non-lucid

I managed to get a working wbtb this time, somewhere around 6:00 a.m. It's been a difficult week, man. Faulty AC, hottest days of August. Climate here is supposed to change come next week. Hopefully the worst is behind me and I can return to a normal set of days were sleep is easy. I should've remembered more dreams but I think rest had to catch up to me with night after night of sleep deprivation. At least I slept well today.

Dream 1: I dreamt about... a coach? Some new coach for a football team. Damn, I can't remember a single thing written here on my phone. It says here the coach used to get more lucid? He spent time visiting dreams like watching players. Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Dream 2: Two monkeys competing for who had the longest and best dreams. One thinks he had a larger flight than the other, that he can get lucid faster too. I also remember watching a movie inside a theater with close family. Superman, Flash and the rest of the DC heroes travel using their powers across the city. It looked pretty cool in hindsight.

Who knows when I had these dreams. I couldn't recall much but wbtb had a very strong influence nonetheless. Almost all my dreams had something to do about dreaming or lucidity. I did take 15-20 min. practicing MILD before returning to bed. I woke up two more times in the morning. I could've, wait no, I should've done more wbtbs but it is what it is. I really wanted to be fully rested today. Tomorrow is another day as they say.

I keep going back to the significance about dream presence and how having a smooth transition between the sleep and wake states are strong precursors of lucidity. The dreams that are easiest to remember are the smoothest to transition to once they end. They recollect faster. They stay with you because they never left. Two days prior the AC broke down in my home and the heat here is unbearable (literally counting the days left until August ends!). And therein lies the importance of a healthy sleep schedule. I could not remember a thing when I woke up the next day that night. Mind you, the strong impression of a fading memory lingers about the room. You know you dreamt somewhere, sometime. You know you were there. But it's so hard to remember now. I struggle in retracing the events of the night. Is this the first time I'm awake? Maybe not, but I am so tired now, perhaps I rolled back to sleep? And that's the thing. Only 4 or 5 hours are not enough to care, not enough to remember. The memory lies so far from me now. You feel a gap in between the dream and the path to recollection. Between sleep and wake.

Today is different fortunately, no thanks to the faulty AC. Stare at my notes and you see a gradual lengthening of each entry. They correspond to the time slept with each recollection:

~ 4:00 a.m. entry: Watching a kid being chased on a street. Who was he running away from?

~ 6:00 a.m. entry: An old friend visits my home. He is participating at the Olympics this year. Funny, he mentions he's competing for the 5 km race; surprising since he was never the running type in my eyes. We're driving on our way to pay a family visit but my friend sits on the backseat and pulls out a videogame controller to steer the car. We pass by a restaurant or supermarket. There's tons of people walking in and out of the establishment and many more so outside chatting, enjoying their time.

~ 8:00 a.m. entry: I had made plans for a fancy dinner with this girl I met somewhere. When we arrive a nicely dressed gentleman asks us to fill out some forms and to hand out our passports. My girlfriend willingly signs the paper but I am having the hardest of times reading what it says. The words written on it are slightly attenuated and some of the letters can barely keep a straight line. I give up and sign the form anyway. We sit before a large wooden table with other people. My girlfriend is now addressing the table and begins an avid discussion about movies, their composition, filming and all these little details that honestly escape my grasp. Everyone else is enjoying the conversation. They make their counterpoints, they agree with others. I limit myself to nod along and pretend that I know what they're talking about.

I'm starting to see my dream recall improving, my dream presence increasing night to night. I thought I would've had to wait a couple of months but I see the effects of the practice I did all those years ago is still there. Anyway, three dreams today. Long dreams. One in the early hours of the night.

Dream 1: I have written here on my phone that I was trying to meditate to a family competition that was going on in my dreams but honestly I can't remember that part now. I do remember the competition. I remember there was a treadmill, a stationary platform and people where crawling from end to end, left to right. It wasn't particularly that big of a space either, the single running machine inside an otherwise empty room. Toddlers had the most trouble getting to the other side. I think an elderly man had to use his cane to propel his body across the platform, he might've had a leg. All in all it was very evenly matched.

Dream 2: Oh yeah, this one is rather interesting. I was having a conversation with someone yesterday and I mentioned how dream presence feels like a smooth transition between dream and being awake. But this dream, however, feels longer than most other dreams despite the transition being a lot larger than usual. I was present during the dream, then I don't what happened after, either I woke up and immediately went back to sleep or had another dream, but a good chunk of time transpired before I recalled this dream later in the night. Anyway, from what I remembered I was attending a baseball game. Everywhere is draped with protective nets around us. I was trying to get the attention of a beautiful lady sitting next to me but she was more interested in rooting for her team. In fact, I think I should've been paying more attention to my team but I really wanted to impress her. A good friend of mine was sitting to my left and wanted some tips on how to play the game.

Dream 3: This is the longest dream of the three, post wbtb meditation and 10-15 min. MILD / prospective memory rehearsal. My family and I arrived at the parking lot before a massive complex at night. The parking lot itself was huge and filled with cars all around. Whoever organized this party spared no expense in the construction of this place. They even had a band playing at the end of the parking lot. Can't remember what song they were playing but the space was packed. Inside the complex was no joke either. A pool, a home theater, people chatting, people dancing, yeah my brothers and I were staying the night all right. We had brought our change of clothes just in case, changed to our swimming trunks, ready to go. Personally, I was interested in meeting the organizers you know, sometimes a little networking helps every now and then. And then, everyone starts leaving. Just straight up stood up and left. Figured there was another party they had to be in. Well, now I wanted to go there too.

We try following them to the parking lot. I get lost along the way and end up in front of a door that leads to some woman's business office. I notice a friend in-line with his partner waiting for their turn. I can't remember his name or face now. They are let in and I walk with them to see what this is all about. The business woman acts very sweet and makes a business proposition, I can't remember what it was I just watch my friend's partner playing videogames on a nearby tv. I leave and end up at the home theater. It's not exactly full but there's people here watching a movie. I meet an old crush of mine as I walk through the file that leads to the exit. We have a cool chat and I stand there watching her leave the theater.

While cutting food on a table a sudden rush of excitement took hold of me. I stopped dead center and brandished an object towards the sky. Standing there, I felt no other thing but clarity. There was a coherency that made everything fall in place. Although I saw myself from afar, non-lucid and as if on a trance, I couldn't explain how clear I was. It was as if I had finally recovered a part of me that was missing. C was beside me as always. She was holding on to something as well, staring up with eyes closed. I notice a golden string connects us together and from our bodies it continues towards something else, but I can't remember.

This is it. I knew it was real, there was just no other way, this is it.

The object felt very personal to us, as if it's mere existence were proof enough of the concept of this clarity. We were freed.



When I woke I couldn't let go of this dream. It was all too powerful, and even while awake I could still grab a piece of that clarity. It was only when I finally turned away that saw the memory of it fading away. What were we holding on to? What was that object? The knife? There was a knife in the dream, but somehow this doesn't sit right with me. I think of an animal. I did saw a gray cat with weird eyes outside my window that night. It startled me. Was there a cat in my dream? The details are fuzzy, I write what I can on my journal, go to the bathroom and return to sleep.

While on my bed I kept thinking about the object, I couldn't shake the thought off my head. I had to know, what were C and I holding on to?

* * *

I find myself in front of a vast tree. It is rich with leaves and sits in the middle of nowhere. Everywhere else is in shadows except for the tree. I walk close to it and take a piece of its bark. Then, I relive the events as they were from the dream before. Ah, such certainty in things.

This was it! Not the knife, the tree!

I know that holding a part of this tree fills me with happiness and relief. I want to keep this connection with the tree when I awake.

* * *

The apartment was small but welcoming. There was a large rectangular glass table top and after, a round table with four chairs, plus a couple of bedrooms to the left. There were lights placed on the walls on each side of the room. Midpoint through the apartment was a window with view of the entrance. Throughout the dream a song played and every time AA and M sang along to the tune (I can't remember what was the song's name). I see F working on a broken air conditioner. Because of the virus we had to be careful about everything we did, nothing could be left to waste. Through the window I saw a car arrive and I hear the catchy song. AA starts singing.

I remember escaping with C and meeting some people in the woods. One guy is giving out cut pieces of paper with Homer Simpson's face on it. He says they are part of an assignment, and I feel bad because I haven't done any. I have a feeling the papers resembled one of my reality checks but now think that might be quite a mental stretch. I followed C and board a car with two of her friends. I feel like we're in Prague. She wants to drive to a new home, but doesn't remember the way. She keeps asking me for directions. She starts repeating the same number, either 21 or 51. I sit on the passenger's seat observing the vistas.

* * *

Below the large rock I find J and C standing by, talking. They asked me if I had dreamt anything, and I tell them of a dream I had with C. In this dream I grab her hand and lead her down a trip to the depths of the ocean. I can see the story unfold before my eyes. I only stop when two other friends arrive because I don't feel confident enough to talk about my dreams with them.



Upon waking, I realize this dream tells a very similar story to a one I had read before in a book.

* * *

A very large stage spans the area of about half a football field. The lights are out, there are thousands of seats and on the center hangs a giant screen. A movie is projected on it. A teacher sits at the left corner of the stage and gives a class about film. There are exits to the right and left. The first ends on a window-door that leads to a house, and the second on a giant artificial climbing wall. I try reaching the class from the rock but notice the grips are not fastened well, they fall from their place. I focus on them, and their touch feels very real. When I reach the top I see Ca playing video games on his bedroom. I wonder why he isn't in class and he tells me he will when it's almost over. I fear they will mark us as absent but he assures me nothing will happen if we arrive before the end of the class. Still, I try to find a way to reach the theater to escape penalization. I try to find something more formal to wear instead of the shorts and shirt I have on me.

To say the two women had no distinguishing features would be a lie. But it was unimaginably dark the moment we headed down the corridor, there was never a chance I could see their faces. We passed a door to the left that opened to a small bathroom. The glass door at the other side of the corridor was the only visible thing in the darkness. The mood was abnormally silent and eerie. They stopped before a door to the right about halfway through. When I went inside, I saw only a bed and a couch in an otherwise empty room. The two women spoke between themselves while I found myself comfortable.

The both of them were well versed in lucid dreaming. I saw a person standing beside me, perhaps another student? I tried to listen to their lessons and attempted to become lucid. We would gather each night for our sessions. Every time the lesson ended, our teachers would lead us back down the corridor into a separate bedroom. I never knew who the women were, their names, nor were they in any way familiar to me. They were very patient with us, however. We would always practice during the late hours of the night.

Sometimes, the place we stayed in changed overnight. One time we slept inside a vacant office. The room had a series of shelves around its walls with nuts, bolts, and other stuff, and a desk with a small T.V. There was a cooking show on screen about an Argentinian chef preparing an alluring sauce. Another time we were sitting outside the women's porch. I remained puzzled as to how it was we kept changing places.

A ghost resided in the house. The first time I saw it, it had brushed past us while we were on the corridor. The ghost would always follow the same route from the glass door to the bathroom. Though it never materialized, I believed it was a small child. The women were aware of the ghost but did not feared it. The ghost never bothered with our lessons, but I never stopped being scared of it.

During one particular night, one of the women delved into the many methods for attaining lucidity. Sitting on the couch the two practitioners guided us through their teachings. Suddenly, I could mentally see each lesson like choices on a menu screen. From the five on display (which I can't remember), I decided on the first one and gave it a chance. Immediately my body went numb, as if with sleep paralysis. An ever growing pressure settled on both sides of my neck. Anxious, I tried to shake it off, but my body would not move. As if responding to my fear, the pressing subsided. When we finished that night, one of the women stood beside me and thanked a disembodied presence for our well-being.

* * *

I try moving my hands but notice they are tied to a pole. It is very dark in here, wherever I am. I am, again, bordering on the threshold of lucidity. I remember discussing lucid dreaming with two other people. We don't seem to have a body with us while the conversation takes place.

As a formless observer I see myself at the front door of the house where I'm currently staying. There's two other people with me. C stands beside the sofa and U. Ch in front of the kitchen table. The observer part in me locates an object approaching from outside towards the entrance. It is a square-looking thing that my dream self recognizes as my reality check (it is). It rolls its way up the steps and stops before the door. But my dream self denies it passage, explaining to my two guests, that because I don’t know what the object entails, unless we're to open the door and find out, then it would "defeat the purpose" of the reality check altogether, and so I couldn't invite it in.

* * *

Authorities are searching for a boy who has been missing. I'm inside a completely dark room covered in black drapes, accompanied by a creepy lady who holds the boy hostage. This lady, whose name is not known, looks like a very sophisticated clairvoyant dressed in black robes. The kid, who will never speak during the course of the dream, resembles a very young Anakin Skywalker. He is neither scared nor unfazed about his present situation. While we stand together, a bunch of computer screens turn on, revealing the face of FBI agents that know of the boy's whereabouts. The lady leaves the room and escapes.

I'm left with the boy and convince him to tag along. We follow a tunnel that leads to the outskirts of a large castle. We change into new attires to match with the times and setting of this place. The boy in particular now resembles a very young Link, except for his blonde hair. We walk around a lake lying to the side of one of the castle's towers. As we reach the other side of the lake we sneak past some guards standing watch by a gate and reach what appears a small town.

There's folk going by doing their business. The streets are crowded with merchants, women, and children. A string of houses lie on both sides of the street. The armors of the city watch shine under the light of the sun as they patrol around every now and then. If we walk close to any of the town's inhabitants a prompt appears above their heads like those in a video game.

We make our way to the roof of these houses to remain hidden from the authorities and think about our best course of action. The kid seems to take this little adventure rather well. From above, an underground passage leading to a cellar lies to our left. When we reach the bottom, we find a large room of beds with people sleeping. I turn on some lights to see what we can use.

Suddenly the agents (also dressed in armor) have discovered our location and reach the gate with a whole army to spare. I frantically search for weapons but can't find any. A lady approaches the inlet to the cellar. She interrogates the man who guards the entrance. He refuses to speak so she sticks a sword up his side and leaves him to die. She returns for her army but we take this opportunity to sneak out and run for our lives.

We run around the corners of the town, and climb atop people's homes, keeping out of grasp from the city watch. On rooftop we find a long round door that covers a tunnel. It is a long path that leads to the other side of town, away from danger. We enter and I find three sets of sandals and shoes, mostly light to wear and white in color. They look beautiful and I can't help but store them in my bag.

Outside we reach another gate surrounded by a dangerous current. The precipice is tall enough to prove deadly. I fall and in true "Dark Souls" fashion lose my "souls". Now I'm trapped on top of a very small hill while three crocodiles roam around in the water.

* * *

There's a door I keep opening and closing. I keep explaining to someone or more than one person about what happens when you open a door. I make sure they know that it takes at least three times for the person who crosses it while entering for it to mean something, and the same when someone exits the same amount of times. Was it perhaps, lucidity? Ah, the memory eludes me.

Walking outside in the streets at night I follow the road upstream to wherever it may lead. After a few minutes I come about a simple house at the top of a closed street. A young woman sweeps the floor as I approach her on the porch. She reminds me of an old friend from years past. The front door is open and I notice a young child playing with her toys. They are kind people I feel, but know deep down in my gut that her partner is an abusive monster.

She does the laundry and waits beside as if expecting me to get close. I lean in to her and she begs me for her and her daughter's well-being. I'm hesitant at first, scared of what might become of me, but I can't refuse her pleas now that I'm here. I tell her we have no time to waste and will prepare some tickets to get her out of the state. At first she seems wary of her remaining tasks at home, the wet clothes, the dinner in a few hours, but I tell her to just let it be and pack as is. She washes hastily and we agree to meet in a few hours while his husband sleeps in bed.

I meet her and her child at a bus terminal. I had arranged beforehand to get our tickets from a known underground contact. As we board the bus I'm wary about danger close by. His husband is on the know of our plan and he's on his way right now to the terminal and bring them back. We have to be quick, so we get into our seats and I hope with all my heart he doesn't reach us before this bus departs. I fear if he were to arrive at the terminal the bus would not move. I speak with the flight attendants for the delay but I'm reassured when I feel the bus initiates its launch into the streets. At this point I know we're safe, she is safe.

As we roll out into the streets, I'm marveled at how different the bus is. We're not so much driving as we're gliding across the road. I peak out the window and notice this bus has wings like those of a plane. A row of seats stretch above us and to the side. This bus is magical. Then come the deserts. Whether we're in the mood for ice cream, cakes, pies, plates filled with deserts come descending from above. They float in front of us and linger just in reach for our hands to grab. I serve me some ice cream and feel delighted at the amount of care and service we're getting.

* * *

I've been having some pressing confrontations with a vampire as of late. Both me and my associate C, a woman with unimaginable skill, search the creepy and foggy woods at night in wait for its attack. I've been getting better with each fight and because of my success, fortune has awarded me with two long sables to defend our cause. Now it is our turn to become the predators and it the prey. We reach the end of an abandoned chimney that sits inside a big willow tree. The damn entrance is closed unfortunately. So we start digging.

Moments prior someone important had gifted C a white glowing dagger that could end the life of this vampire forever. It was our secret weapon, our last resort should the battle turn ugly. Anyway, we end up digging far more than we expected but reached at last a buried treasure. It is an ancient book, beautifully crafted (like those found in the movie "The Mummy"). The book is entirely made of precious stone and engraved on its plates lies a short tale about the vampire itself. As we turn the pages it greets us through its story, excited for all this time it has been leading us fools into a trap, preparing us for our doom as it is our fate to become its slaves.

At this point the chimney opens. A blinding mist escapes through the abyss that covers the entrance. Its attack was swift and silent. I thought I had it so I swing my right hand and hope the blade managed to make contact. It anticipates this move however, and restrains my arm with its hand and, holding a short dagger with its free hand, is about to deliver a deadly blow. I know this is the end, but before the blade penetrates my skin, C swiftly pierces its side with the white dagger. The creature moans in agony and disappears for good into the night.