Hi guys,

I didn't know where to post this or where to look. But I decided this would be a good place. I don't know where and how to start but I'll give my best.. I'll try to make it short as possible but I am so overwhelmed.

The scariest part of this feeling/sensation is that Iíve tried it before as a kid. I remember I was around 4 or 5 years old when I experienced it for the first time. I was lying on my bed. It was a feeling of me, kind of leaving my own body and my hands and upper body expanding/getting bigger. For a second or two I couldnít control this. I was numb, I couldnít move. I was so scared!! And than it got away. It only lasted for a half a minute maybe 1 whole minute. But it felt as forever. Since than I experienced it a number of times and every time I tried to get rid of it, suppress it, hold it down. When I got the sensation I always began to do something, get up, walk around and focus on something else. I am still scared of it. I am actually shaking right now as I describe this feeling.
So after these episodes it actually stopped for a long period of time. Many years to be more specific. Until recently, maybe a year or two it came back to me again. In very short moments. And reappeared a couple of times since.
So yesterday, I actually decided to take it to another level. Recently I began to develop an interest in meditating.
To make a long story short, I purchased this program, which is a guide to visualized meditation. So on and so on I got on with first lesson. What happened to me was scary, surreal and interesting at the same time. This time I actually allowed it to happen because I wanted to see where it would take me and if it would ever end or fade away or whateverÖ What would happen if I just let it be. And there it was. It started as usual, small pulsating ďmovementsĒ out of my body, my hands especially my right one felt number, swollen and father away from me. The whole ďprocessĒ was getting stronger and stronger more heavy. First my head and than the body got bigger and bigger and the other way until I was tiny. It changed. At the end I stayed as huge me. All this was going on while I was actually listening to the guidance on my laptop and while this was happening to me I was still fully aware of what was happening, I could follow this guide and at the same time experience this. At some point I got so scared that my heart was pounding very hard as if I was shocked by something. And suddenly I reached a state of calmness and some sort of comfort; it didnít feel scary anymore, well not as much. I still saw/experienced some sort of waves but they werenít moving as fast and heavy as before. It seems as if I needed to overcome that growing intensified feeling to get where I got at the end. I was still aware of what was going on in the computer and as I was listening the lesson was coming to en end with this guy said - you are going to open your eyes as I count down from three. And I consciously chose to follow this step. I regret that I did because at that moment I wasnít terrified as before but I think I was too overwhelmed by the experience and I got confused about the whole thing so I chose to end it.
Now, you maybe all might think oh this is so normal, whatís the fuss about. And maybe it is, I donít know, thatís the reason I am writing here to find out. Please tell me that itís normal and Iím not going schizophrenic. Which by the way I checked the symptoms for hehe and it doesn't seem like I am.
So after reading about some of the similar experiences people have while meditating I see that this doesnít seem so crazy anymore. But how normal is it when you get these sensations when youíre fully awake?? I mean awake like when you just relax, sit down or lie down for a little while to get some rest and not doing anything. Yes also closed eyes but not beginning to meditate. And occasionally it happed to me while I was walking or doing daily stuff at home.. THATíS what scared me and still scares me till this day.
Please, I am hoping to get some answers to what might be happening.