Thread: monogamy...

Originally posted by Gwendolyn
There is more to love than sex. I think love goes deeper than that, and that is why I choose to be monogamous. Love isn't lust. It is totally different. So, maybe even after you quit wanting to have sex all of the time, you still want to be with that person because you understand them and they do you, and if you wanted to have sex, it would be with that person. I know many happy couples of 10+ years that are still quit happy together including my own parents and both sets of grandparents. Just because the lust part declines in a relationship, it does not mean that the love part does. As I previously said, monogamy isn't for everyone...I just happen to think that the love aspect of a relationship is way more important of the sexual part of the relationship.

Amen to that...i wonder, if more people tried to see past the whole sex thing, maybe relationships would last longer? Sex doesn't glue two people together...if that's all that's holding you together, then it's bound to all fall apart eventually. I've seen it happen!

Originally posted by irishcream


Amen to that...i wonder, if more people tried to see past the whole sex thing, maybe relationships would last longer? *Sex doesn't glue two people together...if that's all that's holding you together, then it's bound to all fall apart eventually. *I've seen it happen!

I think we'd definately see more love in the world, and more understanding of it. I don't think sex is bad; quite the contrary, but I do think it could be bad if used in a way that hurts others or has potential to do so. For a valid relationship, sex cannot be the primary factor.

I think friendship is the real basis of a lasting relationship. Love, in my opinion, is just a clever chemical trick. Friendship, on the other hand, exists outside of your brain chemistry.

Originally posted by mongreloctopus
I think friendship is the real basis of a lasting relationship. *Love, in my opinion, is just a clever chemical trick. *Friendship, on the other hand, exists outside of your brain chemistry.

I completely agree. Very well said, mongreloctopus.

Originally posted by mongreloctopus
I think friendship is the real basis of a lasting relationship. *Love, in my opinion, is just a clever chemical trick. *Friendship, on the other hand, exists outside of your brain chemistry.

Love is a huge part of friendship.

Ive been married for 25 years. I quite like it.

Originally posted by lucidvegan
Ive been married for 25 years. I quite like it.

So how long has it been since your husband passed away?

Originally posted by InTheMoment

So how long has it been since your husband passed away?

Besides your joke being totally way to harsh:

I once saw this thing on tv about a man that kept this 17 year old girl in his house for years after she died. He kind of sew her body together so it wouldn't fall apart. He allso inserted a vaginal tube so he could have sexual intercourse with the corpse.

Kinkey.

christ man, gefilte fish

Originally posted by Neruo

I once saw this thing on tv about a man that kept this 17 year old girl in his house for years after she died. He kind of sew her body together so it wouldn't fall apart. He allso inserted a vaginal tube so he could have sexual intercourse with the corpse.

And I thought I was bad for patching up my inflatable lover with duct tape. I guess that puts me more into the realm of cheap, rather than kinky.

hey baby, we rednecks wouldn't BE rednecks without our duct tape and Dollar General

Love(between two people) = dependecy ... Relationship = dependecy ... Sex =

I don't mind being in a relationship, but it won't last long for the simple fact that I'm too much of a loner, I don't depend to much emotionaly on someone to be in love with them for ever. Monogamy is for people who are willing to commit to one another on a emotional dependece that has to be sure not to die, this is why I think one only falls in love once, that first person who you commit your emotions to first, everything being new, once past that and understanding what actual love is, it dies, I've seen people who are capable of everlasting love, but it is normally people who reach one point and stay there for X reason (kids, ideals, fear of loneliness, etc).

Same goes for when one really has lust for some people, I've found myself on various ocasions where I would meet someone I just have to have sex with, and due to some crazy fact that most of this people don't actually like to go around having casual sex, I end up pressing and rushing for a relationship wich I know won't work, have some fun with it and end it, but it'd be great if I didn't have to go thru all that trouble, there are people that need to learn that like: me hungry me eat, me horny me screw.

If i'd ever get a life partner it had to be someone like me, a loner.

Originally posted by Sortilegio
Love(between two people) = dependecy *... *Relationship = dependecy *... *Sex = * *

I don't mind being in a relationship, but it won't last long for the simple fact that I'm too much of a loner, I don't depend to much emotionaly on someone to be in love with them for ever. Monogamy is for people who are willing to commit to one another on a emotional dependece that has to be sure not to die, this is why I think one only falls in love once, that first person who you commit your emotions to first, everything being new, once past that and understanding what actual love is, it dies, I've seen people who are capable of everlasting love, but it is normally people who reach one point and stay there for X reason (kids, ideals, fear of loneliness, etc). *

Same goes for when one really has lust for some people, I've found myself on various ocasions where I would meet someone I just have to have sex with, and due to some crazy fact that most of this people don't actually like to go around having casual sex, I end up pressing and rushing for a relationship wich I know won't work, have some fun with it and end it, but it'd be great if I didn't have to go thru all that trouble, there are people that need to learn that like: me hungry me eat, me horny me screw.

If i'd ever get a life partner it had to be someone like me, a loner.

Here's a question. Do you think monogamy is more difficult over a distance?
I'm in a relationship that's long distance. In some ways, this suits me, because i like my own time, my own space. But at the same time, i miss having someone to talk to, being around me. Silly little things that are very hard to put into words. I mean, you can talk on the phone all you want, but you can't give that person the look you send out that means 'i love you'. It just doesn't transmit.
And yes, sometimes i am crazy for him...(probably why he comes up to see me every weekend, working or not!)
But in spite of that, i could never, ever cheat on him with someone else. Not in a million years.
I get guilty just looking!
And yet i've heard of others who have long distance relationships which are 'open' if you like, and i've never understood how that could work. Call me jealous,but i'd be wondering if she was better than me.

Originally posted by irishcream


Here's a question. *Do you think monogamy is more difficult over a distance?
I'm in a relationship that's long distance. *In some ways, this suits me, because i like my own time, my own space. *But at the same time, i miss having someone to talk to, being around me. *Silly little things that are very hard to put into words. *I mean, you can talk on the phone all you want, but you can't give that person the look you send out that means 'i love you'. *It just doesn't transmit.
And yes, sometimes i am crazy for him...(probably why he comes up to see me every weekend, working or not!)
But in spite of that, i could never, ever cheat on him with someone else. *Not in a million years.
I get guilty just looking!
And yet i've heard of others who have long distance relationships which are 'open' if you like, and i've never understood how that could work. *Call me jealous,but i'd be wondering if she was better than me.

Well it depends on how each persons takes the realtionship, If you both love each other and have overcome the lust that could drive you away to someone else, meaning both are commited towards it, and know each other well enough to have confidence. Me personally I could handle this tipe of situation as long as it is not eternaly seperate, there is always the need to share emotions personally, if she met every weekend I'd be fine with it and not worring about anything because I think I'f I'd ever wound up in this situation I'd be sure to know that someone and trust them enough to be fine with it too, and not to screw around.

If a long distance relationship has open sexuality, it is because both persons have means of uncontrolably lust and depend on getting laid, so it would be some sort of escapee of sexual tension to keep the emotional realtionship going.

In the end it all falls down to how high is your emotional dependance and how willingly you commit yourself towards this relationship, on both sides, if both have the same level then it'd be no problem wich scenerio you put them on.

Originally posted by Sortilegio


Well it depends on how each persons takes the realtionship, If you both love each other and have overcome the lust that could drive you away to someone else, meaning both are commited towards it, and know each other well enough to have confidence. Me personally I could handle this tipe of situation as long as it is not eternaly seperate, there is always the need to share emotions personally, if she met every weekend I'd be fine with it and not worring about anything because I think I'f I'd ever wound up in this situation I'd be sure to know that someone and trust them enough to be fine with it too, and not to screw around. *

If a long distance relationship has open sexuality, it is because both persons have means of uncontrolably lust and depend on getting laid, so it would be some sort of escapee of sexual tension to keep the emotional realtionship going.

In the end it all falls down to how high is your emotional dependance and how willingly you commit yourself towards this relationship, on both sides, if both have the same level then it'd be no problem wich scenerio you put them on.

I would say i was dependent on him for a lot of things. It's just the person he is that i depend on. How he makes me feel like no one else on the planet ever could.
I think it's a case of we both know the score, we both wish it could be easier, but we've accepted our situation, knowing it's not going to be like this forever. The fact that we talk every single day helps too, there's never any time for resentment or insecurity to breed.

Originally posted by irishcream
Here's a question. *Do you think monogamy is more difficult over a distance?
I'm in a relationship that's long distance. *In some ways, this suits me, because i like my own time, my own space. *But at the same time, i miss having someone to talk to, being around me. *Silly little things that are very hard to put into words. *I mean, you can talk on the phone all you want, but you can't give that person the look you send out that means 'i love you'. *It just doesn't transmit.
And yes, sometimes i am crazy for him...(probably why he comes up to see me every weekend, working or not!)
But in spite of that, i could never, ever cheat on him with someone else. *Not in a million years.
I get guilty just looking!
And yet i've heard of others who have long distance relationships which are 'open' if you like, and i've never understood how that could work. *Call me jealous,but i'd be wondering if she was better than me.

I'm glad this long-distance relationship is working for you. As for me, on the other hand, my trust in other people was completely shattered by a long-term, long-distance relationship. We went to different colleges, about 90 miles apart. We saw each other once, maybe twice a week. We were together for about 3 years at the time. I felt I was in a completely trusting relationship and NEVER dreamed in a million years that he would cheat on me. I completely trusted him... And I caught him cheating on me. I won't describe the circumstances b/c they're really not that important, but the point is - it broke my heart. And I've never been the same since. I've since gotten married, but I have a severe complex with trust now. I felt so betrayed by my ex-boyfriend, that now I'm totally paranoid, and sometimes drive myself crazy worrying about if my husband is cheating on me. I know he's not, but in the voice inside my head tells me that I thought my ex wasn't cheating on me either - and he was.

So anyway, sorry to bring in the rain clouds - and I don't want to freak you out or anything. I'm sure you and your boyfriend will be just fine. Me, on the other hand, will never be the same.

Originally posted by burns91


I'm glad this long-distance relationship is working for you. As for me, on the other hand, my trust in other people was completely shattered by a long-term, long-distance relationship. We went to different colleges, about 90 miles apart. We saw each other once, maybe twice a week. We were together for about 3 years at the time. I felt I was in a completely trusting relationship and NEVER dreamed in a million years that he would cheat on me. I completely trusted him... And I caught him cheating on me. I won't describe the circumstances b/c they're really not that important, but the point is - it broke my heart. And I've never been the same since. I've since gotten married, but I have a severe complex with trust now. I felt so betrayed by my ex-boyfriend, that now I'm totally paranoid, and sometimes drive myself crazy worrying about if my husband is cheating on me. I know he's not, but in the voice inside my head tells me that I thought my ex wasn't cheating on me either - and he was. *

So anyway, sorry to bring in the rain clouds - and I don't want to freak you out or anything. I'm sure you and your boyfriend will be just fine. Me, on the other hand, will never be the same. *

I'm really sorry it didn't work out for you. I know a couple of people that have been in long distance relationships and it hasn't worked. I think that's why i'm so determined that ours will.
It's awful to think that even though he got to see you once a week, he still found time to cheat on you while he was studying. The mind boggles....
I don't get time to look at another bloke, let alone consider cheating. For me, there has to be some kind of emotional connection. I couldn't sleep witn someone just to fulfill a need.
There's batteries for that...lol.

Originally posted by irishcream
It's awful to think that even though he got to see you once a week, he still found time to cheat on you while he was studying. The mind boggles....
I don't get time to look at another bloke, let alone consider cheating. For me, there has to be some kind of emotional connection. I couldn't sleep witn someone just to fulfill a need.

My fiance and I only get to see one another every weekend, though it is usually all weekend. Even so, I don't know how either of us could find time to cheat on each other. We are always on the phone it seems and we both have school all day, and I also have college classes beside of my high school classes. How in the world....?

Anyway, I think having a long distance relationship, or at least having one in which you don't get to see your partner all of the time is good in a way...I miss my fiance all of the time, but at least I know that if we can be together while we're apart, being together all of the time would be a cinch. I am sorry though, burns, about the person that cheated on you.

Originally posted by Gwendolyn


My fiance and I only get to see one another every weekend, though it is usually all weekend. Even so, I don't *know how either of us could find time to cheat on each other. We are always on the phone it seems and we both have school all day, and I also have college classes beside of my high school classes. How in the world....? *

Anyway, I think having a long distance relationship, or at least having one in which you don't get to see your partner all of the time is good in a way...I miss my fiance all of the time, but at least I know that if we can be together while we're apart, being together all of the time would be a cinch. I am sorry though, burns, about the person that cheated on you.

sometimes being apart is better also, because you still have a level of independence, which you might lose, seeing someone day in day out.

I regret everyday that I have been brought up in a culture that trains us to think of sex as some sort of sacred thing, that when performed with someone outside of a relationship is overwhelmingly devastating to the psyche. I have been a victim of "adultery" and suffered a huge blow to many facets of my psyche--a lowered confidence in my actions, thoughts and ideas, frustration and anger at myself, a constant paranoia that people I consider to be too close to me to betray me are secretly conspiring against me...Most of this I was able to repair relatively quickly on my own (I believe completely in the power of the mind to overcome anything and everything), but I came to the realization that the only reason I was harmed by this "trespass" was because of my naïve and unreasonable expectations--it was not the girlfriend that wounded me...It was I. I tried to come up with solutions to this problem that would allow me to have unreasonable-expectation-free relationships with people, and the best thing I could come up with was trying to become as asexual as possible. It seems like a viable solution, because for the most part sexual desire just clouds judgement and makes the mind foggy. Of course, this is easier said than done, but everything in life is a struggle, and the true warrior never stops fighting.

Originally posted by mongreloctopus
I regret everyday that I have been brought up in a culture that trains us to think of sex as some sort of sacred thing, that when performed with someone outside of a relationship is overwhelmingly devastating to the psyche. *I have been a victim of "adultery" and suffered a huge blow to many facets of my psyche--a lowered confidence in my actions, thoughts and ideas, frustration and anger at myself, a constant paranoia that people I consider to be too close to me to betray me are secretly conspiring against me...Most of this I was able to repair relatively quickly on my own (I believe completely in the power of the mind to overcome anything and everything), but I came to the realization that the only reason I was harmed by this "trespass" was because of my naïve and unreasonable expectations--it was not the girlfriend that wounded me...It was I. *I tried to come up with solutions to this problem that would allow me to have unreasonable-expectation-free relationships with people, and the best thing I could come up with was trying to become as asexual as possible. *It seems like a viable solution, because for the most part sexual desire just clouds judgement and makes the mind foggy. *Of course, this is easier said than done, but everything in life is a struggle, and the true warrior never stops fighting.

You just radicaly extremly went over to the other edge, asexual? I mean, if its about fear of confidence and betrayel you don't need to go the otherway around to keep away human contact, its like if you do something stupid in public and confine yourself in a room and never see people again afraid of being public, you don't solve any problems that way, to become asexual could be for diferent matters, like spiritually, but not like that. If you are to afraid of betrayel and can't trust people then you should check and see how emotionaly given you are to people, if you depend to much on someone, you should see if its worth giving them so much dependace, are they giving it back on the same level? if not then don't be suprised of betrayel, what people need to learn is how to give away their will at someone without giving it completely without return, that is not love, thats desperation.

Originally posted by mongreloctopus
I regret everyday that I have been brought up in a culture that trains us to think of sex as some sort of sacred thing, that when performed with someone outside of a relationship is overwhelmingly devastating to the psyche. I have been a victim of "adultery" and suffered a huge blow to many facets of my psyche--a lowered confidence in my actions, thoughts and ideas, frustration and anger at myself, a constant paranoia that people I consider to be too close to me to betray me are secretly conspiring against me...Most of this I was able to repair relatively quickly on my own (I believe completely in the power of the mind to overcome anything and everything), but I came to the realization that the only reason I was harmed by this "trespass" was because of my naïve and unreasonable expectations--it was not the girlfriend that wounded me...It was I. I tried to come up with solutions to this problem that would allow me to have unreasonable-expectation-free relationships with people, and the best thing I could come up with was trying to become as asexual as possible. It seems like a viable solution, because for the most part sexual desire just clouds judgement and makes the mind foggy. Of course, this is easier said than done, but everything in life is a struggle, and the true warrior never stops fighting.

I don't understand how sex isn't sacred. It is somewhat of a spiritual experience for me. I mean, I am really self conscious about almost all of the parts of my body. To have someone who loves my body as well as who I am aside from my body is something sacred. Sharing myself wholly is something I could never do with someone I didn't trust and love.

And it's one thing if you say going into the relationship that you're going to sleep with other people and you both are fine with it. However, it's quite another to agree you are only going to be with each other and no one else, and then one of them betrays that trust. There is no excuse for cheating. Period. Just fucking break up with the person before you cheat on them!

I don't strive for asexuality to avoid betrayal...It was through betrayal that I came to the realization what sexual desire is---just another form of my mind control. The fact that after not having masturbated for a few days makes it totally impossible for me not to be constantly thinking about sticking my penis is something soft and wet is a pretty clear indication that there is nothing spiritual about it. It's simply the best way to ensure that humans keep reproducing. I think it's more accurate to say, that I want to be in control of my sexual desire and be able to rationally understand why I feel what I feel, rather than let it control me, ignore the reasons behind it, and try to spread my seed to as many fertile cervices as possible.

As humans (male, at least, around the age of sexual peak), we think about sex almost constantly. What a waste of energy. I would prefer to only think about it once I've met and gotten to know someone who is actually worth a serious comittment of time and energy.