Can't find a proper place for this but I am genuinely curious. If you are comfortable talking about it, what was going through your mind when you attempted suicide, if you have? What has been going through your minds if you have thought about it? I have wanted to kill myself and very often wanted to die. I possess an overactive death drive it seems for the most part. However, I have never wanted to actually kill myself or planned on how to do it or committed to doing it. I know all the reasons I have wanted to end it all, but I have never actually crossed the line where I was going to or have tried. I believe I am going to die one day regardless, so even if what I experience is a totally painful horrendous awful existence, I will experience it. I exist, and it is a testament to that fact that I choose to continue living until my life is taken from me by something other than myself. I try and understand as much as I can, and since I simply can't relate like I would like to, if you are comfortable with it, post here. I really want to know what you were thinking and going through, not the bits that are unimportant to you, just the significant parts. I feel like if I can get a greater understanding of it, I will be able to help more people in the future that I may know that want to kill themselves. I already have had a friend kill himself, thankfully I wasn't really good friends with him or it might tear me up some, but I've had another talk about it and its pretty disturbing. I tried to explain why I haven't and won't, but it doesn't really seem like I've gotten all that through to him. Maybe if I can figure out what the mindset of "this is it, I am going to kill myself" and then trying it is like, I can do more to prevent it. Not just in my friend now, but people I come across in the future. Life is hell when you feel like you're going through it by yourself and that you can't even trust your friends with knowing the feelings you feel and what's going on in your life. Isolation is one of the most painful things you can actually endure. I've been seriously depressed a few times in my life, majorly depressed to the point of not even wanting to kill myself but thinking I deserved to suffer at one point as well. I at least understand what that is like, but not actually killing one's self. So please, share if you would.