monogamy...

**wombing** · 01-12-2006 08:15 AM

an aquaintance of mine posted this in their blog, and i found it pretty well said (i agree completely).

the main source of my incredulity with marriage is the crucial phrase "til death do us part". hell, i've died a hundred times in a single day.

so, here it is.

"i'm beginning to realize how monogomy has been constructed since biblical times
to be nothing more than a means to convey ownership over another living creature ,
to feel pride in doing so , in having something "special" that no one else can have .

it is a means by which to create a feeling of betterment over others . monogomy
is a game of prize , and is entirely egocentric . the idea that one person should ,
or even could , love only one other person for the entirety of their life seems
absolutely unnatural to me . it is only natural that humans will love many times ,
love many people , even all at the same time , because whether or not we are able
to accept it.
everything in this universe changes constantly . why should this
particular subject bare any differences ? if people cannot be ok with this idea
then the ideal of the human race becoming "one [worldly] tribal nation" can never
come to exist .

to place value on one person over another is an act of segregation .
segregation , as i've mentioned in the past [as have the ranks of many others] ,
is well known to be a form of violence . in this , i propose that monogomy is little
if nothing more than a form of violence which has been deemed socially acceptable
due to it's longstanding assocations with what is "right" . when in truth
we can all see the blatantly negative associations which become all too clear
within the context of nearly all monogomous relationships . jealousy first and
foremost . secondly , resentment . all the things that get built up in our heads
when one side of the partnership decides it's not ok for the other side to do
something in particular , whatever it may be . these situations are classic
examples of jealousy and resentment . jealousy from the side of the restrictor .
resentment from the side of the restricted . it is no wonder that after storing
these things up for so long at a time that they eventually blow up into
arguments about things that are completely irrelevant as a guise for the real
issues .
the jealousy/resentment issue also brings other negative things about .
such as dishonesty , fear , and paranoia . one will start sneaking around behind
the other and hiding things from them . we can easily see what happens when
things start happening in this vein .
dependance is yet another negative state
of being that becomes all too relevant . the two people involved will grow to feel
dependant on one another , valuing them over others and thus creating a competitive
nature within the relationship . so when one of the two wants to spend some of their
time elsewhere , a feeling of resentment [once again] arises . all of these things
just feed into a cycle which does nothing but form negative associations between
us . these are all products of the social
construct we know as monogomy . without it there is a possibilty that the
relationships we form with eachother can be much stronger and free flowing than
how they are now . we can come to truly love everyone and rid ourselves of this
diseased thought that we can't do or have absolutely everything we want .

some would say a child needs two parents , a mother and a father , to grow
up in a healthy environment . two people who love and care for eachother
deeply . however this is only something we believe is true because of how
thickly fabricated the illusion is . i feel that if a child was raised by
a community of people , not even necessarily a formally constructed one ,
to believe that it was normal to have been done so , then that child will have an
increased ability to love many individuals for many different reasons .
mainly being that it teaches the child to love everybody as if they were
their parents , and to treat them with the same respect . along with the
love and respect the child would feel for others , the child would have an
increased intake of these same things being that they will be coming from
so many different sources and frequently at that . and among all of this ,
these feelings would not be forced , rather legitimate as they would be
feelings that the child came to of their on accord , merely through the
experience of their life .

some would say that if one cannot sustain a monogomous relationship
then it must be that they will rather just be promiscuous and
become disease ridden . this can be true , however while practicing
this way of being we must not forget other important virtues which
we have learned in the past . in this case , everything in moderation .
if it was taught from childhood [once again] that you could love many
people and care for many people and that you didn't need to just be
with one single person forever , then the desire to just be outlandishly
promiscuous wouldn't ever appear to beign with . for example , when
something is not forbidden then the interest in it will be less so than
if it were . the bottom line is that things would be different . it is
only in this perverse society which ideals of a single love thrive
because it has been so heavily bred into the very fabric of our beings
to believe this is true .

all these preconceptions about love and "one partner for your whole life"
don't have to be the basis for so much jealousy , hate , and violence .
if only we would teach our children from the youngest age that it was ok
to love everyone for whatever reason we can . if only we would realize that
no one is better than anyone else , just that we form different relationsips
with one another that each have their own place within our beings that is
special . if only we could see and value these things we could create a world
in which love is not something private and would not seperate us from eachother "

any thoughts?

**wombing** · 01-13-2006 04:53 AM

*disclaimer* i do not wish to imply all marriage is shallow or rife with resentment and jealousy, or that it is impossible for two people to grow in a similar direction over the years.
just saying it seems the majority of marriages i've seen (including my own parents') aren't anything i'd wish to impose on myself.

**Howie** · 01-13-2006 03:32 PM

Asher. The last topic about time and dimensions was accidentally put here.
Sorry to take this of topic briefly. ( I moved it obviously)

As far as the topic at hand.
I am recently married so I hate to dabble in what you claim though I think it has a lot of truth.
I right know, am going to ignore all the signs of evolution and other creatures and play ignorant.
But it is truthful.
1.Most all and very few exceptions of old married couple are one of three things
Actually happy. (which I think you need to consistently engage in new activities and as you pointed out make an effort to grow together. Not apart. Communication!

2. They are bitter towards one another and never seem to have a nice thing to say. Hidden innuendoes of bitterness. Or belittling

3. It is as if they live together, yet lead different lives. Just sharing a house. (although I believe in all these cases there is a sense of attachment)

**Sortilegio** · 01-13-2006 04:22 PM

As far as the topic at hand.
I am recently married so I hate to dabble in what you claim though I think it has a lot of truth.
I right know, am going to ignore all the signs of evolution and other creatures and play ignorant.
But it is truthful.
1.Most all and very few exceptions of old married couple are one of three things
Actually happy. (which I think you need to consistently engage in new activities and as you pointed out make an effort to grow together. Not apart. Communication!

2. They are bitter towards one another and never seem to have a nice thing to say. Hidden innuendoes of bitterness. Or belittling

3. It is as if they live together, yet lead different lives. Just sharing a house. (although I believe in all these cases there is a sense of attachment) [/b]

This reminds me of a song:

It is a day of cold and you arrive home,
come from a Thursday tired.
The furniture, your dog and million eyes
are waiting like always for your return,
in which you feel that nothing has changed.
The same thing waits for you,
the dream has passed.

You gather your hair,
so freely in the evening
probably because someone never saw it imprisoned.
You sit down and dine, and all your guilt
meet on a major weight than your forces.
And your eyes tell,
on this mad evening until
you are weak and cover your mouth.

When everything happens
you believe yourself sure,
while with your hours you remove ashes.
you feel very inside prohibited passions.
It is not important to lie to be happy,
until a desire gets into your bed.
Now, what are you thinking?
You cover your chest.

But you need to stay well with everything,
everything that is not well with you.
The distress is the price of being one itself.
Better being happy as our parents
and to do of a pity eternal loves,
until, eventually, winter will cover you.

I don't like translating songs cause it sucks, but I guess it gives the point

**nina** · 01-13-2006 05:33 PM

anyone ever notice how monogomy and monotony sound so similar?

**InTheMoment** · 01-13-2006 05:49 PM

Originally posted by Aquanina
anyone ever notice how monogomy and monotony sound so similar?

lol...and I think they both produce the same effect.

I know it's not for everyone, but I find swinging (partner swapping for recreational sex) to be a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. Again this isn't an answer for all of the negative effects of monogomy, just an alternative.

~

**OpheliaBlue** · 01-13-2006 06:13 PM

I think that's why monogamous relationships need a bit of drama from time to time to keep them from getting bored and moving on

SOMEthing has to change or evolve or at least get twisted and demented so that the relationship is dynamic, else it goes down the toilet

from my experience anyway

**wombing** · 01-16-2006 02:56 AM

firstly, congratulations howetzer!

i think the 3 categories you listed are acurate generalizations. and from the little i have seen, you are destined for the first category. communication is the key.

personally, i tend to think of love/relationship as music. we are each a unique, ever-changing vibrational field. if two individuals create 'beautiful music together", it means their two notes together create a harmonious song. they are each expanded (through temporary 'union') by extending themselves past solitary existence.

the trouble arises when we attempt to put the initial song on endless loop, which inevitably leads to stagnation and lifelessness.

or, when one person tries to 'take the lead' constantly, and reduce the other person to a background role

or, again, when one or both parties attempt to control the flow of the song, and make it grow within the confines of their expectations, instead of realizing it is the living, changing product of two living, changing souls.

there is joy in improvisation. and improvisation requires the present moment. it can only occur here and now. possession is impossible if one is truly in the present moment.

stuffed animals, pressed flowers, and money are owned, not ever-changing people.

**Roller** · 01-16-2006 02:59 AM

What I can't understand is that some people seem to think that it is impossible for someone to love more than one person. Obviously jealousy comes into the picture with it all, but why on earth would anyone want to spend the rest of their lives with just one person?

If life is a garden then why not taste ALL the flowers

**wombing** · 01-16-2006 03:02 AM

Originally posted by InTheMoment

lol...and I think they both produce the same effect.

I know it's not for everyone, but I find swinging (partner swapping for recreational sex) to be a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. Again this isn't an answer for all of the negative effects of monogomy, just an alternative. ~

hey, swinging just became legal in Canada (meaning you can go to a club, meet others of like mind, and do your thing on the premises)

out of curiosity, how was the subject broached between you and your partner? were they immediately open to the idea?

**InTheMoment** · 01-16-2006 03:20 AM

Originally posted by Asher

out of curiosity, how was the subject broached between you and your partner? were they immediately open to the idea?

Well my first experience with swinging was initiated by Ecstasy. Me and my girl (at that time) were with one of my good friends and his girl. It was there first time rolling and before I knew it, my girl and his girl we're making out on the dance floor.

One thing led to another and before we knew it, we were back at my girl's apt. frolicking about the futon in the nude.

~

Surprisingly, no one felt guilty the next day and it wasn't even ackward. At that point I was hooked. I've never been more turned on in my life, than watching my buddy have sex with my girl. That was even more intense than my girl and his girl making out.

So now, whenever I am faced with entering a serious relationship, I make sure that my partner knows what I am into. Because if she's not into it from the start, trust me it won't work out.

**wombing** · 01-16-2006 08:12 AM

Originally posted by InTheMoment

Well my first experience with swinging was initiated by Ecstasy. Me and my girl (at that time) were with one of my good friends and his girl. It was there first time rolling and before I knew it, my girl and his girl we're making out on the dance floor.

One thing led to another and before we knew it, we were back at my girl's apt. frolicking about the futon in the nude. ~

Surprisingly, no one felt guilty the next day and it wasn't even ackward. At that point I was hooked. I've never been more turned on in my life, than watching my buddy have sex with my girl. That was even more intense than my girl and his girl making out.

So now, whenever I am faced with entering a serious relationship, I make sure that my partner knows what I am into. Because if she's not into it from the start, trust me it won't work out.

righteous...

**Neruo** · 01-16-2006 05:31 PM

Isn't monogamy having less then 2 ho's?

**OpheliaBlue** · 01-16-2006 05:54 PM

LMFAO!

**Howie** · 01-17-2006 09:23 PM

Originally posted by Neruo
Isn't monogamy having less then 2 ho's?

That is mohogamy

**OpheliaBlue** · 01-17-2006 09:30 PM

[quote]That is mohogamy
+buh DUM dum+

**wombing** · 01-18-2006 06:47 AM

[quote]

That is mohogamy

*laughs*

**Gwendolyn** · 01-18-2006 11:55 PM

I don't know...For some people, a non-monogamous lifestyle is probably the way to go. For others, not. Not everyone is the same, and people all want different things in life. If manogamy works, go for it. If not, then do whatever does work. I don't think having a non-manogamous lifestyle would work for me, because I get way too attached to people. I am in a very happy and satisfying relationship and I am going to be married sometime in the near future. But, damn...Life is too short. So, do what you want if it makes you happy and does not hurt anyone else.

**Breadman** · 01-25-2006 11:51 PM

That was an excellent blog, my views exactly, although i do agree with Gwendolyn in that some people are still going to prefer a monogamous relationship simply because everyone's different and you can still live a very happy life this way.

I sometimes feel that the human race is a little too 'civilised'. What i mean by this is that there are many things that would work out better if we were a little more primative, so to speak, I think humans are too complex and there's a lot of unnecessary bollocks.

Take sex for instance, really it's supposed to be for the survival of the species (i'm not saying you shouldn't have it for fun as well

in this case I mean when you are doing it with solely reproduction in mind). Animals are supposed to choose a sexual partner based on their genes and whether or not they are different to their own. Humans still do this, apparently you detect it using smell, mainly subconsciously, but it is not as strong in humans because of the way our minds work, we put a very large emphasis on looks, and personalities, things like that. This causes people to choose partners that may have genes similair to their own in some way and it can cause an unnecessary defect in their children.Obviously there would be instances of this happening anyway but it would be a lot less frequent.

I think that because of this human way of thought, we are evolving slower than we could be, not becoming as efficient as we could be. If we reproduced in the right way, we would be creating healthier, stronger children that would have better immunities, and would go on to create even healthier children in turn. This clearly happens already, but no-way near enough as it could do.

Please forgive me if i'm not explaining this very well, I find it difficult to put across an argument in text but i'm trying my best.

Also, don't think that i'm just gonna go round sniffing people trying to find the right partner based on their smell, I don't think many women would be into that, i'm still human, I just sometimes think that as a species, we'd be better off if we were less human.

Just my two cents.

**Dangeruss** · 02-04-2006 04:43 AM

Here's a very interesting article, give it a read!

http://www.impactlab.com/modules.php?name=...rticle&sid=7249

**Leo Volont** · 02-04-2006 06:51 AM

There is a huge difference between not being entirely monogamous, that is, moving on from one partner to another in the course of time, and getting in big scummy piles of naked flesh on weekends, trying not to mind when some buddy of yours puts one up your butt, and then going home with a girlfriend who evidently finds you worth living with only because you are the one paying the rent while she she'd rather be getting a hard ride by your best friend who doesn't need to support any girlfriend of his own because you're so willing to manage his stable for him. Why pay for the milk when your friend is willing to keep a cow for you.

One can abandon monogamy and evolve to a new partner now and again without having to abandon all human dignity and sink to degradations below that of any self respecting animal.

**mongreloctopus** · 02-04-2006 01:43 PM

I'd like to point out that monogamy is not a human invention. It exists within the societies of many species of organism.

My take on it, is that there is more to the relationship than the sexual aspects. I can't think of any guy who suddenly loses the desire to stick it in an attractive girl (assuming heterosexuality) even if he's married or otherwise seriously involved. Limiting yourself to one "life partner" limits your potential accruement of knowledge, experience and wisdom--not just ass and titties.

**mongreloctopus** · 02-04-2006 03:31 PM

Originally posted by Leo Volont
There is a huge difference between not being entirely monogamous, that is, moving on from one partner to another in the course of time, and getting in big scummy piles of naked flesh on weekends, trying not to mind when some buddy of yours puts one up your butt, and then going home with a girlfriend who evidently finds you worth living with only because you are the one paying the rent while she she'd rather be getting a hard ride by your best friend who doesn't need to support any girlfriend of his own because you're so willing to manage his stable for him. *Why pay for the milk when your friend is willing to keep a cow for you. *

One can abandon monogamy and evolve to a new partner now and again without having to abandon all human dignity and sink to degradations below that of any self respecting animal.

ahahahhahahhahahahahah

**Burns** · 02-04-2006 05:54 PM

In response to the initial monogamy question - I have been cheated on before and it's not a nice feeling (to say the least). I think if both people agree that swinging is okay in their unique situation, then what's wrong with that? But I think most people want to feel like they are respected and loved, and that usually doesn't include having your significant other fucking someone else.

**Patrick** · 02-04-2006 06:57 PM

Originally posted by Leo Volont
There is a huge difference between not being entirely monogamous, that is, moving on from one partner to another in the course of time, and getting in big scummy piles of naked flesh on weekends, trying not to mind when some buddy of yours puts one up your butt, and then going home with a girlfriend who evidently finds you worth living with only because you are the one paying the rent while she she'd rather be getting a hard ride by your best friend who doesn't need to support any girlfriend of his own because you're so willing to manage his stable for him. *Why pay for the milk when your friend is willing to keep a cow for you. *

One can abandon monogamy and evolve to a new partner now and again without having to abandon all human dignity and sink to degradations below that of any self respecting animal.

I totally agree.

Thread: monogamy...

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Display

monogamy...

ooops

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions