WILD attempts log

Alarm after: 4:45
Brief description: Took a while to fall asleep, probably 30 minutes, so I know for a fact that the time wasn't ideal. Woke up when my alarm rang, did a very short WBTB, and managed to stay focused, in part because I had laid out the exact steps to follow in bed the night before.. So I grabbed my milk cap, laid down comfortably and focused on the feeling of it in my hand. I think I hit a decent balance between zero focus and too much focus, and eventually I fell asleep while focusing on the cap-feeling. From then on I remember nothing, but then I woke up again lying still, the cap in my hand, so I repeated the same thing again and fell asleep with the cap-feeling again for the second time. I'm not sure what this means... Did I fall asleep the first time, but stayed mentally awake, and so when there was no dream to enter (alarm timing wrong, I guess?) I woke up again to repeat the scenario? Or maybe I fell completely asleep and woke up naturally after a longer time, but remembered to try WILDing again? Who knows. I should have looked at my clock the second time. Another thing I noticed is that I forgot completely about lying still. I didn't fight the urge to move at all, so that's definitely something to fix tomorrow. 4:45 made it easy for me to focus, and also easy to fall asleep, so that's a time I will continue using for as long as I'm well rested. When I lack sleep, 6:15 will probably be optimal. One more thing I really noticed is the fact that I don't keep a real dream journal. Maybe I've been having successful WILDs and simply forgot about them, who knows? I will start keeping one on the morrow.

To sum up:

• Need to fight the urge to move more
• Physical anchors seem to work well
• I need to keep a real DJ for better recall
• Alarm at 4:45 works fine when I'm well-rested

Alarm after: 6:10
Brief description: Tried my physical anchor, the milk bottle cap, in lack of a better item. Held it in my hand and focused on the feeling of it. It felt like it worked out alright, I could focus on the feeling and still imagine things at the same time, so it should be possible to fall asleep with it. However, I didn't fall asleep in about 10 minutes of focusing on the feeling, and I ended up focusing less and just fell asleep normally.
Why it failed/succeeded: I really need to find that balance between full focus and no focus on my anchor. I think that's the next hurdle I need to overcome to make real progress.

Maybe I should try another time. I know for a fact that I hit REM with 6:15 because I wake up directly from a dream with that alarm. However, it seems like I'm not really tired enough to just fall back asleep with focus on my anchor. Maybe 4:30 would work out better for me, since I am getting so much sleep these days due to it being holiday. I'm trying the hold-stuff-in-my-hand anchor for another two days at least, since it seems to have potential. I think I'll try 4:45ish tonight.

Alarm after: 6:15
Brief description: Third and final try with mantra. Couldn't fall asleep properly with it, as usual. Ended up giving up, I think? And fell back asleep.
Why it failed/succeeded: Mantra as anchor isn't working well for me.

I'm going to try three more nights with a new anchor. This time I'm going to do something physical instead of a mental one. A cap from my milk bottle, in lack of better item as I'm in my summer house.

Alarm after: ??

Brief description: Woke up after two hours for some odd reason. That usually never happens. Went to the bathroom and got water, and then I did my mantra and managed to fall asleep with it. But I guess I must have lost focus too much because it was so early, and so I just fell to sleep normally. Then I woke after 4:30 and repeated my bathroom routine, drank water, but then I wasn't thinking clearly and just fell asleep. Alarm rang after 6:10 when I did exactly the same, but felt really tired and fell asleep without trying once again. So all in all, lots of opportunities this night, but I didn't really use them..
Why it failed/succeeded: WBTBs were too short, couldn't think clearly and just fell asleep several times. The whole night was just messed up compared to normal...

Alarm after: 6:15

Brief description: Woke up, did a 4 minute WBTB. Counted down from 100 to 0 to clear out my mind a bit. Tried my mantra, "full control," as anchor. I just repeated it and tried to make it an auxiliary process. I managed to not drift off with it, which was great. After a while I had managed to make it a secondary process that ran every 5-10 seconds, saying "full control" to myself while I was still able to daydream and such to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I never fell asleep. My second alarm rang as I was still awake, after 40 minutes of me lying there trying to fall asleep. Mantra seems to work out great so far.

Why it failed/succeeded: I could use more practice at using mantras. Maybe 6:15 was too long, so I wasn't tired enough. Maybe 4 minutes WBTB was too long (I stayed up for a few minutes after my bathroom+water, just to get back to thinking logically). Maybe counting down from 100 wasn't a good idea as it made me too awake(?).

Even if I had no success, at least it's something new. And it felt like progress. With my number counting, I couldn't even manage to daydream while doing it as it took up all my concentration. No way I was falling asleep with that. Tonight I'm trying the same thing, though my WBTB won't be as long, and I won't count down from 100.

Alarm after: 6:10
Brief description: Woke up, WBTB for 3 minutes, decided not to count today. Instead I tried to just remain focused while falling asleep. I don't really know what I was thinking. I think I was trying something from a WILD tutorial I read the night before, but my mind was cluttered due to the fact that my WBTB was short. I didn't think logically, and while it seemed like a great idea at the time I can now see I should have followed some actual steps, not trying to do this through sheer willpower. I'm still under the belief that my counting really isn't working for me. I read on the forum that "Your anchor has to be reduced to a background auxiliary function, nothing more." I can't really achieve this with counting, it feels like I have to concentrate a lot on it to not slip off. So I need something else. Maybe a physical anchor could work for me? I need something I can fall asleep while my focus is on..
Why it failed/succeeded: Lack of technique. Too short WBTB.

After some chatting with people on the IRC and reading Mzzkc's excellent stuff I have figured out that the only way to find the right anchor is to try lots of different ones. So I'm going to pick some anchors and do them for three nights each. Current anchor is a mantra; "Full control." Because it means a lot in regards to my personality. Will report back tomorrow as usual with the results. For now ~6:15 seems like a fine time - I am neither too tired nor too awake to fall back asleep. It seems like my WBTBs are a bit short, though. I'll have to fix that, maybe set a time limit of at least 10 minutes.

Once again my inconsistency has hit me. After a while of failure it just seems so tempting to stop caring. Anyway..
I was on vacation for seven days and basically couldn't have an alarm ringing in the middle of the night because I'd wake up others. I did attempt to wake up in the middle of the night with mantras etc., but for the most part failed for different reasons.
One time I laid down and hit what felt like SP. My whole body was feeling vibrations and tingling, but then I couldn't progress from there. I laid still and nothing happened. After a while I got up and did a RC which failed. It all felt very dreamy, and in the morning I thought I might just have dreamed it all, but then I guess the RC wouldn't have failed? Anyway, it's the only thing close to progress yet, and it really isn't..
The last two days I've woken up after 6:15 and done a WBTB. I've failed on both days because the WBTB wasn't long enough and I ended up falling asleep and losing focus. Tonight I'll have to do a longer WBTB and really put some effort into this.

I'm feeling that my technique - with the counting and all - isn't working very well for me. Maybe I'm just being impatient, but it really feels like it either keeps me wide awake (after a long WBTB) or I accidentally stop counting and fall asleep (after a short WBTB).. I'm not sure what else try, though.

Alarm after: 3:10
Brief description: Woke up after 3:10. Was very tired and couldn't think clearly. Went to bathroom, drank water and fell right back asleep before I could count.
Why it failed/succeeded: 3:10 seems to be too early for me, especially when I'm very tired.

The main problem right now is that my bed time schedule is very odd. I go to bed around 3 am every night due to holidays, so after 6 hours when I hit my best REM period, it's light outside, people are moving around in the house, birds are chirping, and I really can't fall back asleep. On top of this I'm getting 10+ hours of sleep per day, so after a WBTB at 6 hours I'm not even tired. Surely this will change when school starts again, but until then it's a slight complication.

I'm going on vacation for seven days, starting tomorrow. Therefore, there will be no more updates, but I will try to keep a journal and do a big post later on. Vacations and changes in environment usually give me DILDs, so things should be interesting. And either way, I will have lots of time to concentrate on WILDs the next days. Bye!

Alarm after: 6:15
Brief description: Woke up right out of a VERY vivid dream. Vision was clearer than it is in real life, but I forgot to write anything down and have now forgotten the dream. I felt good since I'd gotten right out of REM, and laid on my back and started counting. After a while I had an urge to shift and shifted onto my side. I didn't hit lucidity though, but also didn't fall asleep even though my thoughts drifted a bit.. I rolled over once more after a while, but nothing happened and I went back to sleep.
Why it failed/succeeded: Not enough patience? I should probably stay on my back for longer before rolling over. Maybe I'm doing something else wrong? It's odd that nothing ever happens. No SP, no HI, nothing...

6:15 seemed like a brilliant time. I guess I take around 10 minutes to fall asleep, and after 6 hours of sleep my best REM period probably kicks in, which I'm awoken in the middle of. At least I can use that knowledge tomorrow. A problem was my lack of tiredness after 6 hours, though.. I just couldn't fall back asleep easily.

Alarm after: 5:00
Brief description: Stayed up until 3 am while reading. By then I was very tired and went to sleep, setting the alarm 5 hours later. When I woke up, I went to the bathroom, drank some water, and laid on my back, relaxed, and started counting. After a while I turned over, didn't feel anything and repeated. Gave up after what felt like 20 minutes? I think I fell asleep..
Why it failed/succeeded: I did not hit a REM period, I guess? There were some outward distractions like birds chirping, and it was light outside and thus in my room.

5 hours seemed like a good time since I was tired, but I never hit a REM period, so no lucid. Starting on the back was a great idea, it seems like I'm less likely to fall asleep that way. I need more patience when trying this, and if I could be tired enough after 6 hours then that would be much better since the REM periods are greater then, but that seems impossible for now.. Maybe when school starts.

Tonight I will most likely go to bed around 2. I have nothing to get up for, so I technically have a long time to try in, but I tend to get impatient. I'll set the alarm to 5ish hours depending on how tired I am, and hopefully I'll hit a REM period.

If you are reading this journal and you have experience with WILDs, then I hope that you might be able to see what I'm doing wrong or what I could do better. That's one of the purposes of this journal; to get help from other, more experienced individuals. The other reason is that through lots of data I might be able to better analyze my failures. By keeping track of them and never failing for the same reason twice, perhaps I can reach success faster.

I'm going to do a quick outline of my technique so you, the reader, can be aware of what I'm doing (wrong). Maybe I'll notice things too, as I write things down.

- Set alarm to 4-7 hours after current time
- Tell myself that my intention is to WBTB, and then perform a WILD
- Wake up by the alarm
- Sit up for 5-15 minutes, until I'm thinking clearly again. Grab water or go to bathroom if needed
- Lay down in usual sleeping position, try to relax. This is done by relaxing tense body parts one at a time, and just feeling the relaxation
- Start counting from 1 and up, while I see the digits scrolling through my inner eye

This is as far as I have reached so far. What has happened is that I either fell asleep during the relaxation phase, fell asleep again before I could WBTB, fell asleep during counting or got tired of counting and fell asleep in frustration.

So if you have any thoughts on why I don't have success WILDing, please post a comment. It would be very appreciated.

Date: 16/07
Alarm after: 6:30
Brief description: Couldn't fall asleep at 1 am because I had slept until 13:30 the day before. It took a good hour or two to fall asleep, so alarm was closer to 5:00 instead of 6:30. Realized I have to adjust alarm times according to how much sleep I got the night before for things to work out. Maybe one could create a personal formula? I'll try once I get some more experience/success. Anyway; stayed up for 3ish minutes before WILDing, because the day before I stayed up for too long. Counted to around 30 and fell asleep.
Why it failed/succeeded: Messed up sleep schedule, 3 minutes WBTB wasn't long enough, alarm not kept in synch with how much sleep I had gotten, not enough focus due to short WBTB

I got up around 10:00 and fell asleep around 2:30 which leaves me with 7:30 hours of sleep. I'm well rested. Tonight I'll WBTB after 4:30, stay up for 15 minutes and then hopefully reach lucidity. I could also use better mantras or something before bed, because I feel I'm often not sticking to the plan when I wake up in the middle of the night.
By the way, I'm not sure how long exactly went by before I fell asleep, but I guess my alarm was after approximately 5 hours which seemed like a nice balance between sleepiness and being too wide awake.

Date: 15/07
Alarm after: 6:00
Brief description: Woke up after 6:00 even though alarm was at 6:30. Stayed up for 30 minutes this time. Tried to wake my mind, and ended up using the PC. Then I was too awake and couldn't fall back asleep. Counted to 321, switched sides, counted to 87 and gave up.
Why it failed/succeeded: Stayed awake too long during WBTB OR 6:00 is too long OR 6:00 didn't fit with any REM periods

I guess I'll stay up for 10 minutes tomorrow, without any electronic devices.

Date: 13/07
Alarm after: 6:30
Brief description: I got up, but thoughts were extremely irrational. All I could think of was going back to sleep, so I did.
Why it failed/succeeded: Didn't stay up for long enough during WBTB. Maybe 6:30 isn't a good time?

Date: 14/07
Alarm after: 6:30
Brief description: I must have turned the alarm clock off. But I don't even remember. I was too tired to even notice myself getting up and turning it off! Went to bed at 4, so maybe that's why.
Why it failed/succeeded: Went to bed too late. Maybe 6:30 isn't a good time?

Three days ago, 13-07-12, I started WILDing again. I have previous experience but success has been irregular and I'm looking to get better. I'll be writing down each morning how my WILD attempt during the night has gone.
Hopefully patterns will show after a while, and this journal will have value..
Template:
Date: Day/Month
Alarm after: Hours:Minutes
Brief description:
Why it failed/succeeded:

I'll write down the last few days to catch up in the next post..