Happiest Dream Ends In Despair

[nina]

Hey guys...I don't usually post my dreams here to have them interpreted...but this one really got to me, and I'm trying to understand what it means. If you could help me at all it would be greatly appreciated. And thanks if you read all of it, I realize it's long. -nina Someone had hired a woman to throw me an incredible party for some reason. Everything was perfect, the day was beautiful, I was given the most lovely dress to wear, my hair was done...perfect. I remember walking into this mansion or castle and I was led into this room. It was a huge auditorium that was set up almost like a tv show wrestling match with seats and a ring in the middle. I am being led up the row towards the center, I notice that everyone in the seats are people I know or knew at one time, old friends and acquaintances. They are smiling and waving at me, and I smile and wave back. When I get to the center I see that my whole family is standing there. My mom, dad, sister, cousins, aunts, uncles. All the ones closest to me. Then everyone in the audience...like 500 people...start cheering! For me! And I run up to my family and hug them and we are all cheering and clapping and I feel so incredibly happy. Then there is a big screen being lowered so that we can watch a movie or something...and I stand in the ring with my family as they show clips! about MY LIFE!!! Things that I am really proud of!!! Things that I have done and accomplished. Times when I was funny. Times when I was having fun with friends. They went through this whole slideshow that basically highlighted all the best moments in my life. And everyone was still clapping. And I was so happy I had tears in my eyes. And I felt so incredibly grateful...and...proud. I actually felt proud to be...me. And so thankful for my life. After the slideshow everyone was led to the top floor of the mansion which was an enormous party room where dinner was served. Everything was decorated exactly how I would have loved it, it was all perfect. I remember speaking with the woman who arranged the party and telling her how magical she was and how perfect everything went! Everyone ate delicious meals and people were coming up to me and thanking me for inviting them to the party. I couldn't believe it. These people were actually thankful that they knew me? They wanted to celebrate just knowing me? I was incredibly flattered but it felt great. There was even a little petting zoo type of area...go figure since I love animals...this older lady had brought all these animals for people to play with. She had a litter of puppies with her at one point and I was watching the children playing with the puppies. Then one of the children says to the woman, "Look, one of the puppies is dead." It was so strange because everything about the party was wonderful and happy and everything was going write, so to have something sad happen was so strange. I looked over at the little puppy and it did indeed look dead. "No, he's not dead," said the old lady, "Look...see?" and she lited him up so we could all see that he was alive. The children laughed and continued playing with the puppies...but for me something was not right. I was concerned. I know that puppy had died. Somehow it came back to life. What was going on. Then the woman who organized my party came and stood next to me. "See?" she said to me. "I made your party magical. Everyone will have a wonderful time. Even sickness and death cannot penetrate the barrier I put up. Yes that's right, I set up a magical barrier around this mansion's land to keep everyone safe and happy and to make sure everything goes perfectly!!" ...and then she walked away, or possibly vanished. I went back to the party room where people were drunk and laughing and having fun. Everyone was calling me to come hang out with them, but I just sort of kept walking on past. Somehow I ended up near a ledge or an open window and I fell. I was very high up. I fell through glass into the swimming pool far below. I don't remember much of the fall. But I knew I should have been dead. I looked around at the night, it was dark...darkness was encroaching...and I was frightened. I needed to get back inside the castle but it was all locked up for safety reasons. I began to climb a spire that would lead me to the top party room where I could hopefully find an open window. So I climbed and I climbed...the whole time I was thinking about what the organizer lady had told me. And I was thinking about the puppy...the one that died and came back to life. Is that what happened to me? Should I be dead right now? Am I dead? And I stopped climbing and looked at my pale skin and dress that was torn to shreds. No, I'm still alive. Somehow. And I kept climbing. Several hours later I made it to the top and fell into an open window. Everyone shouted and waved at me and smiled. "You are all still partying?" I asked, "It must be so late?" Hmm. Long party, I thought to myself. In fact, at that moment I even saw the sun began to rise over the horizon. It was almost morning! Suddenly with the darkness gone I was feeling much more confident and I saw people playing soccer outside on the lawn. I went to join them. A few of them were distant relatives and some were friends. We were kicking the ball around, and I remember thinking how long this party was going to go on till. But at the same time not really caring because I was having fun. Then suddenly...it began to grow dark. I could see very ominous clouds in the distance, quickly rolling towards us. The organizer lady was standing in the yard and I ran over to her. "What is that? What's happening?" She looked very grim. She was not smiling and happy as she had been earlier. "Hey!" I shouted, "Please tell me what's going on!" the darkness was coming closer and closer. "I set up a magical barricade around this place to ensure no bad things could take place inside while the party was going on. But bad things did happen, and now the darknesss has come to collect." She looked at me, but she was not beautiful like before. She looked like a witch. "What are you saying? You knew this would happen? Did you set all of this up!? What will happen to us!?" ...but she was vanishing before my eyes and I was left standing alone on the lawn, people were all running inside for safety. I stood there, just wondering, what was going to happen. Then I saw it...coming over a hill...a black cloud...a swarm of something. I didn't bother trying to run, I knew it would find me no matter where I went. As the black cloud came closer I saw that it was made out of flies...and the ground went completely black. It was swarming with rats. A sea of rats at my feet and a cloud of flies surrounding me. "Cover your face!!" "Keep your eyes closed!" "Run into the castle!!" I heard people shouting to one another. But I didn't want to close my eyes, I wanted to see. I had to witness what was happening. Then I saw them, in the sky...four huge black clouds...like horses...the horsemen...come to collect. In a cloud of flies and rats at my feet, the four horsemen passed over me. And then, I died.

[juroara]

Well, I already posted in your journal, but I'll post my thoughts again here. From the very beginning of your dream it was about death. Here are all your loved ones celebrating your life. And that's what we aim to do at wakes and funerals. To celebrate this persons life. The other death symbol was you watching your life. I guess its a good thing that you seemed happy with it. But all the while you think this is some party, just like any other party. The party only becomes a little less happy when you start to realize this dream is about death. You dying in the ending is the realization of what this dream has been about - death. The witch was a reaper, and I think she was just trying to make this a pleasant transition. I dont think the 'bad things happening' is what made the darkness come to collect. I think the darkness was always going to come collect, even if bad things didn't happen. She's not so pretty when the darkness comes to collect, because she is the darkness coming to collect, and you feared this. Therefore, she became ugly. Well, that's what I got from it anyways! Did you read sandman? It sounds like something Death would do! Didn't she throw a party for one of the characters?

[Darkmatters]

Wow Nina, awesome dream!!! I'm no dream interpreter, but I was thinking pretty much exactly what Juroara said... the beginning sounded like the life review and then all the biblical symbolism. I think in dreams death can often represent a transition - the end of one part of your life and the beginning of another. Hopefully somebody who understands this stuff better than me can comment on it though.

[Dannon Oneironaut]

Wow, If this were my dream, I also would think it is about death. there are so many layers of interpretation possible. Part of it reminded me of the Story of the Buddha. At his birth an astrologer told his father (who was king) that Siddhartha would either be a great king or a great holy beggar. His Dad wanted him to be king so he imprisoned him in the castle and the garden walls and made sure that the his son never knew of death and was surrounded by all kinds of imaginable pleasures and diversions. The gardener was ordered to dispose of every dying leaf or wilting flower before Siddhartha could see it. But one day he left the castle walls and saw a starving beggar, then an old person, then a dead person, then a yogi. He asked his friend about it and he told him "people suffer, everybody gets old and dies. the yogi is trying to find the way out of suffering." And the rest is history. Also, if this were my dream I might think that the castle is your psyche. The top floor might represent your 'higher' spiritual part. You are eating and digesting your life experiences, which seem all very good and beautiful. But of course nothing is perfect. Everybody has some regrets. You can't deny the shadow, it finds its way in. You can't put up a magical barrier to deny the shadow. Nobody is innocent like a puppy. Everybody has "bad things". The DCs are celebrating all the good things and loving the good things about you, which are many. But something is wrong. Everything is not perfect. You are not acknowledging the 'bad things' or the darkness. Well you are but nobody else is and the lady knows better but pretends that everything is perfect. She is you also! Then you fall out of the mansion because the real you wants knows the truth and wants it out in the open. This reminds me of the tarot card about the tower. You fall from grace or your pedestal and fall into the swimming pool through a barrier. I am assuming that the pool has water in it. Usually water symbolizes emotions or the subconscious. And it is a swimming pool and not a great natural body of water, but a shallow man-made pool. You fall from high to low, through a barrier of glass. Perhaps this symbolizes a fragile barrier between your emotions and your rationality or subconscious and conscious? You die, and are shaken, you try to enter your body/old life but can't, IT is time to enter a new life, a new way of being but eventually you succeed but it seems weird that the celebration is still going on. But then the dark night is over, or is it? The end of the dream is crazy! I like Juroara's interpretation. The woman who organized the party reminds me of some kind of Fairy Tale stepmother fairy Godmother queen/witch. She must be the Goddess who has two faces, or three. But in this case two. But it was you who decieved yourself thinking that everything really could be perfect forever as long as everyone partied an celebrated. I'm agreeing with Juroara that the lady didn't betray you, it is just the natural cycle of things. The darkness doesn't come because of the 'bad things'. The darkness comes to collect in order to be acknowledged. The Goddess tricked you into confronting your shadow, thus to integrate it and grow whole. But because she loves you for who you really are and all of you, not just the light. She represents you also, a happy cheerful lady who puts up magical barriers to keep everything perfect, and then the shadow side! (I am not saying you are really like this, because I don't know you. I'm just sayin') Plagues and horsemen! It's the end of the World! Take my hand Jesus, I'm coming home! Wow, what an ending. It would be interesting to choose a tarot card for each element and character of the dream and lay it all out. That is how I would consider interpreting this dream if it were my dream. But for you? What do YOU think?

[nina]

Wow many thanks for the responses guys. I can't believe it didn't even occur to me that this dream was about death, just goes to show you how valuable outside perspective can be. Basically I am working on self improvement and personal growth on many levels...and one thing in particular is self esteem. A few days ago I was reading how important it is to have a high self esteem, and this is something I have always struggled with throughout my life. My interpretation of the first part of the dream was that it felt like a gift from my subconscious in trying to help boost my self esteem. It was like, look at all these wonderful things you have done, and all these people who know and like you enough to show up to your party. So really that was all that I thought was going on...that my own mind was giving me a gift to help develop my self esteem in a way. Which is why the whole dark part of the dream confused me. I couldn't figure out what my mind was trying to warn me was bad about developing higher self esteem. But now that you guys have pointed some things out to me, it is probably more likely that the whole death thing is just a metaphor for where I am right now in my life. Which is basically epitomized by the Death tarot card. Dannon it's so interesting that you mentioned about the tarot cards, because even before I read that, I had thought to myself "The Tower" and starting drawing comparisons between my dream and a few tarot cards. So when I read your suggestion about doing that I had to smile. It's something I've never done before now.

[Xaqaria]

I agree that this dream is about death but I think it is on more of a metaphorical level. It has a definite "too good to be true" aura about it. It seems like the party and everything is representing an objective view of your life that because of your emotional perspective (your trouble with insecurity) feels like a facade that is laid over what it is you really feel. When viewed from an outside perspective, your life seems grand, and to be proud of, but from within your subjective perspective it is fake, a magical illusion. Perhaps because of your insecurities, you feel that even the great things you know you have accomplished are just a disguise that is temporarily hiding the "bad things" and you are in fear of the moment when this disguise will break down. Strong insecurities are usually all about expecting to find out that everything that you thought was right is really wrong.

[Darkmatters]

This is one aspect of dreaming that is really mind-blowing to me. How is it that we have such a hard time understanding communications from our own inner mind? Dreams communicate in symbols, and it's frustrating how often we fail to understand them. Then occasionally we'll have an epiphany because maybe we wrote the dream down and thought about it, or maybe told somebody and they said "Here's what it sounds like to me...", and suddenly we do a forehead slap and say "Well DUH!!!" When I'm writing my dreams in my journal I often feel like there's some meaning there but I'm just too dense to get it. Why can't it be more clear to us?

[Dannon Oneironaut]

Because the language of the subconscious is symbols, while the language of the conscious is words. When we start speaking the language of the subconscious and paying attention to the messages it tries to give us, the symbols become more clear, and it seems that even words are used more by the subconscious, but usually as puns. Words with double meanings. Like a giant bear standing over you could mean that you are dealing with an overbearing person.

[juroara]

Then occasionally we'll have an epiphany because maybe we wrote the dream down and thought about it I get this all the time! One time I was trying to describe a very strange dream. There was this university high in the sky. But before you could get in you had to do all of these insane tests of strength, speed, endurance - like jumping over hoops of fire - right outside the universities door! If you failed these frightening tests, they literally kicked you off the platform and you plummeted to the earth below. I had no idea what that was all about. As I paraphrased my dream in my journal I wrote, without thinking about the words, 'entrance exams'. Entrance exams? So that's what they were! Words with double meanings. Like a giant bear standing over you could mean that you are dealing with an overbearing person. Now that's classic.