WILD attempts log

Alarm after: 4:45
Brief description: Took a while to fall asleep, probably 30 minutes, so I know for a fact that the time wasn't ideal. Woke up when my alarm rang, did a very short WBTB, and managed to stay focused, in part because I had laid out the exact steps to follow in bed the night before.. So I grabbed my milk cap, laid down comfortably and focused on the feeling of it in my hand. I think I hit a decent balance between zero focus and too much focus, and eventually I fell asleep while focusing on the cap-feeling. From then on I remember nothing, but then I woke up again lying still, the cap in my hand, so I repeated the same thing again and fell asleep with the cap-feeling again for the second time. I'm not sure what this means... Did I fall asleep the first time, but stayed mentally awake, and so when there was no dream to enter (alarm timing wrong, I guess?) I woke up again to repeat the scenario? Or maybe I fell completely asleep and woke up naturally after a longer time, but remembered to try WILDing again? Who knows. I should have looked at my clock the second time. Another thing I noticed is that I forgot completely about lying still. I didn't fight the urge to move at all, so that's definitely something to fix tomorrow. 4:45 made it easy for me to focus, and also easy to fall asleep, so that's a time I will continue using for as long as I'm well rested. When I lack sleep, 6:15 will probably be optimal. One more thing I really noticed is the fact that I don't keep a real dream journal. Maybe I've been having successful WILDs and simply forgot about them, who knows? I will start keeping one on the morrow.

To sum up:

• Need to fight the urge to move more
• Physical anchors seem to work well
• I need to keep a real DJ for better recall
• Alarm at 4:45 works fine when I'm well-rested

Alarm after: 6:10
Brief description: Tried my physical anchor, the milk bottle cap, in lack of a better item. Held it in my hand and focused on the feeling of it. It felt like it worked out alright, I could focus on the feeling and still imagine things at the same time, so it should be possible to fall asleep with it. However, I didn't fall asleep in about 10 minutes of focusing on the feeling, and I ended up focusing less and just fell asleep normally.
Why it failed/succeeded: I really need to find that balance between full focus and no focus on my anchor. I think that's the next hurdle I need to overcome to make real progress.

Maybe I should try another time. I know for a fact that I hit REM with 6:15 because I wake up directly from a dream with that alarm. However, it seems like I'm not really tired enough to just fall back asleep with focus on my anchor. Maybe 4:30 would work out better for me, since I am getting so much sleep these days due to it being holiday. I'm trying the hold-stuff-in-my-hand anchor for another two days at least, since it seems to have potential. I think I'll try 4:45ish tonight.

Alarm after: 6:15
Brief description: Third and final try with mantra. Couldn't fall asleep properly with it, as usual. Ended up giving up, I think? And fell back asleep.
Why it failed/succeeded: Mantra as anchor isn't working well for me.

I'm going to try three more nights with a new anchor. This time I'm going to do something physical instead of a mental one. A cap from my milk bottle, in lack of better item as I'm in my summer house.

Alarm after: ??

Brief description: Woke up after two hours for some odd reason. That usually never happens. Went to the bathroom and got water, and then I did my mantra and managed to fall asleep with it. But I guess I must have lost focus too much because it was so early, and so I just fell to sleep normally. Then I woke after 4:30 and repeated my bathroom routine, drank water, but then I wasn't thinking clearly and just fell asleep. Alarm rang after 6:10 when I did exactly the same, but felt really tired and fell asleep without trying once again. So all in all, lots of opportunities this night, but I didn't really use them..
Why it failed/succeeded: WBTBs were too short, couldn't think clearly and just fell asleep several times. The whole night was just messed up compared to normal...

Alarm after: 6:15

Brief description: Woke up, did a 4 minute WBTB. Counted down from 100 to 0 to clear out my mind a bit. Tried my mantra, "full control," as anchor. I just repeated it and tried to make it an auxiliary process. I managed to not drift off with it, which was great. After a while I had managed to make it a secondary process that ran every 5-10 seconds, saying "full control" to myself while I was still able to daydream and such to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I never fell asleep. My second alarm rang as I was still awake, after 40 minutes of me lying there trying to fall asleep. Mantra seems to work out great so far.

Why it failed/succeeded: I could use more practice at using mantras. Maybe 6:15 was too long, so I wasn't tired enough. Maybe 4 minutes WBTB was too long (I stayed up for a few minutes after my bathroom+water, just to get back to thinking logically). Maybe counting down from 100 wasn't a good idea as it made me too awake(?).

Even if I had no success, at least it's something new. And it felt like progress. With my number counting, I couldn't even manage to daydream while doing it as it took up all my concentration. No way I was falling asleep with that. Tonight I'm trying the same thing, though my WBTB won't be as long, and I won't count down from 100.

Alarm after: 6:10
Brief description: Woke up, WBTB for 3 minutes, decided not to count today. Instead I tried to just remain focused while falling asleep. I don't really know what I was thinking. I think I was trying something from a WILD tutorial I read the night before, but my mind was cluttered due to the fact that my WBTB was short. I didn't think logically, and while it seemed like a great idea at the time I can now see I should have followed some actual steps, not trying to do this through sheer willpower. I'm still under the belief that my counting really isn't working for me. I read on the forum that "Your anchor has to be reduced to a background auxiliary function, nothing more." I can't really achieve this with counting, it feels like I have to concentrate a lot on it to not slip off. So I need something else. Maybe a physical anchor could work for me? I need something I can fall asleep while my focus is on..
Why it failed/succeeded: Lack of technique. Too short WBTB.

After some chatting with people on the IRC and reading Mzzkc's excellent stuff I have figured out that the only way to find the right anchor is to try lots of different ones. So I'm going to pick some anchors and do them for three nights each. Current anchor is a mantra; "Full control." Because it means a lot in regards to my personality. Will report back tomorrow as usual with the results. For now ~6:15 seems like a fine time - I am neither too tired nor too awake to fall back asleep. It seems like my WBTBs are a bit short, though. I'll have to fix that, maybe set a time limit of at least 10 minutes.