How well can you know someone online?

[Arra]

How well can you know someone's mind online? Do you think it's more or less possible to really know someone online than in person? Why? This can be about friendly relationships or romantic ones. Is it possible to fall in love with someone over the internet? Is it more difficult than in real life or harder? Or does it entirely depend on the situation? Posters need not answer all of these questions. They just give a general idea of the overall topic. EDIT: In the poll I wrote "(between slightly and much)", but I meant "(between slightly and a lot)". (The top and bottom options said "much" before but I changed them to "a lot".)

[Raphael]

In this day and age I think it's definitely possible to get to know someone really well over the internet. To actually fall in love though, you need to meet them in real life.

[Photolysis]

Do you think it's more or less possible to really know someone online than in person? Why? To an extent, yes. People online can reveal a lot more of their innermost thoughts when hidden behind a pseudonym or when talking to someone on the other side of the world, without the social implications that might arise if they revealed those thoughts face-to-face with people they see on a day-to-day basis. On the other hand, it's also much easier to conceal certain pieces of information online too. Is it possible to fall in love with someone over the internet? I suppose I would say yes, especially given the fact that people can now interact with voice and video chat, creating a telepresence that doesn't really exist when talking through a text-based medium. I think there is a danger of falling in love with an idealised version of a person though, given what can be hidden online as I mention above. Granted, this can happen when you know someone face-to-face as well, but I would say the danger is higher when you know someone over the Internet.

[Zhaylin]

I think it's about the same unless you're dealing with a complete sociopath. But you can run into those IRL too.

[Raphael]

To address the poll, I picked "a lot easier IRL." Instantly after meeting someone you can get a pretty good feel for what the person it like, based on the way they talk, body language, clothing, etc. On the internet it's really easy for people to hide behind their computers and create a different kind of persona. In real life everything is out in the open, there's nothing to hide behind. When it comes to love, you absolutely need to know the person IRL. There's needs to be that physical contact, and just being together in the same room. Of course that's just how I feel, other people I'm sure can have true love through the web. I watched a documentary about WoW relationships, where people get married and move in with each other after having just met IRL. So there you go, it's possible for some people. EDIT: Though it just occurred to me, introverted people probably find it much easier to get to know someone online, since they feel safe. In real life situations they wouldn't be as likely to start up a relationship with the same person.

[StonedApe]

depends on what you mean by love. To be really in love, in my opinion, you need to be with the person. Maybe it's not impossible, but it's impossible for me(I assume, online dating type stuff creeps me out a little). You can get to know about a person through the internet, but to really know them you need to interact in person IMO.

[DeletePlease]

My cousin met a girl online and they kept in touch through MSN and phone chats for a couple months. A while back he flew down to West Virginia to meet her, spent a few months at her place, and now they're married. They seem really happy together so I'd say it's possible to fall in love and develop a meaningful relationship with someone over the web. Some people are more open on the internet and you can get to know them incredibly well. If everyone's being honest, a friendly/romantic relationship can be easily formed imo. There's a handful of people I've known on another forum since 2007 that I consider closer than a few of my "real life" friends. It's pretty easy to make friends with someone online (especially if they're the same gender) because they don't really have much of a reason to hide anything. As far as romantic relationships go, I guess you could keep in touch online and get something going but it'd be more difficult. In person you know when someone's interested in you by their body language and how often they want to get together. Online though, someone might have a "crush" on you and you wouldn't even know it. And that's just weird. xD If you did get something going, you'd eventually have to get together and meet in person though. If they got weird about meeting up I wouldn't bother keeping the "relationship" going, their creepy self is probably hiding something. But, like Raph and Photo said, you also run the risk of falling for this idea you have of someone based on what they tell you; you have no way of knowing what's what if you're only chatting on MSN. The best way to find out what someone is like would probably be to pay attention to how they conduct themselves publicly on a forum. That would give you a better idea of what they're like than if you were to have a one on one convo because their guard's down and they're not just saying what you want to hear. I'm not sure what I should choose for the poll. If you're just making friends with someone, than it's slightly easier online but if you're trying to get into a relationship, that's probably easier in person. That turned out longer than I thought it would, hopefully you can make sense of my ramblings. D: EDIT: Photo* Where the hell did I get "Poly" from? >_<

[Alric]

I put about the same, and I do think it really depends on the situation. It can be really hard or really easy to learn about someone in real life, and the same applies to online. It really depends on what you are doing, but I think the opportunity is there to learn about people either way.

[Spartiate]

I'd say that it's harder to get to know someone online, but that it's easier to meet people you like. There are just soooooo many people on the internet and they're all separated in nice specific groups (whether it be forums or whatever), so it's really easy to meet like-minded people that are easy to get along with. This might give the appearance that it's easy to get to know somebody online.

[no-Name]

questions like this depend entirely on the person but generally, you can know someone and how they think and react to things incredibly well without personal contact. physically, though, it's different. I could lie about spiders and how cool I might think they are, but if I was scared of spiders, and one was shown to me in person, I would react differently. depends a lot on what these people want to tell you, too.

[Arra]

Reading some of the responses, it's occurred to me that it would be easier in real life for people who know how to conduct themselves socially, how to express what they want with their bodies and facial expressions. I'm terrible at it, or I used to be. I hadn't learned how to control my facial expressions or body language very well, so I couldn't get what I wanted to get across. But I had learned to control what I wanted to get across through text. The relationship I've been in for about 7 years has been mostly online. We just gradually started to love one another, probably starting from about a year in. The closeness we both felt online through IMing is indescribable. I don't blame people for believing it's impossible, since if I ignore my own situation, it seems like it should be. And I realize for a lot of people it just couldn't work. We were both introverted and had a lot of time, hours per day, to devote to talking one another. One benefit is that online, if you haven't shown the person your picture, you know they want to be with your mind, as you've expressed yourself, and their fondness of you isn't dependent on your appearance. We hadn't shown each other pictures until about 2 years in. When a guy befriends me in real life (the rare times) or when they've seen what I look like, I can't help but suspect they're just attracted to my appearance. That benefit I think it would be impossible to have in person. And the experience of meeting in person for the first time, and even other times after not seeing one another in months ... is epic. I'm lucky to have experienced something so exhilarating, and doubt anything to come in my life will top it.

[tommo]

Interacting through text is just showing another side of yourself. Just as body language and talking do. Or art or music or whatever. There's probably ways to communicate that we haven't even thought of yet and these would also allow someone to express a different side or part of themselves. For example there is no way I could phrase this statement this well IRL. Not that it's poetry, but IRL I suck ass at talking, I can't think about what I want to say and talk at the same time. At least not very well. So text for me is good to communicate my ideas, because I can think about them more and backspace, rearrange etc. But talking IRL also shows that I am shit at communicating through speech and am quite shy/introverted etc.

[Philosopher8659]

Most people do not know what "Know a person." A person is not their body. Plato did a dialog on this. Alcibiades I. People are attracted to bodies, but rarely another person. One does not know what a person is, thus what they are. So, the term "love" is really a pointless term, for most people. It may seem to be very significant, but only for the moment. My understanding of "love" has evolved over the years to simply mean "all the things two people do together to maintain and promote their life." It means accomplishing right things together. Love is an art, a craft, not something you fall in and climb out of like some damn fool. I look for someone whom I can say "This is what I wish to accomplish--do you wish to work with me?" And that is that.

[Zhaylin]

I prefer forums such as this one. I don't think very quickly and I can take my time replying. I'm great at reading people and body language though so I don't think I could truly know anyone unless I see them in person. ??? I'm sort of jaded about the whole relationship/communication thing though. People tell you want they want you to know on-line and IRL. And we see what we want to. I agree with what Philosopher said, except "People are attracted to bodies, but rarely another person" unless I completely misunderstood. I'm not drawn to looks... I think relationships are too complicated to fool with- on line and off. But for those inclined, either could work. It depends on them- how they communicate, what they're searching for, their goals etc.