Thread: A couple pf Social Dynamics issues..(questions)

^^

I ment O you know it........

Right well over the last two weeks or so i noticed some obvious social problems that seem to exist.

1) Geek,Nerd, No life etc

Right this hit me in the face, not literally, this week. We were handing in a History essay on Thursday and it had been rather difficult( at least for me and many others), to find that much information. So our essays were only like two sides of A4. One boy in my class had done double this and had quite a few very good quotations. I asked him were he found out the info and he said that the daughter of his mums friend had taken History As three years before, the friends mum had given his mum the book so that he could hopefully use it to help him. The book contained a lot of information on our course and also had real photocopies of documents from 1950( some fake, but some real). So basically this is how he'd got his good quotes from presidents and information. Another teacher in our classroom( our other history teacher, we have two) overheard and said " <insert name>, your such a geek". Now she said this jokingly but i saw he did have quite a surprised and embarrassed/disappointed look on his face.

I almost thought of challenging the teacher but i didn't really want to start an argument, sometimes i do. What it made me think about was why do we look negatively( not all of us, but a large number) on hard work? He isn't a "geek", his social skills are fine, he's a nice guy, but he puts a lot of effort into his school work. I admit probably a fair bit more then me. I'm not lazy or anything, i am getting good grades, but often i will try and do the bare minimum. He will work a little longer to make his work of a high quality. The thing is, what is wrong with this? So he cares about his future career, he wants to be a doctor or something i think, so yeah he's going to need really good grades in all his subjects. I mean a teacher even insulted him, even if she didn't mean to. Is it just not "cool" to put effort into things? How has this come about, why is this etc?


Another similar thing is when people say. " Oh he has no life". I don't exactly understand this phrase. It seems to me that if someone doesn't follow the exact lifestyle is someone else, they have no life, according to that person.

I am nice to everyone at school and everyone smiles at me, no one has insulted me, i know of no one who has a negative opinion of me, apart from maybe the fact i'm quite individual, if they don;t like that, no idea though. But i'm sure some could say i have no life if they wanted. I am very social at school but i admit i am not much of a party person. I prefer to relax at the weekends, see a few friends if i want to, but i'm not the kind of person who likes to get completely drunk somewhere and throw up the following morning( the stories i overhear at school occasionally, as in the more your sick and you haver forgotten what even happened the day before, the better you are..). I am completely happy with my life style, i enjoy company and solitude. My best friend has moved in with my family so actually right now i'm never alone anyway.

I know a few others at school who although they are nice at school, they never ever see anyone from school outside of school. If their happy with their life, how do they have " no life"?

2) Nice guys finish last

Right well i have often heard this phrase and although i do not agree with it fully, i have recognized that it is in part true. I am a very nice person, and although i am definitely not "last", and have many friends, i admit i am not one of the "amazingly popular" crowd, the select 10-15 kids in school who everyone seems to admire. The thing is as i now a few of them and chat with them, i have discovered they aren't really very nice people. They are not very empathic towards anyone else or even people in their own "group". The boys are rather aggressive and get into trouble by messing about, the girls seem to have a very "bitchy" attitude problem. It would seem that if they wre anyone else, they would be rather unpopular. I know that quite a few people don;t actually like them very much, but non the less if you can calss people, i would still but them in the "popular crowd".

SO why is it that the very nice, kind and considerate people do not seem to be the most popular? IS it because you must fight to be the top dog, and the empathic one is not aggressive enough?

These two questions have interested me this week and so any answers( O'nus for some reason i am looking in your direction here..), opinions and discussion would be great!

1) First of all, I can't believe the teacher said that, faculty here is barely allowed to address a person individually . The stereotypical geek is viewed as boring to hang out with and socially backwards, so that's why they aren't too popular. Don't get me wrong though, being smart, working hard, being tech savy, none of that automatically makes you a geek. I think that word really defines a person who has bad social skills and a certain lack of "public elegance" (it just so happens that the video game playing, work minded, knowledge hungry introvert has a higher disposition to falling into that category).

I assume "no life" refers to a person who is missing out on a lot of potential experiences, which are quite prevalent in early teenage years. Basically, that's the time when everyone is experimenting with social dynamics, dating, partying, making new connections, etc. Someone who stays in his basement all night getting a head start on next year's math course isn't really taking advantage of a unique time in his life. It's nice to prepare for the future and all, but you really need to balance that stuff with some kind of a social life, or you'll just become an outcast.


2) The "nice guys finish last thing" is a bit touchy. It depends a lot on what you're trying to do. I knew plenty of people who were both extremely nice and extremely popular (guys even), simply because they had amazing social skills. The tough guys and slutty girls get a lot of attention, but negative attention spreads faster than positive attention... So yeah, they may be in the spotlight, but that's not necessarily a good thing. Anyways, that's a hard question for me to answer. I never think "I'm being a nice guy" or "I'm being a tough guy", I'm just me. If there's something I want, then I'm smart enough to figure out how to get it. I don't limit myself to being nice, or mean or whatever...

Here's my take on this stuff.

1)

First of all, this is separate things. I hate it when people equate "geek" with "no life, no social skills, blah blah"... Geekdom has _NOTHING_ to do with computers, having no life, etc. Geekdom is exactly the same as passion. The computer geek is a geek because he is passionate about computers. But you know what? The girl next door who loves poetry? Guess what... Poetry geek! And all those people who know everything about movies? You might say they're movie geeks, but you'd be dead wrong. They're movie TRIVIA geeks. Real movie geeks are the actors, writers, directors, producers and crew members who would do their work for free because they love it so much. Hockey players are hockey geeks, and so on and so forth. I'd go as far as to say that if you aren't a geek in some aspect of your life, you will never be satisfied. Like they say, "Choose a job you love, and you'll never work a day in your life." (was that Confucius?)

As far as "having no life" goes... well, like I said, it has nothing to do with being a geek. It might have more to do with being overly introverted, though. And you COULD say that if your passion is something that is more introverted (i.e. doesn't require interaction), then chances are, your social skills aren't as good as the more extroverted. That might explain why the computer crowd gets the "hah you're such a geek" treatment and the football players don't.

But I think social skills are something that can be learned. You just have to be willing to force yourself outside of your comfort zone a bit more.



2)

Ok, the "nice guys finish last" thing. I think this saying comes from the fact that "nice guy" is a heavily overloaded term. Taken literally, it means, guy who is not a jerk, who doesn't use other people for his own betterment in a malicious way, and treats people with respect in general. However, whenever a girl breaks up with you and tells you you're too nice, she clearly isn't referring to that. In THAT case, she's saying you're kind of a pansy who, while polite and respectful, doesn't stand up for his own self when required to. "push-over" is more like it. And yes, pushovers will finish last, if at all. All you have to do is stop misinterpreting the euphemistic term, "nice guy", and you will be much, much less confused about the world.

Society is so fucking sterotypical these days it's not funny. BUT, the truth is humans are pack animals, and as soon as you infiltrate any social group you are automatically given a role by how you carry yourself within the group.

I myself personally, hate being slated into a category. I am myself PERIOD. I like what I like PERIOD. As far as I'm concerned i have no identity. And i don't want one. I wear all sorts of different clothes that are both cool and rather bland.Brands like gap and calvin kleine. I might wear a metal jacketor a hoodie. I give off mixed messages on purpose when it comes to clothes. So I've noticed that even when i go out to bars and hang with the regulars there I'm not even a parrt of their group. sure i hang out with them. But being a part of their group limits me as to who it is i can hang out with. Instead I'm just this "cool or great guy" that everyone seems to know.

And you know what? just be yourself and fuck what others think of you.
Be who you are. When you make a decision, Do it for you, not what anybody else thinks. Run each choice you make, past your head:1. does it make reasonable sense to you? 2. does this choice feelgood to you? and 3. does your concience bother you when it comes to this choice. Now if all 3 of those natural mechanisms we have allagree on that choice. It's the right one PERIOD!

If you're driving at four AM and come to a red light, that you know will stay red for 5 minutes.Then you look and see that no cars are coming. It's safe to go through.Some people might not because some passerby is walking by. Why hesitate tho? Is what some stranger thinks of you really gonna have an effect on your life? NO!