DeepEnd

I’ve been visiting the Deepdown a lot lately. I know when I am there because I am always about 19-21 years old. Sometimes I live with my parents. In the Deepdown I experience social life like I did as a teenager. I look for people to visit and to drink with. I find it very relaxing in the Deepdown. There im not an alcoholic. Last night I bought a bottle of vodka in a store on the way home to my parents in my dream. I realized it was Isopropyl and could not drink it. I vaguely thought about hiding it but didn’t put much effort into it. I decided to go out and pick some more up and then find a friend to spend time with. I found that I was very excited to do this, it fulfilled something deep and lacking. It was almost the actual addiction- spending time with someone I didn’t have to be perfect around someone I could party with and just be me. Even after to knew the store was closed I didn’t feel upset, I thought oh well I’ll go to a friends anyway. The alcohol wasn’t the main event- the socializing was. I found it strange that I felt I needed to seek out lower class people, people I knew from around the town I live in real life. Not friends but people I would have gravitated towards when I was drinking. I was aware of this discrepancy in my dream but I only took note of it and then went to find them. I woke up. I don’t see my drinking dreams as an issue or as a psychological failure in my 5 years of sobriety. The Deepdown has its own set of rules. There I’m young, people don’t die, people know you and I am not an alcoholic. I enjoy visiting the Deepdown, it feels like home. If that makes sense.