lucyoncolorado

Will come back to flesh this out this evening, but for now so I don't forget...

R fight, old smoking lady, my hysterical fit, desperation/begging, no love, new bonding with old smoking lady- mil

Dogs, gated tunnel for rain, L and B, puppy- looking for place, euthanized cat, super kitten saved, ??

UPDATE: Well I waited too long and don't remember the details very well. Here is what I do remember:

In which I destroy my marriage then regret it...

I'm throwing a temper tantrum about something, and I'm so angry that I've lost control of my ability to speak normally. My mouth feels drunk, and I slur my words and cuss a lot. R is calm and cool; he looks at me as if he thinks I'm an immature brat. There is a woman with R who is old and somehow important to him. At some times I think she is his mother and at other times she is his boss, but when I try to think clearly about who she is I realize that neither can be true. All I know for sure is that she is an important person in his life and throwing this temper tantrum in front of her is causing real damage to my marriage. He's embarassed by me, and I know it. I'm trying to get him to respond emotionally, but he is acting too mature. The woman has fake blonde hair, almost yellow, piled up on top of her head. Her skin is slightly darker than mine, as if she is Cuban or Italian. She has too much make-up plastered on her wrinkled face of bad skin. She is overweight and dressed in bright colors that are unflattering to her figure. She chain smokes with long, fake fingernails. I decide to attack her.

I start out telling her how ugly and unhealthy she is and then I insult her character. She sits and smokes calmly. I become so angry that I end up just cussing and spitting and making a real baby out of myself. Eventually R stands up and opens the door to our house and tells me to leave. I slam the door behind me.

Now I'm sitting in the lobby of a hotel. Apparently we live in a suite in the building. I realize that I've thrown such a fit that I've destroyed my marriage. I sit down and cry. R and the old smoking lady come out into the lobby. I beg him to forgive me and I tell him that I'm sorry. He is collected and unaffected. He tells me that he doesn't love me anymore because I've become such a baby. The smoking lady has sympathy for me though. R goes back into our house, but the old lady and I sit outside and talk about losing control of emotions and saying things you don't mean. She says that R probably feels like it would be a loss of pride if he forgave me because I threw the fit in front of her. But she told me that she understood and that she would never tell anyone about it so that R would not have to lose face.

In which I try to give shelter to some animals...

The only thing I remember is that we were at a beach house, up on stilts with a large wrap-around porch. There was a hurricane coming, so we'd convered the porch into a storm-resistant tunnel for Lucy. The neighbors asked if they could put their dog there too, and we allowed them to. I can't remember at all what the rest of those notes mean, but I do recall that there were two cats- one an adult and one a kitten. We had to euthanize the adult, but we found a home for the kitten because it had some special power.