Can't escape nightmare

[LMhastings]

Sorry if this is the longest post in the world. I've had two terrifying experiences with what I think is lucid dreaming, but it sounds different than what everyone else experiences. In these dreams, of which I've only had two, I experience something that makes me realize I am dreaming. The first time, it was my boyfriend's mom attempting to rape me. Last night, when it happened again, I had several false awakenings, and each time, I saw something that made me realize I was still dreaming. My light switch is broken, my room is covered in vomit, Mister Rogers is actually my neighbor, my boyfriend undresses to reveal he is two midgets in a big coat (no joke). These things often relate to something I'd experienced that day: our kitchen light went out, I had gotten sick in my room the night before, I watched videos on Mister Rogers, and the midget in the long coat...I can't explain. Once I realize I am dreaming, I become terrified. I try to scream, but I cannot get any sounds out. I can only whisper, "I'm dreaming, I need to wake up. Please wake me up, I'm scared." Everyone ignores this, and sometimes, laugh and act like they are the ones trapping me. I often thrash around, hoping to jolt myself awake in real life. I remember standing up on my bed (in the dream, of course) and slapping myself across the face. I was frustrated to find my hardest hits were weak and gentle taps. When I did finally wake up last night, it was slow and peaceful. I was shaking and sweating though, and I felt exhausted. I found that both times I was terrified of seemingly normal behavior, as well as the strange themes that occur. Also, both times I could visualize myself sleeping in the bed I was in. The first time, I was my boyfriend's bed; this time, I was my own. I knew where I was in each and could see myself sleeping, and even envisioned my roommate running in and shaking me awake. I woke up on my side/stomach with my elbows bent and my arms pinned down under my chest, if that could have anything to do with it. I know I am dreaming and I am aware that nothing is real, but that doesn't stop the terror. I am not a lucid dreamer and these things have only happened by accident. I don't know if this has anything to do with my not being able to control the dream. During both, I wasn't even aware that I could control it. I don't believe it is sleep paralysis, because I'm not awake. It doesn't sound like lucid dreaming either, because I have absolutely no control, but maybe this is because I'm a 'beginner' and don't remember that I can control it. I know people say in your dreams to think positively, confront your fear, and lead the dream your way, but I'm terrified it will again happen and I will forget I can do this. I'm also looking for anyone who experienced anything like it? Know if this is actually lucid dreaming, or just some kind of nightmare within a nightmare? If I really knew I was dreaming, I could certainly wake myself up, right?

[Sageous]

LM: First, no worries about the length of the post -- my short posts tend to be longer, and they still put up with me here! Now, a couple of things I noticed about your situation; you'll likely disagree with much of what I say, but I hope you read through anyway, and give it a chance: First, though you may have had flashes of knowing you were dreaming, I don't believe that you were experiencing true awareness in those dreams. I say that for two reasons: first, because by definition you can't be lucid in a false awakening (then it wouldn't be false); second, if you were truly lucid, you would likely have been much less terrified because, even though the things you saw were disturbing at any awareness level, were you lucid, you would have found yourself tempering the moment with the knowledge that none of what you saw was real. If those dreams were lucid, even without any control, they would have had a movie-like aspect (albeit a horror movie) from which you knew eventually you would step away. So I don't think that you were really lucid. Also, people can certainly know for a flash that this is a dream without holding real waking awareness -- this is especially common during nightmares. One other little counter-intuitive tidbit: A curious aspect of REM Atonia (aka, incorrectly, sleep paralysis) is that when you struggle to wake up during a nightmare, your natural sleeping systems work harder to keep you asleep. Strange, but true! So in that case it is almost better to ride out the nightmare calmly -- you might then find its duration much shorter, and without the annoying FA's. And of course, if you were truly lucid, you could literally end the nightmare by switching it off, or more simply by laughing at the monsters. Indeed, with nightmares like that, I would recommend that you pursue learning how to become lucid for real. Bottom line: though you knew in brief flashes you were dreaming, you still lacked the waking awareness that defines lucid dreaming -- so don't be concerned that it was lucidity that caused or amplified the nightmares. It was not. I hope that made sense. Let me know if it did not.

[LMhastings]

Sageous - Thanks for your quick reply! I admit - how I had written it in my journal was just short of a novel; I shortened it quite a bit before posting I'm obviously new to the entire world of lucid dreaming, and am still a bit confused by the definition. I'm glad you said you don't think this is what I had - I was wondering why this terrifying experience is so revered by everyone! That is comforting. I'm trying to accept that these were just brief flashes of realization, because in the dream of course it felt like hours upon hours of struggling and screaming, knowing all too well what was going on. I completely understand your explanation. It's just a confusing concept to grasp. I struggle to think that what I'm seeing, feeling, and thinking about when I wake up are not all accurate of what actually happened. (if that makes sense!) Is it possible that I was aware I was dreaming in the dream, but not consciously aware I was dreaming? I don't even know if that makes sense, because my very definition of consciousness is now very skewed. I'm just afraid that it will happen again. Because it probably wasn't lucid dreaming, I had no way of calming myself down. Hopefully, if it happens again, I can rationalize and get through it. In these dreams, I feel like I am so distant from my sanity that the thought of breathing and being okay with my nightmare world wouldn't even cross my mind. That's why I'd love to understand them further and take control of them. I am by nature an extremely anxious person, and have been on medications on and off for years. Been off them for a year now, and while these 2 episodes were during that time, I don't believe they are related. I have, however, noticed my stress and anxiety becoming nearly unbearable, and as I also suffer from depression and have some schizophrenic tendencies, I'm sure my dreams are reflective of this. I'm loving this site, and would love to be able to control these dreams, and all others! Thanks for your insight

[lucydity]

From what i have read you realise you are dreaming and you are lucid BUT you lack the ability to control what is going on around you to help the terror. I have escaped a couple of bad dreams from becoming lucid, the main thing you need to do is gain control of the dream. Tell yourself that it is your dream and that you are in control, Try to push your finger through your palm or plug your nose and attempt to breath through it, these will solidify the fact you are lucid. When you are 100% sure you are dreaming you can do one of two things. The first is to try to wake yourself up, i dont really know what method i personally use to do this i just shout "i want to wake up" and attempt to do things like i dno hit myself or something which would cause me to wake up. The other thing you can do which is probably better in terms of building your lucid dream experiences and also something which has completely ended a total marathon of a reaccuring nightmare i once had is to stop the dream by controlling it. First of all things like light switches and stuff don't work, this is actually a dream sign to see that you are dreaming, if you dont like the fact that it is dark attempt to turn the light on from your senses or through some form of control, clap your hands and say "lights on" but when you do this you need to "beleive" it will happen (like the matrix), click your fingers and do it, it can be anything but when you do it you need to expect it to turn on because YOU want it to. Another one that ive used before (really wierd) is if you can see the night sky try to drag the moon around across the sky to reach the horizon, i've done this before to "force" a sun rise and made it daylight. You can also "wipe" the clouds away with your hands if you can't see the moon whatever works for you. Try spinning around in a circle or stepping throuhg a mirrior imagining a place you wish you were at that time and it should bring you there. You could close your eyes and fall backwards and do it. All of these to be honest are general or personal to me, i suppose anything works but the main key is that you need to expect and know what you want to happen will happen any doubt may prevent it, once you gain control and are in control you keep telling yourself that you are in control and everything should go the way you want it. I hope i helped i'm kind of tired writing this so i hope i didnt miss anything out :/ Good luck

[LMhastings]

lucydity - Thanks for all these tips! Though it's scary, I'm going to try over the next few weeks to deliberately lucid dream, and do what I can do to control it. I just fear I won't even think of the things I've read on here. I may just be lost in dream world and have no recollection of the day(s) I had prior to that night. Hopefully that's not true, but it's a possibility! That's why I've been attempting to do reality checks all day (that's the right term, isn't it?) Plugging my nose during the day, checking my fingers, etc. Obviously, for me, the hitting/screaming method does not work in terms of waking myself up. I'm hoping to have another one of these dreams again, and see what I can do! All of your advice is really interesting. Lots of unique, different techniques to check my surroundings during a dream! I'll try to keep them in mind while I'm asleep Thanks again to both of you!

[Sageous]

Sageous...Is it possible that I was aware I was dreaming in the dream, but not consciously aware I was dreaming? Oddly, yes. This is because the nature of a nightmare -- especially the nasty ones -- includes a natural "sense" that this thing that's happening to you just isn't real; think of it as a built in sanity defense mechanism. It's sort of a case where you know this terrible thing happening to you isn't real, yet you're still fully encased in the basic rules of dreaming, which do not include waking consciousness. So yeah, you can have flashes of "knowing" you're dreaming without really being lucid, especially during nightmares. That said, if you can learn how to lucid dream, then you can definitely find a way to face down the demons of t=your nightmares, and make them a thing of the past. Good luck, LM, and welcome to our world!

[oniman7]

Also remember that certain parts of your brain are still asleep when dreaming. You can suddenly have the knowledge that you're dreaming without the associated implications. There are times when you'll go "Oh, this is a dream" and then the thought will leave and you'll carry on. Then there are times where you'll go "Oh, wait, this is a dream! Let's go do something else!"

[LMhastings]

ominam7 - Right. I'm trying hard to have the second thing happen, because I'm stuck at "oh this is a dream...and it's ####ing scary so get me out". I'd love to be able to go do something else! Sageous - Makes a lot of sense! Stinks that I can't get to that fully conscious/lucid stage yet. I've been reading a lot on the site and hoping it will happen soon. Any tips? I've heard it can take a while, but I'm patient

[Sageous]

Sageous - Makes a lot of sense! Stinks that I can't get to that fully conscious/lucid stage yet. I've been reading a lot on the site and hoping it will happen soon. Any tips? I've heard it can take a while, but I'm patient Well, first be patient, because it does take a while. In the meantime, though, you might consider developing a mindset that says, "Next time I have a nightmare like this, I'm going to ignore/confront/laugh at (pick one) the monster that is scaring me." You can actually do that without ever being lucid, as long as you hold a strong intention to do so. And yes, once you get good at LD'ing, nightmares could very well become a thing of the past!