apurtell

I went to sleep saying the affirmation: I am free of my body, I remain aware while it is asleep, and I will remember.

I woke up a few minutes to 3:00 a.m. and got up to use the bathroom. I realized this is the optimal time for out of body or lucid dreaming. I went to bed and went through my affirmations again. I started on my back and then just decided to lay on my left side since I wasn’t falling asleep and about an hour had passed. I’d rather sleep than stay up all night trying.

As I started to fall asleep, I felt an intense vibration at the back up my neck rapidly spread through my head and upper body. I didn’t hear anything, I just felt this vibration, and I thought “something is happening.” I focused on staying calm and trying to increase this feeling. It wasn’t very long before I just felt like I was laying there with that vibration and that was as far as it was going to go. I remembered in the book he would declare what he wanted to happen, so I said “I float to the door.” I felt some movement, so I said it again and visualized rising up like a balloon and actually felt myself float up and out of my body. Instead of going toward the door, though, I ended up at the foot of my bed. I felt so REAL. It felt just like I would if this hadn’t happened.

I started to leave the room, and kind of felt along the wall to see what it would feel like (it felt like a wall), and then it dawned on me to look back at my body. I looked back and saw a lump under the blankets and I got excited and hopped up on the bed and crawled over to where I would be. Thinking now, I fell asleep with my head out of the covers (covers up to my neck) but I didn’t see my head. I crawled over Paul too and he kind of groaned and changed positions. I felt really heavy, like I would ordinarily, and felt bad that I was waking him up, so I got off the bed and went for the door.

I started to go toward the computer room, but felt drawn to the living room, so I went that way instead. I couldn’t get over how solid everything felt, like this hadn’t happened at all and I was just awake to go to the bathroom. I felt so in control. I went into the kitchen and was looking around and thought that I wanted to try to get in contact with my unborn daughter again, that’s what I was planning to do if I got this far. So I focused on that experience, and said out loud that I want to meet my unborn daughter. I whispered this so as to not wake up Paul (hee hee) but said it with conviction. Nothing happened, so I said it a few more times but changed it to say I wanted to go back to that dream and meet the little girl or something just in case she wasn’t really my daughter. Nothing happened. I was still in my kitchen. I thought, maybe the dream wasn’t what I thought it was, and maybe I would never have a daughter, so maybe I was asking for the wrong thing and that’s why nothing was happening.

I decided to ask to move inward as the book suggested, to move to your inner self. I whispered that with conviction, hands in loose fists in front of me, close my eyes and mean it….nothing happened. I was still standing by the fridge in front of the doorway to the kitchen. Now I’m disappointed. I go into the living room and decide to sit down and try to relax and figure out what to do. It crosses my mind to go outside, but it seems too big or something, so I just sit there on the carpet. Looking back, there was no furniture in my living room. I was wearing loose white pants and my long hair fell in front of me as I sat down cross legged on the floor. I thought how boring this was! I’d rather just be sleeping than feel awake and sitting in the living room all night just waiting to wake up!

I was looking at the bedroom door and started wondering how we slept with that much light in there. There was a dim pinkish glow coming from the room, with a little darker redish pink light pulsing over it (like something was on standby and blinking). I saw and heard Paul move around and change positions and wondered how it didn’t wake me up…maybe because I was out of body? I also realized I’d thought of my body and not woken up like the book suggested I would.

Then Paul suddenly got up and grabbed a Kleenex in the bedroom (we don’t have Kleenex in the bedroom) and raced for the bathroom. I thought he was going to throw up (had Kleenex to his mouth). He came back shortly after and I realized he just spit a loogy out or something. He started to go into the bedroom, then stopped and came into the living room and looked at the far wall. I thought “he can’t see me!” Then he looked down at me and asked what I was doing. My heart fell, and I said “you can see me?” He said of course he could see me and came over to hold out his hand and help me up off the floor.

We grasped hands and he helped me up and said we should go to bed. I asked if I was in bed and he said of course not. I went into the bedroom and the bed was empty. I was so disappointed. I said I swore I had had an out of body experience and he just acted like he didn’t want to talk about it, he was tired, didn’t say much and went to bed. I said, so you mean I just actually got up and was walking around and thought it was out of body? No comment from Paul. It felt as real as just waking up and walking around, so I believed that’s what it was. I just KNEW it had been an out of body! But that would explain why nothing else would happen. I felt so foolish.
This led into a non-lucid dream of Paul and me in our small bathroom in our apartment studying (me with my math book on floor, him on the toilet reading, not going to bathroom). We were listening to neighbor’s downstairs yell at their daughter again. I say I want to shout that he’s an asshole (girl’s dad) and Paul smiles and yells “Asshole!” To floor so the man will hear. I smile back at Paul; I hope the guy downstairs heard.

The dream wanders on and I eventually wake up around 4:30. It’s been about 40 min.
Was it an out of body turned to dream? Or was it just a dream after all? Do I have blocks I need to get over?

I also remember in the kitchen I asked for clarity now just to see what would happen, although I didn’t feel I needed any more clarity, everything felt solid and focused, but nothing happened then either.