Captain's freaky mind

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Set: Some house allegedly around San Jose
Characters: Pam from True Blood, a guy in charge of my sleep, his family
Lucidity: None, but some awareness of incoherences and a great amount of details


It's a dark and cloudy day, and I'm driving on a straight road that stretches indefinitely through a sad and deserted countryside. Although it doesn't look anything like the Silicon Valley, I'm convinced that I'm driving from San Jose to San Francisco. There is nothing but Japanese/Korean economy cars on this road, and I remember thinking something like "Dear Americans, what happened to being proud of driving an oversized fancy-looking ride? Is this France or what?". The scenery is downright depressing.

I proceed towards a house that looks like a British cottage. Someone is there waiting for me. It's Pam from True Blood, she looks evil and determined. She talks about the man living in the house, she despises him and his hillbilly family. He is apparently in charge of my sleep, whatever that means. She shows me graphs of my sleep cycles, which look accurate according to what I've been reading on this website, and then with a smirk shows me a graph of the guy's sleep cycles, which are terrible, as if he was awaken every 10 minutes throughout the night. This pleases her, and now she wants me to observe him through a window, at the back of the house.

The inside of the house is very poorly furnished, the entire ground floor is just one room with a beat up couch, an old TV, an open kitchen and wooden stairs going up. The man is arguing with his son, who is having three friends over. The mother is sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor and looks like a hobo. The kids turn on the TV and a PlayStation 2 with grey controllers, but the image is monochrome green and they look disappointed. The dad sits down on the floor next to the TV, looking depressed.

I am now one of the kids and I can see my old self coming into the room, he looks menacing and powerful. The dad offers him a drink, he looks obviously scared as he pours transparent liquids from several different bottles into a tall glass. My old self throws the glass at him and spills its contents all over his face, saying he wants to teach him a lesson. We run upstairs and try to think of something we could use as a weapon… This is exciting and scary at the same time. Hand mixers appear in our hands, with little cranks that make them spin. We duel a little bit with our new toys, and run downstairs to try to scare the enemy, but he has a hand mixer too and plays with us, nothing is scary or depressing anymore.

All this excitement wakes me up.

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Set: Sunny day, Paris suburbs, huge and gorgeous apartment
Characters: My girlfriend K, my sister, a freaking spider with wings
Lucidity: None, but very detailed environment


I am with K in our new imaginary place. It appears to be on the first floor in some sort of suburban residential neighborhood. It is so charming, clean and modern it could be an IKEA display apartment. We are discovering the kitchen, impressed with cool utensils we've never seen before. The kitchen has huge panoramic windows and we can see a bunch of people in our garden, having fun and drinking champagne, they're probably here to welcome us in the neighborhood or something. We hang out with them for a bit, it's all fun and games but I don't pay that much attention to them because I'm excited about my new place.

I go back inside on my own, and that's when I notice a massive spider, sleeping on its web, with its legs retracted. I look around me and I see some other smaller spiders here and there. For some reason, this doesn't make me react at all, even though I'm really not a big spider fan. I continue to focus on how pretty the place is. After a little while though, I look back at the big freaky spider, and realize it has started moving. That's when I panic. I call K and my sister (who is here now), and we panic together. While they scream their lungs out, I try to find a pair of scissors in the kitchen's multiple drawers, I want to cut the spider to hopefully kill it. All I can find are utensils that look like scissors, but are actually ice tongs, snail tongs and other things. I finally locate a big white pair of scissors that looks like it could work, but it's too late, the spider is now coming out of some sort of cocoon, and right before our eyes, grows a pair of dragonfly wings. That's right, a spider with wings, thank you very much mind, you really got me on that one. We get the hell out of the kitchen and shut the door right on time, as we hear the flying monster rushing onto us. It's trapped inside so we calm down...

I am now facing the bathroom door, I come in to see what it looks like, and close the door behind me. The room is white and spotless, and there's no spiders in sight. As I walk forward, big clamshell-looking plastic sprinklers are set off, and blast a fresh mist at me. I find that pretty cool, and I notice the price tag is still on the sprinklers, they're very expensive. I think to myself I would never have bought that but since it's already here, why not enjoy it. I take my clothes off and walk towards the tub, it's huge and square-shaped, and looks quite deep, kind of like the bathtub in Lara Croft's manor in the first Tomb Raiders. The entire wall is a window and through it I can see the neighbors' backyard, two little girls are playing with a beach ball. The window doesn't seem to exist, and as I continue to walk forward, I end up on the grass. I wonder if they can see me, they are laughing now. I realize I'm still naked... I quickly back out and wonder who would build a bathroom with a window like that. That was quite a first impression I made on my new neighbors...

After that the dream is over.