Thread: why do people get offended?

I used to be one of them, and I picked it up from my family no doubt.

hearing "fuck" made me very, very uncomfortable.
being around anyone whose sentences were peppered with obscinities put me in a dark place, made me squirm. like there is so much evil in the world.

but nothing compared to "goddamn" or "jesus christ" because that was taking the Lord's name in vain, and was pretty much the worst thing that could come out of one's mouth.

why? that suffering was unecessary. it is still unecessary.

instead of getting bent out of shape over people using things like "fuck" and "shit" and "bitch" in conversation, let's get offended at things like child molesters/rapists and people who torture other people or animals, and poor education.

why waste our time and energy recoiling in horror at the word "fuck", whenever we hear it, even if it was said in good humour?

why not spend our time and energy recoiling in horror at horrible things?

(actually, why even do that? why not just handle problems calmly?)

It's because of the whole "Comfort Zone" thing, IMO.

When you grow up learning one thing, and then you are exposed to something that is completely controversial to what you believe you are "built upon," it is only natural to have an adverse reaction, such as repulsion, offense, anxiety, nervousness. It brings you out of your comfort zone, and many people don't know how to react to that sort of change.

It often takes a lot of reflection to discover whether or not those reactions are logical, or simply conditioned and involuntary. Some people end up realizing that they are personal flaws, and find a way to overcome them. Other people give in to them and let them dictate their feelings, their biases, and their way of life.

I think its just etiquette! I was brought up to speak properly and profanities were not in my vocabulary! You would not speak to your parents in that way, so why speak to anyone else like it?

I mean if you went for a job interview would you swear? If you were talking to your parents would you swear? What is the need too?

Adam's pretty close.

To me, it is a matter of respect. I respect those around me and am comfortable when I am being respected as well. When somebody starts talking to me in a manner inappropriate to our situation or relationship, it makes me very uncomfortable. In a way, you are letting me know exactly what you think of me or of my hosts in the manner you choose to speak and behave around them.

When you come in dropping the F bomb every other word, and especially without considering who you are around or whether it is appropriate, you have let me know that you are a person of questionable discernment.

I'm not fond of hanging around people who aren't trustworthy. It's really that simple.

Originally Posted by pj

When you come in dropping the F bomb every other word, and especially without considering who you are around or whether it is appropriate, you have let me know that you are a person of questionable discernment.

you're missing my point. of course, if I were to visit you and your family, I wouldn't dare say anything like that. I can be respectful that way, and I always am around people (unless I know they don't care).

my question is, why does it even have to be this way at all? if no one got offended by these words, then...the people who say them will say them, and those who don't, won't. and if there was an instance where someone slipped up and said something around someone who never uses the words, it wouldn't matter at all. or the people who get bothered by the words, wouldn't be whenever they see it somewhere (it's pretty much inevitable, unless you live in the depths of some cave).

why get bothered by words, instead of attitudes? I could say "hey pj, what the fuck's up?" with the friendliest of intentions, or I could glare at you as I greet you with "hello."

people's hearts and attitudes are what we should all be concerned with. we should not let ourselves be bothered by words. that is holding us back, it's a distraction.

Originally Posted by paperdoll

you're missing my point. of course, if I were to visit you and your family, I wouldn't dare say anything like that. I can be respectful that way, and I always am around people (unless I know they don't care).

my question is, why does it even have to be this way at all? if no one got offended by these words, then...the people who say them will say them, and those who don't, won't. (snip)

You're missing my answer.

I'm glad to hear you won't choose to curse or make light of people's beliefs or make open, crude references to bodily functions and sex around my children. But why the need to do it at all? YOU are the one who is choosing how you wish to communicate. It is part of who you are, and through it you are telling the whole world something about you.

Example: You tell me something stupid. I reply with; "What a fucking goddam asshole idea that was."

Through this, I am quite clearly conveying the following to anybody who is discerning enough to pay attention:

a) I hold people who choose to live by the ten commandments (Torah, Bible or otherwise,) in low regard. (Thou shalt not...)
b) I feel you are a peer of some kind, which makes locker-room communication acceptable. (That may or may not be true. It probably isn't.)
c) I hold little regard for societal norms for respectful communication
d) I have no respect for you.
And perhaps e) I am trying to shock or assault you in some way. (Yes, verbal assault is quite real. Much as many folk hate to acknowledge it, words mean things.)

The whole point of communication is to COMMUNICATE, after all. When you choose to use language that is offensive and it offends, I would call that effective communication. When you choose to use language that offends and are perplexed by a negative response, I would call that incompetent communication.

people's hearts and attitudes are what we should all be concerned with. we should not let ourselves be bothered by words. that is holding us back, it's a distraction.

Indeed. And that's why we choose not to offend others WITH our words. It isn't a distraction at all. Words mean things. Offensive words mean offensive things. That's language.

It's just how people are brought up and so it's how they are. I'm not like that. The only way to offend me is to hit me in the face or something. Which, in that case, the favor would be returned. I also don't see why people get offended from words. There is no point...

Originally Posted by Adam

I think its just etiquette! I was brought up to speak properly and profanities were not in my vocabulary! You would not speak to your parents in that way, so why speak to anyone else like it?

I mean if you went for a job interview would you swear? If you were talking to your parents would you swear? What is the need too?

That's different. I don't swear in interviews because I want the job. I swear in front of my parents, yes. But, I'm nice to them and respect tem because I am nice enough to do that...

I know what you mean though. It's to try to respect them and not offend other people. I do these things so I don't offend other people... Since people are weak, and get offended.

But, nothing really offends ME. I just live my own life and think the way I want to think and do what I want to do. Hopefully it doesn't get me in too much trouble.

I think it's funny when people are offended by cuss words. It's just a sound coming out of your mouth. "shit" means poop... "fuck" means sex... What's the big deal?

I see where the "n" bomb can offend some people though. That is one I don't use.

Michael - permission to hit you in the face? haha!

Yeah PJ it's all respect, I would respect someone to not speak like this, and would expect the same back.

Curses are curses. They're goblin speech. Not fit for humans.
Every and any language is rich enough to not have to resort to obscene words like that.

As for solving problems calmly...humanity has never been known for that.

Originally Posted by paperdoll

why waste our time and energy recoiling in horror at the word "fuck", whenever we hear it, even if it was said in good humour?

why not spend our time and energy recoiling in horror at horrible things?

For the same reason people talk about the weather like its fucking amazing shit.

i feel people get offended, then someone's words touched something valuable..
***it can touch your opinion about who is the best football team, or game, or song..so you start fighting..
*** it can touch your beliefs..and from here...the offended is ready to kill the "offender" .. it doesnt matter if "offender" willingly or unwillingly said something not nice..

1. so it hurts our ego - as a summary.. right?
1.a thats why you can tell to 2 people that their mother is bitch... one will react (get offended ).. another just respond ( smile or wont get involved in chat )...
m?

Good Topic.

People get offended when they have certain personal values and expect others to share them. I have values too, but I am currently at the stage of learning just how subjective those values are in the bigger picture. I hit this issue when I was trying to find Reality.
I am now learning how to be at peace with people, no matter HOW wrong some of THEIR values are in MY eyes and vice versa. People are so diverse in values that it would seem like a usefull thing to learn in this world of animosity: Accepting eachother's differences, even if they lay in the most sensative zones imaginable: Human Values.

A good example of this:
I find Unity, Love and Souvereignity 3 values that cannot be crossed without doing something morally wrong in my eyes. A friend of mine, with which I was recently recording, disagreed with me on the Issue of war.

He means that we humans cannot live without war. I disagreed completely.
I said that the world's dominating leaders have made us believe that the systems by which we leave cannot be changed or it will be chaos, just so we will accept their violent dominance and selfcentered greed.

This was a moment where our values collided BIG time. They stood RIGHT opposite of eachother and YET, we were at perfect peace with eachother. And by accepting that by being different individuals, with different experiences and different points of view, we had different values. And we were okay with that. No fussing and fighting. Just: " Okay I guess we completely disagree on this one. Now would you like a Cup of Tea?" You know?

If human kind would massively learn to accept eachother's differences instead of thinking that They themselves are absolutely right and everyone who disagrees is an idiot, then we would stop fussing and fighting all over the world by certainly 70%

The art of Disagreeing, or being disagreed with, and accepting it without taking offence.
But as for now Human kind still has too much of an Ego-problem that prevents this.

We can't live without war (or conflicts all together) for the very reason relating to what you wrote about just now.

I have ideals, indeed, and I will fight for them.
It isn't a virtue being passive in your ideals. It's a weakness. If you don't fight for your own ideals, no one will do it for you.

about curses:

People, I just believe you take things too seriously. Most people who say curses, or even "speak god's name in vain" are doing that involuntarily, mostly by the power of habit. I find myself saying "oh my god" or the similar oftenly, and just to point out, I'm atheist. Really, don't take it as an insult. Take is as an idomatic experssion, like "damn" or "man" or whatever.



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The Comfort Zone thing is the explanation for people getting offended. But ther is also the circumstance when you challenge people's inteligence, physical strength, or honour.

I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say people feel/get offended because they feel as if they're very sense of self is being undermind and demeaned. Also if you take jabs to their ego, that's an auto-offense for most people.

Words like 'fuck' and 'shit' have connotations that have been created by our upbringing. Our parents tell us they are bad, we believe them. Society considers them taboo and prevents their use on television at certain times, etc, and so we come to feel uncomfortable around them. How something like this would start (as in, without parents, society telling you a word was bad) I have no idea and would be very interested to find out.

I love swearing. I find the idea of limiting your vocabulary in any way is just a waste. Swearing has an effect, a beauty in its own way just like all other words. Language is so varied and diverse, we shouldn't limit it in anyway ever.

This does not mean that I think we should swear in front of children, or our elders. Just like with all words, some are more appropriate in certain situations than others. Swearing does make some people uncomfortable (an effect that you sometimes want) and we can respect that without vowing to never swear ever. I use different language for all sorts of people, the use or disuse of swearing is no exception. But around people we know to feel comfortable around swearing, or if creating a work of art that requires it for a certain theme, mood or effect or whatever, then we should never consider censorship of language. Enjoy the language, in all its forms.

Fuck yeah.