orangeness365
I'm going to assume you think the reality described in these dreams is real. I think I agree with you, I am just not a devout Christian, however, I believe the levels of reality described in various descriptions of "hell" are real.
I cannot select out the passages from your text I'd like to quote, but you say in your descriptions you think of see yourself as a "seer" and at least part of your "damnation" is that you are not, apparently, seeing what you are supposed to see. Good. Congratulations.
Your first dream reminds me of the movie, Forbidden Planet, when there is an Id monster outside the door of a lab trying to get in (to the dreamer). The Id monster, a cut off part of the self is so powerful, like Hell, that it can melt any metal, etc. The people inside are afraid of it, of course, and the question is whose monster it is?
There is very great power in your dreams expressed in all kinds of ways that have been identified by your religion as "hellish," or evil. It seems to me one way you could look at these experiences is that they are projected outward from you, the dreamer, because your Church defines them as hell, or evil. You seem to be in a terrific quandry about these powers, experiences and ultimately unwilling to give them up despite hideous torture. I think you want to incorporate them, not be swallowed by the white tiger of them.
This is staggeringly brave. It is, in my estimation, standing up to Hell, torture, claims by the Great Voice that you are sinning and still proclaiming, no, I am a seer and I have seen what I have seen.
There is, in my world, no higher bravery than this. I hope you will stick with it and keep taking the "Low road" despite all threats against you.
"a sign that said sea upside down that led to hell." A "slip" in here. "Sea" for "see" maybe. You, among all of the dreamers I have encountered here has taken the famous red pill from the Matrix. Maintain your courage, fight back. Do not allow yourself to be bullied, even by "God." Be a hero.
Hummer
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