Only Stupid Evil People Use Spoons

[O'nus]

Anyone who uses spoons is evil. How do I know this? Consider that, in the medieval times, evil emperor's of the cult of Malta always drank blood with a ritualistic spoon. From that day, Pagans adapted the ritual and continued to drink blood with spoons and kill people with spoons. Apparently, because it was more difficult to kill with a spoon, it was more rewarding and prideful to be able to kill with one. In the book, "Tool of the Devil", it is explained that only evil people would possibly consider using a spoon. Yet again, another testament that spoons are evil. Ever notice that you have to use a spoon in order to prepare many drugs? When the person is first introduced their drug-addicted friends, it is the spoon they see first and then the drug. When they see the spoon, it illicits evil and the inclination to be evil. What follows is an incarnation of evil using the spoon for all activities. A spoon is made of metal and so are knives and other weapons of death. Clearly there is a reason for this - spoons are evil. In a recent study of evil people at the Canadian Mental Health Institute, we tested the criminally insane and their favorite utensil, we tested 100 criminally insane convicts. We had them isolated in a room with only a table and a spoon on the table. Every single person was interested in the spoon and picked it up to inspect it! Why? Because they are criminally insane and only the criminally insane would use a spoon. In another research study considering the type of utensils used before a murderer kills someone, it was found that 78% of murderers killed someone after using a spoon. Likely to drink blood! Hitler and Satan use spoons. Thus, spoons are evil. Also, in Mark 23:17 it doth say, "And Jesus said, 'nay, do not useth the spooneth for it isth the most evileth thingth evah!" Spoons are evil! Spoons are the antecedent pulchritudinous sesquipedalian invariably deterring condominial malassimilation reposession sancrosanctity of evil! If spoons were evil, then evil people would use them. Evil people do use spoons. Therefore, spoons are evil. Spoons are pathetic, cold, steel, heartless, and have no intention of wondering how you feel or thinking twice about murdering your dog. Products have been created to protect people against spoons: Spoonguard: http://www.rathergood.com/spoonguard/ If you can find any arguement against the following, you are probably a dumbass and don't know what you are talking about - go kill yourself before posting. Oh, and you're probably a pedophile too. I hope this has been enlightening. What do you think...? ~

[Volcon]

You...you have opened my eyes...

[O'nus]

You...you have opened my eyes... BUY SPOONGUARD! ^ Jesus vs. Spoon. Whoseth side are you onth? ~

[Moonbeam]

It's OK, O'nus. There are no spoons here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAiKA...eature=related

[O'nus]

It's OK, O'nus. There are no spoons here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAiKA...eature=related *Curls up in fetal position and sucks thumb* ~

[Carôusoul]

I worship spoons as my God. So should you, if you know what's best for you.

[thegnome54]

The Fallacies! They Burn!

[O'nus]

The Fallacies! They Burn! lol, yes, I have made this up for the upcoming discussion. I think it should serve well for analysis. I thought I'd put it up to see if anyone would be so inclined to try and decipher it. Perhaps I should choose a more complicated topic...? ~

[thegnome54]

lol, yes, I have made this up for the upcoming discussion. I think it should serve well for analysis. I thought I'd put it up to see if anyone would be so inclined to try and decipher it. Perhaps I should choose a more complicated topic...? ~ Well, I can only name a few of the fallacies off the top of my head - the other examples just set off painful alarm bells of wrongness, even in their more cleverly disguised incarnations. I think I have a natural instinct for fallacies, as most people should, I just don't know the terminology or the classifications.

[Mink]

Well, I can only name a few of the fallacies off the top of my head - the other examples just set off painful alarm bells of wrongness, even in their more cleverly disguised incarnations. I think I have a natural instinct for fallacies, as most people should, I just don't know the terminology or the classifications. I do I just learned them in my sophmore english class

[Infinityecho]

Just when I was going to post a tutorial Spoon Initiated Lucid Dream (SILD) Awwwwwwww *runs off crying*

[thegnome54]

I do I just learned them in my sophmore english class Really?! Like, more than just Appeal to Authority, Strawman, loaded questions, etc.? Hell, I didn't even learn those (I think they're called informal fallacies) in my english classes. I'm jealous!

[grasshoppa]

This makes me wonder why anyone would taint a fork by making it spoonish...Sporks are evil spawns of the spoon!!!

[O'nus]

This makes me wonder why anyone would taint a fork by making it spoonish...Sporks are evil spawns of the spoon!!! Exactly. This is the work of the spoon trying to infect and take over other utensils. It is only a matter of time before it takes over your first born child and rapes your mother. ~

[grasshoppa]

Spooning is also a term used for an infamously evil cuddling techinique.

[O'nus]

Spooning is also a term used for an infamously evil cuddling techinique. Yeah... it's called RAPE! EVIL! PS: Your avatar hypnotises me. ~

[grasshoppa]

Yeah, I can stare at it for hours trying to figure out which piece of candy he picked up.

[The Cusp]

Where do Sporks fit into all this?

[really]

Where do Sporks fit into all this? I was seriously going to ask the same thing. And all the other cutlery and utensils?

[Oneironaught]

I know the original post was more of an exercise in absurdity but personally, I hate spoons. I never use a spoon, even on things the you "need" a spoon for. You only utensils I will use are forks, knives and chopsticks. And I avoid metal forks and knives whenever I can; I much prefer plastic. If it's a food that people usually use a spoon with I use a fork every time. There's just something about eating with spoons that has always creeped me out. It might sound weird but it's true. I NEVER use spoons (except maybe to serve with) and I go out of my way to ensure that I never have to. Perhaps I'm good at detecting evil? Perhaps I'm a hopeless freak?

[grasshoppa]

how do you eat cereal? The best breakfeast man can buy!

[Oneironaught]

how do you eat cereal? The best breakfeast man can buy! In the extremely rare cases where I eat cereal, I eat it dry and with my hands (like candy or something). But I'd only eat something like shredded wheat so that's not too hard to eat by hand. However, eating cereal with a fork is not at all difficult.

[Volcon]

soup?

[Oneironaught]

soup? Straws! Just kidding. I don't eat much soup. The thinnest liquid food I consume is chili. And I can easily eat chili with a fork, especially when I saturate it with crushed saltines and fresh ground black pepper. I suppose if I had to use a spoon I would (I don't have a phobia or anything. ). I wouldn't want to be rude in a social situation. But really, I rarely have soup. When I do I just drink it from the container and eat the chunks with a fork/chopsticks (think: wonton soup).

[Moonbeam]

Perhaps I'm good at detecting evil? Perhaps I'm a hopeless freak? That's has got to be one of the strangest things I've ever heard. About anyone, ever.