I helped to kill my friend

**winterschild11** · 12-03-2013 06:31 PM

Hi, I'm new here and am looking for help regarding a dream I've had twice now about my best friend. He's been recovering from a terrifying trauma and has been making amazing progress, his mom not so much. I've been standing up for her, trying to understand that she's having a hard time dealing with things, but she's crossed the line too many times now.

I had a dream where I woke up in the hospital waiting room and my mom tells me that my best friend (who was actually scheduled for surgery the next week, non-life threatening repair to his shoulder) had already come out of surgery and was asking for me. I realized that no one else was in the waiting room ( our other friends and family) and she told me that they were waiting in the cafeteria for me. She told me where his room was and I started down the hallway and the lights started going on and off and a nurse passes me and told me that I should hurry or I would miss him. I asked her what that meant but she disappeared down the hallway. I got to the room and tried to open the door, but it was locked. I could hear someone moving around inside and started pounding on the door. No one answered but the door opened and his mom was standing there and telling me not to disturb him. His mom doesn't have custody, he and his sister live with their godparents. she told me that "we've been in so much pain, that it was time to end it" and tried closing the door. I kept pushing on it and she finally opened it and was smiling. She told me I could help and then I realized that I was holding a pillow. She pulled me to the bed and put the pillow over his face (he was sleeping) and started pushing on my hands until it was suffocating him. He started to struggle and she kept shushing him like a baby. I kept screaming because I couldn't let go of the pillow. He finally stopped moving and I could finally let go of the pillow, but it was too late. He wasn't moving or breathing. I kept yelling at him to wake up and his mom just started laughing at me. I woke up after that.

**DreamscapeGoat** · 12-04-2013 03:29 AM

This needs to go in Dream Interpretation

It definitely sounds like she is having a hard time with it all. Have you tried telling her about this dream?

**winterschild11** · 12-04-2013 04:33 AM

Originally Posted by DreamscapeGoat

This needs to go in Dream Interpretation

It definitely sounds like she is having a hard time with it all. Have you tried telling her about this dream?

No, she is currently under the care of a psychiatrist and is not suppose to have contact with him until he is able to deal with it. They were very close, his dad passed away a few years ago. Her doctor thinks she may be suffering from a long-term depression, but it really freaked me out that I was the one killing him, and her laugh when he was dead made me want to puncture my eardrums.

**Darkmatters** · 12-04-2013 05:15 AM

It sounds like you're afraid she might want you to end the friendship (killing him as a metaphor for it), or maybe she represents a part of yourself that's afraid it might end. It could also be that you're exploring the idea of their negative relationship - a mother is supposed to be protective and nurturing, and to discover she isn't like that is shocking and takes some getting used to. It's very common when mothers behave badly toward their children people refuse to acknowledge or accept it even when it's done right in front of their eyes - it's definitely the kind of thing your mind would need to wrestle with in order to fully accept it as reality, and dreams like this are the mind's way of exploring new ideas and grappling with them.

I base that on this:

Originally Posted by winterschild11

I've been standing up for her, trying to understand that she's having a hard time dealing with things, but she's crossed the line too many times now.

If I misunderstood then I apologize. It's kind of vague, understandably, so I might have misread it.

**winterschild11** · 12-04-2013 05:27 AM

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

It sounds like you're afraid she might want you to end the friendship (killing him as a metaphor for it), or maybe she represents a part of yourself that's afraid it might end. It could also be that you're exploring the idea of their negative relationship - a mother is supposed to be protective and nurturing, and to discover she isn't like that is shocking and takes some getting used to. It's very common when mothers behave badly toward their children people refuse to acknowledge or accept it even when it's done right in front of their eyes - it's definitely the kind of thing your mind would need to wrestle with in order to fully accept it as reality, and dreams like this are the mind's way of exploring new ideas and grappling with them.

I base that on this:

If I misunderstood then I apologize. It's kind of vague, understandably, so I might have misread it.

That's a possibility. She was a pretty good mom up until everything happened and her psychiatrist said she just doesn't know how to process any of this, but that's not his fault. She had a breakdown and then got better, but lied about taking her meds and nearly caused him to kill himself with all the problems that she suddenly seemed to be having. Luckily her reached out to us and we got her more help. That's why she's not really allowed near him for awhile

**Scionox** · 12-04-2013 01:52 PM

*Moved to Dream Interpretation*

**JoannaB** · 12-04-2013 09:40 PM

What if the dream incident is not literally about killing, but rather symbolically represents another meaning of the word "smother" or "soffocate"? It sounds like your friend needs some "breathing" room right now to recover, and maybe you are worried that you also are contributing to his stress somehow, not giving him enough rest? People are said to suffocate other people emotionally, not just with pillows. Perhaps you are worried about how to be a good friend and not disturb your friend at this time, for example if you are worried of how much of your own issues to share with him, or his mother's issues? You might be worried how often it is ok to visit or call, and how long to stay when you visit without tiring him out. Something innocent like that I think could symbolically translate to such a disturbing dream.

**winterschild11** · 12-09-2013 07:01 AM

I think that might also be a possibility. We are all protective of him and his sister right now and I feel guilty for defending his mom's behaviour until the last incident. He has been making amazing progress but I guess the "big sister" in me just doesn't want him to be hurt again. We've all tried to realize that he needs his space, but I admit it is hard to let him out of my sight for very long. I guess because I almost lost him once I'm terrified that it could happen again.

**AnotherDreamer** · 12-09-2013 08:25 AM

What a complicated dream. I love the interpretations here.

If it was my dream, I would interpret it as a manifestation of my guilt for defending his mom's behaviour because it led up to the last incident. So I would feel like I was helping her to carry out whatever terrible thing that she did. I think that you unintentionally helping her kill your friend in the dream parallels the guilt that you might feel from unintentionally helping the "last incident" take place by defending her behaviour. What do you think that it means?

That must have been a terrifying dream to experience. I hope YOU are doing all right, dealing with all of this stress.

**winterschild11** · 12-09-2013 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by anotherdreamer

What a complicated dream. I love the interpretations here.

If it was my dream, I would interpret it as a manifestation of my guilt for defending his mom's behaviour because it led up to the last incident. So I would feel like I was helping her to carry out whatever terrible thing that she did. I think that you unintentionally helping her kill your friend in the dream parallels the guilt that you might feel from unintentionally helping the "last incident" take place by defending her behaviour. What do you think that it means?

That must have been a terrifying dream to experience. I hope YOU are doing all right, dealing with all of this stress.

I DO feel guilty and I think I've been overcompensating by trying to make sure he isn't alone and knows that we are here for him. He can't be alone and KNOWS we're here and has told me that he feels badly that we are giving up so much of our lives to be with him. We've all told him that there is no other place we'd rather be and that he would do the same for us. Our families have been close since we were about four years old. our parents are also best friends. On one hand I feel so badly for his mom, none of this is easy, but she just doesn't get how badly she hurt him and everyone by NOT doing what she was suppose to in order to help herself. On the other hand I am SO angry at her for not following through and taking care of herself that I can't even talk to her right now. We all just want to everything to be normal again.
Thank you so much for your thoughts.