A Nightmare that makes me want to never Lucid Dream again.

[luc1d1ty]

Hey Everyone, This is kinda personal but I feel is very important to share. The contents of this are pretty brutal but bear with me... it will be an interesting and scary journey. My brain still feels fried from what just happened to me. This is all that I can remember, something about being on a rollercoaster as a mapping point in time. It was a bright yellow rollercoaster and I was nearing the peak. Next, I am transported to a mall with some friends. I was with some people walking around in the mall and I came to a bar, somehow I realized that I was dreaming, I grabbed a bottle of absolute citron and started chugging, i finished almost the whole bottle, then came the sex. I grabbed women from the bar and started having sex with them in the back, I kept going back and forth with great looking women. I could distinctly remember feeling very drunk in my dream. The sex was great, every imaginable fantasy was seemingly fulfilled, the deepest darkest fantasies. Then for some reason I came back and She was there (a beautiful girl I had been family friends with). She was hauntingly sad. She asked why I was doing what I was doing and why I liked her. I felt compelled to tell her how I felt. I tried telling her that the reason I liked her was because she was genuine and that she was special. I could bareley tell her as I was bawling out of my mind. The word "genuine" was on the tip of my tounge and like a six year old unable to pronouce words because of a studdered cry, I felt pathetic. Something went wrong and I felt ashamed, I went into a druken rage and started raping girls. One by one I would viciously grab them by the hair and bring them to the back. I started fading back into reality when this happened. It was indescribably horrible and I realized I was dreaming because of the distortions in my perceptions of things, it was so vivid. The black and white checkered ceiling would twist in certain areas. Then I awoke to my twin brothers sleep talking voice, something about four five six. I think Roy (a friend from college) was there too naked walking around. They said something to each other. I though I had woken from my dream but something was wrong again, I felt it and am unable to describe it now. Next thing I know I am driving in a car with Bryan pleading and begging Bryan (a friend of mine that lucid dreams) to try to understand my pain, again I was in tears. It was dark, mysterious and etheral in a way. I kept telling him that my lucid dream went wrong, very wrong. Pain and tears do no justice to what I was feeling in the dream, truely indescribable feelings, feelings that I feel are burned into my brain. He told me something important that I now do not remember. Next thing I know, I am in a state of purgatory, my subconcious was telling me something. It told me that the morals, ethics, and values that you hold true in real life must be carried over to the dream world too. I felt like it was a revaltion at the time and that my subconcious was teaching me a lesson. At this moment I was warped back into the yellow rollercoaster that I was riding the "map point" I was talking about earlier, it was going fast and I fell out of the seat holding desparatly onto the handle bars. and as the roller coaster went up and down, I kept saying ok im ok then ok im not okay. I realized I was dreaming and again I was transported to yet another figment of my imagination, a theatre with people just leaving. I had the realizations fresh in my mind, and a new realization that I was part dreaming again, my body was paralyzed partially and again I was begging people to help me. One girl passed by and looked like she was going to help me but proceeded to talk on her cellphone. Another elderly couple came down the steps of the theatre and was confused but was willing to help. Parts of my reality kept twisting and turning uncomfortably and uncontrollably I kept telling them to hold my hand, to ground me, to bring me back into that reality. The elderly woman tried once but it did not work. I was a prisoner of my own mind, unable to escape the torture I had created for myself. I truely thought I would be lost int this dream world forever. Something happened that I cant recall well... I shot back into reality... I woke up sitting there, stunned at what just happened. In essence I had been in a dream of a dream of a dream of a dream. If that makes any sense. This was 40 minutes ago. The dream lasted approx 1 hour. Someone please tell me this is somewhat normal? I am in a completely different timezone and although am not jetlagged feel like the 9 hour time difference may have caused this. This "locked within dreams of dreams" has happened before but never soo vivid and brutally torturing. Any help, comments, questions, or flames would be greatly appreciated.

[Abra]

It seems like you've been 'plagued' by false awakenings and scene shifts. That happens to us all. You seem to have lost lucidity at times, which isn't totally your fault and is probably the reason why you lost control of your actions. You felt guilty for it (which is good), but this guilt lingered throughout the remainder of the dream. In dreams (usually non-lucid, but sometimes it can happen if your lucidity is low enough), your emotions can be bent to extremes. With more control, I'm sure you can conquer these intense feelings, and turn the dream around. So, if you want to avoid such methods, I suggest becoming even more lucid, rather than immediately rushing toward your goals. Do a reality check, just because. Do a couple math problems. It'll only take a minute or two of dream time, and it'll help greatly to maintain control throughout the remainder of the dream. The key is getting your logical mind organized, so that you can control at least your own actions and emotions. The more aware of your dream state you are, the easiser this is to do. "Never lucid dream again?" Don't say that. There's an infinite amount of room for improvement. So, your first lucid didn't turn out so hot, so what? At least you were lucid in the first place, and that's a start. Don't give up on lucid dreaming just yet. There's just too much that can be done.

[luv2dream]

so you say that you were lucid dreaming, or did you just know you were dreaming, but you couldn't control your actions? I dont think anything's terribly wrong with you, maybe your subconcious was just trying to tell you something. It happens to people sometimes, but then again I dont really know exactly how you feel right now. I hope I helped a little bit at least.

[27]

You shouldn't be afraid of having anymore lucid dreams, you should just strive for greater dream control.

[KuRoSaKi]

Well the problem here looks to be the amount of dream control that you posessed. You see if you were to have full control you could of easily changed your environment, when you were falling off the roller coaster you could of just flew to the ground, when you were in the theater you could of just willed your surroundings to change etc. Like mentioned above you had quite a few false awakenings and scene shifts, the false awakenings could of been brought about from you losing lucidity causing you to think you had awakened. It happens to a lot of people so dont be to worried about it. I wouldn't be afraid to lucid dream ever again as it seems like you LOST lucidity and that is what caused problems for you. Continue to master being lucid and you should see that you rarely have this problem again.

[luc1d1ty]

The thing that really bothers me is that I HAD dream control or I guess more of dream "awareness" and it really bothered me that I was trapped within my dreams, unable to get out. And the fact that my brain would play tricks on me with the "false awakenings" one after another was just too much. The feelings I had were much more strong initially waking up from the dream. I am ok now and will continue to attain higher levels of dream control. I think that the math problem tip will be useful. Thanks for everyones input, it helped a lot.

[mskimmyd]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I've found it to be very relevant to my own question. I've successfully achieved lucid dreaming about 10 times now (which I think is good - for me, anyway-), but about 8 of 10 of those dreams have ended in the worst nightmares of my life (the other 2 ended in my "losing" the lucidity & forgetting I was dreaming). I've been plagued by nightmares (and actually night terrors for several years in my teens) which I think puts me at something of a predisposition of this. In my case, it's always a matter of me coming to the realization that I'm dreaming, beginning to effect the things/people surrounding me, but then actually in the dream, fearing/thinking of it turning into a nightmare... always at which point it does, usually by the people around me no longer being controllable/editable by me, but turning to fiendish monsters and/or horrific zombies (my most recurrent nightmare theme). Any suggestions, on what I may be able to do to help this terrible end from happening? I don't know that I can just "will" the fear of nightmares out of my subconscious, but maybe once it happens, something I might be able to do to be able to regain control...? Up until now once the nightmare takes over, I still know I'm dreaming, I still have some small control, but I'm basically too petrified by fear to do much of anything but try to get myself to wake up (usually fairly successfully). HELP?!

[Dre4m3r]

You should try to learn to wake yourself up. When something goes wrong in my dreams and I feel hopeless and worries I just wake myself up, get a drink of water and head back to bed. Or you could try taking your dream in a different direction. I use doors a lot. If I don't like where I am at or what I'm doing I just walk through a door to take me where I want to be. I usually have to do this when I first become lucid to make sure that the dream is completely under my control. As for not wanting to lucid dream again... I wouldn't take it that far. Work on raking control. It's your imagination and your dream.... Do what you want with it.

[LucidDreamGod]

I've definitely had moments where in the dream I want to quit lucid dreaming because I feel rather uncomfortable. You just have to remember that the dream world reflects your own emotions, so in order to change your surroundings you need to change how you feel. If you would have put a smile on things would have been pretty different. Once you get into that cycle of fear your just being scared by the dream and the dream is just going to become scarier and more frightful.

[Spacey]

It also sounds to me like you had lucidity but no or very little dream control. You basically had a nightmare where you knew that you were sleeping. It has nothing to do with lucidity but with your subconscious needing to work through something that manifested itself as these terrifying scenes. Whatever your subconscious needed to work through need not be literally about violence and rape either. The subconscious is not literal so it doesn't mean you are really a rapist deep down. Keep working on lucidity and then on dream control, nightmares happen whether you are lucid or not but at least if you are experienced enough, you can stop nightmares in their tracks. It's possible, I did it and so have other people.