Hi, this is my first time here, or on any lucid dreaming website. I’m not exactly sure where this post is really going to fit, I’m not even sure what I’m going to write yet, so if I placed it in the wrong place I’m truly sorry. I’m going out on a limb at this point. Also, I’m sorry but this is going to be long.

Let me start this off first by saying I’ve never taught myself to lucid dream, I’m not even sure that’s what I’m doing. That’s why I wanted to post here, so you guys can tell me if that’s what’s happening. More to the point; I don’t want to lucid dream, I want whatever is happening to stop.

For as long as I can remember I’ve had issues sleeping. When I was little I would have horrible nightmares, nothing traumatic ever happened in my past that I can remember. But every night I would have these horrible dreams, but the worst part was that I felt conscious the whole time. I would try to avoid sleeping for as long as possible. I was so young and still wouldn’t go to sleep until very late and my parents really had no idea what to do. Of course I had no idea how to explain to them what was happening, I thought everyone dreamed the same way as me. When I would fall asleep, I would have these conscious dreams (not always nightmares), and I would wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. It felt like I never slept.

As I’ve gotten older the issues have continued and I’m struggling so hard to sleep at night. I’m currently working a high stress job, where I’ve seen horrible things happen (worse than a horror movie, because it’s real). The dreams have gotten worse because now they seem to be tailored to my job, my coworkers, my friends, my family, even my dog. My job requires that I get proper sleep, preferably 8 hours, and if I haven’t slept I can’t work. If you can’t make good decisions or if you miss something, you could cost someone their life. So at this point my sleep is affecting my job and my life. Unfortunately, because of my job, I’m not able to specifically explain what happens in the dreams.

I don’t know if I’m lucid dreaming, but while I’m asleep I think a lot and make decisions in my dreams that affect the situation, and I feel conscious. When I’m dreaming it feels no different than when I’m awake. Because of this and because it’s been happening for so long it causes me to get confused sometimes, I may remember a dream and think it was a memory, or a memory as a dream. It’s maddening.

These dreams are happening so frequently now. I wake up so tired or I just don’t want to go to sleep in the first place. I’m considering speaking to the psychiatrist where I work, but I just want to see if I can find out more information. Please tell me what you guys think, I’m really not sure what to do at this point.

Forgot to add, when I say conscious I mean I know I’m dreaming. I’m completely aware that I’m in a dream, even when this started at a young age. I know I’m dreaming but I can’t wake myself up, or when I am able to wake myself up it takes a very long time. It’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced.