WhyAmINaked

I'm in a school bus, and I think I'm back in middle school now. The bus is taking me home, only somehow we are driving around in a relatively rural area (i.e. country roads, crooked power lines, people driving pickup trucks if there were other trucks, etc.). I missed my stop a long time ago, but I'm not particularly concerned. A lot of the jerk kids I remember back in school were on the same bus, and as we get further and further into the rural areas, I kept thinking, "oh, you live in the middle of nowhere? No wonder you are such an ass." All apologies to people who live in rural areas.

At one point, I begin having a conversation with my old friend K. We were talking about careers, and he was telling me about a nice internship that works outside, gets in touch with the environment, and works with animals (all things I actually do love), but I catch on and say "wait, you want me to be a farmer?" K had a you-caught-me grin. So, to recap, my subconscious is insulting both rural and farming areas now.

We come across the side of a road, and there appears to be this Reality TV/Small Claims Court Election going on between a family. I don't know what the argument is, but it's a family of five, and the mother is suing the father over something while the host explains. The verdict is passed down in a really convoluted manner, like "we find the defendant being accused by the prosecution of the case to be correct in the blah blah blah," so everyone takes a brief second before registering that the father won. The rest of the family politely claps their hands, but the mother is visibly distraught. She approaches the host, but the host seems to reject her, telling her "I'm sorry, but you are only 15-inches tall," "and a soon to be divorced woman," she responds sadly. And yes, it's only about this time I realize the family are all tiny, and they are lined up each in their own tiny kennels.

Dream two gets bad. I'm in a mall plaza, near a large cell-phone kiosk like AT&T or some other large brand. A tall man and I have an intricate plan to rob someone that somehow involves me pretending to also be robbed at the same time. I look in my wallet, and I have a $1000 bill (Um... what?), so of course the plan goes awry and my partner decides to keep the money for himself. I got really angry, but before I could do anything, your stereotypical mall cop appears. I explain the situation (basically admitting our plan). The mall cop thinks for a second and says "I know what to do," then shoots my partner in the head with a gun. And of course the mall cop looks like Pepper Spray cop.

The scene shifts a little, and now I'm aware of being in an ad where they are shooting a commercial for a tea product or something, but it's blended into real ("Dream" real, I mean) life where the premise is the grandpa (who is also the "real" owner of the tea company) had to leave, and his adorable tells the rest of her family they can't start dinner yet, and she runs around the mall distraught, yelling for her grandpa to come to dinner. Dream me got a lot of dust in his eyes. The mom seems to know grandpa is okay, and says something along the lines of "if grandpa is gone, I get his car," while the rest of the family laughs, and the scene shifts to a parking lot you'd find in an apartment complex. For some reason, the mom turns into Rosalyn the babysitter from Calvin and Hobbes, and I realize I'm wandering around the lot having just finished watching a Calvin and Hobbes movie. I wake up at whatever ridiculous time it was, short hand my dream, and go back to sleep.

Dream three starts with watching Michaelangelo from the Ninja Turtles trying to flirt with a ninja girl he meets, but it also feels like I'm reading a book about this. The narrator explains that Michaelangelo thinks she is better handling Sais than Raphael (BLASPHEMY!), and they are scaling walls in the city while he keeps trying to impress her.

The scene switches to my brother's wedding, but he tells me to fill in for him. So now, I'm sitting at the groom's table like a panelist in a convention, and the bride and I are both dressed really low key -- I remember the bride is wearing flannel and jeans, and I have my legs kicked up on the table. At one point in the wedding there was the whole "this bread is the body of Christ" thing, and we have to dip our respective bread into a cup of water. I think my brother eventually made it in time, because the scene shifts to their house (which resembles a 60's style home) during Christmas morning, and I walk down stairs and say hi to my brother and his wife. It's at this time that I realize that my brother's new wife is now a weird version of what I feel should be an ex or someone I knew, although I have no idea who this person is.

I either wake up laughing, or laughed myself awake.