much gravity). I realized I had let him drink too much and because of this he remembered all the suffering from the past hundreds of years that he had been living, instead of the joy, or peace, he could find from this moment.

I knew, after his awakening, that it was my turn now. I’m not sure if it was because of his awakening, or if it was just time, but now he would watch over me as I had watched over him. I told him what to do. Only give me a sip of water about every 200 years, and make sure I keep my pointer finger. He said ok. I knew it would be long and hard, but that I wouldn’t remember or realize it, so it would be ok.

Somehow, even though he was suppose to be watching over me now, I was the one that walked away, and I was still watching over him in a sense. I went into town to find a job. It was a much older period, before much medical discovery. I went to this small brown building and applied for a job as a physician and got it (with no prior experience). I was from the future somehow, so I remembered more from that than these people had learned (they didn’t know this though). I was aware that women were talking in town, and they were hopeful/excited because there was a new doctor in town. They were hoping to have more success with their pregnancies since they were having difficulties getting pregnant.

In this dream, I was a male doctor, not a woman. I saw a glimpse of myself in a white doctor/lab coat. I was still watching over my “friend” through this. Now, he was only a decapitated head preserved in a jar. I would forget about him sometimes, and once some squirrels got to him. I was worried he had died. Another time I came home to find the jar with his head in it on the floor (his head was now a raccoon head). The jar had tiny crickets all over in it and around it. They were in his eyes, throat and nose. I figured he would have suffocated; there was no way he could have survived this one. But he was still alive. I cleared them away, and while his head looked dead (didn’t move, blink or breath…almost looked stuffed) I knew he was still in there hanging on. I was relieved and knew I had to preserve him better so this wouldn’t happen again (obviously the jar wasn’t sealed tight enough).

I went to sleep saying the affirmation: I am free of my body, I remain aware while it is asleep, and I will remember.

I woke up a few minutes to 3:00 a.m. and got up to use the bathroom. I realized this is the optimal time for out of body or lucid dreaming. I went to bed and went through my affirmations again. I started on my back and then just decided to lay on my left side since I wasn’t falling asleep and about an hour had passed. I’d rather sleep than stay up all night trying.

As I started to fall asleep, I felt an intense vibration at the back up my neck rapidly spread through my head and upper body. I didn’t hear anything, I just felt this vibration, and I thought “something is happening.” I focused on staying calm and trying to increase this feeling. It wasn’t very long before I just felt like I was laying there with that vibration and that was as far as it was going to go. I remembered in the book he would declare what he wanted to happen, so I said “I float to the door.” I felt some movement, so I said it again and visualized rising up like a balloon and actually felt myself float up and out of my body. Instead of going toward the door, though, I ended up at the foot of my bed. I felt so REAL. It felt just like I would if this hadn’t happened.

I started to leave the room, and kind of felt along the wall to see what it would feel like (it felt like a wall), and then it dawned on me to look back at my body. I looked back and saw a lump under the blankets and I got excited and hopped up on the bed and crawled over to where I would be. Thinking now, I fell asleep with my head out of the covers (covers up to my neck) but I didn’t see my head. I crawled over Paul too and he kind of groaned and changed positions. I felt really heavy, like I would ordinarily, and felt bad that I was waking him up, so I got off the bed and went for the door.

I started to go toward the computer room, but felt drawn to the living room, so I went that way instead. I couldn’t get over how solid everything felt, like this hadn’t happened at all and I was just awake to go to the bathroom. I felt so in control. I went into the kitchen and was looking around and thought that I wanted to try to get in contact with my unborn daughter again, that’s what I was planning to do if I got this far. So I focused on that experience, and said out loud that I want to meet my unborn daughter. I whispered this so as to not wake up Paul (hee hee) but said it with conviction. Nothing happened, so I said it a few more times but changed it to say I wanted to go back to that dream and meet the little girl or something just in case she wasn’t really my daughter. Nothing happened. I was still in my kitchen. I thought, maybe the dream wasn’t what I thought it was, and maybe I would never have a daughter, so maybe I was asking for the wrong thing and that’s why nothing was happening.

I decided to ask to move inward as the book suggested, to move to your inner self. I whispered that with conviction, hands in loose fists in front of me, close my eyes and mean it….nothing happened. I was still standing by the fridge in front of the doorway to the kitchen. Now I’m disappointed. I go into the living room and decide to sit down and try to relax and figure out what to do. It crosses my mind to go outside, but it seems too big or something, so I just sit there on the carpet. Looking back, there was no furniture in my living room. I was wearing loose white pants and my long hair fell in front of me as I sat down cross legged on the floor. I thought how boring this was! I’d rather just be sleeping than feel awake and sitting in the living room all night just waiting to wake up!

I was looking at the bedroom door and started wondering how we slept with that much light in there. There was a dim pinkish glow coming from the room, with a little darker redish pink light pulsing over it (like something was on standby and blinking). I saw and heard Paul move around and change positions and wondered how it didn’t wake me up…maybe because I was out of body? I also realized I’d thought of my body and not woken up like the book suggested I would.

Then Paul suddenly got up and grabbed a Kleenex in the bedroom (we don’t have Kleenex in the bedroom) and raced for the bathroom. I thought he was going to throw up (had Kleenex to his mouth). He came back shortly after and I realized he just spit a loogy out or something. He started to go into the bedroom, then stopped and came into the living room and looked at the far wall. I thought “he can’t see me!” Then he looked down at me and asked what I was doing. My heart fell, and I said “you can see me?” He said of course he could see me and came over to hold out his hand and help me up off the floor.

We grasped hands and he helped me up and said we should go to bed. I asked if I was in bed and he said of course not. I went into the bedroom and the bed was empty. I was so disappointed. I said I swore I had had an out of body experience and he just acted like he didn’t want to talk about it, he was tired, didn’t say much and went to bed. I said, so you mean I just actually got up and was walking around and thought it was out of body? No comment from Paul. It felt as real as just waking up and walking around, so I believed that’s what it was. I just KNEW it had been an out of body! But that would explain why nothing else would happen. I felt so foolish.
This led into a non-lucid dream of Paul and me in our small bathroom in our apartment studying (me with my math book on floor, him on the toilet reading, not going to bathroom). We were listening to neighbor’s downstairs yell at their daughter again. I say I want to shout that he’s an asshole (girl’s dad) and Paul smiles and yells “Asshole!” To floor so the man will hear. I smile back at Paul; I hope the guy downstairs heard.

The dream wanders on and I eventually wake up around 4:30. It’s been about 40 min.
Was it an out of body turned to dream? Or was it just a dream after all? Do I have blocks I need to get over?

I also remember in the kitchen I asked for clarity now just to see what would happen, although I didn’t feel I needed any more clarity, everything felt solid and focused, but nothing happened then either.

I had a lucid dream last night. It’s December 09, 2010 (Thursday). I have to be quick since I have to go to work. I was walking on a path through the woods with some man, I think he was taking me somewhere. It was a dirt path, kind of a tanish color so not wet, dry clay like dirt. There were trees on the right, but not real close to the path. I think the left side dropped off a bit toward a type of gulley? I don’t remember water down there, but it dropped to something. I was looking at his face when I suddenly realized that I was dreaming.

He was very ugly, almost scary. I told him I was dreaming, and he didn’t believe me! I said that it didn’t mean he didn’t exist, maybe he did and we just met on this plane, but he just looked upset, almost angry and disbelieving, like I was crazy. I realized if I wasn’t dreaming, I would be afraid of this big, ugly man, but I wasn’t! I knew I wasn’t getting anywhere with him, he didn’t even believe me, so I walked past him down the path where I knew I had seen a younger man and someone else (not sure who now).

I found him and told him I was dreaming, and he instantly believed me. He had short dark hair and wasn’t much taller than me. He quickly directed me in a direction I should go, but I don’t remember him saying anything. The direction he pointed led me to the inside of a building (I don’t remember getting there, only that he pointed to a less visible trail leading off the one we were on).

Inside almost looked like a bar/reception building. There were a few people sitting at tables talking with drinks in front of them, but it wasn’t exactly a party atmosphere. I saw a woman and tried talking to her…everything was so real! I couldn’t believe I was really so aware again in a dream! This is where my memory starts to go in and out. I was standing talking to her, I was a little excited. I remember my Mom was there, which didn’t seem unusual, but she kind of came out of nowhere. I told this woman I was dreaming and that this had happened before. I told her about the dream where I met my unborn daughter and when I met myself. She just kept looking at me, she was middle aged, older than me, but maybe by 10 years? My Mom kept trying to talk to tell her about my dreams as well.

She told me this wasn’t surprising since I’ve done this in past lives as well. She said I’ve been able to do this in 7 of my past 8 lives. I was surprised. So I have had 8 past lives? She said yes. Then she kind of walked away and joined someone at another table. My Mom was upset, like how could she leave now? We were just getting started. I knew she was done talking, and at points I felt my awareness drift, and I knew I had to focus so I wouldn’t fade into a dream.

I tried to focus on who to meet next. I went up to someone to ask who to speak to, and I was standing in front, but between two people facing each other. I think they were men, but I don’t really remember them. Another man appeared, kind of through a fog, and I knew he just appeared because he was needed by me. He didn’t walk up, he just kind of formed there through the fog. He was wearing a suit with no jacket, and he was overweight. I think he may have been balding a bit too, not sure.
Anyway, he looked tired and I kind of laughed and told him so. He smiled and sighed and said he was. It was like he was appearing for work to work with me and I caught him on a tired day. He was sitting behind a wood desk in a swivel leather chair talking to me. I told him what the lady said about my past lives, and he looked surprised. He said “well if that’s the case, what does it take to get you to higher consciousness”? I said I had kind of wondered the same thing. I asked him what he felt I needed to do, did I need to do good deeds for other people or something?

And at this point, I don’t remember more! I do remember my Mom was talking real loud behind me trying to get in her two cents about all of this as well, although I don’t remember what she was saying. I wanted her to stop talking so I could concentrate and hear this man. I told her to be quite, meaning to stop talking, and she just kept talking but at a quieter level. I have the impression she was talking to someone else too, but not 100% about that either. I’m wondering if this may be when I started to lose focus and maybe started dreaming again since I don’t remember more? I don’t remember him answering me.

I had this dream a few nights ago (today is 11-30-10). I remembered it again today and wanted to write it down before I forget any more details. It started off in a camp of some sort. It was getting darker (dusk), and I was near a cooking fire area. There were many people around. There was a flat pan that I use for cooking grilled cheese (in real life) laying on the ground, and it was very hot. One of my friends (I get the feeling it was Josh or Keith, which I knew when I woke up but can’t remember for sure now) stumbled and fell onto this pan, burning his face pretty badly. He was upset and in a lot of pain; holding his face and howling. I felt bad, but also felt that I had warned him of the danger, so I didn’t feel it was entirely my fault that he was hurting. I didn’t voice this, though. I merely walked away to another group of people that were cooking food. I knew I had to leave the camp, but I wanted to show a good gesture for the community at the same time. Everyone was going to be leaving to move to another area, and they would need food and supplies carried to their new destination. I felt that I would start carrying food alone, even though it was a very long and treacherous journey. I felt I could do it quickly and easily by myself. I grabbed a glass bowl of some sort of corn casserole and headed off towards the trees. Nobody tried to follow me, but I had the feeling that they felt I was crazy to think that I could make it alone. I somehow knew I would make it there and back several times before they made their first trip; so I would be back to carry more food before they even left camp.

Once near the trees, I started running. I didn’t get winded or even tired, but just kept on running. Up until this point, I have seen this dream through my own eyes (1st person), but then I start to see scenes of myself on this journey. From above, I see myself stop to rest for the night in front of a fire. All else is quiet, and I feel secure, safe and serene. I really don’t feel any harsh emotions through most of this dream. I mainly feel acceptance and a numb kind of calm. I run for days (which I don’t really watch so much as I know it has happened), when I reach a pool of water that I stop to bath in. I see myself in the water, washing my long brown hair. Once again all is quiet but the sound of the water and the feel of nature around me. I notice that I’m very lean and beautiful. I’ve been living off of the earth and running for a very long time, so I’m radiantly strong and healthy. I’ve never once been afraid of being alone, I just feel at peace and know that I have this mission to finish delivering food. I don’t see any animals of any kind, I’m completely alone.

After running for days more, the scenery starts to change to suburban America. Streets, cars, sidewalks. I’m running along the sidewalk, and I start to feel the heaviest burden of sadness. I’m remembering a time in my life where I used to run to happiness, and now I’m remembering that and sobbing that I no longer have it to run to, so I’m just running to run. I see Karen ahead of me, and although I don’t remember why now, she wants to fight me or hurt me somehow. Without breaking stride, I hit her hard and beat her down and keep running. I don’t feel bad about this; I was simply defending myself against her blows to keep moving. I keep running…. That’s about the last thing I remember.

I had another vivid lucid dream last night. I can’t remember it all so clearly now, but at the time it was very vivid and real, and very long. I think I came up a staircase to a building with glass doors. I went inside, and when I did, somehow I knew I was dreaming. I walked through a doorway into what seemed to be a classroom. There were students sitting at desks to the right of me and the teacher’s desk was on the left (the teacher was a woman).

I started looking around at everybody, and remembered that the next time I had a vivid dream I would ask for direction again. I went to the front of the classroom and decided to meditate a moment to make my intention clear. I simply stood there at the front of the classroom, in front of everybody, and held my hands to my sides with my pointer finger touching my thumb to make the circle used in mediations, closed my eyes and focused on the moment.

When I opened them everyone was looking at me. I turned and asked the teacher where I should go. She didn’t hesitate in pointing to a door on the opposite side of the classroom from where I came in. I went out that door and it led outside. There were people walking around like it was a campus. There were cement stairs (very wide) leading down to a sidewalk and grassy area. It was sunny outside and the nature looked like it would here. There were trees in full bloom, all green and beautiful. I noticed to my right there was a building that was about the same size as the one I was leaving, but had a distinctive style to it. It looked more important. It didn’t look like a study hall or classroom so much as kind of, not castle like, since there were no real spires or anything and it was small, but it was white and I think the windows were surrounded by a hazy blue coloring? There were trees around it. It looked welcoming, and I had a feeling that was where I was suppose to go.

I asked someone in the crowd (some people were carrying books too) where I should go and they pointed in the direction of this building. I couldn’t be sure that’s where they were leading me, so I asked again and got the same response, so I started walking. I don’t remember actually going into the building now, but I have a feeling I didn’t just appear inside, like I actually had to walk up and through a door.

When I got inside, there was a wooden desk by some windows overlooking the courtyard area thing. I don’t remember a lot about the rest of the room now, but at the time it was very vivid. I remember everything being as real as it is here.

There was a woman behind the desk and she greeted me. I felt like I should hurry because so much time had passed and I thought I would wake up soon and didn’t want to miss out on what I was being directed to. I think I asked her what I needed to know or something along those lines and she just looked at me. I said something along the lines that I was in a hurry because I was dreaming and didn’t want to wake up so she needed to tell me (not my exact words). She patiently looked at me and stood up and asked me, “Are you really?” And I said, yes, I knew I was dreaming. She just looked at me with all that patience and asked again if I was sure I was dreaming…because this was no dream. I knew intuitively what she meant. That while it wasn’t my “regular” life, this too was real.

I studied some of the objects on her desk, picking one up and kind of rolling it around, feeling it in my hand and thinking about this for a moment. Weighing how real everything around me was, and it felt like that was all the reality there was, besides my remembering I had another life (although the specifics weren’t there for me, almost like trying to remember my dream now here, remembering my life would be the same?).

She told me that this was just as real, but I knew it was obviously different from my other life. She came around the desk and said everyone here was real too. I asked her if they were dreaming or dead then, and she said they were all “dreaming” too, but not dead.

I wish now that I would have asked more questions or asked her to specify what she meant since they all seemed to be going to class and doing “regular” things as opposed to having a dream quality to them. But at the time this didn’t occur to me as strange from a normal dream and I didn’t ask. I only remember fragments from here, but it didn’t jump around in my dream. I remembered more when I woke up, but I didn’t write this all down right away. I can only say that events unraveled as they would here, from moment to moment.

At some point someone else was in the room too, but I can’t remember who. It was a woman, but I don’t remember anything else. I don’t even really remember what the woman I had been talking to looked like. I’m pretty sure she had light brown hair, maybe wavy, and about shoulder length. She wasn’t thin or fat, just kind of solid for lack of a better word. She was older than me, but didn’t appear old, maybe motherly. I would say she was quite a bit older than me, but her face didn’t appear old at all. She had a, not “husky”, but calming voice. A knowledgeable voice somehow.

I remember going to the wall to the right of her desk (facing the desk, since that’s what I had been doing) and the whole wall was missing. It just opened up to the elements outside and dropped off over the trees (it was up high). The three of us stood looking out at this view. There were trees and crops, and the sky was so blue. She was explaining to me that here we could control the weather, so the crops always got what they needed, and people always got what they needed. She had been helping this other woman practice to make the rain start and stop and they were going to demonstrate this to me now.

I still knew it was a dream, and I asked her how things didn’t get messed up. She asked me what I meant, and I asked how the weather could be any one thing since it would seem that many people would try to change it at the same time. While I don’t remember her exact answer, I got the impression that this didn’t really happen often, so maybe people had the same goal as to what needed to be done? Maybe these people all worked together? Anyway, we sat on the floor in front of this space, in silence, and this other woman was suppose to concentrate and make it rain. I decided to try myself 

I sat cross legged, in meditation pose, and looked out at the land and felt that I wanted it to rain. Within seconds the rain started to fall outside. I could hear the drops hitting the leaves of the trees outside. I didn’t necessarily see clouds roll in, the sunlight just seemed to become less, or dimmer, and the rain fell from the sky. It was a very full but calm rain, coming straight down. After about a minute I felt that I wanted it to stop and it did, and it was sunny again. I don’t know if I done this or the woman who was suppose to be practicing did, but I felt it was me, but decided not to comment on it, and these women didn’t either. I remember feeling proud of myself though, that I could do this.

I remember another moment where we were suddenly riding a wave. We had been looking out over the land, and then we were talking about something, and when I looked again it was a wall of water and I could feel us tilting and knew we were riding a huge wave! I still knew I was dreaming and wondered if I should be afraid, but I wasn’t. I just went into it and rode with it. I didn’t feel wet from the water, only the sensation of riding the rise and swell of this huge wave. I think there was a loud rumble somewhere, but I can’t be sure. It just felt powerful and big. And now I don’t remember landing or how it ended; only that it did somehow. I’m not sure why this happened, only that my “teacher” was still there with me somehow even though I couldn’t see her, I could hear her voice at times. Maybe it was a lesson on what we can do in a dream? Just a thought.

I also remember being in another kind of room with other people. Not a lot, but a few. They were trying to teach me how to fly in this “dream”, and I couldn’t do it. We were standing in a room with wooden floors and wooden walls, like a big cabin. A few people were trying to teach me how to rise off of the floor. They were standing there with their hands to their sides and would kind of appear to stiffen their bodies and just rise off the floor. As hard as I tried I couldn’t float. I knew it was a dream, and remembered how I had tried to walk through walls in other vivid dreams and failed somehow. I told them I just couldn’t do it. They argued that I could, I just had to try. I wondered out loud if my energy here might be dwindling too much since I had been here so long now. I noticed that we all had a ball floating in front of us, and mine was smaller. This was supposed to represent our energy for abilities here, and I don’t know how I knew this. In my dream I somehow remembered another vivid dream where someone had taught me that this was what these were, a representation of how much energy or ability we had while in dream state. The woman who had been teaching me was in wonder at this since it was something she hadn’t known. I don’t remember now having a dream that told me this, but in this dream it was something I remembered very well. I compared mine to a child’s standing next to me and showed them how much smaller mine was than the child’s, and they agreed that they could see how it made sense. (Mine had maybe a 6 or 7 inch diameter, while this other was over twice that size).

Another moment, I was sitting on the floor by a man at some point. He was about my age and seemed really friendly. I commented on how my ball of energy was the same color as his, green. I could pick his up and look at it, and then I tossed it back to him smiling. I don’t remember now, but this was another thing we had in common together since I had noticed something else earlier (can’t remember what now), and he smiled at me. I think we talked, but I’m not sure what we said. There was a child near us and his ball looked like a beach ball in color and size.

At some point, although I hadn’t been able to fly, I was determined to make it work, so I decided to try another tactic. There was a drop off in the room, a type of ledge that overlooked another level, and I decide to jump off of it and try to fly from there. I knew it might hurt if I fell, but I though it would be ok since it was a dream. I took the dive and started to fall headfirst (this whole dream was in first person of course since it felt as real as here, it was all through my eyes as it would be in reality). I tried to concentrate on flying and it didn’t want to work. I felt myself waver a bit, like maybe I could shift direction but not go up…and finally I felt myself rise before I hit the floor!

This all happened in a matter of seconds, but it worked! I flew up and around the room, and I felt so free! I held my arms back so I was flying face first around the room, and it was a very large room. I think someone was flying with me, but I don’t know who. They weren’t flying along side me, just somewhere else in the room. I was so happy, and it felt so good. This is what it felt like to fly! I could feel the air around me, and my whole body would get tingles of a pleasant sensation as I was flying. I flew up to this huge long mirror along the ceiling and saw myself reflected back. I think I looked as I would here, at least that’s what I remember thinking, but I can’t be sure in comparison now since I can’t remember exactly what my reflection was. I know I had long brown hair, but I think I may have looked a little younger than I do in real life. In my dream I felt it was an accurate reflection though, so I could be wrong about that.

Even knowing it’s a dream and feeling the reality of it and knowing of your “other life”, upon awakening, you realize that your thoughts and memories don’t always match the ones you have here. This realization is strange to me. How is it that while dreaming remembering your “real life” can be as difficult as remembering your “dream” upon awakening? I mean, I knew I was dreaming this whole time, not once did it waver and let me forget where I was and what was happening. I think this was the longest dream I’ve had that I can remember where I knew I was dreaming. It was wonderful! That’s all I can really remember right now. I may remember more later. If I do, I’ll add it in as I do 

I wrote this down when I had it and lost the original copy. This is what I remember of it (still pretty detailed):

This dream started off like any other ordinary dream, so I didn’t know that I was dreaming. I was walking on a narrow path late at night. I could see pretty well because the moon was really bright, so the path was clear in front of me. It was a dirt path surrounded by grass with trees here and there. Most of it appeared blue and gray since it was dark outside.

Suddenly I was walking the path again and as I looked down I saw footprints in the dirt of the path. I realized that they were my footprints since I had already been this way and realized that I was dreaming. I knew if I walked fast enough I would probably find myself somewhere up ahead still walking. I got excited about this idea; I mean, who gets to meet themselves? The path started to curve to the right, and as I went around the curve I saw a barn off to the right as well. It was shaped like an old barn, but the doors must have been open on both sides because you could see right through the middle (there was a square opening so you could see to the other side through the doors).

Standing in the middle of this opening was the silhouette of a person. I knew it had to be me, and even though it felt silly, I called out my name to the person as if to question if it was really me. At first I got no response, they just stood there. After I called again they came running up to me and threw their arms around me and just held me. The hug felt nice, but I still wasn’t sure who it was. I asked again if it was Amy and she said in my voice that yes it was. I never really saw her face that I can remember. It was dark, but not so dark that I wouldn’t be able to see her. We didn’t talk, there just didn’t seem to be a need to. There was just a comfortable silence that I was happy to continue with. We lay down in the grass of the path and just looked at the stars together. She was laying on my right side with her head on my shoulder and I had my arm around her and was playing with her hair. I often play with my own hair and knew she would like it if I did it for her. We laid that way for what seemed like a significant time. The stars were so unbelievably bright and beautiful! I could feel the grass beneath me, the clothes I was wearing, a slight breeze against my face, and her body laying next to mine. It just felt really nice. I remember thinking how real it all was. I knew my body was lying in bed at that moment and that this was a dream, but if this was just a dream, what was reality really? I was really there in that moment. I could look around and feel really being there. I wanted to stay there but I knew I was going to wake up soon. I had already woken up to my alarm and hit the snooze button, so I knew I only had 10 minutes before it went off again and I already felt I’d been there a long time (this had really happened and my alarm really was going to go off soon).

I didn’t want to just vanish without saying goodbye, so I sat her up with me and sat cross legged from her and told her that I was going to have to leave soon. I remember she had a cast on her arm (I think her right arm but I can’t be sure now). I still don’t remember seeing her face clearly, but she had my hair. She said she didn’t want me to go. I told her I didn’t want to go either but my alarm was going to go off soon. I don’t remember saying anything else, I know the last thing was discussing my alarm going off soon and that I was going to have to go, then my alarm did go off and I woke up. I was so amazed with this experience. This was definitely one of the most vivid lucid dreams I’ve had! After waking there were things I wish I would have asked her, but at the same time the silence was so nice that I don’t really regret breaking the moment. It was an amazing dream.

I don’t really remember how this dream started. I had written it down when I had it but I lost the original copy, so this is what I remember now.

I remember it from sitting in a swing near a building that looked like an elementary school. It actually reminded me a lot of the first elementary school that I attended. The swings had those bucket seats that fit your bottom and I was slightly swaying back and forth while sitting there. I could feel the metal rings in my hands like they were really there, the breeze in my hair and on my face, I could smell the scent of autumn, and I could see that the leaves on the trees were turning colors, so it was fall. Everything looked so vibrant and real! This was the first dream I’d had to feel this real. It really made me question what real was (this was before the dream that I met myself in).

I looked over to my left and saw that there was a little girl on the swings next to me. She was maybe around 6 or 7 and she had short, straight dark hair and dark eyes; very cute. She had her head down and was kind of dragging her feet in the sand under her swing. She looked upset about something. I asked her who she was and she told me her name (which I can’t remember now). I somehow intuitively knew that she was my unborn daughter. I felt I shouldn’t tell her this though for some reason. I asked her what was wrong and she said something that made me feel that it was taking too long for her to be born and she was tired of waiting (I can’t remember what she actually said). She said she was going away, and I knew she meant she was going to run away to be born by somebody else. I’m not sure how but I knew it would be to my cousin Tori. I told her I didn’t think she was supposed to do that, and she said she didn’t care. A big vacation style bus pulled up to the curb and opened the doors waiting. She got into the bus and it drove away. I don’t remember if she said goodbye or if she just left. I remember feeling very calm and knowing that even though she was supposed to be my daughter, it was ok that she would be somebody else’s now. There were no rules; anything that happened was ok to happen however it panned out. I only hoped I could remember that when I woke up so I wouldn’t be upset about it.