Me, My Ex and a Baby

**M3opa** · 10-25-2013 11:46 AM

Ok, this was the most traumatic dream i have ever had.

BACKGROUND INFO:

Me and my ex have been separated for over a year now. it was August 2012 we split up after a 3 1/2 year relationship. A LOT of stuff happened during this time. Most important (for the purpose of interpretation) was a baby scare back in April 2009. We both decided on an abortion as it wouldn't have been fair to bring a baby in to the world when we weren't ready and couldn't give it the life it deserved. It was the hardest decision of my life so far. Towards the end we split up and got back together many times. About 4 or 5 in total. Since the split up she has been haunting my dreams almost nightly to the point where she is my biggest dream sign to become Lucid. I don't think about her at all during the day.

I am a 22 year old Male and I live a fairly normal life. Any other questions reference background and i will be happy to oblige.

THE DREAM:

Me, my EX (herein written as B) and the baby are at a theme park. I go on a roller coaster leaving them behind momentarily. Next thing i know i am in a room with B and the baby with some deranged people who want to kill us. the room is very dark with 2 chairs and a cot in it. Me and B are in the chairs and the baby is in the cot. The killers inform us that we all need to die. There is no explanation. Somehow i manage to escape and get out alive. I thought the Baby and B were both dead. I felt lonely and lost in an unknown place. I don't know if i don't remember or if the dream skipped forward but i felt like i had done a lot of travelling and work to get my baby back. I took her home still presuming that B was dead.
At home i was sitting by an open fire with the baby beside me. It felt like years had passed with me and the baby in hiding but the baby had not grown at all. I was too afraid during this time to search for B as i didn't want the killers finding out i was still alive. i had to protect the baby even if that meant never finding B. Sat around the fire i was feeding scraps of paper into it to keep it going. I heard the garden gate and looked up. B was walking down the path towards the window. My heart started racing. I got up and went to the window. She had her face very close to it trying to look through. She couldn't see though as there was a net curtain up. I looked closely, making sure it was her as i truly couldn't believe it. She turned to walk away. I lifted the net curtain and knocked on the window beckoning her back. I went to the door and let her in. I pass the baby to her and and we exchange stories since we were split up. We hug each other and start crying in each others arms. Finally, we are all together again. We tell each other that we will never be a part again and my thoughts keep thinking that i should ask her to marry me there and then. I woke up and actually cried form the emotion felt within the dream. It truly moved me in unexpected ways.

AFTER THE DREAM:

I wrote it down and instantly pulled on my scan picture of the baby from April 2009. I was upset for a long time and awake for about an hour thinking about the dream.
The rest of the night was filled with dreams about B. Not as moving but no others that have been about her ever have.

This really messed with my head and any help would be appreciated. I don't want her in my dreams anymore and i don't know what i can do to stop it.

Regards,

M3opa

**JoannaB** · 10-25-2013 12:41 PM

First of all, I think given your personal history, it is natural to have such a dream: your mind goes back to what happened, the what-if scenarios - what if the baby had lived, what if you had loved B enough to marry her, what if you were together, what if there had been a happier ending. In a way you are grieving for those what if scenarios, and I think it is natural to do so. How do you make it stop? Concentrate as much as possible on the present and do not focus I the past, but even then your subconscious may have other ideas, and it may not stop.

Part of it is that they are all part of who you are now: your ex, the baby, and the killers (you decided to have an abortion but unlike the killers in your dreams you had reasons, and also you and your ex decided to "kill" your relationship - so I think those killers represent that too). Your past is part of who you are. My initial advice was to focus on the present, but perhaps the alternative is more likely to be fruitful: to accept the past as part of who you are, to not try to reject it, to integrate it with the rest of your personality. Perhaps the issue is that you reject those decisions that you made in the past, that you have regrets, that you don't want to think about them for fear that you will find that you wish you had done something differently. Well, it is too late to have done something differently, and it won't help any to dwell on that, but perhaps you need to acknowledge that those were the decisions taken, but now you face different decisions, and revising the past is not possible nor desirable. Perhaps you need to accept to let go.

However, letting go is easier said than done. While I never had an abortion, but I did have two miscarriages, and on the anniversary of my first child's death especially I still grieve. Just like your baby, she will never grow up (that's why the baby in your dream never grows), and I have two live boys now, and one of them was conceived right after that miscarriage, so that if I had had that baby I would not have had my son, so from a logical point of view, I cannot really wish that that baby had lived because my son then would not have, and I love my son deeply. But grief is not logical. And one can grieve for an unborn child, grieve for the potential of what the child would have been like. Out of some reason, I always thought of that lost child of mine as a baby girl, even though it was too early to tell. Grieving is a natural human emotion, and one cannot just make it stop, just because one wants to consciously.

**M3opa** · 10-29-2013 12:37 PM

Wow! when i posted this i was not expecting such an insightful response. Thank you very much, a lot of what you have put here fits in with everything. thank you.