Xanous' Dream Journal
Gibberish - TOTMs
by
, 03-03-2013 at 02:10 PM (668 Views)
Ok this WILD was really "forced". I had started with MILD but it was failing. I just don't think it works well with Galantamine. I had several failed WILDs that began with FA's. Finally after a couple of hours of failing a waking I really had to try hard.
I tried visualizing a repetitive hand motion but it just wasn't working. I tried passively observing HI but it became weak and almost non existent. So I resorted to just focusing on my cheek bones and chest. For some reason this feels natural and works.
Gibberish WILD - TOTMs 5:43AM
This time my SubC was a little tricksy. I thought I might have felt a very brief vibration but wasn't sure. I tried forcing it and focused on the back of my neck. Nothing. I tried rolling my eyes to strengthen it. Nothing. So, I waited a bit focusing on my cheek bones. In a few seconds it felt like my head was thumping up and down on the pillow. Ah, now we are getting somewhere. I felt something like a shift. It was subtle. I tested it by moving my left shoulder back a little (I was lying on my right side). It felt sluggish and exaggerated. I open my dream eyes but I am still unsure. I do a nose plug RC and blow through. It's always a surprise when that happens.
I transition out of bed with a little difficulty but manage fine. I can see the bedroom door. It doesn't look right. Its always really dark in my room so I hurry out. I pause. We have a couple of bookcases immediately to the left full of books in waking life. This is where I placed the note for TOTM. I look for the spot but don't see it right away. The room is dark but there is somehow a nightlight behind the bookcases shining through. I notice several books are missing but that doesn't matter now. I look and find the folded sheet of computer paper. My wife had written something without me knowing what it was before hand. I wanted to add a little spin to it. I pick up the paper and examine. It looks exactly the same. I open it.
I find that I have to tilt the paper toward the light to read it. To my surprise it was just a bunch of gibberish. I really focu on it and try to make sense of it but it's just a string of letters and numbers on two lines. I thought to memorize it. I committed the first bit to memory but thought whats the point? It read something like this:
S312F65FT689SDH
FT3489FG8923VF8
That's my the password to my account! Wait no. It's not. I'm ok.
I just look at the paper incredulously. For some reason I whisper, "What the crap?.... Ah shit." I think to try and force it to make sense but really I was satisfied enough to have done the TOTM. I toss the paper aside and move on. I walk into the living room but everything is going dark now. I start rubbing my hands and thinking of a new location. I rub my hands for quite a while just walking around in the void trying to make something appear. I can't decide where to go. I lose focus and wake up.
I stay still and DEILD. I feel like I have to force it the way I did the WILD. Really it's just that I have no vibrations and I have become dependent as making it my signpost for "GO" time. I stay patient and calm. This time I feel a definite but subtle shift. It almost feels like a brief dizziness. I take a risk and do a nose plug RC. I blow through and transition out of bed.
I walk back into the living room but feel the dream ending and going dark again. This time I resort to making out with the hardwood floor and rug. I mean really making out. (You gotta do what you gotta do) The feeling of the floor on my tongue is exactly what I would expect. While I feel the rug in my left hand, I even put a leg up and slide up and down on the floor.It was not sexual per-say just really about getting as much tactile sensation as possible.
Anyway, after I feel stable I notice the room is brightly lit and vivid. I look up and see our old boxy awkward looking TV where our newer flat screen should be. I smile and think this would be something to break. I sit up and punch the screen but it's solid and hurts my hand a little. I try again with the same effect. This time I think to aim beyond the screen and really follow through. My hand just phases into it. I give up and look around for something else to break. I see an empty beer bottle on top of the TV. Perfect! Thanks SubC! I step back and throw the bottle hard into the TV screen. The bottle shatters into a million pieces and makes a really nice and clean glass-breaking sound. Satisfied I walk out the front door.
But I pause. I think, "I wonder what this dream is about. I wonder if I am in my house for a reason." Standing halfway out the door, I turn and look at the room. I was surprised to see that the room was completely furnished and surprisingly close to real life. Usually my LDs have very little furniture. The only odd thing that I see is an extra doorway where there should be window. It is completely dark in there and I think I better not go that way. Besides I have another mission in mind. (I kind have wished that I checked it out, now that I think about it)
I slowly step outside. The front porch and yard is vivid and realistic. I feel self conscious because I feel like I am in just my underwear. I touch and feel myself and see that I am right. I tell myself it doesn't matter in a dream. I want to find the TARDIS and see where it takes me. I look around as I walk down my sidewalk. Something catches my eye to the right. I see a ground level sign about 8 ft. wide and 4 ft. tall mounted on a brick foundation. The sign is light up from inside. It is white with blue lettering. I think its some church sign. I walk up to it and look closer. It reads:
FAMILY
FA MILY
I find the sign to be annoying so push my shoulder into until it tips over and crashes on its back. I hear an electronic short circuit and the light goes out. Ha! I broke two things.
I look around and see a cop car across the street at some gas station. I worry that the cop saw me and will come arrest me for vandalism. I run back to my yard and feel somewhat safe. I think to run to the back yard and hide but I figure I'm better off not looking too guilty. Then I just forget about the cop and remind myself that this is a dream.
I look up at the sky and see two moons. One is a normal full moon and the other is a reddish orange full moon. Both are a little blurred. I note this as strange but normal for my dreams.
OK focus. I want to find the TARDIS. I look around expecting to find it. I imagine the unique sound it makes when it's teleporting. I stand there looking and waiting. The dream is fading. I realize that I was idle for too long. The dream always fades when I do that. I remember the success of making out with the sidewalk I had last week so I run and jump and do a belly flop on the sidewalk in the exact same spot. I start licking the concrete and feeling the grass. But I eventually wake up.
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