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      I'm excited for your new surge of energy! Good luck with your lucid dare!

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      Hey RedPanda. thank you for friending me
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      Thnx for the friend request!
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    Recent Entries


    by Occipitalred on 06-29-2022 at 03:27 AM
    I am ziplining through a detailed village on a slope, passing through windows and arches and zigzagging through the sinuous landscape. My boyfriend is riding a parallel zipline. Suddenly we come across telephone wires blocking the way. My mind struggles with the dilemma of my zipline's journey and the obstacle. What will happen?

    I phase through the wires and continue ziplining but my boyfriend is left behind. I identify a non-necessary panic coming upon me and calm it down quickly, patiently focusing on my boyfriend's return to the parallel zipline. It works slowly but quickly enough and the descent continues.

    Video Game Controller [ Delay ]

    by Occipitalred on 12-15-2021 at 06:35 AM
    I am back at an old job. My memory tells me it's been one week and the first few days, I've been productive. The last two days, however, I have done no work whatsoever. I am angry with myself. I am sitting at a couch's ledge and a friend pulls me out of my thoughts, handing me a video game controller and urging me to play their new game. In my awareness, I see the game and feel the controller. The game is a Mario Kart style game but perhaps more chaotic. However, my character doesn't respond to the controls. I comment on my lack of control, yet, I keep trying each button, each trigger, bumper, stick... And then as I was ready to give up, the kart responds and soon, incrementally, the controls become responsive, and I accelerate my character through the obstacles and past projectiles of explosive chaos. A great anxious crowd of people flow past and ahead of me and out of nowhere, I observe that "I wouldn't have sold anything even if I did bring my wares for sale."

    Dream lesson: May I observe how my lack of control with the controller was an instance of dream "delay." May I remember in the future, when I experience a lack of control, to stay calm and focus, to let the delay catch up and the stimulation of control manifest. Same as in this dream. And same as when things don't show up.

    Sword Dream - Dream Fiction Seed.

    by Occipitalred on 07-10-2021 at 08:22 AM
    I was inspired to share a dream fiction ŗ la MoonageDaydream.

    Seed dream (real) in orange.
    Dream fiction in green.

    Context: from my tarot practice, I have adopted the sword as a vague symbol of thoughts/cognition and power. In the last few weeks, I have imagined a ceremonial sword as I go to sleep to focus on my sense of power (to access memory during and after the dream, to recognize I am dreaming, to carry out dream goals).

    At a street store, a child steals a dollar bill. My attention lingers on the crumpling of it. It is unclear to which body my consciousness belongs if any. I become aware that we are a group and we are gathering money for a greater purpose (Robin Hood style). I sense this is the second time I dreamed this dream tonight and last time, it went well. This time, the group is gathering the money in my sweater. I hope I'll get my sweater back. They betray us. They run away with the money and my sweater. Partly because a part of me knows I am dreaming and partly because I have a sense of having proven my skill in the past, I feel this is not such a big deal: I can get it all back. The traitors flee on horseback and leave me only a white pony. That's all I need. I hop on, and race after them. At the city gate, the guards are fighting the thieves. I take advantage of the situation to steal a sword from a dead soldier and stab someone. I regret it, realizing I don't know which color each sides are wearing. They all finish killing each other off and it's a dream, so I continue after a quick pause, focused on getting the money. Outside the city, I traverse quickly changing environments, like a wide corridor with different themes. First, a forest environment, where I encounter the slowest thief of the bunch. I decide to spare her because she's only carrying food on a cart, but I do steal the food with my sword as I race by with my pony. Next, a canyon plateau and then a wide mine corridor, in both of which I stab monsters with my sword. I get a sense that I got to this point when I dreamed this dream before, and at the end of the mine, they should be planning an ambush. Great, I will get them there. But now, I am fighting a particular strong monster, a snowman that's throwing snowballs. I'm actually enjoying the fight as if it were a game. I finish the snowman off, and remember to continue to the ambush next, but before I can do that, a great pulse hits the whole dreamscape and I am sent to another dimension where everything is dark and great evil is present. The long corridor is now themed with a gothic castle environment and deep crevices. I have a sense that I need to slay three ghost witches to be sent back to the original dimension but I can't find them and the longer I stay here, the greater the peril becomes. I feel suffocated by the sense of evil and danger. Without proper transition, I am now watching TV with my brother. There is a strange family drama ongoing on the screen with each person manifesting themselves on the screen to continue the narrative. I don't get it. What's going on now? How is this relevant to the previous events? I summon - continuity - to stay attached to a specific dream content (as opposed to - freedom - to detach from some specific dream content). On the TV, there's the family talking but I'm thinking about the thief dream. Soon on the screen, I see the child crumpling the dollar bill in her hand and taking it to the thieves. They are gathering the money in my hoody. I remember this is a Robin Hood plot and that the thieves only betrayed us in the previous dream because of my possessive attachment to my hoody rather than the money and my insecurity led to the betrayal. In the spirit of Robin Hood, I donate my hoody to the communal effort. Again, inspired by Robin Hood, I am reminded of the Super Hero TOTY. I list to myself the tasks: 1. Become Dimwit, 2. Ask for powers, 3. Use powers. I feel my skin glow orange and thicken. My medieval tunic happens to match the medieval environment and the Robin Hood theme. I ask one of the thieves what my power is. He says: to multiply and distribute your power to others. I am reminded of my helpful doppelganger in my first task who solved the task for myself and the mediator dream character. I look at the group of thieves and project onto them my power. I watch them glow orange as they organize and set out a food kitchen for the villagers. A woman passes by carrying a cart full of food. I buy some of our food and gift it to her. She joins our community efforts. Suddenly, a great pulse hits the dreamscape and I am sent into an alternate dimension where the sense of evil and danger is thick in the air. I materialize a ceremonial sword of power and watch my orange hand holding it. I feel evil closing onto me. There is little time left. As Dimwit, I multiply. I see my doppelgangers in their orange glowing skin join me in the dark crevice below the ruins of an imposing gothic castle. Some of the doppelgangers leave to scout out the evil armed with their swords. I know they can protect us. The rest of us come into a circle to drum and chant as a group. The communal energy dispels the evil from the air. Without transition, I am now watching TV with my brother. A family speaks on the screen one by one, manifesting themselves as their turn arrives. I realize my previous dream has ended. I am satisfied with the conclusion of my dream and the TOTY. I summon - freedom - as opposed to - continuity - . My next goal is in line with the Book Club. I want to visit Moss' astral clocktower. I list some characteristics of the place 1. River with faces, 2. Clocktower with guardian, 3. Museum, 4. Elevator. I look at the TV for the river, but I hear river sounds from the kitchen. I walk into the forest that way and see the river. I remind myself that my goal in going to the astral is to really go get a sense of being in the astral, of feeling like I am receptive to external information. The clocktower guardian arrives from behind and tells me "You well know you have no place here. Remember in that previous dream of yours from which you are writing this fictional dream where you nonchalantly stabbed a soldier without even knowing if they were an enemy? You are too destructive to join our community. You must be isolated in your own dream" I respond: "I understand. While, I am here, I do consent to disarming myself of my power until I learn to have a clearer mind and to better control myself. Here, have this for now." I hand to him my ceremonial sword. He takes it and judges I am in good faith. He leads me to the clocktower where I enter museum. All around there are multiple artefacts none familiar to me. "I suggest this world" the guardian says holding out one artefact. I take it and let the dreamscape around me forms to match the style of the artefact. Someone invites me for food and conversation. I wake up.

    "Reach me Halfway"

    by Occipitalred on 06-29-2021 at 05:16 PM
    June 27th 2021:

    Dream: I am on a passenger plane (but it's really a sailing ship with wings. As it happens and exceptionally, my seat is on the outside. Specifically, on the wing. I am terrified. And I need to pee. There is a pee container on a shelf on the deck and I ask to use it but a group of teenager girls are in the way, chattering and drinking water there. They are unresponsive to me. I think they're being inconsiderate so I lash out at them. I realize I must seem very rude. They simply mock me. I try to explain "You're being so selfish! I am going to be sitting on the wing! I am terrified and so I have no patience! Give me a break, please" but they have no sympathy for me. They have judged me in a way that I believe is valid for them given I was rude to start with. In a bad mood, I make my way to the wing and lie down on the special apparatus on the wing that passes for a seat. The plane gets off the ground and the speed and wind are overwhelming. I start slipping. After a while, I get used to it but I fly off the plane and see the plane just crash in the distant mountains. Oops.

    Reflection: Waking from this dream, I'm thinking how cool it was riding a plane's wing but then, I decide I should take the conflict with the teenage girls seriously. What was the real issue of that conflict? I decide that the meaningful problem was my fear of judgement (of negative and incorrect judgement) and my sense that other people cannot understand my side of things: in my dream, the girls saw me as a rude loser, and not as someone who was nervous to sit on the wing of a plane for a whole flight! But really, it was me, who expected them to have this other perspective, and be devoid of empathy. I think it comes from my hypersensitivity to think of "how will this appear to other people." Even if I do something good, I'm worried it will be perceived bad out of context. This happens, subtly, in my daily life. For example, recently, I cleaned off a touch screen to get coffee at work before the coffee was done pouring. So when some ladies came and I left with my coffee, I heard one of them say to the other "clean the touch screen!" and I cringed thinking they might think I'm rude and didn't disinfect the screen after touching it. They just couldn't know that I had already done it. That made me feel bad. But it's life. I decided to implement a new mantra and mudra to respond to these situations.

    Mantra: "Reach me halfway" (in my mind)
    Mudra: *holding out my hand* (in my mind)

    The idea is that, I do take a moment to consider other people's perspectives and give space for the benefit of the doubt and I will continue to do that for others. But I deserve others do the same for me. So, when I focus on seeing my actions from another person's perspective, I will say "reach me halfway" holding out my hand, inviting the other person to do the same for me and see things from my perspective.

    June 29th 2021 (two days later):

    I am shopping with a friend. My friend is sitting on a bench by the changing stall. A woman enters the stall, and my friend starts talking about her. I am shocked he would talk about her right there and then because she can for sure hear what he says. Ashamed, I stop him, and move further away in the store. He can tell me after when his words won't hurt that person. But turns out, the other shoppers have witnessed the event and are now accusing my friend of greater and greater transgressions. Someone says I am not guilty because I stopped him and left as soon as he began talking. But another person claims I was also gossiping about the woman earlier. People are outraged. I am willing to repair damages by paying for the woman's items. An outraged lady wants to make sure I keep my word and drags me to the pay counter. I am insulted by her behaviour and entitlement. This is too much. I say if it's like this, I won't pay for anything. I try to find my friend again but now the cops have arrested him and are dragging him out of the store away from the agitated crowd. I follow and plea with the police. They say my friend is going to jail for his abuse. I say it's all exaggerated. I demand to be a witness and fill out a report. The responsive police officer is being dismissive but as we approach the police office, I succeed in convincing him to accept my witness report. It seems like my side of things will be considered. I hold out my hand as my friend is carried into the building and cry because I'm sad he has to experience being in jail and not know what will happen next. But, there's a sense that things will end well.

    Reflection: This dream also seemed to have a similar theme as the previous dream. It progressed from a harmless comment on a passerby, feeling shame because I reached out to that passerby's perspective and knew it would be hurtful to her, and the shame growing into an indignant mob and dream police. But in the end, I was better able to demand that the other reach out to my perspective, than in the dream from two days ago. And it's funny that I did hold out my hand at the end of the dream, even it if wasn't exactly for the same reason.

    Overall, I expect to still see this pattern frequently in future dreams, but hopefully, with time, using my mantra and mudra in active daydreaming, I will gain greater power in my future dreams to have my dream characters see things from my perspective and gain forgiveness, the benefit of the doubt and better communication.

    No Win States - Hedgehog and Nagas - Astral Closed

    by Occipitalred on 02-10-2021 at 07:29 PM

    I'm in a game. As a rule, a game has a win state. A condition for successfully completing a predetermined task. But this is a dream and here, the games I play don't have win states.

    I am in a grand fantastical realm, up in a round tower, the top of which has a balcony along its circumference also accessible via a cliff. Inside, I am seeking for some object. An object to win? Or an object to allow my progress towards a win? There are many objects scattered on the tables and shelfs. But nothing seems useful or glorious. I only find objects that I remember from false memories but are now useless. What is my purpose in this game? I am lagging.

    The tower owner is coming. I hide outside on the balcony assuming she will be displeased by our trespassing. But my ally is not motivated to hide. From the doorway he tells me to just get back inside and he goes back in, to my surprise. The owner catches him. He is a hedgehog and she wants to pluck each of his quills. On top of that, the game's ultimate villains have located us. The situation is so grave, and this is a dream after all, so I come back in, confident in my own infinite power. I summon chaos. And now the people in the tower are multiplied so the enemies are diluted, and we are now all bird rabbit creatures pointing at each other in slow hand drawn animations. Amidst the chaos and the change in visual aesthetics, I make it out with my ally the hedgehog back into the original graphics of the game, and on that same cliff. We proceed through a cave and into a giant room. The ground is water and the room is scattered with platforming structures. There are many other people competing against us in this game. I want to win! But what is the win state? Where do we go to win? What do we do? We make it across the room and the way out is above. But it's too easy! The room is so big. I go back because I feel dissatisfied. I want to win. So many competitors. So much to explore. I climb back toward the center.

    "There are snakes!" Someone warns me. Indeed, snakes are scattered here and there on the platforming structures. Resting and ready to attack. I decide to take the offensive. I am now hanging from a vine and take a bow and arrows. I aim. Miss. The snake has seen me and has taken a woman's form. She calls out at me, defying me and ready to come attack me. Luckily, I am out of harmís way but another player is now hanging on the vine with me and we sway. No matter, I aim again. This time, I get the woman right in the stomach but she does not care. She says I gained a 10 points bonus but now she is swimming toward me. The vine sways further and much closer to another snake. I aim at it and fail three times. There are only two arrows left. The snake is now a beautiful woman, but her face does not hide she is a predator. The other player with me asks to try so I hand her the bow. Meanwhile, I climb around and come toward the snake woman from behind. My ally fails to get a hit and is now in the woman's clutch. Desperate I take a hold of the snake woman's head and try to snap her neck but I am disgusted by the violence and I am made weak. I don't want to hurt her but she looks at me unphased. Her face tells me she will kill me as soon as she can. I spot a silver fang resting on the platform. Reluctant, but knowing it's her or us, I grab it and stab her in the neck. Her blood starts seeping out but I keep hold of her. Why are we doing this? I fill a salt shaker with her blood, wanting there to be a reason for this violence and hoping her blood will somehow be useful in the future. She dies and falls in the water below.

    I make my way back toward the room exit. On the way, I find the hedgehog. He's a boy now. He tells me our other friend is in the next room. I make sure to not lose the salt shaker with the blood. It must have some use. There must be a reason. In the next room, there's a library. What's the game? Floor is lava? We stay off the ground. I climb up and push bookshelfs hidden above. I throw books. Some elderly men who are not players like us are on the floor and looking at me with exhausted surprise in their face. Evidently, the floor is not lava but this is a game. There must be a game. A challenge. A win state. Yet, these men are not playing with us. They must be the enemy. So, I throw books at them and kick them. They shuffle away.

    My destruction is stopped to listen to a narrative. This is a dream. But it's isolated and so my destruction does not destroy the dream beyond and does not disrupt its inhabitants. As an example, I am presented with a statue of Voldemort which also attempted to wreak havoc in the dream world. Luckily, he was isolated in his own dream. I get the sense that I have been watched by entities of the dream beyond and they keep those doors closed to me. But maybe not permanently. Gazing at Voldermortís tormented face, an effigy of my own naÔve violence, I wake up.