Singularity125

Wow... just... wow. Interesting, revisionistic view of my life, which is 100% not true. There's... according to this dream, there's a reason I'm single and asexual, and it claims I wasn't always that way. I have to say upfront that even though my memory is bad, it's not THIS bad, so there's no way something like this could have happened. But it supposes that I'm digging through some written diary stuff or whatever, that I both somehow still had, in a paper format, and had somehow not lost, but had also forgotten about. And it claims that what I read suggests that I was in love with someone, once. But at some point I found them cheating on me. Or, rather, him. Yes, apparently if this dream is to be believed, before I was asexual, I was gay. Now... many of my friends are bi or gay, it's not like I would have a problem with such a thing, but it's not really for me. The dream throws out a username, tag, or whatever, and a time frame. "Ericalt" or... "alm?" or... I dunno. I know it started with "Eric" though. And the timeframe was sometime in late 2008, so right when I first started college. I definitely wouldn't have jumped into college and started dating, for one thing. For another, I knew I was asexual before college. And of course that time of my life was relatively harmless and peaceful. Even assuming I could have "repressed" something like that, it would have shown somewhere. The friends I was starting to make at that time would never have let me repress something like that, anyway. That's enough rambling...

Okay, so I've had a couple interesting dreams since I've started work. My brain is too frazzled to remember which ones were on which days, so I'm lumping them together. All of the recent dreams that I remember involve videogames in some way.

One dream involved me playing Ocarina of Time, or at least it's supposed to be that. I'm running around in a primitive 3d environment just exploring, while explaining things to someone, probably my little brother. In this dream, I end up exploring and use a timed trap or something to an unseen purpose. The trap sets some sort of timer on you, and when it goes off you spontaneously get blown up, like you're holding a bomb, and you get knocked over. You're supposed to disarm this trap in a puzzle or something... instead I grab it and run to a jump that's just a bit too far for Link to make it. I time it so that the explosion goes off in mid-air, giving me the last bit of propulsion to reach the far ledge. I explain that this game handles sequence-breaking poorly, with random glitches and freezes. (In reality, it's quite complacent and stable... speedrunners rely on this.) The game freezes, and I mention that at least it's never been known to delete a save... when I load it back up and select my save, as if I tempted the gods of Irony, my character is back at the beginning of the game. (And now it looks like Link to the Past. But whatever...) I'm kinda upset by this, to say the least.

The other dream is harder to explain. The game I remember playing is some sort of mix between Elona and Dwarf Fortress. There are a bunch of different "levels" with objectives that have to be completed to reach the end (something that isn't in either game, but hey). I recall that there are three different difficulties, and to have a win at a certain difficulty, all the parts have to be done at the same difficulty. There's also an "extra" difficulty, which makes it a lot harder but has a unique map different from the standard ones. Each section unlocks that after you beat it normally.

Anyways, the main bit I actually remember is there are some bosses to be dealt with, longstanding ones in terms of the plot, and we enter a huge area to try to take them on. It's supposed to be a big confrontation. But the game just kinda stalls out and freezes, refusing to finish loading the area. I guess it was TOO big. I had my character on the screen at this point, but I couldn't do anything with him. So, I end the game with task manager and restart it. Getting back to that point, it freezes even sooner. I suppose it's unstable from crashing in the middle of loading. This time I can look at the parts of the map that did load, and the perspective shifts over to almost all Dwarf Fortress, ascii style. And I see why the computer is struggling -- this map goes hundreds of floors up, like any good dwarven megaproject. One of the guys we were supposed to defeat would have been right at the top, and to get to him we would have had to climb countless stairs and defeat countless lackeys. It would have been a good final confrontation... oh well. That's all I remember for now.

Hm... I had a longer, peculiar dream this morning, but as usual I only remember parts of it... where do I start.

Well, one part that I remember, it would seem I'm with someone... I think it's my little brother, but later on in the dream I'm not so sure. It's fuzzy. But, we'll say it's my brother for simplicity. We're hanging out in this place that... well, it's kinda supposed to be our home, I guess, but it's nothing like it. We're reminiscing about things in our childhood and such, while we're also... doing something. Playing something? Yeah, I'm trying, but this part is just too fuzzy.

The main part I actually remember is hanging out with him in this area, where a bunch of people have gathered. There are tournaments and such going on. I don't remember what kind of skill was involved, but I know in some other part of the dream, there were... pokemon. Not like, playing the games type of pokemon. No, they exist and are alive and such in this world. So... perhaps that was the skillset involved for these tournaments. All I know was, I'm assisting this other guy, who both kinda is, and doesn't seem much like my little brother any more. He's very excited about the money we could win, to the point that I keep trying to get him to calm down, and quiet down, and not blurt stuff out in front of all these other people who obviously also want to win. He's excited though because winning the main tournament could give him 125,000... units of money. I doubt that's in US dollars. And I guess he has enough stowed away to bring him to 150k, which would let him participate in this other sort of "competition".

In this competition they take two people, and take 150k as the entry field. Then they sit at opposite ends of the room, and the have a machine just start dropping the coins in a circle around each person. Whoever caves first and grabs for the money loses, and the other person takes it all. Judging by how excited this brother, or friend, or whoever, is about this competition, I doubt he'd do well. I imagine myself stepping in and doing it for him. It seems easy if you think about it logically -- you just sit there until you win. So easy, in fact, that once I wake up I wonder how such a thing could ever work.

I also dimly remember parts of the dream where I'm wandering around a huge store, or I'm wandering outside at night (which MAY be where I bump into the pokemon I mentioned earlier... who knows.) I dunno where those fit in, so I put them here. Well, that's about all the stitching together I can do.

Okay, I really should have written these down fully this morning, instead of just brief notes. But at least I have something to go by, I suppose. Three dreams today, since I used a suggestion that I would wake up after every dream.

In the first dream, I'm playing some sort of Tactics RPG. Of course, like many dreams, "playing" means I'm walking around inside the game world, and it looks totally real. The main things I recall (from notes) are that there are three factions or towns that you can choose to join and help. There's tension between them, and presumably some sort of branching story as a result. The other thing is that part of the charm is that there are a million billion sidequests, and all sorts of fun to be had there. I remember that there are some I cannot do yet, even though I am told about them. One said I needed to complete 50 more battles in the main story, or something like that. I also have notes that don't dredge up memories... apparently the "elf" town looked like the most fun of the three factions... and then there's something about "other save files". The downsides of working from notes well after I should have written these down... I guess that's all for this dream.

In the second dream, I'm in a small apartment with a bunch of people I apparently knew in the dream, but didn't in real life. It's extremely cluttered and dirty, and we're somewhere cold and snowy. The apartment also has the same floorplan as my current, real life apartment. There are frequent cleaning sprees to try to keep the clutter down to a minimum, and I inevitably feel like I'm in somebody's way when these happen. Although, the people seem nice enough, generally speaking. That's really about it for this one... "Cold, cluttered, in the way..." Heh, there's probably some deeper symbolism here. I'll worry about it if it's recurring.

The third dream directly relates to Project Sanctuary, and the work I'm doing with it (or lately, SHOULD be doing...). There's someone who's trying to help me with the psychic and spiritual development I seek. I have a strong feeling that it's the woman who invented Project Sanctuary in the first place. There's a sort of "Sanctuary" setting going on in my dream, and we're both in there, at a table. Alas, both of us get distracted with reading some documents on the table instead of getting on with what we set out to do. I didn't write much about the documents, for some reason... but I feel like they were about some other guy, someone who seemed rather unsavory... I dunno. I will write tomorrow's dreams down sooner in the morning, for sure!

That's all, then. Now off to bed to make the same autosuggestion!

I've got some confused, tangled fragments today... but it's far better than yesterday, where I had no recall at all! So without further ado:

The first thing I recall is being back at home, again. I actually think it's our older home, from before I even left for college. My dad and little brother are there, though it quickly becomes just my dad. He's going to take me somewhere, to school, perhaps, but I'm not sure. He's waiting for me to be ready, but for various reasons I'm not ready. The main one is that I'd grab something I needed, set it aside, turn to grab something else, and when I turned back, the first thing would have disappeared! Of course in the dream I blame myself for misplacing it. So he's sitting out in the car waiting and this happens several times. Memorably, the last time is for my laptop. I set it aside to grab its charger, and then the laptop itself is gone. Then when my dad starts to come in from the car to see what's taking so long, my laptop magically reappears in my hands. No second thoughts are given on this, of course, and that's about the end of the fragment.

There's a shorter fragment here that's more or less a false awakening. I believe this happened after I woke up for real, but rolled over and went back to sleep. In this fragment I'm quite tired, and just laying in my mattress. I roll on to one side, and "imagine" a mirror being there... of course then it materializes, but I think nothing of it beyond having a "good imagination" >_< I repeat it on the other side, and then, looking at the ceiling, I imagine something quite different... almost some sort of grotesque doll-house or something. Quite a vague memory.

The other larger fragment has me back in the house, with my family again. We are all planning to go to Barre (the closest place to actually do anything to where I grew up), but my little brother doesn't want to go, so that cancels the trip. I'm annoyed by this and complain a bit, and my dad offers to go with just me. I think on it a bit, feeling bad for being selfish, but I accept. The trip is abstracted out to 10 seconds at most, and then we are in "Barre". But we're not in the mall that I would have wanted to go to, we're in some sort of mishmash between someone's house (I'm thinking my older brother's) and an open plaza. It's weird. And the whole time I can hardly keep my eyes open... my futon mattress is there, and I keep dozing off. I have a short nap at some point. Meanwhile my dad is off talking to someone, like he often does. I also recall him filling up two different water bottles.

After the nap, which is also skipped over, I need to pee. I wander into what seems to be a bathroom, with all the amenities except an actual toilet. I'm disappointed and confused until I see another door in the back of the bathroom. It leads into another side room with just a toilet and sink. I suppose the idea was that someone could use the toilet while someone else takes a shower, with relative privacy for both parties. In any case, I start to do my business, and then I wake up.

Oops. Should've posted this this morning for consistency. Oh well. More fragments of dreams today, I'm afraid. Hopefully my recall improves soon...

The first fragment seems to involve a place that's hard to describe, as always. A jumbled mess of jumbled memories. The main thing that I remember is that, like so many other dreams, family is around, and there is also some standard video game villain, out of sight. My brain wants to say "Robotnik" from the Sonic games. *shrug* The idea is that there aren't any more "natural" enemies, as they've all been destroyed, so there are some totally man-made equivalents. The perplexing thing is the mix of the sonic villain and the very much mario Bob-ombs. It's quite peculiar because the "bombs" are made of something that's probably closest to Legos. And setting one off sent bits of plastic everywhere in an amusing, harmless fashion. These things couldn't hurt a fly. My father isn't amused for some reason, though.

Second fragment: A mess of a school setting, which feels like it should be college, but my high school music teacher is there. In my capacities as a labtech (which was my college workstudy...) I'm helping my music teacher move some stuff around. The stuff involved, I don't really remember. I can say, though, that the room I put it in is full to bursting with random junk. It was really hard to find a place to put the stuff. And... that's about that, really.