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      Thank you! It was. I am 37 now (eek!). Hope you are doing well, too
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      To your visitor message, yep, I'm alright. Was gone for a while since I didn't really have the time to lucid dream. Lots of things happened. Thanks for the message.
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      This is weird...
    4. Now, see what you've gone and done?
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      Hello.
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      Heheh, you got it! I'm surprised anyone would actually figure it out!
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    About DarkestDarkness

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    About DarkestDarkness
    Biography:
    My intro here on DV:

    https://www.dreamviews.com/introduction-zone/164524-hello-everyone.html
    How you found us:
    Some years ago after reading about lucid dreaming I looked for communities but never joined any; this was one of those communities that I saw but did not enter.

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    Singled out from some of my favourite quotes from Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri: "Risks of [Planet] flowering: considerable. But rewards of godhood: who can measure? - Usurper Judaa'Maar: Courage: to question."

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    Recent Entries

    cccxcvii. In a car with mom, As a woman for a party, Talking with Hilary, At a supermarket, Rural

    by DarkestDarkness on 07-15-2022 at 06:58 PM
    2022 June 30th

    Very disjointed. Left recall too late. Would like to make some proper side notes for this one too at some point.

    Dream (DFLN):

    I'm in a car in a town with mom. She's driving me around in a large and modern Nissan, trying to get me to a local airport I think. There are roadworks just about every way she thinks of taking. I try to suggest some routes she can take but she doesn't seem to want to listen to them and possibly mentions something about the fact that she's driven here for X many years and so on.

    (recall gap)

    I'm at some kind of palatial building, here for a fancy party or ball. I'm in what is my guest room at one point. I'm a woman, except for my private areas. Someone I met just earlier (forget who) left me a dress here in the room and I think about putting it on. It's a very simple dress and is a cream colour, slightly darker than my skin tone. I have wavy hair, possibly fake blonde. Putting the dress on in bed, I think about how a dress will still be revealing of male private parts. I feel uncomfortable with this but don't see what I can do about it and reason to myself that people generally don't look to that sort of area and that I can to do things like sit down and such to possibly not make it as noticeable.

    A bit later I'm at a dinner at a long table. The fancy palatial theme remains. This theme seems to feature primarily white, cream/pink and gold as colours. Somewhat plain while still being lavish.

    (recall gap)

    I'm still a woman. I'm with Hilary. (from DV, i.e., here!)

    We're talking about dreams and artwork. I am supposed to have made three artwork commissions for her but I haven't made them yet and feel guilty. We're somewhere outside and it's night time. It's grassy and open, I'm not sure there's anything taller in the horizon that I can see.

    In the sky I see the three commission ideas fading in and out as stars. The first one is a crescent moon, the second a side portrait of a woman with hair tied back, and finally something else which I've lost recall of. Hilary doesn't seem upset with me for not having finished these commissions yet, but I still feel disappointed with myself.

    We talk a bit more and then she takes me to some physical threshold, maybe a door. I think she wants me to come with her to a dream?

    (recall gap)

    I'm my usual self again and at a bulk buy super market. Possibly a Makro (which I don't think I've ever been to). I am unfamiliar with the layout but I look around for things with confidence.

    I find some frozen chips and think about the price. I see they cost 2.1 for 2.5 and I reason that at 1.5 for 1.5 normally, this is slightly better and I grab a bag. Then, I wander the shop trying to think what else I want and as I feel like I actually didn't want much more, the shop also gets noticeably smaller and is more like a convenience store now.

    I look around again and see some socks, making me think that H might like some but I don't know the size and I don't want any for myself because they look too loose. I see a basement stairs bit and there's a bunch of plushies in a large metal cage basket thing next to the stairs. I think about getting some. They feel fluffy. They cost 60 each though and I think to myself that I really can't afford to pay this for a plushie and feel a little sad. At this point I also start to feel self-conscious and don't check out downstairs, which seemed to have Lego and more toys. So I leave to go the tills. At some point a fat man near me is coughing and I think I comment that I just had COVID and don't really want to get it again so soon.

    (recall gap)

    I'm in a rural area. It's late afternoon. I'm with two men, dream characters I think. They are messing around a bit and one has a mini bike thing (7D2D intrusion?). I am on a field side of a wooden fence and they're on the road. As I walk along, I come to a tan coloured cow. She's on the floor and at first I think she's asleep, but then I see the side of her muzzle and see it looks to be rotting, with a hole about the size of a gold ball and with some tendons showing through or something. Difficult to describe. I feel somewhat unsettled and I'm also worried for the farmer now. But I think we should get out of here before we get mistaken for having done something to the cow.

    We go up a small hill road and we come to a building with a store or something. Then there are four of us and we decide something about super powers. Then inside a building it's a bit like a factory or foundry.

    (rest of recall was too vague)
    Categories
    non-lucid , memorable , side notes

    cccxcvi. Small dream country, Needing help to find embassy, Fancy house

    by DarkestDarkness on 07-15-2022 at 06:39 PM
    2022 June 27th

    Some bracketed in-line notes. I need to return to this dream and make some fuller notes when I feel able to, hopefully soon.

    Fragment:

    Something about a (dream) country relating to the Iberian peninsula. This small country is located just over the north east of the USA at where a tip of Canada would be and seems to be in-between these two countries. I see some statistic or just know that there are less than 1.5 million inhabitants. (Oddly enough, on one of the weeks after this dream, I was looking at this general region with satellite views, based on some conversations I was having with LF)

    (recall gap?)

    Then I'm in my native country but I'm a character that's not me exactly. I need to get to the embassy on one side of a plaza, something about a passport? It's night time and there's a large government building on one side of the plaza with a few prominent uplighting spots. Neo-classical or classical-revivalist architecture. There are police officers in the area, probably due to this building. I think one of them comes over to me when I wander more to the middle near the government-y building. The officer turns out to be a woman and I ask where the embassy is. She tries to help me but after a while of her taking me through some streets and construction sites I start to wonder if my interests are at heart.

    At one point I notice some workers at a construction site giving me/us a funny look or something? Some part of me thinks that it's odd that there's construction work going on at night.

    (recall gap)

    Then I'm at a fancy house place. Lots of detailed cornicing and mirrors on the walls and ceilings which have some kind of abstract Greek themed theatrical show going on, it looks like it's projected but I don't see any projector and may assume that the surface is able to display something like a screen would, despite its curved contours. There's a largely classical theme. The walls and cornicing are all white and it's fairly bright in here, though there's something of a mood light thing going on, mostly cool tones.

    I'm here with my cousin T and H. T's wearing some kind of cream or pink silk pyjamas and I rest my head on her crotch and I close my eyes and she pets and strokes my head. I think about how it'd be inappropriate if I became aroused and I also think about how I might not be able to help it. I hold on to or hug her leg. (Similarities to having been awake and holding H, possibly partly awake as this dream segment was happening)

    Then we show her to her bed, in size it's somewhere between a single and a double and she gets upset notably upset about this. I think the room is dark/we didn't switch the lights on?



    Notes:
    - I'm not sure what would have been the source for the first segment in this fragment, but I can recall some years ago I had a discussion with a friend (K) on the subject of countries with lower populations.

    - I feel that for some weeks now I've been having dreams that are on parallel to schemas like that of the second segment here. Dreams in which I'm not strictly speaking my normal "self" as a character and in which I have all the same type of agency, decisions and worries as I normally would. Sort of related, today (16th of July) I wrote a bit on another journal about the somewhat lengthy absence of any other inner voices or personalities and a general absence of visual imagination among other things.
    -- In reality I'm not sure how frequently I've been having these dreams (of "not myself" exactly) because I haven't thought of a tag or way of categorising them, and right now I'm thinking that I should go back through my DJ a bit at some point and find out how many instances there really are and how far back do they go; it's possible that at the moment I'm just paying more attention to this particular type of schema.

    - As hinted towards, I have recently had some worries/thoughts about passport renewal and sort of by extension also about travelling. Specifically, to my old home.

    - T's presence in this dream follows common patterns that the rest of her appearances in have in my dreams, but I can't remember any time specifically in which she got as upset as in this dream, about the bed. As I recall, I understood in the dream that she was upset that the bed wasn't big enough. Even in the dream, the way she stroked my head reminded me of what it was like to be a child.
    -- I think segments like this one in dreams call me to create a different journal with a different complexity from what I've been doing. This type of DJ simply cannot fit into it the type of analysis that some of these dreams practically seem to be demanding of me.

    Updated 07-16-2022 at 07:35 PM by DarkestDarkness

    Categories
    non-lucid , dream fragment , side notes

    cccxcv. "Chapeling", Red hand portal, Dithering at a car park

    by DarkestDarkness on 07-07-2022 at 03:00 PM
    2022 June 21st

    Fragment:

    Me and H travel to a place called Chapeling that's apparently near London in southern England. It's a 300 mile drive from where we were? We go there to have a look at this small pipe organ that sits in a little chapel building which is beside a main church building.

    Overcast day outside. Town streets and so on.


    2022 June 22nd

    Fragment:

    Something about showing someone a little organ. At some kind of concert or theatre hall, a vast one at that, but the wood all seems very bare like all its polish has worn off and nobody has taken care of the place for a while.

    (recall gap)

    Something about needing to get some homework done. I have my black laptop bag with me and whatever I need for my homework is in there I think. I keep being distracted or pulled away from doing it and later I am climbing some kind of abstract structure made up of large red long nailed bony hands. It's part of some kind of dimensional portal or threshold.

    Later, on the other side of said portal. Something about Warcraft 3 game mechanics. I want to buy a mini town hall item and destroy a human settlement to take their gold mine.


    2022 June 25th

    Fragment:

    I'm outside, at a Lidl car park. It's about seven in the morning and it's light but not as bright as it should be for this time of the year. I'm deciding whether I should get closer and do some shopping or not. There's a white man in the parking lot. He's getting some stuff ready round the back of his car. At some point I realise the shop won't be open for another hour at least. I dither about for a while, wondering if I should bother crossing the road and going back home or if I should just wait it out. I think it may have felt a bit cool outside.



    Notes:

    - Trying to look for a place called "Chapeling" somewhere near London didn't really result in anything. I suspect the location name in the dream was simply tied to the context of the attached chapel. I've not heard the word before, not in any situation that I can think of anyway, but it's a fairly straightforward construction and likely easily created by automatic and associative dream logic and the like.

    - Unfortunately, I've lost any visual recall I might have had of the abstract structure made up of red hands, which is a shame really because these are often the type of things I like to try and recreate in art. I might still try recreating something alike if I can think of a composition I like.
    -- I still have some visual recall of the rest of the dreaming in this entry, at the time of writing.

    - For some reason I've come to use dithering as an expression more often of late; it's not a new expression to me, but it's not one I've typically used a lot.

    cccxciv. Quiet town, the cliff's edge restaurant and temple

    by DarkestDarkness on 06-27-2022 at 01:40 PM
    2022 June 20th

    Some in-line notes too.

    Dream:


    I'm walking through a small town that could be somewhere in my native country. Small houses, ground floor only. Trims and so on as expected. I'm with dad and cousin T. It's daytime, probably morning. Dad is taking photos and as we get to the top of a hill in the town, I see a somewhat breathtaking view of distant rolling hills much like this one, with pink cherry tree plantations here and there, interspersed with some vivid green leafed trees of similar size.

    I tell dad he should hurry up to get to where I am, so he can take a photo. As time passes, the landscape or the point of view seem to change (I might be walking down the other side now) and I fear he won't be able to get a clear and unobstructed shot anymore. I lose track of my cousin. At some point she was telling dad about these aliens that live here with the villagers, whom she calls "Aarkvaads", but dad misunderstands that those would be the villagers rather than the aliens.

    (recall gap)

    Me and dad arrive at some rustic old restaurant. We climb up some stairs and take a seat at a table by the stairs and by a window. Daytime seems consistent with before but it's relatively dark in here due to the windows being a bit short in height. A guy that reminds me of G from school but who is a unique character, comes up to the table; he's our server. (Can't recall the dialogue)

    I need the bathroom now and make my way down two flights of the wooden stairs. At the bottom, I'm not sure if I'm getting into the kitchen area by accident, but I go a bit further and find it is indeed the bathroom area. There's no outside light here, it's dark apart from some poorly placed and dim fluorescent tubes that are clearly too old. I think dad comes down too also looking for the bathroom. I go into this somewhat overly large and polygonal shaped room past a glass door that is barely frosted for privacy. The toilet is adjoining the doors' wall and the area feels dilapidated and unclean. I get ready to have a wee. I'm wearing my normal grey work trousers and it feels cumbersome to deal with everything.

    Then I somehow start worrying about the fact that dad can probably see through that pointless frosting. I think I have a short wee and then give up, then leaving the room with dad going past me to use the room himself. Something happens and he slips I think? (Mostly comical in nature if anything)

    Then, I'm at the mid level of the building, where the entrance is. I think I want to go outside? It's bright and different from before outside.

    (recall gap)

    I am outside and the restaurant is located at a sort of edge of a sedimentary cliff. Yellow-ish sandstone. It's sandy out here and there's no vegetation to speak of. It's an immense valley with sharp sand-dusted peaks. The server from before is out here, having a break or a cigarette. He's some kind of furry "bat boy" now, slightly taller than me. At some point earlier, I think there was something about a UI thing about choosing how he looked. Red is heavy to his colour theme and his fur almost looks soaked in dark blood, but not wet.

    We talk, or I overhear something. Something about a rebellion? Other locals that are with him have assault rifles, Kalashnikovs probably.

    Before this I think I actually had a bit of a walk around. There's this large plaza and some kind of Christian procession ritual is taking place. The entrance to the temple is where they want to go, and that's also (an?) the entrance back into the restaurant? They are standing still enough and I make my way through the very dispersed but neatly laid out small crowd, though as I get closer to the large doors the main ritual seems to be moving forward too. Not wishing to interrupt anything, I stop myself next to a tall older woman. It's daytime, about noon. The plaza reminds me of that in front of church of L. The walls to the side of the entrance are smooth eroded sandstone which bulge out every so often. (In retrospect, some of this sandy/rocky scenery reminds me of James' realm in Sacrifice, and as a God, James is perhaps more Christian in a sense than the other four)

    Now, when the rebellion thing is starting, the sky goes dark and there's a heavy blue tinted atmosphere, and for lack of better description, the stench of magic is in the air. I'm in a party with sibling T and notice he's at a location called "Crystallarium Caverns", not at all the valley location I'm in. He doesn't realise that we're in different locations when we talk via chat. Fighting happens around me and I look up over the temple/restaurant and see there's a female spellcaster. She seems to be wearing something slightly harlequin-like. She has an enormous book that in width would be the height of four people, and I see her enounce some kind of runes which make a visible effect coming out of the book as she speaks each one. She throws down fire magic at the rebels and around me.

    I start to get sick of her spellcasting and somehow reach my way up to her book (distortion of scale/point of view?) and then I hurl it down toward a much lower tier of the valley, intent on making it land in some water. But she uses some kind of TK to slow the books fall and it doesn't reach or touch the water. I think to myself that I should have jumped with the book. But as it rises back up, I can read its runes on a page now. Each page is organised as a kind of mandala with a number of circumscriptions for each rune. I try to read them aloud myself but I'm not sure about the pronunciation.

    I think eventually we beat the spellcaster woman, but the rest of the dream recall is lost after this point.



    Notes:

    - This dream was particularly vivid and part of that may have been due to the fact that I barely managed to sleep the two preceding nights, on one of which I felt to have had a brief dreamless sleep, which always makes me feel odd for the rare times it happens.
    -- Not sleeping was mostly on account of being ill.

    - The runes in the book remind me a bit of the node tree in FFX, which I've seen recently after this dream, but given that they appeared more like mandalas it may have been an intrusion either from a discussion I had with my mom or from something relating to Jung. Whatever the source, I have thought about trying to replicate the layouts I saw in the dream.

    - G and his bat form reminded me of Troy from BL3 for some reason. I think something about the posture and a drawing I did of Troy some time back. It's odd that it's the second time in not too long that I've dreamt about a bat character. Part of it may be an intrusion from the fact that someone's character I'm drawing lately is a bat, but it didn't feel especially related to that. (Different gender, different morphology/species)

    - In the second half of the dream, there was something about the Aarkvaad aliens that was relevant to the context, but through my recall of the dream, I couldn't really pick it back up and so I'm not sure how they actually related. Searching for Aarkvaad online didn't really yield anything interesting and past the dream's context is probably a mish-mash word that sounded alien enough.

    - The temple plaza felt very much like being in front of the actual church that it likely had inspiration from, which is interesting for the fact that I had that dream not too long ago where I was at a much more accurate version of said plaza/church. There was something more ancient and mythological about this dream's temple and the procession ritual that was taking place seemed to relate to that. In the dream part of my modern waking behaviour took hold where I was able to just go through the group without caring too much about the effect I might have on it, but as the ritual seemed to begin, my behaviour reverted to something more alike what I always learned to do, which in a sense is to give them space and not get in the way. I think as I walked there I thought about people who are careless and those who care too much, perhaps partly reflected in my responding behaviours.
    -- Also curious to the ritual aspect was the fact that I was an outsider to it, even though to me it felt very familiar and normal. I just had no place in it myself; perhaps a symbolic expression or metaphor in itself.
    Categories
    non-lucid , memorable , side notes

    cccxciii. K grieves for her dog, I have a dog put down

    by DarkestDarkness on 06-24-2022 at 04:50 PM
    Some small in-line notes and such.


    2022 June 13th

    Quick note to self, this was also the date of the appointment.

    Fragment:

    (left recall too late)

    I'm in a mountain town or such. It's sunny, mostly clear. At some point my friend K calls me, but I think I miss her call.

    Later in the dream, something about water. Not as sunny now? I think I speak to K on the phone now, but it's like I'm also next to her too? (vague recall) She tells me that she wanted to invite me to a party before, and I apologise for missing the party. She then tells me that her dog G has died. I say that I'm sorry to hear it, and I hear her voice breaking a bit and I feel myself close to crying too, knowing very well what her pain will be like. We talk about something else for a bit.


    2022 June 15th

    Fragment:

    I'm in a street, I have a dog with me. She looks like S but has worse behaviour and at one point "play" bites me, a bit too hard on the left wrist. I look for a wound but don't notice any, and then I think about how it actually didn't hurt all that much.

    (gap)

    Someone else was present in the dream up to this point, though now I think I'm on my own with the dog again, at a place that is supposed to be like a veterinary practise. A vet person gives the dog an injection. After about ten seconds, the dog is numb and she can't really move at all. I pick her up and put her on a conveyor belt thing. There's a dark atmosphere/mood. The dog is here to be put down. I feel sad, and also think that it's a shame she couldn't have had better behaviour.

    (there had been more context to the situation but these were the bits of recall I lost in the gap)


    2022 June 16th

    Scraps (DFLN):

    Many dreams. Only recall one dream where I was in a dark room with zombies. They seemed slightly aggressive, but not entirely.

    (Although I was playing 7d2d at the time, I also became ill with Covid after this)