wintertime

I was returning to work with others to the remote jungle. The whole dream takes place on boats as it was all rivers. Apple pie-preparing. 2 of us sliced the apples but we knew we would not be able to make the pie until the next day as we would have to look through our baggage or obtain supplies to make the pie.

I knew returning would be very, very tough. We were expecting lots of trouble but nothing like what we encountered. Every minute of every day were were been chased by armed gangs who's sole aim was to rob and kill us. I think I had sensed this even before we began.
Suddenly a secondary school teacher I had for 1 or 2 years appeared. She is not something I would ever have thought about and she is someone who I would describe has having a neutral relationship with at school.
She got hit by a stray bullet in the back. I grab her as she was falling. In the dream I instantly recognized a volcano of emotion rising up in me. I proceeded to carry/drag her to a bed. I knew she would be dead in a few minutes. I started to hold on tighter and tighter and tighter to her. She or another person offered to shake hands. I said to myself I'm going to see how hard I can squeeze this person hand. I squeezed very hard but I was unable to squeeze hard enough to break their hand. I was away that I was dreaming and felt the tears well up in my eyes (which were there when I woke up after the dream was over!).
I decided I would like her have her last moments alone so I said 'see you later or see you next time' and tore myself away.
Shortly afterwards spoke to another and we agreed with every once of our being that we had enough running and trying to dodge these gangs. We decided we would proceed in a way that got us as far a way as possible from them.
Suddenly we found ourselves in a remote town. We were on the street and were glad to see the local police chief. He agreed to help use find safe passage. When I turned around there was the leader of the gang. He and his hundreds of followers were dressed in the same uniforms as the police. There was to be a dual which I felt we would not win.

My thoughts/comments.
For 6+ months now I have scarified or given up living by my own free will. Instead I have found a way to connect with my spirit guide and I have been living life by their indications. e.g. what to eat, would it be good to watch such and such a TV program, etc, etc. Recently I have been putting ALL my energy into preparing to 'return' to South America to start a new life i.e. I sense I will leave for a minimum of 2+ years (either travelling or working with medicine plants deep in the jungle). I have been doing this at huge person cost i.e. people would view me as abandoning my daughters which I have effectively done already by following my spirits guides indication not to take up access. And do yo know what ? It feels like the right thing to do. i.e. I viewing this as short term pain (2-5 years away) for long term gain (developing to be the best person I can which in turn will benefit others) , failing to socialize, etc, etc.
If an outside person was to view how advanced my preparations were they would report that I am fully ready.