Thread: why do people get offended?

It's because of the whole "Comfort Zone" thing, IMO.

When you grow up learning one thing, and then you are exposed to something that is completely controversial to what you believe you are "built upon," it is only natural to have an adverse reaction, such as repulsion, offense, anxiety, nervousness. It brings you out of your comfort zone, and many people don't know how to react to that sort of change.

It often takes a lot of reflection to discover whether or not those reactions are logical, or simply conditioned and involuntary. Some people end up realizing that they are personal flaws, and find a way to overcome them. Other people give in to them and let them dictate their feelings, their biases, and their way of life.

I think its just etiquette! I was brought up to speak properly and profanities were not in my vocabulary! You would not speak to your parents in that way, so why speak to anyone else like it?

I mean if you went for a job interview would you swear? If you were talking to your parents would you swear? What is the need too?

Curses are curses. They're goblin speech. Not fit for humans.
Every and any language is rich enough to not have to resort to obscene words like that.

As for solving problems calmly...humanity has never been known for that.

Adam's pretty close.

To me, it is a matter of respect. I respect those around me and am comfortable when I am being respected as well. When somebody starts talking to me in a manner inappropriate to our situation or relationship, it makes me very uncomfortable. In a way, you are letting me know exactly what you think of me or of my hosts in the manner you choose to speak and behave around them.

When you come in dropping the F bomb every other word, and especially without considering who you are around or whether it is appropriate, you have let me know that you are a person of questionable discernment.

I'm not fond of hanging around people who aren't trustworthy. It's really that simple.

It's just how people are brought up and so it's how they are. I'm not like that. The only way to offend me is to hit me in the face or something. Which, in that case, the favor would be returned. I also don't see why people get offended from words. There is no point...

Originally Posted by Adam

I think its just etiquette! I was brought up to speak properly and profanities were not in my vocabulary! You would not speak to your parents in that way, so why speak to anyone else like it?

I mean if you went for a job interview would you swear? If you were talking to your parents would you swear? What is the need too?

That's different. I don't swear in interviews because I want the job. I swear in front of my parents, yes. But, I'm nice to them and respect tem because I am nice enough to do that...

I know what you mean though. It's to try to respect them and not offend other people. I do these things so I don't offend other people... Since people are weak, and get offended.

But, nothing really offends ME. I just live my own life and think the way I want to think and do what I want to do. Hopefully it doesn't get me in too much trouble.

I think it's funny when people are offended by cuss words. It's just a sound coming out of your mouth. "shit" means poop... "fuck" means sex... What's the big deal?

I see where the "n" bomb can offend some people though. That is one I don't use.

Michael - permission to hit you in the face? haha!

Yeah PJ it's all respect, I would respect someone to not speak like this, and would expect the same back.

Originally Posted by pj

When you come in dropping the F bomb every other word, and especially without considering who you are around or whether it is appropriate, you have let me know that you are a person of questionable discernment.

you're missing my point. of course, if I were to visit you and your family, I wouldn't dare say anything like that. I can be respectful that way, and I always am around people (unless I know they don't care).

my question is, why does it even have to be this way at all? if no one got offended by these words, then...the people who say them will say them, and those who don't, won't. and if there was an instance where someone slipped up and said something around someone who never uses the words, it wouldn't matter at all. or the people who get bothered by the words, wouldn't be whenever they see it somewhere (it's pretty much inevitable, unless you live in the depths of some cave).

why get bothered by words, instead of attitudes? I could say "hey pj, what the fuck's up?" with the friendliest of intentions, or I could glare at you as I greet you with "hello."

people's hearts and attitudes are what we should all be concerned with. we should not let ourselves be bothered by words. that is holding us back, it's a distraction.

Originally Posted by paperdoll

you're missing my point. of course, if I were to visit you and your family, I wouldn't dare say anything like that. I can be respectful that way, and I always am around people (unless I know they don't care).

my question is, why does it even have to be this way at all? if no one got offended by these words, then...the people who say them will say them, and those who don't, won't. (snip)

You're missing my answer.

I'm glad to hear you won't choose to curse or make light of people's beliefs or make open, crude references to bodily functions and sex around my children. But why the need to do it at all? YOU are the one who is choosing how you wish to communicate. It is part of who you are, and through it you are telling the whole world something about you.

Example: You tell me something stupid. I reply with; "What a fucking goddam asshole idea that was."

Through this, I am quite clearly conveying the following to anybody who is discerning enough to pay attention:

a) I hold people who choose to live by the ten commandments (Torah, Bible or otherwise,) in low regard. (Thou shalt not...)
b) I feel you are a peer of some kind, which makes locker-room communication acceptable. (That may or may not be true. It probably isn't.)
c) I hold little regard for societal norms for respectful communication
d) I have no respect for you.
And perhaps e) I am trying to shock or assault you in some way. (Yes, verbal assault is quite real. Much as many folk hate to acknowledge it, words mean things.)

The whole point of communication is to COMMUNICATE, after all. When you choose to use language that is offensive and it offends, I would call that effective communication. When you choose to use language that offends and are perplexed by a negative response, I would call that incompetent communication.

people's hearts and attitudes are what we should all be concerned with. we should not let ourselves be bothered by words. that is holding us back, it's a distraction.

Indeed. And that's why we choose not to offend others WITH our words. It isn't a distraction at all. Words mean things. Offensive words mean offensive things. That's language.

your language reflects how you feel and how you feel about the world around you. a person who curses more often in their language has a more negative image of their world versus some one who never curses

that includes curses being used in a friendly matter. curses being used in a friendly matter is basically sarcastic. sarcasm is hardly positive, airy and light. you have to have a negative view of the world to be sarcastic!

you can't get away from language and how it influences the way you feel and think. you can't run away from your own use of language reflecting yourself on a deeper level. for example, "were friends" "were JUST friends" carry two different meanings in our mental box. if you go out of your way to say were 'just' friends you are creating a mental image of a relationship where love is absent. versus saying 'were friends' you still leave open the door in the mental image of love being apart of the relationship. are your friends just friends or are they friends?

studies show that language DOES influence how we view our world. for example, a primitive culture that doesn't even have the word 'mine' doesn't understand the concept of ownership as seen in the western world

non curse words, curse words, regardless of what word will still create an image in your head and reflect you as a person.

of course, reacting strongly to words is unecessary! but even if we aren't cursing out of hatred or anger we should still look at our vulger language and see what it says about ourself as a person and what kind of image we are creating for the next generation. when I was in middle school, for example, and people were cursing left and right - I had the impression for many years that nothing really mattered and this was as good as life gets.

when I did meet a friend who corrected me after several years of 'goddammit', my perspective like wise changed to 'things matter' and 'life can get better' *sarcasm is a 'this is as good as it gets' attitude*

Originally Posted by juroara

your language reflects how you feel and how you feel about the world around you. a person who curses more often in their language has a more negative image of their world versus some one who never curses

that includes curses being used in a friendly matter. curses being used in a friendly matter is basically sarcastic. sarcasm is hardly positive, airy and light. you have to have a negative view of the world to be sarcastic!

I have to disagree with your statement about sarcasm. I love sarcastic humor, to me it is very funny, but timing is everything with it. I do not have a negative view on life at all, and neither do my friends, who also enjoy sarcastic humor. It is actually very light and airy if you are one of the few who actually appreciate it

I get what this guy is saying that I think you guys are overlooking just a little bit. He is saying, yes in our culture there is this norm that curse words supposedly are offensive and supposedly they mean you are a dark brooding person... BUT why did language have to say these words are bad? You can say very evil things without curse words, so what made these words so special in the first place?

example of what he's getting at. in England Bloody is an equivalent of "fuck" but if you said that here, like "bloody hell" nobody would care, so that means it could have happened here with any curse word if our society hadnt treated it as such.

I personally am never offended by curse words, though it does annoy me if that is every other word they say and they cant just spit out what they are saying. I also never use it in front of children or people who I respect, except my friends, when we curse at video games

anyways, long story short, if we were not raised to believe curse words were bad, we wouldnt think they were. But, since society has labeled them that way, we have to be nice to the people we respect, and children, so that they learn the society norms.

Read the title. Some people use swears in everyday conversation. I disagree with this. Though I swear proudly and with confidence. Why? Well, sometimes it is useful to use words with more 'umph' to them. I do not like it when people use swears in regular conversation, though I praise people for using them in situations of appropriate context.

Example

Swearing I look down upon "Aw fuck, I am late for class, this shit sucks"
Swearing I participate in "SHIT!!! I BURNT MY FUCKING HAND ON THE EXAUST MANIFOLD!!!" (Happend last week... still hurts)

To me curses are words to be used when their meaning presents themselves, or in a context I see fit. Such as instead of calling my cousins donkey a donkey, I simply call it an ass... because it is. Usually I will use swears to convey a sense of importance and\or emotion (usually anger or distaste) that normal words can not. Juroara, I can not say that I agree with your statements about negativity. I know several people that are much more positive and happier than I am, though they can swear circles around me.

Originally Posted by pj

The whole point of communication is to COMMUNICATE, after all. When you choose to use language that is offensive and it offends, I would call that effective communication. When you choose to use language that offends and are perplexed by a negative response, I would call that incompetent communication.

Why would a negative response be 'incompetent communication'? Hmm, on secound thought do not answer that, I have a feeling that might result in a rant.

I am starting to notice that people who do not swear are more closed-minded, outgoing, and generally annoying. Though, mostly based on the idoits in my high school.

Originally Posted by Grexxis

Why would a negative response be 'incompetent communication'? Hmm, on secound thought do not answer that, I have a feeling that might result in a rant.

The only rant you'll get out of me is about people who take one clause out of a sentence and then question a complete misinterpretation of it.

Try putting it in context: "When you choose to use language that offends and are perplexed by a negative response, I would call that incompetent communication."

To restate that as "a negative response is incompetent communication" isn't even close to what I was talking about.

I think cursing should be considered "a linguistic style" more than anything else. I do get turned off by people who curse uncontrollably all the time, but it's not because "cursing is wrong", but rather because cursing all the time is poor style. It's annoying, kind of like how people who say things like "for all intensive purposes" (instead of "for all intents and purposes"), or who say "supposebly" (instead of supposedly) are annoying when they say those things.

While you can always word your way around cursing, let's face it; sometimes, "she's a real cunt" is really the most eloquent way to put it.

There is absolutely no reason to get one's panties up in a bunch over some meaningless inert words...


Here in Japan, for example, they say their most 'profane' language all the time. Be it, on television, their daily lives, or nearly every situation and age group. Their so-called 'bad' words have long since been rendered inert. It's all in the intent in which it's said.

In English, I can sarcastically say... "Wow, you are so unbelievably cool!" and piss you off and disrespect you more than just simply calling you "a dumbass". It's all in the delivery and subjective bias' we put around the words themselves.

If you get caught up in the subjectivity and morality behind crap, then yes, something even as small as inert words can shake you up.

The real question is; Is that something to be proud of, hold onto, or strive for?...I say FUCK no!

lol, I was actually looking for the right word for how I feel about curse words, inert, thank you I could have said that instead of putting my big long explination But as I said before, I dont want to get people upset for no reason, so I dont use them around people who will get upset, or children, because I dont want them to be looked down upon just because they know some words

Well, as we do with any situation we create our own walls as to what you should and shouldn't do. All of it being subjective nonsense. Even the word 'common sense' only goes as far as your social upbringing deems it to. Varying from household to household, country to country. So where do you draw the line, exactly?

It's real simple...You don't draw any lines...Instead, just peel back your subjective shell to it's objective core, and enjoy the ride without those subjective boundries or borders confining you or holding you back. That way you can truly appreciate and laugh about all the contradictory and subjective noise that surrounds you in all instances.

Originally Posted by tkdyo

I have to disagree with your statement about sarcasm. I love sarcastic humor, to me it is very funny, but timing is everything with it. I do not have a negative view on life at all, and neither do my friends, who also enjoy sarcastic humor. It is actually very light and airy if you are one of the few who actually appreciate it

I'm not really talking about sarcastic jokes though maybe I used the wrong word here. I don't mean a silly comment like "wow I love what you did with your hair!" when someone just woke up. I think a better word is cynical humor. like american cartoons like family guy, futurama. funny stuff but riding on a negative view of life.

These are orcs:



Orcs curse. A lot. It's in their natural mindframe.
Hence, any that wish to belong to respectable human society should refrain from curses, lest they be looked down upon by those with higher standing.

It all comes down to up-bringing. A good reflection of the class system, which "doesn't exist" nowadays.

Those that don't curse, speak properly and with style are the nobles. Those that curse and resort to gutterspeak, freely unleashing their most vile emotions are the peasants that live in the dirt and are there to serve the nobles.

And it fits too. Highly intelligent people that have enormous success in life and don't resort to such speech own companies that employ, in all the dirtiest and least-paying work, peasants that aren't too intelligent or skilled and curse and swear at lack of a respectable mindframe.

The only exception seem to be "celebrities" of the various popular cultural circles down in the gutter.
Peasants gone king, as it were. But that's all part of our society, I suppose. Orcs will be orcs.

That's your own subjective judgement based on a western upbringing, of fairy tales. Knights in shining armor and chivalry long since dead. In a land of fairies and orcs...



While in the east they had samurai. Who went by their own moral code, and were generally very intelligent but rough speaking because they saw through the nobility and refined speech for what it was...a mask. A mask showing nothing of the true character of the individual. Knowing that one's actions speak louder than any words can. Many wandered around helping people, and some had an insatiable taste for sake and women. Those choices and actions some samurai took may seem disgusting to one countries people, and in turn, revered by another.

I was surprised to find a saying in japanese that goes...
据え膳食わぬは男の恥

Direct translation: "For a man not to eat a meal presented before him is embarrasing."
Indirect translation: "A man should take all opportunities (*ahem* often used in reference to women) offering themselves to him."

Which of the two are more honorable, or noble; the so-called 'refined' knight, or the 'rough' and 'tough', 'take no guff' samurai? Again, as soon as you let your subjective choices lead you down one path, it blocks the other...OR you can objectively accept and respect both the truth and honesty of the samurai's actions and character... AND the knight's actions and thoughts being forever masked in a chivalrous charade. Both paths are lifestyle choices of the individual. Neither of which more 'noble' or 'true' than the other. Simply, a subjective choice.

In my personal opinion, the 'noblity' reference in the previous post is more of a joke, or farce. Refering to those born into nobility...lives of which are neither deserved nor earned.

Also, if anyone honestly still feels vulgarity isn't a part of every living creatures' hearts and lives, you are only succeeding in fooling yourself...The next time you mask your real intentions behind a smile, eloquence, and sophistication... as an easily readable attempt at taking the supposed higher road...

Don't forget... "Clean gloves, hide dirty hands..."

Originally Posted by juroara

I'm not really talking about sarcastic jokes though maybe I used the wrong word here. I don't mean a silly comment like "wow I love what you did with your hair!" when someone just woke up. I think a better word is cynical humor. like american cartoons like family guy, futurama. funny stuff but riding on a negative view of life.

aye, I knew what you meant, family guy and futurama are hilarious to me, but that may be because when I look at sarcastic humor, it is not about a dark view of life, it is the play on words and the fact that what you say isnt really whats going on that is funny to me. But yeah, when people are cynical about everything that gets annoying and I want to slap em

umm...about them orcs...
Comparing people who curse to orcs and people who dont to nobles is way over simplifying things. If anyone here doesn't know Dana White, he is the president and CEO of the UFC (ultimate fighting championship), and he is a very respectable and moral man, despite the fact that he uses curse words more than the average fellow. Of course he knows better than to curse on talk shows and what not, but any personal interview with him he will use curse words on emphasizing points. This does not mean he is not intelligent, just look at what he did with the UFC. He came from lower class, but had the business savvy and sincerity of what he said to make mixed martial arts an acceptable sport and showed the USA they are more than human cock fighters. He doesnt try to hide behind fancy speech, and I think that is why people like him so much, because he is so honest and real.

Originally Posted by paperdoll

why waste our time and energy recoiling in horror at the word "fuck", whenever we hear it, even if it was said in good humour?

why not spend our time and energy recoiling in horror at horrible things?

For the same reason people talk about the weather like its fucking amazing shit.

i feel people get offended, then someone's words touched something valuable..
***it can touch your opinion about who is the best football team, or game, or song..so you start fighting..
*** it can touch your beliefs..and from here...the offended is ready to kill the "offender" .. it doesnt matter if "offender" willingly or unwillingly said something not nice..

1. so it hurts our ego - as a summary.. right?
1.a thats why you can tell to 2 people that their mother is bitch... one will react (get offended ).. another just respond ( smile or wont get involved in chat )...
m?

Good Topic.

People get offended when they have certain personal values and expect others to share them. I have values too, but I am currently at the stage of learning just how subjective those values are in the bigger picture. I hit this issue when I was trying to find Reality.
I am now learning how to be at peace with people, no matter HOW wrong some of THEIR values are in MY eyes and vice versa. People are so diverse in values that it would seem like a usefull thing to learn in this world of animosity: Accepting eachother's differences, even if they lay in the most sensative zones imaginable: Human Values.

A good example of this:
I find Unity, Love and Souvereignity 3 values that cannot be crossed without doing something morally wrong in my eyes. A friend of mine, with which I was recently recording, disagreed with me on the Issue of war.

He means that we humans cannot live without war. I disagreed completely.
I said that the world's dominating leaders have made us believe that the systems by which we leave cannot be changed or it will be chaos, just so we will accept their violent dominance and selfcentered greed.

This was a moment where our values collided BIG time. They stood RIGHT opposite of eachother and YET, we were at perfect peace with eachother. And by accepting that by being different individuals, with different experiences and different points of view, we had different values. And we were okay with that. No fussing and fighting. Just: " Okay I guess we completely disagree on this one. Now would you like a Cup of Tea?" You know?

If human kind would massively learn to accept eachother's differences instead of thinking that They themselves are absolutely right and everyone who disagrees is an idiot, then we would stop fussing and fighting all over the world by certainly 70%

The art of Disagreeing, or being disagreed with, and accepting it without taking offence.
But as for now Human kind still has too much of an Ego-problem that prevents this.

We can't live without war (or conflicts all together) for the very reason relating to what you wrote about just now.

I have ideals, indeed, and I will fight for them.
It isn't a virtue being passive in your ideals. It's a weakness. If you don't fight for your own ideals, no one will do it for you.